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But it wasn’t his looks that held her immobile. For a moment, as she stood over him, his eyes opened and latched on to hers. They were an ominous deep grey, shot with silver like clouds poised the moment before succumbing to a storm. His voice was rough thunder, a warning ending on a plea.
‘The snow...it’s freezing... Morrow shouldn’t have left her. Too late.’
He was looking through her, but she grasped his hand to answer that plea.
‘It’s not too late.’
‘Too late,’ he repeated, and this time his eyes did fix on hers and she smiled reassuringly because even if he was dying, he shouldn’t do so without hope.
‘No, it isn’t too late, I promise. Trust me.’
His gaze became clearer for a moment, moving over her, his pupils contracting until she could see the sharp edge of silver about them. But then his lids sank again and his restlessness returned, his hand pulling at the bandage, and she dragged her attention away from his face and focused on her duty.
A look at the ragged and inflamed state of the wound and the sickly tint of his skin under the heat of his fever told her the doctor was not unjustified in his gloom. It would take more than a newspaper to revive this man.
‘He’s in bad shape, isn’t he?’ Yannis asked conversationally over her shoulder. ‘Told you. I told the King to put him on the next boat to Athens. Let him die there. We don’t need trouble with the English.’
She unlocked her jaw. There was no point in being angry at Yannis.
‘And what did King Darius say?’
‘Nothing I can repeat to you, little nurse.’ Yannis grinned. ‘My punishment is to stand guard and help you see he doesn’t die. So. What do we do first?’
‘First you send for a large pot of water while I fetch my father’s bag and those foolish veils.’ There was no point in hoping the King would forget his stipulation.
‘Veils?’
‘The King said I must wear veils while I see to the Englishman.’
‘Good idea,’ Yannis approved. ‘Can’t trust a man without a name. Who knows what he’s running from?’
She didn’t answer. Not because it was foolish to see ghosts where there were none, but because there was something in the Englishman’s eyes and voice that gave too much credence to Yannis’s half-joking words. It didn’t matter—all that mattered was that a man might be dying and perhaps she could save him and thereby repay some of the debt she owed to her adoptive family.
* * *
Thus began of one of the strangest weeks of Christina’s life. She came several times a day to tend to the Englishman while Yannis helped ensure he drank the broths she prepared. She even, though she felt rather foolish, did the King’s bidding and read the English newspapers to him every day. Within two days what she had thought would be an irksome task took on an almost superstitious weight. It was imperative he survive, not just for the King, but because it just was. She fought for his life with the same fervour as she would for Ari or the King had they been ill, which made no sense at all.
The veils were a nuisance, but soon she found they had a peculiar freeing effect. Like a toddler who is convinced they can’t be seen when covering their eyes, Christina found herself free to truly watch the Englishman without worrying about being pierced again by his icy gaze. In the darkness imposed by the cloth, she didn’t have to avert her eyes from his face or magnificent physique, despite the shame of finding herself doing covertly what the female servants did overtly every time they brought provisions or tidied the room.
‘Isn’t he as handsome as Apollo? And look at those shoulders...’ they would sigh in Greek as Christina tried hard to ignore their raptures and her own internal upheaval.
After a week, his pulse steadied and she noticed his expression change when she read the newspapers, his sharply carved mouth shifting as if in internal conversation with the topic. Politics would be accompanied by a frown and news of London society with a faint curl of his thin upper lip. But his face became most expressive when she indulged in her own fascination—the advertisements in the agony columns. She had never read these before, but when she exhausted the more respectable pages of the two newspapers she became completely enthralled in reading them. There was something so touching and perplexing about them—little snippets of drama and romance that would remain unexplained for ever. Without even noticing it she began discussing them with her unconscious patient.
