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Because, again—that dumb, he wasn’t.
Chapter Three (#ulink_b484d206-3188-51a4-8468-1459c8272f56)
A short time later, Levi clacked the knocker on his oldest brother’s front door, smiling at—over much excited barking—an equally excited “It’s Uncle Levi!” coming from the other side. One of Zach’s boys, probably. Although Josh was there, too; his twin’s mud-spattered four-by-four was parked behind Zach’s even dirtier Chevy pickup. Because around here, the filthiness of one’s truck spoke directly to one’s ballsiness. And that went for the women, too.
Speaking of ballsy...all three of them together for the first time in more than six years? Should be interesting, Levi mused as he took in the almost painfully cute front porch, attached to an equally adorable blue-and-white house, rosebush-choked picket fence and all. Next door stood a toned-down version, beige with black shutters, that housed Zach’s veterinary practice and small-animal boarding facility. Although Levi gathered that a lot of the boarders ended up—
The door opened, and three little boys, a pair of Chihuahuas and one overly enthusiastic golden retriever all scrambled to get to Levi first.
—here.
“Guys, guys...” Laughing, Levi’s fraternal twin made some lame attempt at untangling the exuberance before grabbing Levi in a back-pounding, bone-crushing man-hug. Then Josh held Levi apart, a thousand questions simmering in eyes the same murky green as Levi’s, although his ten minutes’ younger brother’s hair was darker, straighter. Neater. Josh also stood a couple of inches shorter than Levi, a fact that had annoyed the hell out of Josh all through high school. Ten years later, though, what his twin lacked in height he’d more than made up for in rock-solid bulk. Which stood him in good stead, Levi supposed, for working with horses day in and day out.
“You look good,” Josh said, grinning like crazy as he hauled his little boy up into his arms. Even a toddler, Josh’d been the sweet one, Levi the holy terror. He wondered how much that still held true.
“Thanks—”
Zach’s two started messing with each other, making the dogs bark. From the kitchen, Zach called, “Cut it out! Now!” But not before the younger kid got in a final punch.
Ah, good times...
“Hey, Austin,” Levi said over his chuckle. He’d only seen the little guy once before, as a toddler, although Josh had regularly sent pictures. “You don’t remember me, huh?” The little boy shook his head, and Levi smiled. “How old are you?”
The little dude held up four fingers, then immediately tucked his hand back between him and his daddy. Who’d apparently had no issues with stepping up to bat when the boy’s babymama decided to take a hike. Levi’s heart cramped, thinking of Val, also the victim of a parent who hadn’t stuck around.
“Wow. Big guy. Speaking of big...” Levi looked down at Zach’s boys, who’d stopped wrassling with each other long enough to now give Levi matching intrigued looks. He pointed at the oldest, a gangly blond who was probably gonna spend some quality time with the orthodontist in coming years. “You’re... Jeremy, right? You were this big—” Levi held his hand at hip height “—when I saw you last. But I’ve never met this little guy.” He squatted to be eye level to his youngest nephew, redheaded and freckled and blue-eyed—like his mother, Levi thought with another cramp.
“That’s Liam,” Zach said, swiping his hands across his blue-jeaned butt as he came into the living room and Levi stood again. But instead of giving Levi a hug, his oldest brother extended his hand, like they were acquaintances meeting up at a business gathering. Taller than Levi, thinner, Zach had always been the most reserved of the four of them, even as a kid. But clearly he’d become even more so after his wife’s death a couple of years before, the once ever-present, if quiet, spark of humor in his blue eyes faded to almost nothing behind his glasses. “Good to have you home.”
“Glad to be here.”
And he meant it. Even though he might not have, once upon a time, Levi realized as they crowded around Zach’s beat-up dining room table for dinner, and his brothers’ attempts to get spaghetti actually into their sons rather than on the table, floor and each other brought back a flood of memories...and the opportunity for reflection, since actual conversation was pointless.
