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Sam shrugged, which Pip took as a bad sign. And even though it was only four o’clock in the afternoon, she decided it was probably time to open the wine.
‘Your boobs will sag.’ She passed Sam a glass and hoped that the alcohol would help the conversation take off in a more sensible direction.
‘Ah, that’s no problem, babe. You can always have them done, you know – implants. A lot of men love them all pert and it shows you still care about them, doesn’t it? And you can have them any size you want.’ She grinned. ‘That’s what all the girls do, you know, after they’ve weaned the babbies off them, that is. They won’t do them straight away, of course.’
‘Urgh, I don’t want to hear.’ Pip put her hands over her ears and tried not to think what Mick’s reaction would be if she landed him with a baby and a new pair of boobs. ‘And you’ll get bags under your eyes from lack of sleep. Implants won’t help with those.’
‘Oh bags are just so easy to fix, babe. I know one girl who had a job lot, you know –boobs and a bit of lipo on her thighs as well as having her eye bags sorted. I’m sure she got a really good deal for having the lot done all at once.’ She looked at Pip with an earnest expression. ‘You shouldn’t let a bit of sagging stop you.’
‘I’m not, believe me. When you’ve had as many brothers and sisters as I have, not to mention a load of cousins. then it puts you off bum-wiping for life.’
‘You can’t mean that. I want lots.’ Sam had a dreamy look in her eye. ‘Davey would like a whole football team. And I could always get a nanny or au-pair or something. He’d love that too.’ She winked.
‘Does he know how much that’ll cost in nappies as well as plastic surgery?’ Pip had a sudden vision of Sam’s gorgeous body being lifted, sucked and tucked in all directions as daddy David drilled them into becoming mini-me goal keepers. Not that many people would object to a few David clones.
‘And you’d need a bigger Jacuzzi.’
Sam ignored her, too taken with the fantasy world she was busy creating in her head. ‘Oh, babe, can you imagine having a little girl to take shopping? Just think about all the gorg stuff you can buy. You can get all the same stuff for kids now as for yourself, you know. Even, like, mini Barbours from when they are really teeny tiny. And’ she was warming to the subject, ‘the girls could have cute ponies and join in with the jumping that everyone does here. They just look so good in white pants and those black jackets, don’t they? Have you seen Jordan when she does that dressage stuff like Dom does? She looks cool, and so glam too with her hair up and that red lipstick. Somebody told me she had to have her boobs reduced so she could ride properly. That can’t possibly be true, can it?’ She paused, obviously considering that dressage might not be the ideal pursuit for her as-yet unconceived offspring. ‘I mean, I can see that it might make it more difficult to jump, but that stuff is just on a flat bit, isn’t it?’
‘I haven’t the foggiest, although you don’t see many big-boobed riders do you? Not professional ones anyway. There’s lots on the hunting field.’ Pip paused, aware she was being drawn into the ridiculous conversation.
‘Maybe she was scared they’d pop if she fell off?’ Sam gave a hearty laugh and opened her big blue eyes wide in mock horror.
In her brief time with Lottie and the Tippermere crew, Pip had seen a fair few falls – some of them quite spectacular (and most of them arse over tit, as Billy liked to point out), but she could never remember seeing any breast implants explode. Never. It would have made a lasting memory and the easiest piece of journalism she’d ever done in her life. ‘I thought they were supposed to be robust. Anyway it’s probably better to fall on your boobs than your nose. Although I suppose you could get a nose job.’ The sarcasm was lost on Sam.
‘You can get anything fixed now, babe. I know some really good people. Them days of black eyes and having to hide away for weeks have gone. Davey said that Jose’s fiancée had her boobs done for the World Cup and was on the beach by the time they’d played their first match.’
‘I thought she was just his girlfriend.’ Pip was faintly miffed that not only had she somehow missed out on the news that the England football manager had got engaged without her knowledge, but that she still hadn’t managed to get an interview with him. When Sam and her footballing husband, David, had moved into Kitterly Heath she’d had plans to grab some headlines of her own, but somehow her eye had drifted off the ball once she’d moved in with Mick. And she hadn’t realised quite how much until now.
‘Oh she went all out for the World Cup and he was so pissed after they won it that he proposed. She would have been gutted if he hadn’t after having her nails and her tits done specially.’
It was at that point, when she really felt that the conversation was getting out of control and taking on a life of its own, that there was a loud rap on the door, followed by an unnecessarily long ring on the buzzer. ‘Here, pour us another glass while I see who that is.’ Hopefully sanity would have returned by the time she did.
***
‘Now aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. Thought I was never going to find this place. Going to invite me in?’