‘Here, listen to this,’ she informed him. ‘This is a very passionate fellow. ‘“To M-A”—which I presume is Maria, or could it be Margarita? That would add an exotic touch. Anyway, he writes: “Do I deserve this?” In capital letters, too. I wonder if that costs more? Then he continues: “Is it generous? Is it equitable? If I hear not from you by Wednesday hence I will strike thy graven memory from my heart and endeavour to efface thy sweet smile from my soul. Orlando.” This was three weeks ago, so Wednesday has come and gone and I shall never know if Orlando has been blessed by his Maria or whether she has chosen someone rather more sensible. I think living life in capital letters might be a little tiring. Oh, no—here, this one is even worse! “To P. If you could conceive of the sorrow and despair into which I am plunged, you would not raise your head. With you I could suffer every privation. Alone I am all misery. A hint of kindness could obliterate all pain. S.B.” Goodness. Well, I think it is very brave to put such pain on paper, but I cannot imagine ever writing something so...’
‘Maudlin.’
The paper scrunched between her hands. The word was faint but decisive and for a moment she searched the room for its source until she realised it came from the Englishman. He was awake, not the brief surfacing of the past few days, but truly awake and inspecting her. Lucid, his eyes were even more dramatic—as sharp and steely as a sword.
‘Where the devil am I?’ he asked as she remained tongue-tied, her pulse as fast as his had been at the height of his fever.
‘Illiakos.’
‘Illi... Hell. I remember. The storm. They shot at us.’
‘They thought you were pirates.’ She tried to be conciliating, thinking of the King.
‘We were flying Maltese colours. Clear as day.’
‘Yes, well, it wasn’t. A clear day, that is.’
He groaned as he tried to shift on the bed.
‘I remember. The blasted fog. We rode up on the shoals. Why are you reading the agony columns? Out loud, too, for pity’s sake.’
‘King Darius requested that I read the English newspapers to you. He thought it would help you recover.’
‘That mawkish pap is more likely to send me into a decline. I had no idea people wrote such drivel.’
‘It is not drivel to them. Anyone willing to bare his or her soul like that deserves some sympathy, whether you approve or not.’
His mouth relaxed slightly in what might have been the beginning of a smile. It was the first time she had seen that expression on his face and her pulse, which had begun to calm, went into another gallop.
‘You didn’t sound very approving yourself just now, so I don’t think you can claim the moral high ground.’
Christina flushed, wondering how on earth they had reached the middle of an argument when she should really be summoning the doctor or doing something sensible, but the taunting glimmer of amusement in his eyes kept her in her seat and she groped for something to say.
‘For your information, I have already read you the political pages from end to end. Twice. And those are equally as depressing. More so.’
He frowned.
‘I remember now—you were reading something about the Tsar and the Sultan. But that news was well over a month old.’
‘The mail takes a while to reach us. The pirates have made trade difficult so the ships travel in convoys. Hopefully next week we will receive new newspapers from Athens.’
‘We... Who are you and why are you wearing a tent? You sound like you’re underwater.’
‘It is a bridal veil,’ she replied, with as much dignity as possible. ‘Brides on Illiakos wear them in public for the first month of marriage. It symbolises the period during which the married couple is dedicated wholly to one another.’
‘Good God, more sentimental drivel. I don’t envy you or your groom your wedding night.’ His laugh ended in a gasp of pain as he tried to sit up and she dropped the newspaper.
‘Please lie down, the doctor removed the bullet, but you lost a great deal of blood.’
She sat on the side of the bed and pressed him back gently as she had during the throes of his fever. Except it was different now. His skin was no longer burning, but hers was. The moment her palms flattened on his shoulders she froze. She tried to reason that he was merely a sick man she was tending, but that wasn’t what it felt like. Her fingers were trying to curve over the velvet surface that covered the rock-hard ridges of his shoulders. Sitting like that, if she just leaned towards him a little, raised her head... Took off her veils...
She removed her hands, but couldn’t gather any more resolution to rise. So she sat there with her hands clutched in her lap, waiting.
