A Family Of Their Own

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‘Sandwell Gardens.’ Once again he turned to face her and grinned. ‘And before you get the wrong idea, the name sounds far grander than the actual place is! The said gardens boil down to a scrubby bit of grass and a few pathetic trees.’

‘But at least you do have grass and trees,’ she said tartly. ‘The only thing I can see from my window are the houses across the road. The view is less than inspiring, I assure you.’

‘In other words, count my blessings, eh?’

His gaze was warm, far warmer than it should have been bearing in mind the short time they’d known one another. Yet it didn’t feel as though it had only been a matter of hours since she’d met him, she realised. It felt as though she’d known him for ever. Maybe she had in a way because Nick was the living, breathing embodiment of the man she’d always dreamed of spending her life with.

The thought shocked her so much that she gasped, and she saw his eyes darken with concern. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Yes, fine.’ She hunted for an explanation because telling him the truth was out of the question. Nick would run a mile if he found out that she’d decided he was the blueprint of the man she had always wanted to marry.

‘I just remembered that I meant to phone my father last night,’ she said, using the first excuse she could think of. ‘I promised to let him know how my first day at work had gone and it completely slipped my mind.’

‘He’s probably worried sick that you’ve been abducted by slave traders,’ Nick said lightly, but she was relieved to see that he seemed to have accepted her story.

They reached the platform and Leanne followed as he made his way through the crowds of people who were waiting for the next train to arrive. He turned to her when they reached a relatively quiet spot.

‘Why don’t you phone him from the clinic? You can always reimburse the company for the call so it isn’t a problem. I know what my dad is like when my sisters are away—he worries himself to death in case something has happened to them.’

‘No, it’s OK. I’ll do it tonight,’ she assured him, then frowned as she mulled over what he’d said. ‘I thought you had just the one sister, the one who was a nurse at your parents’ practice.’

‘I’ve a younger sister as well. Penny is the baby of the family. She’s just been accepted as a junior houseman at Bart’s. She’s also getting married in two weeks’ time, which is why I came back to England.’

‘You are lucky!’ she exclaimed wistfully. ‘I can’t imagine what it must be like, being part of a big family like that. I always longed to have brothers and sisters.’

‘It has its ups and downs. It isn’t all good.’

‘What do you mean?’ She looked at him curiously, unable to ignore the pain she had heard in his voice. Without stopping to think, she laid her hand on his arm. ‘Nick, tell me.’

She heard him take a deep breath and when he spoke she felt her eyes prickle with tears because of the sadness in his voice. ‘I had another brother as well—my twin, Matt. He died when he was twenty-six.’

‘I am so sorry! I don’t know what to say apart from that…’ She felt her throat clog up with emotion and turned away because she didn’t want him to see how much it had upset her. She couldn’t begin to imagine how it must feel to lose someone as close to you as a twin brother.

Their train arrived just then and in the scramble to squeeze into the carriage there was no chance to say anything else. Nick stood beside her as the train roared through the tunnel. They were packed so tightly together that she could feel the heat from his body all down her side, but she didn’t try to move away.

Maybe it would help to lessen his grief if he knew she was there for him, she thought wistfully. She might be reading too much into a situation she knew very little about, but she sensed that his brother’s death still affected Nick. If there was any way that she could help him, she would do so. It might be only hours since they had met but she cared about this man. She really did.

Nick was glad when the journey was over. Standing so close to Leanne in the crowded carriage had been a test of endurance he could have done without. Talking about Matt’s death always upset him, but it wasn’t only thoughts of his brother which had plagued him.

Every time the carriage had swayed, he had felt Leanne’s breast pressing against his arm, her thigh making the most fleeting yet tantalising contact with his own. Frankly, he was a bundle of nerves by the time they reached St Stephen’s station and couldn’t wait to alight. Being that close to Leanne had tested his self-control beyond any reasonable limits, but he couldn’t afford to forget the rules by which he’d lived for the past ten years.

