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“I’ve had a little practice.”
“That’s nice to see.” She closed the back door and opened the front. “I feel like I owe you.”
He glanced toward the sun setting over the ocean in the distance. “You can buy me dinner next time.”
Meredith’s heart felt as though it dipped in her chest. Was he suggesting a date?
He looked directly at her. “Do you have a problem being with me and the boys in public?”
Heat flashed through her chest and up to her cheeks. “Did you— You didn’t think that I was embarrassed to be sitting with you in there.” She pointed over her shoulder. “Did you?”
He raised his eyebrows and set his lips thoughtfully before speaking. “I wasn’t sure. You said you were embarrassed.”
Meredith glanced at the boys still selecting rocks. “Like you said, I’m extra sensitive right now.” She wanted to mention the woman in the rest room, but didn’t know how to put it that wouldn’t sound self-pitying or be insulting to him. “I’m embarrassed to be singled out. I’m angry that Anna’s skin color has to be an issue at all.”
She looked up at him, silently pleading for understanding. “I wasn’t embarrassed to be with you or your sons, Justin. Please don’t think that.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
His simple word hung between them, amiable closure to a touchy subject. Its very simplicity and his acceptance of her feelings lightened her spirits and made her smile.
A breeze caught her hair and his attention focused on it for a moment, then found her eyes.
“We’ll see each other again,” she said, finding the words bold, but not wanting to miss the chance.
“Actually,” he said, “I’d like for you to meet Mauli.”
She thought about it and didn’t see any reason to say no. She gave a little shrug. “All right.”
“Do you have plans for tomorrow?”
“Yes, I have an important meeting with the beach. Is there rain in the forecast?”
“This is February on the coast. There’s always rain in the forecast.”
“I was afraid of that.”
“If it’s warm and clear, we’ll meet on the beach. Say around one?”
She nodded. “One it is.”
He turned and called to his boys. “Come on, fellas, let’s go. Tell Miss Meredith good-night.”
Jonah waved, but Lamond ran over to where she stood at the open car door and looked up at her. He was as endearingly straightforward and open as his father. “I think you and Anna are real nice. And pretty, too. Bye, Miss Meredith.”
“Bye, sweetie.” She instinctively reached out to touch his face and found his cheek as smooth and warm as Anna’s.
“Step back from the car,” Justin called and Lamond obeyed.
Meredith got in.
“See ya later, alligator!” Lamond called with an energetic wave.
She returned the wave and called, “After a while, crocodile!”
He broke into giggles and ran to join his father and older brother.
Meredith closed the door and started her car, a good, warm feeling replacing her earlier chagrin. She would see the Webers again tomorrow…if it didn’t rain. Glancing at the sky, she turned on the radio to find a weather report.
At 6:00 a.m. when Anna woke to nurse, it was raining. Meredith settled in the comfortable chair near the bay window that overlooked a portion of the beach and watched the gray drizzle coming down. She wasn’t here to socialize, anyway, she told herself with glum resign. She’d accepted the Children’s Connection’s offer in order to escape her mother’s constant harassment and have some time alone with Anna to think.
Adoption, as her mother had insisted from day one, had never been an option. She’d wanted this baby. She’d gone to extreme measures to have her, and Anna was the fulfillment of her dreams. Just because she wasn’t the particular baby Meredith had imagined didn’t mean she didn’t love her and want her.
Her fears were about her own inadequacies. She hadn’t been prepared to raise a child of mixed race. Right now Anna’s needs were simple and Meredith had the capabilities to meet them: breast milk, clean clothing, hundreds of diapers and a lot of love. But later—maybe only three or four years from now—her daughter would begin to recognize the differences in their appearance. She would notice the stares and hear the comments and need skills to cope. And how would Meredith know how to instill those tools, give her child the confidence and sense of identity she would need?
Whenever Meredith gave in to those thoughts, she sank into a pit of self-doubt and insecurity.
During Anna’s wakeful time, she bathed her, sang her nursery songs and admired her toothless new smile.
Her main dilemma was the question of responsibility. No, she did not want to sue the clinic. But neither did she want a terrible mistake to be made again—perhaps to someone who couldn’t accept their unexpected child.
She could probably discover who the sperm donor was, but in her heart she didn’t want to know. It couldn’t possibly matter. The one thing she knew with confidence was that she had to be certain her own eggs were used in the in vitro process. In her heart Anna was her own child and always would be. She’d carried her inside her body, underneath her heart, and had gone through the birth process. Anna was her baby. But was she truly her biological child? If one mistake was made, why not another?
Time and again she stared at her child, trying to find similarities in appearance, wanting more than anything to see physical traits. But Anna was a baby. A dark-skinned baby. And it was difficult to tell.
While Anna slept, Meredith checked her voice mail and deleted all the messages from Veronica without listening to them. Then she called her counselor at Children’s Connection.
“I need assurance that my own eggs were fertilized and implanted. I don’t care about the donor. I don’t want to know and I don’t want anyone else to ever be able to find out.”
“I understand perfectly,” the woman said. “I’ll check all the paper trails and I’ll call you when I have an answer.”
Already feeling less burdened, Meredith hung up and gave herself a manicure and pedicure, using a bright shade of red nail polish she’d received in a basket of personal items as a gift from her friend Chaney.
Thinking of the bubbly redhead, Meredith glanced at the clock and called her friend’s cell phone, hoping Chaney had it turned on where she worked at a medical billing company in Portland.
Chaney answered the phone. “Hey, it’s about time you called.”
“I’ve been settling in.”
