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We Are Not Ourselves
Matthew Thomas
Eileen Leary wants more. Raised in a downtrodden area of new York by hard-drinking, Irish immigrant parents, she dreams of another life: a better job, a bigger house, more respectable friends, a happy family. When she meets Ed Leary, a brilliant young scientist, she thinks she’s found the perfect partner to pursue and share her American Dream with. An indefatigable love enters Eileen’s life – but so too does a pervasive darkness and a loss that will last a lifetime.
Copyright (#ulink_69ecb80a-7842-5665-90e7-6871b04e468d)
Fourth Estate
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street,
London SE1 9GF
www.4thestate.co.uk (http://www.4thestate.co.uk)
First published in Great Britain by Fourth Estate in 2014
First published in the United States by Simon & Schuster, Inc. in 2014
Copyright © 2014 by Matthew Thomas
Matthew Thomas asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
The Author and Publishers are committed to respecting the intellectual property rights of others and have made all reasonable efforts to trace the copyright owners of the images reproduced, and to provide appropriate acknowledgement, within this book. In the event that any untraceable copyright owners come forward after the publication of this book, the Author and Publishers will use all reasonable endeavours to rectify the position accordingly.
“Touch me.” Copyright © 1995 by Stanley Kunitz, from Passing Through: The Later Poems New and Selected by Stanley Kunitz. Used by permission of W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.
Cover photographs © Kim Sohee/Getty Images (houses); Mark Owen/Arcangel Images (sky).
Cover design by Christopher Lin
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
Source ISBN: 9780007548217
Ebook Edition © August 2014 ISBN: 9780007548224
Version: 2015-02-20
Dedication (#ulink_30d2a04f-fbab-5473-a35e-f3ed4cd032c5)
To Joy
Darling, do you remember
the man you married? Touch me,
remind me who I am.
—Stanley Kunitz
We are not ourselves
When nature, being oppressed, commands the mind
To suffer with the body.
—King Lear
Table of Contents
Cover (#u653aeca2-81a6-52cb-96de-a4df25a0a901)
Title Page (#u9ae032c0-5878-598c-97f5-9053586e631d)
Copyright (#ue1ac114a-d059-5079-aeaf-cc1d02310827)
Dedication (#u577770d8-8ff6-5184-8db9-bcbc2884a637)
Epigraph (#u3b4c9f52-aca6-539b-9d06-d587016e88aa)
Part I: Days under Sun and Rain 1951–1982 (#ueafbca23-a5cb-5317-ad2b-4ba0706a269b)
Chapter 1 (#u2637b5ec-055e-5474-b594-a586099b0780)
Chapter 2 (#ubfb6a8bc-841a-51c7-97df-e8a0d7d99449)
Chapter 3 (#u80bb799f-f891-511c-9cc6-2027acb4edea)
Chapter 4 (#ud5c6cb1e-ccf9-5ca5-b55b-36a60cf0d751)
Chapter 5 (#ue860dc6b-81db-5eee-b46f-eeea719877a3)
Chapter 6 (#u535943ac-fe90-59b8-a159-c65be9310dcb)
Chapter 7 (#u62edb4d2-172a-59a7-8d86-dc6f790ffaab)
Chapter 8 (#ua5d0b09a-3e2c-5f98-ab45-68af19957746)
Chapter 9 (#u14efb8a9-6061-5ba6-979f-9566acbae367)
Chapter 10 (#u5636c6d2-2bab-544f-99c1-2e28968f9044)
Chapter 11 (#uea237864-6eac-5bd7-aeb9-822792e886d6)
Chapter 12 (#u066f8a87-9651-5945-aa64-ce0c4eab66da)
Chapter 13 (#u4801ab70-af41-5848-b9e4-6e7106122a56)
Part II: The Salad Days Thursday, October 23, 1986 (#u520be800-d9c9-5500-a154-1b6a381ca1f0)
Chapter 14 (#ubd4defa1-4cb5-5b25-8e34-0cb7f2e0d054)
Part III: Breathe the Rich Air 1991 (#u6cbdcd9b-2b0f-58ba-8065-f86859bc7ec2)
Chapter 15 (#u8cef7c14-82fa-5dc1-9b71-a94142dceef2)
Chapter 16 (#u4cae79b4-0c39-56dd-b719-66aeb7822fe9)
Chapter 17 (#u5b035d21-6745-5445-8ccf-3c12b8f067d7)
Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 26 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 27 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 28 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 29 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 30 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 31 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 32 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 33 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 34 (#litres_trial_promo)
Part IV: Level, Solid, Square and True 1991–1995 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 35 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 36 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 37 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 38 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 39 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 40 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 41 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 42 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 43 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 44 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 45 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 46 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 47 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 48 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 49 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 50 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 51 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 52 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 53 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 54 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 55 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 56 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 57 (#litres_trial_promo)
Chapter 58 (#litres_trial_promo)