Despite growing up with parents who were devoted to them and to each other, the four brothers had never been particularly close. As kids they’d all had radically different interests, temperaments, personalities. Still did, most likely. Josh was still the brawny one, and Zach had the brains. And Colin... Well, who knew about Colin, who’d fled Whispering Pines long before Levi. The idealist, their mother had said, her pride over her second born’s accomplishments clearly conflicting with the pain of his rare sightings. And of course then there was Levi himself, still trying to figure out who he was, what he really wanted. How he fit into the big scheme of things.
Even so—the kids finished their meals in what seemed like two seconds flat, at which point their weary fathers released them into the wild—Levi sensed something had shifted since the last time they’d all been together. He wasn’t entirely sure what. And, being guys, it was doubtful they’d actually talk about it. But like maybe whatever had kept them at such odds with each other as kids wasn’t as much of an issue anymore.
“Beers?” Zach said, not even bothering to clean flung spaghetti off the front of his Henley shirt, although he did take a napkin to his glasses.
Calmly sweeping food mess from table to tiled floor—thrilling the dogs—Josh released a tired laugh. “You have to ask?”
Zach pointed to Levi, who nodded. His oldest brother disappeared, returning momentarily with three bottles of Coors, tossing two of them at his brothers before dropping back into his seat and tackling what had to be cold spaghetti. Clearly he did not care.
“This is really good, Zach,” Levi said, and Zach snorted.
“Straight out of a jar, but thanks. No, mutt, that was it,” he said to the retriever, sitting in rapt attention beside him. Sighing, the dog lumbered off to collapse in one of three dog beds on the other side of the room, the Chihuahuas prancing behind to snuggle up with him. The bigger dog didn’t seem to mind. From the living room, somebody screamed. Josh cocked his head, waiting, lifting his beer in mock salute to his brother when there was no follow-up. Zach hoisted his in return.
“You guys look done in,” Levi said, which got grunts—and exhausted grins—from both of them. Zach rubbed one eye underneath his glasses, then sagged back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest as he chewed.
“Honestly? I can’t remember not being tired. But it’s just life, you know?” The last rays of the setting sun sliced across the table, making it hard to see his brother’s eyes behind the lenses, but his smile had softened. “Either you deal with it or you go under. Speaking of which...” He leaned forward to scoop in another bite of spaghetti. “Dad says you’re helping Val Lopez fix up her house?”
“Some, yeah. Although it’s not her house, it’s Tommy’s grandmother’s. The family’s only letting her live there.”
“For how long?” Josh asked.
Levi turned to his twin, seeing sympathy in his green eyes. Although they hadn’t all hung out together much in high school—no mean feat with such a small class—Josh knew Tommy, of course. And Val. Levi doubted, however, his brother had been aware of everything, since he’d kept a pretty tight rein on his feelings. Not to mention his mouth. “As long as she needs.”
“How’s she doing?”
This from Zach, who knew more than anyone what it felt like to lose a spouse, especially long before you expected to.
“All right, I think.” For a moment—if that—the thought flashed that his brother and Val should get together, do a miniature Brady Bunch thing with their kids. Or even Josh and Val, for that matter. Except hot on the heel of those thoughts came Oh, hell, no. Like a freaking sledgehammer.
“What about you guys?” he said. “How’re you balancing it all?”
His brothers shrugged in unison. “Can’t speak for doofus over there,” Josh said, reaching for his beer, “but I don’t know that I am. Doing my best, but...”
“Yeah,” Zach said. “Same here. Especially juggling the child care situation. Mom helps when she can, absolutely, but since you never know when one of her clients might go into labor, that’s not a sure thing. And Dad...”
Josh sighed, and Levi frowned.
“I thought he was okay?”
“Oh, he is,” his twin said. “Doesn’t mean he’s up to herding three little boys under the age of seven. Hell, he didn’t when we were little. No, seriously, Leev—can you remember him ever taking care of us on his own?”
“He used to take us fishing. And riding. And—”
“When we were older, yeah. Not when we were—” somebody bellowed “—this age. That honor, he left to Mom.”
“So what do you do?”
