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He nodded. “I could use one.” He walked to the counter and took the steaming mug she offered. Then Kira picked up her cup and started for the table.
“I thought caffeine was bad for your condition,” he said.
She was touched that he remembered. “I usually don’t drink it, but tonight I have work to finish. I need all the help I can get to stay alert.”
“I guess school is getting out soon. So it looks like it’s going to be a busy time for both of us.” He drank from his cup, then studied her. She felt the heat of his silver gaze spread over her, warming her. She hated they were talking so politely, when she desperately wanted him to take her into his arms and tell her he wanted to move back permanently to be her husband and father to her baby.
He glanced away. “Cal wants to know if you’re still planning the senior roundup to be here this year.”
She nodded. “I hope to. The kids have been talking about it for weeks. That is, if it’s okay with you?”
He shrugged. “Not a problem. Cal just wants a head count so we’ll know how many hands we need to hire.”
Trace leaned against the counter, trying to relax. Impossible. Since his dad’s death three years ago, he’d had to run the cattle operation mostly on his own.
“Do you have a date set for the roundup?” she asked.
“In two weeks.”
She nodded. “That’s perfect. Graduation will be over, so we don’t have to worry about interrupting study time.”
Trace hated the silence lingering between them. What he hated most of all was feeling like a stranger in his own house, a stranger to his wife.
“Have you given any thought to what we talked about?” she finally asked him.
“It’s kind of hard not to.” He shifted his weight trying to ease the tightness in his chest. “You tell a man you want to adopt a child, and in the same breath give him his walking papers.”
“I’m sorry, Trace. I never wanted it to turn out this way. But in the end it might be best for both of us.”
He heard the tears in her voice. “Is it really that easy, Kira? Well, it’s not for me. If I agree I also sign papers for this child. I’m responsible for him or her, too.”
“Trace, I know I’m asking a lot.”
“No, you don’t,” he interrupted her. “You’re asking me to move back into the house and take responsibility for a child, then just to walk away.”
She wanted more, so much more from him. But she couldn’t ask for another chance. “I don’t expect to have things be like they once were. Yes, we have to live in the same house, but if we’re lucky enough to get a baby, I’ll handle all the child’s needs. I won’t ask for any help.”
He was silent for a long time. “And after the six months, I sign away all rights to the child.”
He made it sound so calculating. She managed a nod.
He cursed and turned away.
“Please, Trace, I’m afraid if we tell the agency we’re not together now, then later, I’ll have to start from the beginning as a single parent.”
He drove his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sure I can do this, Kira.”
She bit down on her lower lip. “Please, I want this opportunity, Trace. It might be my last chance.”
Trace fought to control his anger. It had always been about a baby. What about them? Why couldn’t she offer to work out their problems? Instead of wanting to push him aside when he wasn’t needed any more.
“Trace, I don’t magically expect us to return to our roles of husband and wife. I’ll move into the guest room and you can have your bedroom back.”
This was all so crazy. Trace wasn’t sure if he could resist Kira, living under the same roof. If he moved back into the house now, it’d be damn difficult to resist going to her bed.
He placed his coffee mug in the sink, then went to her, bracing his hands on either side of her. He stared into those honey-brown eyes, knowing there were secrets hidden in their depths. Secrets she wouldn’t share with anyone, not even with him. “You talk about this situation like it’s a business transaction. I have my doubts about us being able to pull this off.”
She swallowed hard, but didn’t speak.
His attention went to her mouth, tempting him like no woman ever had. His heart raced and his gut tightened. He ached to taste her, to stir up those feelings that made him crazy with need. It had been so long.
“Trace.” Her voice was a throaty whisper as her hand came up to his face. “Can’t we try?”
Her sultry voice swept over him like a caress. He closed his eyes, picturing her in their bed, willing and wanton, welcoming his kisses, his touches as he moved over her heated body.
“Damn you, Kira.” His mouth closed over hers in a hungry kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he jerked her against his body already hard with desire. Her mouth opened on a sigh, and he dove inside to taste her. He moved against her, hungry for the contact. It wasn’t enough, he needed all of her.
But Kira couldn’t give it to him. Would they ever be able to be what the other needed?