It was a depressing thought but he tried not to show how much it upset him as they stepped off the escalator into the station’s concourse. Nick paused and looked round, wondering what he should do. He had left home early with the express intention of having breakfast at one of the station’s numerous cafés, and it had suddenly occurred to him how rude it would be not to invite Leanne along.

‘I was going to stop for coffee and something to eat,’ he explained, turning to her. He felt his heart bump painfully when she looked around and he saw the concern in her beautiful grey eyes.

Had she guessed how upset he always felt whenever he spoke about Matt? he thought wonderingly. Was that why she looked so sad all of a sudden, because she cared that he was hurting?

He sensed it was so and it was both a pleasure and a pain to realise it because he couldn’t afford to wallow in the comfort she could offer him. He had to stick to the decision he’d made all those years ago. He could never ask a woman to commit herself to him when he had nothing to offer her.

‘How do you fancy joining me for breakfast? My treat.’ It was an effort to behave naturally when his mind was suddenly awash with desires which he had thought he’d put behind him a long time ago.

‘Oh, that’s very kind—’ she began, and he found himself interrupting when he sensed that she was going to refuse. Maybe he was playing with fire, but the thought of spending a little more time on his own with her was too tempting to resist.

‘Say that you’ll come,’ he coaxed. ‘Just a quick cup of coffee and maybe a roll if you’re not very hungry? I hate eating on my own so you will be doing me a favour.’ He smiled appealingly at her, watching the rapid play of emotions that crossed her face before she shrugged.

‘Why not? A cup of coffee might help to warm me up.’ She gave an exaggerated shiver. ‘I still haven’t acclimatised to the British weather.’

‘Even we British haven’t acclimatised to our weather, which is why it’s such an endlessly fascinating topic of conversation!’

He quirked a brow when she chuckled, trying to disguise how pleased he felt that she had accepted his invitation. Frankly, he couldn’t understand why it should mean so much to him. All they were going to do was share coffee and a snack, hardly an earth-shattering moment in anyone’s life.

‘I’m not kidding. Put two Brits together and they’ll spend most of their time discussing the vagaries of the weather. You’ll never be at a loss for something to say if you stick to the weather as a topic.’

She burst out laughing. ‘If I’d said that you would claim I was being racist!’

‘Probably. But the one thing we British are good at is not taking ourselves too seriously. Right, two large cups of coffee coming up. And how about some bacon sandwiches to go with them?’

‘No way! Think of all that cholesterol.’ She shook her head so vigorously that a wisp of dark red hair broke free from its restraining pins.

Nick’s hands clenched because he wasn’t sure that he would be able to resist smoothing it back into place if he didn’t get a grip on himself. How would she feel about that? he wondered, then cut short the answer because he didn’t want to hear it. Even allowing himself to imagine that Leanne might not be averse to him touching her hair—or other parts of her beautiful body—was too big a test of his self-control.

‘All right, then, no bacon. The sausage is pretty good, though, especially if you add lots of brown sauce…That’s a thought. Do you Aussies appreciate the finer points of brown sauce? If not, your taste buds are in for a treat.’

He breathed a sigh of relief when she laughed. All things considered, he hadn’t handled things too badly, he decided as they made their way to the nearest café. He’d kept his cool and hadn’t made a complete idiot of himself. Great! Now all he had to do was keep it up for the next three months while Leanne worked at the clinic and he was home and dry.

Is that all? a small voice whispered. A mere twelve weeks of pretending that Leanne doesn’t have the power to turn your life inside out? You have nothing to worry about, then, do you?

Nick swallowed a groan. Who was he kidding? Nothing about this situation was going to be easy. All he could do was pray that he had the strength of mind to stick to what he knew was right. No matter how much he liked Leanne, nothing could ever come of it.

‘Just coffee and one of those rolls, please.’

Leanne pointed to a tray of sugary rolls at the back of the counter, nodding when the assistant asked if she wanted jam with it. ‘Please.’

She took the plate and followed Nick to the checkout. Even at this early hour of the day, the café was crowded, but she spotted a couple getting up from a table in the corner and pointed towards it. ‘I’ll snag that table for us. OK?’