Zach shrugged, his mouth pulled down at the corners. “There’s a church day care, but it’s only part-time. So we let ’em hang with us, when we can.” He exchanged another glance with Josh. “Pawn ’em off on Gus, sometimes.”
“Gus?” Levi belted a laugh. Gus Otero had been a fixture at the Vista Encantada—the ranch where he and his brothers had grown up—forever, first as a hand, then as the cook/housekeeper. Hell, the four of them had probably spent more time in Gus’s kitchen than their own, and the tough old bird had never taken crap off any of them. But the man had to be nearly eighty by now.
“Don’t laugh,” Josh said. “I’d put my money on Gus before one of those fancy trained nannies any day. Even so...”
Josh took another gulp of his beer, then lowered his voice and said to Zach, “This isn’t what either of us signed up for, is it?” A rhetorical question, apparently, since he didn’t wait for a reply. Levi, however, noticed his older brother’s deep frown as he stared at his bottle before Josh quickly added, “Don’t get me wrong, Austin’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Doesn’t mean it’s not a pain, trying to make the pieces fit. Or hard not to feel resentful, sometimes, that his mom didn’t keep her part of the bargain.”
Knowing that Josh had never been married to Austin’s mother, it took Levi a moment to work up the nerve to ask, “So...it wasn’t an accident?”
Josh barked out a laugh, then looked at Levi in a way he’d never done. “I know—when we were kids, you were always considered... Well, I don’t want to say the bad one, but definitely the one more likely to get into trouble. So I did my level best not to. Then you left and maybe I didn’t feel the need to compensate for your behavior anymore?” He took a swig of his beer. “And I may have gone a little nuts.”
“A little nuts?” Zach muttered, and Josh shot him the evil eye. Then sighed.
“Okay, a lot nuts. Especially when it came to women. Not that there were dozens—”
“Which would be tricky,” Zach put in, “considering where we live.”
“Would you let me tell my story, for cripes’ sake? Anyway. Then I met Austin’s mother, and even though we were being careful...” Josh shrugged. “The thing is, though, I wasn’t in love with her. Not even close. And frankly the thought of being somebody’s daddy scared me to death. But the thought of Dad’s reaction scared me more. So I asked her to marry me—”
“Like the good boy you always were,” Zach said, half smiling.
“Shut up,” Josh lobbed back, then returned his gaze to Levi. “She actually laughed. But she said she wanted to keep the baby. So we worked out this whole custody-sharing arrangement. Only...”
Josh linked his hands behind his head, his eyes on Austin, quietly building something out of blocks not ten feet away. “Only she left. Like, three years ago? Haven’t heard a word from her since. And then this one...”
Whether because Josh’s nod toward their oldest brother was met with a death glare, or because Austin came over to show off his Duplo masterpiece, Josh apparently changed his mind about whatever he was about to say. Instead he scooped his son into his lap, worry lines vanishing as he focused on his little boy. Then a minor crisis of some sort pulled Zach away from the table to tend to his crying youngest as Jeremy pled his innocence with all the fervor of a TV lawyer, leaving Levi feeling something for his brothers he’d never felt before. Admiration, maybe. Even...tenderness, if a guy was allowed to have such feelings for another dude. Let alone admit them.
For a woman, though, that was something else. Especially a woman dealing with the same issues as his brothers were. Trying to make the pieces fit, wasn’t that what Josh had said?
“So how is it?” Josh said, jerking Levi out of his thoughts.
Levi frowned at his brother. Austin still sat on his lap, making soft explosion noises as he calmly, and repeatedly, smashed his creation against the tabletop. “How is what?”
“Seeing Val again.” When Levi didn’t answer right away, Josh chuckled. “Not exactly a secret, bro. How you felt, I mean.”
So much for his brother being in the dark. “Do the others know?”
“Zach and Colin?” Josh shook his head, giving Austin’s curls a quick kiss as the little boy slid off his lap and climbed into Levi’s. “At that point, they didn’t even want to acknowledge our existence. But you and I shared a room. Kinda hard to escape your moping.”
