Risky Christmas: Holiday Secrets / Kidnapped at Christmas

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“Where were they?”

“At the drinking fountain,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I felt this overpowering terror. I didn’t know what to do, or where to start searching for them. And I didn’t handle it well.”

Brian’s shoulders relaxed slightly. No one had hurt her or her children. “How did you handle it?”

“I ran around the store, screaming like a crazy woman.”

He smiled at the obvious exaggeration.

“It’s not funny,” she said.

“No,” he agreed, schooling his expression.

“I made a scene.”

He studied her with interest, wondering why she disliked drawing attention to herself. She dressed to blend in and seemed uncomfortable with scrutiny. “Most mothers would react the same way.”

She nibbled on her lower lip, appearing uncertain.

“My mom wouldn’t, of course. But she made plenty of scenes. She collapsed in the grocery store once, if I remember correctly.”

The blood drained from her cheeks. “Why?”

“Drugs, I suppose. I was only seven or eight, so the details are fuzzy. I remember watching her ride away in an ambulance.”

“What did you do?”

“I stole a candy bar while everyone was distracted and walked home.”

Her mouth dropped open.

“You take good care of your girls, Leah. My mother wouldn’t even have noticed if my sister or I disappeared.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. I turned out fine.”

“Is your mother still alive?”

He nodded, glancing away. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him. Brenda had been a loving, conscientious parent, like Leah. And yet, she’d died young while their drug-addled mom soldiered on. “It doesn’t seem fair, does it?”

“No.”

“Was your husband—” He cut himself off, realizing the inappropriateness of the question.

“Was he what?”

He bit the bullet. “Was he a good dad?”

“No,” she admitted, after a short hesitation.

Brian stared at her in amazement. The answer was unexpected, but plainly sincere. “Why not?”

“He was a good man, and he loved the girls, but he gambled. The habit…devoured him. It took him away from us.”

Her confession was like a punch in the gut. He didn’t understand how a man could fail such a beautiful family.

“Sometimes I’m glad he’s dead,” she said, her voice flat. “Mandy and Alyssa weren’t old enough to understand what he was going through. In their eyes, he was perfect. If he’d lived, I’m afraid he would have continually disappointed them.”

He knew what she meant. In his twenties, he’d given up hope that his mother would change, but he’d never been able to stop caring about her. Even now, she had the power to let him down.

“You think I’m terrible.”

“I’d be a hypocrite if I thought that.”

She examined his face. “Is that why you were alone on Christmas? Being with your mother is too difficult?”

He leaned back against the couch, resting his arm on the frame. “It’s difficult, yes. I haven’t been in touch with her since Brenda’s funeral. It was frustrating to see her grieve. Too little, too late, if that makes sense.”

Her eyes softened with understanding.

“I also wanted to be alone this year. Or, I thought that was what I wanted.”

“Why?”

“Christmas is always weird for me,” he said. “I have a friend from the foster care system that I sometimes hang out with, but he got married last summer. This year he went with his wife to visit her family for the holidays.”

“You’ve never been married?”

“No.”

“What about a steady girlfriend?”

“No one lately,” he said, feeling heat creep up his neck. He hoped she wouldn’t ask how long he’d been sleeping alone. “My friend’s wife has threatened to put my picture on an internet dating site.”

She laughed, raking a hand through her hair. “You should let her.”

Brian watched her intently, fascinated by every line of her face. He had no intention of allowing Gretchen to take over his love life. If he couldn’t find a woman on his own, he didn’t deserve one. “You should let me give you a swimming lesson.”

She stopped laughing.

“It’s easy.”

“For you, maybe.”

“If you were more comfortable in the water, you could relax at the beach.” When she chewed on the edge of her thumbnail, wavering, he said, “You also need to know how to swim for your daughters’ safety.”

“Now you’re giving me a guilt-trip.”

“Whatever works.”

“Where is this pool?”

“About ten minutes away. We’d have it all to ourselves. The girls can swim, too.”

“They’d like that,” she admitted.

He wished she’d say yes because she wanted to. “I can’t imagine where I’d be if I never had that first surfing lesson. It changed my life.”

She held up a hand to ward him off. “I’m never going surfing.”

