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“What?”
“I need to know what the actual cost is, and then we can talk.”
He stared at her as if she had two heads. “Really?”
“Yes.”
He grinned again. “Should have known you couldn’t say no to a baby.”
Baby.
One small word that tapped into her bottomless well of longing. She loved kids, all kids. The money this organization raised would go a long way to helping the sick ones get better, which was why she’d applied for this job. She’d taken it because more than anything she wanted a child of her own. This time around she and Nick were friends, and she knew how to ask for what she wanted.
Absently he picked up the nameplate from her desk and looked at it and then her. “Ryleigh Evans. I didn’t know you’d gone back to your maiden name.”
“It wasn’t information that I felt was text message worthy. Are you surprised?”
“Only that you haven’t found a guy. Married. Started a family.”
“It’s not that easy.” Not one man she’d dated had measured up to Nick. And he’d just given her the opening she was waiting for. “But you’re right. I very much want to have a child.”
“That was something we probably should have discussed before we got married.”
By the time she’d brought up the subject, the marriage was already in trouble. Their relationship counselors agreed that bringing a baby into the mix would only accelerate the downward spiral.
“Yeah,” she said. “But everything with us happened so fast.”
She’d been so swept away by the dashing Dr. Damian. Nothing and no one could have convinced her that a man who fought so hard for a child’s life wouldn’t want children of his own. Then she’d brought up the subject.
She couldn’t call that discussion an argument. Nick never argued. He was either called away for a patient or simply left. The last time he’d put her off, she did the leaving.
“It was my fault, Ryleigh. I just—It wasn’t—” He shook his head in frustration—a doer, not a talker. “You’ll find someone and get married, have children.”
“One doesn’t actually have to be married to have a baby. In all this time, I haven’t met anyone who made me want to take the plunge again.”
“It’ll happen.”
“What if it takes years and my eggs turn into raisins? Advancing age and fertility are not compatible.” She folded her hands and rested them on the desk. “My parents tried for years to have a baby and it didn’t happen.”
“Technically, that’s not accurate because you’re here.”
“Yeah. But by the time they did, Mom was in her forties. She called me her miracle child.” Dark memories came flooding back, losing first her father and a couple years later her mom. “Some miracle.”
“It really was. Do you know the odds of a woman conceiving in her forties—”
“Please don’t quote statistics. They were my parents and they died before I was out of high school. There was so little time with them, I used to wonder why they’d bothered. Now I understand the passion my mom felt, the yearning to have a baby because I feel it, too. But I also want to be young while my child is. More important, I want to actually be there while my child grows up.”
“Don’t sweat it. You’re young—”
“Not that young.” She stared at him. “I’m twenty-eight and a half. My biological clock is ticking and the prospects for marriage aren’t looking good.”
“Give it time,” he said.
“I did that. And I’m finished holding my breath, Nick.” The bar had been set really high and that was his fault. “I’m through with waiting.”
“Do you have another choice?”
“As a matter of fact, I do. I can be a single mom.”
“It’s a big decision,” he said.
“One I haven’t come to lightly. I’m well aware of the difficulties. But I simply can’t imagine my life without a child in it. I want to feel a baby grow and move inside me. More than anything, I want to hold my baby and raise him or her.”
“But, Ryleigh, doing it alone—”
She held up a hand to stop him. “You’re not going to talk me out of this.”
“Someone has to make you see reason.”
“Logic doesn’t stand a chance against this longing to be a mother. Let me put it to you this way.” She’d thought long and hard about what to say to him. “The need I have for a baby is as powerful as yours is for sex. Could you be talked out of it?”
“Point made.” There was an uneasy expression on his face, a crack in the facade. “But how are you going to make it happen? In vitro? Potluck from a sperm bank?”
“I’d prefer not to do that.” She met his gaze. “The hormone shots. The higher risk of it not being successful. Expense. Not to mention that the old-fashioned way is the first, best, most effective method.”
“Then what?”
“Here’s the thing, Nick. When we got married I was young and idealistic. All I needed to be happy was you, spending time with you. I’m older now and understand that you’re a doctor and the kids need you. You’re a gifted physician. You’re also a good man, the best man I know. You have wonderful qualities and I’ve never met anyone more brilliant or dedicated. And it has to be said that you’re not hard on the eyes.”