‘Fine.’ Nick gave her a quick smile then hunted some money out of his pocket to pay the cashier.

Leanne made her way to the table, edging aside the debris left by the previous diners so that she could put her tray down. She unloaded her cup and plate then piled the dirty dishes onto the tray and handed them to the young man who had arrived to clear up. By the time Nick arrived, the table had been wiped clean and she had managed to find paper napkins and silverware.

‘How very organised you are, Miss Russell. I usually end up bobbing up and down, fetching all the things I’ve forgotten.’ He unloaded his tray then grinned when he spotted the small packets of brown sauce propped against the salt cellar.

‘You get extra points for those!’ he said, laughing at her. ‘Were you a Guide, by any chance? You seem to be very well prepared.’

‘It comes from waiting on tables at my parents’ restaurant, although brown sauce isn’t something my dad normally offers his clientele,’ she explained with a grin.

Nick’s brows rose. ‘Clientele, eh? I take it that your dad doesn’t run a greasy-spoon café, then?’

‘You take it right.’ She ripped open a packet of sugar and poured it onto the frothy white bubbles floating on the surface of her cup of cappuccino. ‘Dad caters for the top end of the market. The restaurant overlooks Sydney harbour and the people who go there expect—and get—the very best cuisine.’

‘Sounds a great spot to dine,’ he observed, cutting his sandwich in half. ‘I spent six months in Sydney a few years back and fell in love with the place. The waterfront is stunning.’

‘Melanie told me that you’ve travelled extensively,’ she said, breaking off a piece of roll and liberally spreading it with strawberry conserve.

‘I have.’ He ate some of his bacon sandwich then wiped his mouth on a paper napkin before continuing. ‘India, Africa, Australia and New Zealand, plus all kinds of places in between too numerous to mention.’

‘Really? I’d never been out of Australia before I came to England,’ she said. ‘Did you always want to travel from way back when you were young?’

‘Not at all.’ He picked up his sandwich again and stared at it as though lost in thought.

‘So what made you change your mind?’ she prompted, because it seemed strangely important that she find out what his reasons had been.

‘Oh, this and that, you know how it goes.’ He bit into the bread and Leanne couldn’t fail to see the sudden reserve in his eyes as he chewed it. ‘So what made you decide to come to England, then?’

‘It was a spur-of-the-moment decision,’ she admitted, wondering what he was avoiding telling her. Maybe Nick’s reasons for travelling the globe had nothing to do with her, but she couldn’t help wishing that he’d told her more.

‘Because you suddenly decided to come here with someone else?’

‘Someone else?’ She looked at him blankly, wondering what had caused that grating note in his voice.

‘Uh-huh.’ He leant towards her and she was surprised to see the urgency in his eyes. ‘Are you here with your boyfriend, Leanne?’

‘Boyfriend?’ she repeated, then laughed out loud. ‘Definitely not! Michael made it very clear that he thought I was crazy to come here.’

‘I see.’ He sat back in his seat and she was shocked when she saw how his hands were trembling when he picked up his cup.

What was wrong with him? she wondered giddily. Why did he look so relieved to learn that she was in London on her own?

The question spun through her mind and the answer followed it so fast that she had no time to shut it out. She bit her lip as a tremor ran through her. Nick was relieved because he hated the thought of her being here with another man.

It was an effort to control how elated that idea made her feel so it was a moment before she realised that he had asked her another question.

‘I’m sorry. What did you say?’ she asked, praying that he couldn’t read her mind. The situation seemed to be spiralling out of control yet there was nothing she could do about it. She could no more stop herself feeling pleased about his reaction than she could have stopped herself breathing.

‘I asked why you’d come to England if it wasn’t to be with someone. You told me the other day that you weren’t here to go sightseeing.’

‘That’s true. I’m not.’ Leanne shrugged, not sure that she wanted to discuss the circumstances which had prompted her trip to England. She was still trying to come to terms with the discovery that she had been adopted and wasn’t sure that she would be able to control her emotions if she had to explain it to Nick.