He froze, too, and there was a confused frown in his ice-grey eyes now, as if he was struggling to remember a word.
‘You were here before, weren’t you? I remember...’
He reached for the veils and she surged to her feet, which was a mistake because she tripped on the awkward yards of cloth and stumbled backwards.
‘Careful!’ His arm shot out to right her and with a groan of pain he turned chalk white and fell back.
‘Don’t move.’ Christina’s concern overcame her confusion and she gently pressed back the bandages, sighing with relief at the unbroken scab beneath. ‘That was foolish.’
‘I wasn’t the one leaping like a scalded cat,’ he muttered through gritted teeth. ‘You made your point; I won’t touch the veils. That blasted doctor may have extracted the bullet, but I think he left a sheave of knives inside me instead.’
Despite her discomfort, her mouth curved upwards at his quintessential Englishness.
‘Not a sheave, just one. It is considered good luck.’
‘You are jesting, right?’ His eyes widened and she smiled at the apprehension in his voice.
‘Of course I am. He is merely terrified of the King which makes him a little clumsy. Please lean back while I apply some salve, it will soothe the inflammation and the pain.’
‘I don’t need any more ministering. That fool of a doctor did enough damage already by the look of it, and I’m damned if I will let you smear some noxious folk remedies on an open wound. What I need is to get off this island.’
‘It is merely some boiled herbs, including witch hazel and vinegar which are excellent for preventing putridity in wounds. I promise there are no bat wings and ears of newts. If you wish to recover swiftly, I suggest you let me apply the salve.’
His mouth held firm for a moment at her scold, and then with a curse worthy of a sailor he leaned back and closed his eyes.
His skin was hot and velvety beneath her fingers as she spread the salve. She worked slowly, smoothing it as gently as possible over the reddened area around the wound, her fingers just a butterfly’s flutter on the wound itself. He didn’t wince, but she could feel the tension in his muscles and see it in the way his hands fisted by his sides. She had an almost overwhelming urge to bend down and press a kiss to his bare chest, to ease that control, to reassure, explore... She knew she should draw back, but her fingers kept up their soothing strokes, until she exhausted her excuse and had no choice but to stop.
For several heartbeats the room was utterly silent. His chest rose and fell slowly and his eyes opened, pinning her.
‘You have dangerous hands, little nurse.’
She curled her fingers into fists and looked down.
‘I don’t think they qualify as dangerous. Not next to whoever did these to you.’ She indicated the scars on his arm and shoulder, but tried not to look further. He raised his arm, inspecting the scars as if surprised to see them.
‘These are just useful reminders not to wander around the bazaars of Constantinople after a night of heavy drinking when you are not welcome in that town.’
‘Someone tried to kill you?’
‘Not everyone finds me charming.’
‘I can understand that, but it is hardly a reason to try to kill you.’
‘Thank you. Foolish of me to expect a disavowal.’
‘Besides, not all these scars are from the same event or weapon,’ she added, ignoring his unconvincing attempt to look offended.
He glanced down at his torso with a frown.
‘No. I’m afraid I carry a diary of my follies on my person. This new one will be a particularly inglorious chapter; I didn’t even do anything to merit it but be in the wrong place at the wrong time. How demeaning.’
‘The others were merited?’
‘Except for this one.’ He turned over his left hand to show a white patch along the root of his palm. ‘This was from trying to save a friend from his folly when he climbed back into our room at school in the middle of the night during a storm and almost ended up an ornament on the bushes below.’
‘Folly appears to be contagious. Are your friends as foolish as you?’
He smiled.
‘No, Raven was like that before I met him. I was still deep in my obedient phase and very determined not to succumb to the family curse of depravity. I held out quite a while, too.’
She frowned at his tone. ‘I don’t believe in curses.’