Pip stared at the hunk standing on her doorstep and her heart plummeted straight to her boots. Todd. As far as she was concerned, the only solution to the Todd problem was to put him on a plane, not look after him. And now he was on her doorstep. With, she noticed in alarm, a rucksack. A big rucksack.
In Barcelona she’d never really got to know him that well, but she did know that he was a complete heel for dumping Lottie like he had. And if he’d come back and said sorry, like Lottie had said, then that was fine. But that was it.
‘I’m hallucinating.’ She was pretty sure that when Lottie had made the suggestion that she babysit Todd, she had not said yes. She had not even said maybe. Either time. She had definitely said no and changed the subject. ‘You’re not here and this is not happening. I thought you’d be on a plane by now.’ Pip clamped her mouth and the door shut simultaneously. Except that an oversized boot got there first. ‘You’ve done that before, I bet. Used to having doors slammed in your face, are you? Now move your bloody foot out of my doorway.’ She pushed harder, but he didn’t budge. Just grinned. ‘Just like you’ve done other things before.’ She didn’t add the ‘like get married before you get divorced’ bit, because she didn’t need to.
‘Ah come on, be a sport, give us a chance. I didn’t have you down as a tight arse. Thought you’d be pleased to see me again.’
‘Piss off, Todd. I don’t want to see you again, and neither does Lottie. She’s just too nice to tell you where to go.’ And they really didn’t need him right now, she could have added, when Lottie was settled with Rory and a line had been drawn under what had always had the potential to be a disastrous relationship. And Lottie had far more important and serious things to think about. Like raise mega amounts of money. ‘You’ve seen her and apologised.’ He grinned. ‘So you can go back Down-Under now before you cause any more problems.’
‘How do you know I haven’t changed?’
‘How do I know a dog’s got bollocks?’
He looked confused for a second. ‘Take a look under its tail?’
‘Exactly! And with you I don’t even need to look. Still got yours?’
‘You betcha, babe.’
‘Well, we don’t want to see them here. And leave Tab alone, she’s a kid.’
‘You’re not still sore about the whole getting-arrested-on-the-beach thing are you?’
‘Yes.’ She tried kicking her side of the door, in the hope it would hurt. But he didn’t even have the manners to flinch. ‘You just have no idea the state you left Lottie in, have you?’
‘You mean it really didn’t go down at all well?’
‘That’s one way of putting it.’
‘She seemed okay about seeing me, all things considered. We had quite a chat and she was cool.’
‘Are you stupid? It went down like a lead balloon. She’s just being polite. Though God knows why.’ Maybe if she put her shoulder to it, it would help, she thought, still wrestling with the door.
‘Come on, mate, it’s not like I murdered anyone, now, is it? Be reasonable. I’m pretty damned sure Lottie is totally cool about it now. You saw for yourself at her old man’s wedding.’
‘Well, I’m not cool about it, totally or otherwise.’ I could be the one doing the murdering right now, thought Pip, wondering how the hell Lottie had ever fallen for the blond beach bum who was currently loitering on her Cheshire doorstep. Well, apart from the obvious, like the baby blue eyes, wicked grin and muscles. But he was a complication too far. Yesterday had been entertaining, today he was outstaying his welcome.
‘Anyway, weren’t you deported or put in prison, or something?’
‘Out early, for good behaviour.’ He saw the frown deepen. ‘Kidding, honest! I got off. No charges.’
‘How can you get off? You got married but forgot you were supposed to be single first.’
‘Didn’t Lottie tell you? Like I explained everything to her, the marriage was never, like, legal or whatever, no paperwork. So I did only get married once. Good eh?’
‘Brilliant. Only you could call a wedding that wasn’t legalised a stroke of luck. So was that the first one or the second? Or are there more we haven’t heard about yet?’
‘Oh the second, babe. Don’t think the first wanted to divorce me really, which you can understand, can’t you?’ He winked. ‘That’s why she didn’t make it absolute. But it’s done now, just been to the courts to sort it.’ He didn’t look remotely bothered. ‘That’s one of the reasons I came over to the UK.’
‘And you honestly think I want to talk to you? Even if Lottie is daft enough to forgive you, I’m not. You hurt her, Todd, don’t you get that? She’s my friend and if you think you’re getting another chance, dream on.’ He’d already found Lottie, gate-crashed the wedding and made himself a local celebrity. Wasn’t that enough for anybody? Tippermere was a small place. If anybody saw him here then she’d be the talk of the village as well. Murder was sounding more inviting by the second.
‘Me and Lots were only fooling, nothing serious.’ Which was the conclusion Pip had come to in the end, once Lottie had stopped crying, but she wasn’t about to admit that to Todd. ‘I reckon she was pleased to see me again.’
‘It doesn’t matter what you were doing – you were fucking married and you just abandoned her.’