‘Sorry.’ He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. ‘I didn’t mean to pry. I just needed to know…’ He stopped and she saw the strangest expression cross his face. It prompted her to ask a question she knew deep down shouldn’t be asked.

‘Why, Nick?’ she asked gently, her heart stalling because it felt as though something momentous was about to happen. ‘Why did you need to know?’

‘Because I want to know everything about you, Leanne. Your likes and dislikes, what makes you angry and sad. What gives you pleasure and causes you pain.’

His fingers tightened around hers but she knew that he wasn’t aware that he was hurting her. ‘I know it doesn’t make sense, but I need to get to know you better even though we can never have a future together.’

Nick took a deep breath but his heart was hammering so hard that it felt as though it was going to shoot right out of his chest. Leanne was staring at him and he could see the shock in her eyes.

No damned wonder, he thought savagely, quickly withdrawing his hand. She probably thought he was a lunatic for coming out with a statement like that!

‘Why can’t we have a future, Nick?’

It was the last thing he had expected her to ask and it threw him into total confusion. He picked up his coffee-cup again then immediately put it down. Maybe he would regret this later, but he had left himself no choice other than to be honest with her.

‘Because I’m not looking for commitment and never shall be,’ he said bluntly, hating to see how she winced. His fingers curled around the cup because there was no way that he could risk holding her hand again when his emotions were so finely balanced.

‘Never is a long time. You might change your mind.’

‘I won’t. I can’t.’

‘Can’t? What do you mean by that?’ Her eyes were luminous with unshed tears and it hurt to know that he was the cause of them. Of its own volition his hand reached out again and covered hers.

‘Because I made a decision many years ago never to get involved in a long-term relationship, and I can’t go back on it,’ he explained, knowing that he was glossing over the truth. If she pressed him, would he tell her the whole story? he wondered suddenly.

A few women had asked him to explain why he lived his life the way he did, but he’d always avoided giving them a direct answer. Yet if Leanne asked him, he knew that he would have to tell her, even though it was something he would prefer not to do. He didn’t want her to think that he was looking for sympathy, neither did he want her to persuade him that he had made the wrong decision.

‘And you had your reasons for making that decision, I don’t doubt.’ She smiled at him and her eyes were full of compassion. ‘Maybe one day you will feel able to tell me, but I won’t press you, Nick. I just think it’s a shame that you’re denying yourself so much.’

‘I enjoy my life,’ he said shortly, somewhat stung by the remark as well as by the thought that he might have made a mistake. He knew that it was the only choice he could have made in the circumstances. ‘I do a job I love and I get to see far more of the world than most people could dream of seeing. I’m certainly not unhappy.’

‘Of course not, and I wasn’t implying that you were.’

Leanne withdrew her hand abruptly and he had to stop himself from reaching for it again as she picked up her cup and sipped a little of the coffee. She placed the cup carefully back on the table then looked him squarely in the eyes.

‘I know there’s something between us, Nick. I felt it yesterday when we met and I can feel it now. Maybe it’s good old-fashioned sexual attraction and maybe it’s something more, but I don’t think either of us is in a position to dig too deeply into how we feel at the moment. You asked me why I came to England and maybe it would be best if I told you.’

‘You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,’ he said quickly, his head reeling from her honesty. Was it purely desire they felt for one another? Or was it more than that, as she’d just hinted?

His mind shied away from what that ‘more’ could be because it was ridiculous to think such a thing. Leanne was speaking again and he made himself focus on what she was saying, feeling a spasm shoot through him when he heard the pain in her voice.

‘My mother died two months ago. It wasn’t a complete shock because she had been ill for some time. She’d had rheumatic fever as a child and had always had heart problems.

‘It hit Dad very hard, though, so after the funeral I offered to sort out her belongings to make it a bit easier for him. It was while I was going through some old papers that I discovered I had been adopted as a baby. I’d had no idea until then.’