‘Of course not, nurses must be sensible, right? I’m not fond of the notion myself. Too Greek. I accept full responsibility for choosing which side of my family tree I emulate. I made every effort to behave like the proper half of that tree for almost two decades and found it not only stultifying, but also unappreciated. So for the past five years I have been enjoying a grand tour of the other half. Aside from these...’ he indicated the scarred topography of his body ‘...I am finding it suits me very well.’
‘I am glad, because I would hate to think you derived no pleasure from trying to kill yourself.’
She hadn’t meant to speak quite that sharply. He smiled, a slow wolfish smile, and her legs pressed together, readying herself to move.
‘I’m deriving a great deal of pleasure at the moment from being resurrected. I’d derive even greater pleasure from seeing what my little saviour looks like under those veils, but don’t worry, I don’t need to be slapped more than once to learn not to steal cakes from cook’s table. I will just have to exert my imagination; it is very creative. Shall I tell you what it is weaving?’
‘No, thank you. I have little doubt it is an improvement on the reality. Now, you might be accustomed to injury, but you are still very weak and what you need most is rest. If you need help, call for Yannis. He is outside. The King is a good man and has every interest in seeing you in good health so I suggest you not try anything foolish.’
‘You are a fiery little thing, aren’t you? You don’t sound as terrified of this King as the doctor appears to be.’
‘I have no reason to fear him. I owe him everything and he has always been kind to me. However, he does have a temper and I suggest you don’t provoke it if you wish to have your way.’
He smiled, his eyes lightening with laughter.
‘That is excellent advice, darling. I promise not to provoke him, but I don’t know if I can promise the same to you, as it is too much of a pleasure to watch, or rather listen, to you rise to the fly. I do promise to keep my hands to myself, but for your information, the best way to put a man’s fantasies to rest is to confront him with reality. Perhaps these veils have more merit for newlyweds than I gave them credit. Marriage is a tedious business and anything that introduces a touch of mystery is welcome.’
‘Are you married then?’ The words were out before she could stop them, her skin still tingling from his casual endearment.
‘No, thank God. I’ve watched too many disasters on that front. When I do marry, in the very, very distant future, it will be to someone whose expectations can be measured in worldly goods and who knows her limits and mine.’
It had nothing to do with her, but it hurt like a personal rejection.
‘I will return later with a tisane for the pain, but you should rest now. If you need anything, summon Yannis and he can send for me if there is a need.’
‘And pull you from your husband’s arms? Tempting but not very chivalrous, my dear. I shall make do with this Yannis.’
The lingering falsity of her marriage stuck in her throat. It wasn’t like her to lie. Not that she had actually said she was married, but she had certainly not corrected him and that was bad enough, wasn’t it? All she had to do was tell him—I’m not married; the veils were the King’s idea. Then he would laugh and tell her to take them off, that she stood in no danger from him.
And that would be a lie, too. Even if he meant it. He might poke fun at her, but somehow she knew the moment he knew she was unmarried even that taunting freedom in her presence would cease. She might not know him, but she knew that. Still, the next time he said anything about her married state she promised she would tell the truth. However uncomfortable.
She glanced back—he looked weary, but his smile lingered as he watched her, part warmth and part mockery. She was so tempted to stay so she left.
* * *
If she had an ounce of sense she would have stayed away from that point forward, but she didn’t. The first week of his illness was unsettling, but the second exhausted all her reserves of self-control. She found all forms of excuses to visit the Englishman, though any servant could have delivered the tisanes she prepared and she was gaining no favours with the doctor by insisting on applying her salves to the wound. She drank in every moment in his company like the Illiakan plains drank in rainwater after the long dry summer. He never demanded she remove the veils again, and thankfully he never again referred to her marriage, so she could at least continue to shove away her guilt at perpetuating the lie and enjoy the pleasures of his company, from the unsettling effect of touching him as she nursed him to the more innocent pleasure of reading to him. She loved lingering over the agony columns just so he would tease her and then she could berate him for his insensitivity and watch the laughter light up his austere face.