‘Well, to be fair, I didn’t have much choice about leaving her.’
‘You could have sent a message, anything.’
‘Ah, stop nit-picking.’ He shrugged. ‘Come for a drink if you’re not going to ask me in. I need to talk to you.’
‘To me?’ Pip sighed inwardly. ‘Lottie didn’t tell you to come here, did she?’
He looked confused. ‘Lottie? Why would Lots send me over?’
Pip was actually feeling nosy and increasingly guilty that she hadn’t offered to help Lottie out. And she was feeling a bit miffed, as she’d been abandoned by Mick once again as he’d put a horse higher up in his list of priorities than her, which was why Sam had popped in. Except she hadn’t bargained on the baby and cosmetic surgery talk.
Lottie had tried to warn her about the whole men-and-horses thing when it had started to look serious with Mick. Told her she’d need to understand, but she still wasn’t convinced she wanted to. She’d bought into a relationship with Mick, not a stable full of horses. Yes, she wanted some independence and wanted them to do stuff on their own, but she loved him. And she wanted him to ditch the horses at weekends so they could do something different for a change. Together.
She was beginning to understand why Lottie had fled abroad, and into Todd’s bed. It did have a certain appeal.
Her last image of Todd, prior to his unexpected arrival in Tippermere, was in Barcelona jogging across the beach with his surf board. She’d left him and Lottie to soak up the rays while she’d gone off exploring the stylish bars and boutiques in the nearby El Born district. And, much later, after a good shopping trip and a couple of glasses of wine, she’d been shocked to find Lottie in tears. It had taken quite a while to make sense of her friend’s hysterical outpourings, but from what Pip could gather he was being escorted to the airport and onto a plane bound for Australia. And now he was here. The other side of the world. And nobody was quite sure why. If she let him in she might find out.
‘I suppose you can come in, but don’t put your rucksack down.’
He grinned. ‘Fair dinkums.’
‘Don’t dinkums me, you dingo.’ And with that she was engulfed in the type of man hug that amounted to borderline asphyxiation.
When Todd had arrived in Cheshire his plan had been quite simple. Find Lottie, apologise for the fiasco on the beach, and ask if she could put him up for a while so he could sort out some family business. But things had gone wrong from the start. The whole wedding thing had knocked him off his stride. He’d got completely the wrong end of the stick when Tab had gone on about ancient men and ‘Lottie’s wedding’ and had decided on impulse that as he owed Lottie one, and he did really want her to be happy, he had to get in his ‘don’t’ bit before she got in her ‘I do’.
All things considered, things has worked out quite well in the end, though. But he couldn’t ask her for a bed for the night. She and Rory, who had cropped up in more than one conversation in Barcelona, were obviously a serious item and he had a fair idea (thick- skinned though he knew he could be) that he’d outstayed his welcome.
He grinned. This solution could be perfect, though, once he won Pip round. Even if, with Tabatha’s directions, he’d spent the best part of an hour getting lost down the lanes before finally realising that the cottage he’d driven past three times was in fact the right place. England might be cute and quaint, he decided, but it was a hell of a lot easier finding a shack in the middle of the bush than locating someone in this village.
And one step further into the cottage convinced him it had been more than worth it. Perched on a bar stool, large glass of white wine in hand was the most glamorous woman he’d seen since landing at Manchester airport.
‘This is Todd.’ Sam and Todd exchanged admiring glances, which was worrying, given his track record, though at least it might stop the ‘lifting and tucking’ and nappies conversation for a bit.
Sam beamed. ‘Wow, I’ve heard all about you. Did Tab really let you ride that horse of hers?’
‘Well I guess to be fair, I didn’t really ask.’ He moved in closer and winked. ‘I was on it before she had a chance to say no.’
‘You were with Lottie in Barcelona weren’t you? That is just so romantic, just spending time chilling and not worrying about anything. When we go away it’s always to these places with your own chef and hairdresser and stuff. It must be cool not having any of that. When I was a kid we went camping, but my mum didn’t like the mud, and then when me and Dave first went out we went to Cornwall with these big caravans, you know before he got the contract, so I suppose it was a bit like that?’ She topped up the wine glasses. ‘The only time I’ve been to Barcelona is when Dave was playing and they arranged for this coach to take us to all the sights while the boys were training, then to this really posh tapas bar with these amazing cocktails where the stuff was like in smoke and froth, but it’s not the same as just sitting on the beach is it?’
Pip, seeing the look on Todd’s face sensed interesting times ahead. ‘Sam is married to David Simcock, the goal keeper.’ He didn’t look put off. ‘The England goalkeeper.’ Not that Sam would ever be interested in a beach bum with a penchant for bigamy. ‘Todd is a surfer, who’s married to lots of people.’