Laughing, he said, “But you’ll try swimming?”

After a short pause, she nodded. “Okay.”

He grinned, delighted to have talked her into it. “You’ll be fine.”

“I might freak out.”

“Don’t worry about it. We can take as many breaks as you need.”

They made arrangements to leave before noon the next day, and she promised to pack a picnic lunch. Brian knew it wasn’t a date, but he couldn’t squelch the feeling of excitement and anticipation in his belly.

If he wasn’t concerned about scaring her off again, he might have tried to kiss her good-night.

Leah locked the door behind Brian and set the alarm, her heart sinking.

Why had she agreed to go swimming?

After the afternoon she’d had, the last thing she wanted to do was stress out or make a fool of herself. She knew she couldn’t tolerate being submerged in water. Tomorrow she was going to thrash and sputter like a wet cat.

She also felt conflicted about encouraging him. He looked at her in an appreciative, manly way and she liked it. She might have avoided eye contact with him this week but she hadn’t been able to suppress her fantasies.

Late at night, in her bed, she thought about him.

Although he was very attractive, it wasn’t just his looks that drew her in. His personality was irresistible. He seemed so…resilient. He’d had a hard life but he wasn’t broken. In his presence, she felt safe.

Brian could help her overcome her fears.

If she learned to swim, she’d be taking a step forward, managing her anxiety. She felt like she had no control over her current situation. The program told her where to live, where to work. The lack of freedom, along with her frequent nightmares and constant worry about Mariano Felix, was crippling her.

Had she really seen him earlier? Or had he been a figment of her imagination, an apparition from a nightmare?

After checking in on the girls, who were sleeping soundly, she turned off the lights and crawled into bed. If she was being honest with herself, she’d admit that hooking up with Brian had some advantages. He wasn’t the kind of man she would normally date, with his troubled past and iffy finances. But he was tall and intimidating-looking. He had hard muscles and strong hands.

Although all evidence showed that he was gentle with women and children, and sensitive to other people’s feelings, she’d bet he could raise those hands to defend himself if push came to shove.

He could defend her, too.

She’d never considered getting a boyfriend for security purposes. Since John’s death, she hadn’t felt a flicker of interest in a man. Her children came first. Besides, it wasn’t fair to get involved with someone under these circumstances. She was living under a false name, and could be relocated at the drop of a hat.

Now that she’d seen Felix—maybe—her outlook had shifted. She could use the extra protection. She needed to be proactive.

Hugging a pillow to her chest, she closed her eyes, imagining Brian in her bed.

Chapter 5

Leah spent half the night tossing and turning, torn between terrifying memories of Mariano Felix and sexy fantasies starring Brian Cosgrove.

Maybe she should cancel their swimming plans.

She couldn’t believe she’d told him the truth about John. When he’d asked if her husband had been a good father, she should have said yes. Portraying John as an ideal partner would have discouraged Brian from entertaining romantic thoughts.

But she’d looked into his dark, earnest eyes and was unable to tell the lie. Now she felt overexposed, almost desperate. She might as well have complained about John’s performance in their bedroom, which had become increasingly perfunctory.

They’d never been a perfect couple, just a pretty facade. And his secrets had weighed her down for so long. In the months before his murder, she’d wanted to tell her mother and her best friend about his gambling habit. Pride and shame held her back. Maybe if she’d been more honest, she could have built a support system. John’s friends and family might have been able to convince him to seek help. Too late, she’d learned an important lesson about addiction: secrets keep people sick.

She spent most of the morning doing chores. It was New Year’s Eve, and the kids would be going back to school on Monday. She’d return to work, decorating an endless assembly line of frozen cakes.

When the laundry was done and the dishes were put away, she told the girls that they were going to the pool with Brian. They cheered and danced around the living room before running to don their swimsuits. Leah made cucumber sandwiches and packed a Thermos of lemonade for their picnic lunch.

Stomach fluttering with anticipation, she searched her closet for her own bathing suit. Although she didn’t swim, she owned a sleek navy one-piece for appearances’ sake. John had often taken her to pool parties at the homes of his wealthy friends. She’d met Mariano Felix at one such occasion.