“I did not—”
“Yeah. You did. And after Tommy and Val started going together...” Josh’s head wagged. “So sad.”
Levi’s sigh stirred his nephew’s curls, making the little boy slap his hand on top of his head, vigorously rubbing the spot like it stung.
“That tickles!”
“Sorry, dude,” Levi said with a soft laugh, hoisting the slippery kid more securely onto his lap before meeting his brother’s gaze again. “That was a long time ago.”
“Yeah, it was. So?” When Levi didn’t answer, Josh picked up his fork, dinging it softly against the side of his bowl for a moment before saying, “I have no idea what you’ve been through these past six years.” The fork clanged back into the bowl before Josh folded his arms over his chest and met Levi’s gaze again. “But I’m gonna guess it wasn’t exactly a hayride. Then Tomas...” His cheeks puffed as he exhaled, shaking his head. “I’m just saying, you probably don’t need any more complications right now.”
Austin wriggled off Levi’s lap to run back into the living room. Smiling slightly, Levi watched him for a moment, then looked back at his twin. “You’re probably right,” he said, taking another sip of his now-warm beer, which burned his throat as he swallowed. “Then again, who does? So what’re the options? Run? Or deal? And you of all people,” he said, nodding toward the living room, “should know what I’m talking about.”
A long moment passed before Josh pushed out a half laugh. “Got me there,” he said, then snagged Levi’s gaze in his again. “Still. Be careful, okay?”
“Fully intend to,” Levi said, tilting the bottle to his lips again, only to think if there was a quicker road to hell, he didn’t know what it was.
* * *
That night, Val tucked Josie into the old twin bed that had once belonged to one of Tommy’s aunts; the maple-spindled headboard softly gleamed in the light from the bedside lamp. This was the smallest bedroom, one of three carved out of the steeply pitched attic sometime in the 1960s. But Josie had immediately laid claim to it, clearly taken with the skylight window with its unencumbered view of the night sky. Not to mention it was the perfect hideaway when, as Josie put it, her brain got too full and she needed to be alone to empty it.
Bending over to give Josie a kiss, Val smiled when a soft squeak alerted them to the kitten’s arrival; a moment later the tiny thing clawed up onto the bed to snuggle against Josie’s side, motor going full throttle.
Val sat on the bed’s edge, reaching across her daughter to pet the kitten, who tried to nibble her fingers. She chuckled. “Looks like somebody’s settling right in.” Risa, bless her, had sacked out an hour ago and probably wouldn’t be heard from again until the next morning. “You decide on a name yet?”
“I’m kinda waiting for her to tell me. Or him.” Josie frowned. “How do you know whether it’s a boy kitten or a girl kitten?”
“It’ll be plain soon enough, trust me. In the meantime, maybe pick something that could go either way?”
“I guess, huh?” Radar plodded into the room to rest his muzzle on the bed, looking concerned. And confused. Because he had to sleep in his crate in the kitchen. The kitten all but stuck its tongue out at the dog before curling up even more tightly against Josie’s hip. The little girl almost giggled, then looked up at Val with huge dark eyes.
“I like Levi. He’s nice.”
“He is,” Val said. Sincerely even. Watching the man earlier as he patiently sorted out the dog and cat, how gentle he was with Josie, had definitely made her look at him in a different light. Maybe not a light she wanted to see him in, but nobody knew better than she that you don’t always get a say in these things. So now she smiled and said, “And I think Daddy would have been glad you got to meet his best friend.”
Petting the kitten, Josie frowned. “Was Levi your friend, too?”
“Not really, no,” Val said, figuring it was only fair she live up to the mandate she’d given Levi. “Frankly, I thought he was kind of a goofball when we were younger. Although so was your daddy, so...”
Josie giggled again, with a little more oomph, then yawned. “Were you?”
“A goofball?” Val shook her head, then winnowed her fingers through Josie’s waves. “I was much too busy being serious,” she said, making a snooty face, which made Josie laugh again. One day, maybe, she’d tell her daughters about her own childhood, but that day was way off in the future. Right now it was about them, about the present, not the past. And certainly not about Val’s past. “I’d like to think I’ve loosened up some since then, though.”