He broke off the kiss and stepped back. “I’ve got to go.” He headed to the door only to have her call to him.
He didn’t turn around, knowing he’d weaken to her request. “Kira, I need more time.”
“Please, Trace.” She hesitated. “Just keep up the pretense that we’re married until you decide what to do.”
In his heart Trace would always be married to Kira. He’d loved her since the moment he laid eyes on her. That hadn’t changed. But could he hang around and watch their marriage die a slow agonizing death?
He faced her. “So you expect me live in limbo until the adoption goes through?” The words stuck in his throat.
She blinked, looking surprised. “No. I’m asking if you would give it six months until they give us permanent custody. After that I won’t try to hold you, or make you responsible for the child. I’ll move into town and not ask anything more of you. As soon as I get another counseling job, I’ll move away.”
Damn, there it was. She couldn’t say it any plainer. The chant rang repeatedly in his head. She only wants a child. “You’re asking a lot, Kira.”
“I know,” was all she said in her defense.
“What do I get out of this deal? What are you willing to give me?”
She blinked at his question, but soon recovered. Her arms tightened around his neck. “What do you want, Trace? If it was me, all you had to do any time was walk through that door. I’ve been here the whole time, wanting you.”
His body stirred at the feel of her length pressed against him. The easy way would be to give them what they both wanted. He wasn’t sure he could, knowing in the end he could lose everything anyway. Everything. Not only would he give up Kira, but a child.
“Like I said, I’ll have to think about it.” He removed her hands, and walked out before he changed his mind. Before he did something crazy like agreeing to her request.
CHAPTER TWO
OF ALL mornings to oversleep.
Kira pulled her leather satchel from the back seat, slammed the car door and rushed off across the parking lot toward the large brick building, Winchester Ridge High School. And the nine o’clock meeting.
After Trace had left the house, she hadn’t been able to finish her work until well after midnight. Then she lay awake a long time, reliving her husband’s visit, their kiss.
Trace’s familiar taste. The way he held her, reminding her how well their bodies meshed together. She delighted in the fact she could still make his control slip, just as hers had. She had to stop herself from trying to convince him to stay and make love to her.
Oh God, it had been a long time since Trace had touched her.
“Mrs. McKane, are you all right?”
Kira shook away the fantasy and glanced at her student, Jody Campbell. “Oh, Jody. Yes, I’m fine. Just a lot of things on my mind.” She picked up her pace toward the counselors’ office, realizing the student was staying right with her. “What are you doing out of class?”
“Mr. Douglas let me leave early because I needed to see you.” The pretty girl hesitated. “It’s about volunteer time at the retirement home. All the kids voted it as our class project, but some don’t have enough hours to come to the senior roundup.”
“Give me the list and I’ll talk to them,” Kira said as she stopped at the counseling department’s door and took the paper.
Seeing Jody reminded her that she’d gotten a notice from her English teacher. The promising student’s work had been suffering the past month. Kira hated that her own personal distractions had caused her to neglect one of the best students in the senior class.
“Why don’t you come back at three o’clock? We should talk.”
Jody hesitated again. “I work at four so I need to catch the three-thirty bus.”
She couldn’t let this slip any longer, not with finals next week. “Well, I could give you a lift if you like and we can have a quick chat.”
Her once-enthusiastic student kept her eyes cast down. “Okay.”
Kira signed Jody’s pass and sent her off to class just as the bell rang. She walked inside the guidance office and into the first glass cubicle. She hated being distracted from her work. And these last few weeks, it had been especially difficult for her to keep focused on a job she was crazy about. She loved doing extra things to stay involved with the teenagers.
Kira was the sponsor for this year’s senior class, including all activities. Doing service hours and giving back to the community was an important part of their curriculum. It helped to develop their social skills, and it looked good on their college applications. She rewarded those students with senior roundup at McKane Ranch.
Winchester Ridge was a small ranching town, but the teenagers loved to spend the day helping with the roundup and branding. Followed by a barbecue and barn dance that closed out their senior year with wonderful memories.