“How’s the Lighthouse Inn?”
“It’s marvelous. I have a huge suite with a bay window and a balcony that’s only a few hundred feet from the beach. There’s a whirlpool tub and a little kitchen.”
“Been in the whirlpool yet?”
“Not yet. It’s an executive suite decked out so well that a person could live here.”
“I figured it would be pretty classy. They’re trying to buy you off.”
“You’re probably right. But I couldn’t pass up the chance to escape for a while.”
“She’s called me twice a day demanding I tell her where you are.”
Meredith knew Chaney referred to her mother. “Don’t cave, Chaney.”
“Never. She needs to give you some breathing room. How’s my favorite girl?”
“Anna’s perfectly content. She doesn’t care where we are. She eats and sleeps oblivious to anything but her tummy and her bottom. I think she’s becoming partial to my singing, however.”
“Nah, she still likes my rendition of ‘Lonely Days, Lonely Nights’ the best. I got her first smile with that one.”
“You did not.”
“Did so. You’ll have to stay up nights practicing to outdo my performances.”
Meredith laughed. “Okay, okay, you’re probably a micrometer better at entertaining in that department. But I can feed her. Thank God.”
“Low blow, girlfriend.”
They laughed, and Meredith said, “I needed this. You keep me centered and laughing at myself.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes you have to laugh.”
Meredith glanced at the windows, then at the clock. It was nearly one. “The sun is shining! I’d better let you go back to work.”
“Call me tomorrow.”
“I will. Bye.”
Four
Justin and his boys were waiting on the beach, the sand darkened from the morning’s rain. With them was a young woman in her early twenties, with dark hair and tanned-looking skin. The closer Meredith got, the more she noticed about the girl. She doubted that was a tan; her skin was a little darker than Anna’s, but her hair was straight and her eyes blue. She was quite obviously of mixed race.
She smiled and peered into the sling to see the napping baby.
“Meredith, this is Mauli,” Justin said. “Mauli, this is the lady and the baby we told you about.”
“The boys couldn’t stop talking about your Anna,” Mauli said. “They said she was the cutest thing ever, and I have to agree.”
“Thanks. I’m partial, but I agree, too.”
“It’s really too wet to spend time on the beach this afternoon,” Justin said, disappointing Meredith.
She nodded in agreement, however.
“I thought we’d find something else to do,” he suggested. “Spend some time seeing the sights. Will you join us?”
Warm relief swept over her at his suggestion. She shouldn’t be reliant on others for a good time, but she’d eagerly been looking forward to today. Justin and the kids were so accepting and friendly. They didn’t know about her dilemma or have opinions about what she needed to do. She could relax and enjoy herself around them. “I’d love it.”
“Great. We’ll take my vehicle.”
“Are we going to see the whales and dolphins, Dad?” Lamond tugged on his father’s hand.
“No, that’s tomorrow, remember?”
Justin led them to a Lexus SUV with a cherry sheen so deep it was almost black. “Give me your keys and I’ll get Anna’s car seat. Do you have a stroller in your trunk?”
Meredith dug her keys from her bag. He returned quickly and fastened Anna’s carrier in the rear seat, facing backward. If this man was as efficient in court as he was with babies, he was a force to be reckoned with.
They all piled in and buckled up. Meredith chatted with Mauli while Justin drove south on the highway. Mauli had been frequenting the gift shops in the little beach town and described the delightful presents she was storing away for Christmas and birthdays.
When Justin parked, it was at a wharf area, and they got out. Their first stop was the public rest room in a charming cluster of shops built to look as though they’d been there a hundred years. While Meredith changed Anna, Justin unfolded the stroller he’d stored in the back of his vehicle. Lamond asked to push it, but Justin told him that was Meredith’s job.
Funnel cakes caught Lamond’s attention next, so Justin bought enough to go around.
“You’re a bad influence,” she said as the boys ran ahead and Mauli hurried after them. “I don’t usually eat this stuff.”
Justin leaned toward her and brushed powdered sugar from her chin. Her heart skittered at the touch and at his attention. Her reaction surprised her.
“Yeah, I’m bad to the bone,” he replied. “Watch yourself. I might suggest ice cream later.”
She laughed and felt Justin’s warm gaze.
“That’s a nice sound,” he said.
Warmth bloomed in her cheeks and she glanced aside.
Justin shifted his attention ahead. “Turn up here, fellas.”
After they’d turned right, a fantasyland of metal sculptures came into view, some intricate, some sturdier, all of them turning and spinning in the wind. Meredith’s attention was riveted. “Oh, my!”
“Isn’t it great? I kicked myself for not getting one of these last year. This time I’m buying something for myself and having one shipped to my mom, as well.”
Jonah and Lamond wound through the display of art. “Dad, I like this one!” the younger boy called.
Justin went to study the sculptures with his sons.
“Come on,” Mauli said to Meredith. “The guy who designs them works inside this building. If we’re lucky, he’ll be making something.”
Sure enough a tall young man in a cap was seated at a bench pounding metal into hollow shapes the size of half baseballs. He looked up. “Hi, ladies.”
They watched as he shaped half a dozen of the cups, all the while talking about his craft. He then fastened the cups to a frame that looked like a small windmill. It already had a dozen or more of the wind catchers attached. Finally he placed the whole piece before a huge fan. When he turned it on, the gadget came to life, smoothly rotating in the breeze.
Justin and the boys had entered the shop, and the boys made appreciative exclamations.
“I like that one, Dad!” Lamond said.
“You like all of them,” Justin replied with a laugh.