“I hear a but.”
“Only that I understand you couldn’t give me what I needed. Not then, anyway.”
“Here’s the but,” he said.
She nodded. “You can give me what I want now. And I want a baby.”
When what she was asking for finally sank in, he looked like he’d swallowed his stethoscope. “That’s a joke, right?”
“I’ve never been more serious.”
“That’s crazy.” Nick stood and started to pace. “Do you realize what you’re asking? A child would tie us together forever.”
“It wouldn’t have to.”
He stopped and stared at her. “You expect me to father a child, then disappear?”
“We got married and you did that,” she pointed out. “Not blaming you. Just saying… Look, I’m sorry to spring this on you, but there was really no good way to bring it up. And frankly, I’m glad it’s out there. Take some time to think it over—”
“Done,” he snapped. “And the answer is no.”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah. You can’t be serious. And when you come to your senses, we’ll laugh about this.”
Disappointment shuddered through her as hopes and dreams went on life support. “You know, when we were married, I actually thought about going off birth control. An ‘accidental’ pregnancy. An oops-the-condom-must-have-broken conversation.”
“Why didn’t you?” Surprise slid into his eyes as he stared down at her.
“It just wasn’t right. I couldn’t do it. Maybe this idea is insane, but at least it’s straightforward and honest.”
“I’m sorry, Ryleigh. I just can’t go along with it.”
“I had to ask.” She worked hard at keeping the profound and emotional regret out of her voice. “I had a feeling you’d say no. So now it’s on to plan B.”
His gaze narrowed. “What’s that?”
“I go to the second name on my list.”
“That’s not funny.”
Bluffs never were. There was no list. This was about keeping her spunk factor in one piece. “I’ve never been more serious in my life.”
Nick stood at the third-floor nurse’s station in the PICU—Pediatric Intensive Care Unit—and finished charting. The job could be done sitting down, but he might fall asleep. After Ryleigh dropped the baby bombshell on him yesterday, getting to sleep last night had been a challenge he couldn’t overcome. He was grateful for the emergency call that had kept him too busy to think. Fortunately the asthmatic kid was doing fine now. Him? Not so much.
He put the chart back, then walked down the hall and turned right toward the elevators. The familiar sound of Ryleigh’s laughter drifted to him. At first he thought it was a hallucination due to sleep deprivation, until he saw her standing in front of the newborn nursery. There was a man with her. Carlton Gallagher. The doctor Nick was currently evaluating as a partner in his medical practice. The guy was smiling down at her. Was he the next name on her list?
The primal anger that blasted through Nick was shocking in its intensity.
Ryleigh had told him that she was completely serious about getting pregnant. It hadn’t taken her long to move forward with plan B.
Nick’s long stride quickly chewed up the length of the hall until he stopped beside them. “What’s going on?”
He’d meant the question to be casual, but his tone had fallen far short of friendly to just this side of a hostile growl.
Ryleigh’s puzzled expression was proof of that. “Hello, Nick. Dr. Gallagher just introduced himself. I’m glad you finally found someone to share the patient load in your practice.”
“It’s not a done deal,” he said. “We’re testing the water to see how we work together.”
Carlton’s gaze was challenging as he slid his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “A probationary period seemed wise, before we go to the trouble and expense of lawyers and contracts.”
Nick had only evaluated this guy in a professional way. Gallagher had gone to one of the finest medical schools and graduated at the top of his class. He’d trained in Dallas at one of the best children’s hospitals in the country and came highly recommended. After a couple months here at Mercy Medical he was getting high marks from the staff, too. Who were primarily of the female persuasion, so the poll results could be skewed.
The other doctor was about Nick’s height, a little over six feet tall. His dark hair had some gray at the temples which probably made him look distinguished as opposed to old. Yeah, double standard. His eyes were brown. He was tan. And women would most likely think he wasn’t bad looking. But was he brilliant? A good man? Not the best, because Ryleigh had first asked him, Nick, to father her baby. And the primal anger pushed through him again when his gaze dropped to Gallagher’s naked left ring finger. His reaction must have showed because the other doctor tensed.