“Well, I think you’re just right,” Josie said, and Val’s chest ached. How was it possible that she somehow loved her babies more every day than she had the day before? And she prayed with all her heart that this one not lose sight of that amazing combination of sweetness and smarts and silliness that made her one incredible little kid.
“Well, I think you’re just right, too,” she said, giving her oldest daughter a hug and kiss. “You and Risa both.”
The same as she’d believed Tomas was just right, she thought as she—and the reluctant hound—left the room, making sure the door wasn’t closed all the way. Someone else who was sweet and smart and silly, who’d filled up a hole inside her she hadn’t even known was there. Or at least wouldn’t admit to. And she could still, even after all this time, remember when she first realized there this was someone who got her, someone she could trust without a moment’s hesitation. She’d never doubted his love. Or believed he’d ever give her a reason to. The way he’d looked at her, with that mixture of gratitude and amazement—that had never changed. And that, she would miss for the rest of her life.
But she’d also thought she understood him, that they were on the same page about what they wanted, what their goals were. Except then—
Stop. Just...stop.
Pulling her hoodie closed against the evening chill, Val went back down to the cramped kitchen to make herself some hot chocolate, gather the ingredients to make this pie, the dog keeping her hopeful company. She poured milk into a mug and set it in the old microwave on the disgusting laminate counter, berating herself for letting her thoughts go down this path. Because she knew full well she’d only get sucked right back into the rabbit hole of hurt and depression she had to fight like hell not to go near, for the kids’ sake.
But the nights were hard, silent and long and lonely, those thoughts whistling though her head like the wind in a cemetery.
The microwave beeped. She dumped Nesquik into the mug, swearing under her breath when half of it landed on the counter, the minor aggravation shoving her into the rabbit hole, anyway. And down she went, mad as hell but helpless to avoid it. Yes, her husband’s work—work he loved and was good at—had been work that had saved probably countless lives. But it wasn’t fair, that after everything she’d been through, everything she’d thought she’d finally won, that she’d had to spend so much of the past six years with her heart in her throat.
That he’d made her a widow before she was thirty.
Val shut her eyes, not only against the pain, but the frustration of not being able to get past it, to appreciate her husband’s sacrifice. Dammit, everything Tomas did was for other people. Why couldn’t she feel more proud of him? Why, no matter how hard she tried, couldn’t she feel something more than that he’d abandoned them, broken his promise to her, to their children?
Hideous, selfish thoughts she didn’t dare admit to anyone. Ever.
Radar nosed her hand; her eyes wet, she smiled down at that sweet face, a face she wouldn’t even be looking at if Tomas hadn’t rescued the dog. Much like he’d rescued Val. She couldn’t imagine—didn’t want to—what her life would have been like if he hadn’t. She wouldn’t have the girls, for one thing. Or his parents, who’d welcomed her as their own from the first time Tomas brought her home to meet them. And yet as grateful as she was for all of that—as in, her heart knew no bounds—none of it made up for what she’d lost.
For what—she took a sip of the hot chocolate, the taste cloying in her mouth—her husband’s friendship with Levi Talbot had stolen from her.
And because the person she was the most honest with was herself, that was something she doubted she’d ever get over.
The haunted look in those murky green eyes notwithstanding.
Chapter Four (#ulink_1fc4d04e-a151-5563-9f6d-a7abbcb604f1)
“That should do it,” Levi said, testing the new kitchen faucet a couple of times to make sure it didn’t leak. He turned to see Val standing beside him in a baggy T-shirt and even baggier jeans, arms crossed and bare mouth set, as usual. Behind her at the kitchen table Josie was drawing—the little girl tossed him a grin that punched him right in the heart—while Risa pushed and batted at things on her walker, making a helluva racket. And sprawled in the middle of the crappy linoleum floor was the dog, softly whoop-whooping in his sleep.