Kira sank into her desk chair. Not all kids were that lucky. Suddenly the last fifteen years faded away as her thoughts went back to her own high school days. Shy and naive, she’d been passed around to so many different foster homes it had been difficult to make friends. So when someone gave her attention, she’d been eager for it, and easy to be taken advantage of. Those lonely years had been a big motivator for her career choice.
At the sound of the knock on her door, Kira looked up to see her fellow counselor and friend, Michelle Turner, peer in.
“Michele,” she greeted. “Are you coming for the meeting?”
“It’s been postponed until one o’clock,” her friend said as she walked inside the small enclosure and closed the door. “Kira, are you all right?”
She gave her friend a bright smile. “I’m fine.”
The young teacher sat down in the only other chair. “No, you’re not.”
Kira shook her head. Michele had been the one person she’d confided in about her inability to conceive. The fellow teacher had been her first friend when she’d come to the western Colorado town. “No, really. We’ve gotten word from the adoption agency.”
Michele’s pretty blue eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s great news.” She frowned. “Why so sad?”
Kira shrugged. “Hormones, probably. And Trace. He’s a little hesitant about the idea.”
Michele leaned forward. “You two have been through a lot over this and now that you’re so close to having a baby, he’s probably a little scared.”
And he wants his own child, Kira added silently. “It’s more.” She looked her friend in the eye, knowing she’d never betray her confidence. “It hasn’t been easy living with me this last year.”
“You’ve gone through a lot, trying to have a baby.”
Kira released a shuttering breath. “Trace moved out to the bunkhouse two months ago.”
“Oh, Kira.” Michele shook her head. “Isn’t that just like a man? When they can’t deal with things, they up and leave. Well, I know Trace loves you.”
And Kira wasn’t so sure of that anymore. “I might have pushed him too far this time. We both said things that can’t be taken back.” She recalled the hurtful words she’d thrown at him. And yesterday she mentioned the “D” word. It was all or nothing now.
“Then march out to that bunkhouse and convince him to come back home.”
“I’m not sure that will work.”
“How do you know if you don’t try? So go and seduce your husband.” Michele glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to get back. Can we do lunch later in the week?”
“Sure. Are you going to help chaperone at the roundup?”
Michele grinned. “I wouldn’t miss it. Is your good-looking brother-in-law going to be there?”
Kira was surprised by her friend’s interest in Jarrett. “I’m not sure.”
Michelle waved off the question then hugged her. “I’ll see you later.” She walked out.
Kira leaned back in her chair. Could she get Trace to come back home, and get him to change his mind about the divorce? Could they work together to repair their mess of a marriage?
She thought back to the last time Trace had wanted to be close to her. In the weeks before he’d moved out, her once-loving husband hadn’t wanted to touch her, or even be in the same house with her. And she couldn’t blame him. The sad part was she’d driven him out. Out of his own home.
Trace loved the McKane Ranch, one of the oldest in the area. He was a cattleman like his father and grandfather before him. There had been times when she was a little jealous of his dedication, maybe if he’d talk about the operation with her it would help. Even when he’d bought out part of his brother’s land, she hadn’t been asked anything about it until it came time to sign the loan papers. She just wanted to feel like a part of his dreams.
Kira felt her chest tighten with the familiar ache. The same feeling she’d had when she’d lost her parents in the accident and her grandmother wouldn’t take her into her home. Rejection. When she had to go into foster care, then from home to home. Rejection. When she fell in love with the first boy who gave her the time of day, he’d abandoned her, too. Rejection. Now, her marriage…
Kira sat up straighter. Why was she thinking so much about the past? She’d worked so hard to put those years behind her. A glance at the calendar gave her the answer. It was approaching the seventh of June. Fifteen years had passed and it still hurt like a fresh wound.
No! This baby was going to change things. She was going to have her family, even if it was only part of one.
“Kira…”
She turned around to see Trace at the door. He was dressed in his usual jeans and Western shirt, his cowboy hat in his hand. With her heart pounding, she stood. “Trace.” He never came to her school. “Is something wrong?”
“Do you have some time to talk?”
“Sure.” She stepped aside. “Come in.”
He glanced around the busy office. “I’d rather go somewhere else. Can you leave for a while?”
She checked her watch. “I’m free for the next hour.”
“Let’s go for some coffee.”