They ignored her, Todd plonking himself on the bar stool next to Sam and ditching the rucksack, which sat like an unwelcome guest in the corner.
‘Cool. So you go all over the world with him, then?’
‘A bit, but I like it here. I didn’t at first, did I Pip? Cos I didn’t know anybody, but Pip has been lovely and we got a dog.’
‘And she’s thinking of getting a baby next. Well, lots of them.’
‘Getting? Like Brangelina? All different colours? Good on you.’
Pip sat back and decided to watch this one out.
‘No, silly.’ Sam giggled, glad that somebody was actually interested. ‘I want to have them myself. Davey loves kids. So where are you staying then, with Pip?’
‘No, he’s not.’ She tried to avoid looking at the scruffy rucksack.
‘Well actually,’ Todd shifted in his seat and grinned, ‘I am. Rory introduced me to your man Mick this morning. He said you wouldn’t mind if I crashed here for a bit seeing as you’ve got a spare room. Seems like a good bloke.’
Pip would have dropped her drink, if it hadn’t been wine, which meant she instinctively held on. Clutching the stem in a death grip. ‘Mick said?’ So it hadn’t been Lottie, it was worse. Mick had sent him here. She took a deep breathe. Mick, why would he do that? And Mick had said there was a spare room? Was it worse than not loving her? Was he so bored he was thinking of a threesome? No, that was totally out of character, and anyhow men always went for the two-girl sandwich, didn’t they?
Or maybe Lottie had asked Mick. Yeah, that would make more sense. Except she wouldn’t do that, would she? That would be sneaky and not like Lottie at all, however desperate she was.
Letting Mick move in a while ago, so he didn’t have to use the groom’s flat at Rory’s, had seemed like a good idea. Now, all of a sudden, it didn’t. It was confusing. ‘He what?’ She needed this spelling out, just in case she’d misheard.
‘Ahh, isn’t that lovely?’ Sam obviously liked the idea, even if she didn’t. ‘It means I can get to know you. I’m here all the time, aren’t I, Pip?’
‘Mick said what, exactly?’
‘I could crash here. That’s not a problem, is it?’
Inspiration struck. ‘You can use the groom’s flat, Mick’s old place.’ Making sure Todd didn’t get under Lottie’s feet was one thing, having him under her roof was altogether different. She’d act as childminder in the day, not the night.
‘Afraid not.’
‘What do you mean, afraid not?’
‘Tab’s moving in,’ Todd grinned, ‘after all she is the groom and she’s getting fed up of being with her dad. She’s ready to fly the nest. I mean, a girl that age doesn’t want to live with her old man, does she? Watching her every move, if you know what I mean.’ He winked at Sam, who giggled.
Pip glared and tried to think of something to say, but she’d been wrong-footed. In an hour or so on the yard he’d found out all kinds of things that even she didn’t know.
‘And all that horse stuff isn’t really me, you know, more of a water type myself.’
‘Are you a Pisces, babe? Two little fishies.’ Sam snuggled in.
‘More a Taurus, me.’
‘Yeah full of bull, I’d say. Look, you can’t get away from horses here, Todd. You’ll hate it.’ Pip sighed, at least if he hung around for a bit she’d have a kindred spirit in the house, and she had to admit he wasn’t that bad. As daft and irresponsible as Lottie, maybe, and he probably hadn’t given being arrested another thought. Couldn’t comprehend the resulting meltdown for Lottie – which Pip suspected had come more from confusion than a real pain of losing Todd. Losing Todd had meant Lottie had just lost her alternative, had to face up to the truth of what she really wanted. Tippermere.
And she would be helping ease Lottie’s burden. Lottie, who had found her a job when she’d moved here, introduced her to everybody, was as generous and undemanding as a friend could be. Payback time.
‘Oh, you can escape the horses if you come over to our place at Kitterly Heath, Todd, we don’t have any, just dogs.’ Sam was practically clapping her hands with glee. ‘Are you going to be around for a bit, then? I can plan stuff, introduce you to some people if you like. You’ll love the girls.’
Todd grinned. ‘Yeah, that would be ace. Might even see if I can find a job round here for a bit. Must be some apple-picking or something I can do, eh?’
‘But why?’ Okay she sounded pathetic. ‘You’ll be bored. I mean a week or two is more than enough for most people. And it’s the wrong time of year for apples.’
He shrugged. ‘Bartender? I’m sure I can find something to fill the time in. You did, didn’t you?’ His blue eyed widened and Pip knew she was being made fun of.
‘That’s different.’
‘Hey, you never know, I might find some long-lost rellies in the UK.’
‘Rellies?’