“It’s getting late,” he said. “I have to go.”
Not exactly gosh look at the time, but close, and Nick felt a sense of satisfaction.
Ryleigh smiled up at him. “It was nice to meet you, Dr. Gallagher. And about the upcoming fundraiser, can I count on you to buy a table for the Children’s Medical Charities Fundraiser Gala?”
“That’s a question for the boss. Later, Nick.” The other man met his gaze, frowned, then walked away.
Nick’s work there was done and he started to say goodbye. Then he saw Ryleigh looking at the babies in isolettes in the newborn nursery on the other side of the glass. There were only a couple of infants since the majority of new mothers kept their babies in the room with them. Ryleigh would be one of those, judging by the tender yearning so plain on her face.
“So, are you settling in okay?” It was a lame question, but he didn’t know what else to say. The favor she’d asked was like the elephant in the room, and he wanted out of there in the worst way. But he couldn’t leave her looking like that. “Ryleigh?”
“You were kind of rude to Dr. Gallagher.” She glanced over her shoulder at him. “Did you think I was hitting on your partner?”
“He’s not my partner yet, and that wasn’t rude. You know better than anyone that I have a limited capacity for people skills and it’s reserved for the kids in peds.”
“I thought about asking him to father my baby.” There was teasing in her brown eyes when she turned and looked up at him. “But I decided that was a conversation better suited to a second meeting.”
“Good idea.” Not.
“Actually Spencer Stone crossed my mind,” she said thoughtfully.
“My best friend?” A really bad idea just got worse.
“He’s charming. Nice looking. A doctor, so he’s smart.” She was looking at the babies again. “Definitely on the list.”
Nick hadn’t believed she was serious about that. Now he wondered. “He’s also shallow. Self-centered. And arrogant.”
“I can live with that.”
“Even though he breaks hearts on a regular basis?”
“He’s a cardiologist,” she protested.
“So?”
“I’m not looking for deep feelings. It’s just sex with no strings attached. If Spencer is as shallow as you say, he’s perfect. Walking away won’t be a problem. And don’t be using the double standard on me. Guys do it all the time.”
Nick turned his back on the nursery window. If she were a guy, he wouldn’t be tied in knots right now. Thoughts of her—specifically, thoughts of her naked—had kept him awake last night. Maintaining their friendship after the divorce had been an extraordinarily pleasant surprise. He liked talking to her, keeping in touch without having to see her and not be able to touch. It was comfortable and he didn’t want to lose that. So he’d forced himself to think about her platonically.
Then she had to go and ask him to be the father of her baby and he couldn’t stop thinking about every last inch of her body, from the sexy column of her neck to the rogue freckle on the back of her knee. Did he want to sleep with her? Hell, yes. But a baby?
He’d screwed up their marriage, and the best thing he’d been able to say was that no kids were involved. It was his fault they hadn’t worked. From the outside he looked like a workaholic, but the truth was he had never been “all in” with his feelings. The way his father had fallen apart after his mother walked out was like watching the Rock of Gibraltar crumble into dust. Nick would never let himself lose control like that.
But that line in the sand meant he couldn’t meet Ryleigh’s needs and their marriage had been a casualty. As he recognized the longing in her eyes while looking at the babies, the guilt and responsibility of marrying when he knew he’d never be able to give her enough, weighed heavily on him. He’d really hurt her.
“I don’t expect you to understand, Nick.” Her voice wobbled. “I may never have a baby, but I have to stop the hurt inside whenever I see one. The only way to do that is to try. I don’t want to make the same mistake I did with our marriage.”
“You didn’t do anything,” he said.
“You’re wrong. I didn’t try as hard as I could have.” She looked up at him, tears swimming in her eyes. “Don’t be alarmed, but I think I’m going to cry. So I’ll just be going now.”
Something cracked and crumbled inside him as he reluctantly reached out and pulled her into his arms. No matter how hard he tried, he hadn’t been able to dismiss what she’d said about a man’s need for sex rivaling a woman’s yearning for a baby. It convinced him as nothing else could have that she was determined to move this plan forward, with or without him.
