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She was racing along the corridor to the galley so fast that she didn’t see a hand truck half hidden by a box of cleaning supplies. Her ankle hit metal and she went flying headfirst, skinning her palms, elbows and one cheek.
Closing her eyes to the sudden burst of pain, she sat up slowly.
A worried face loomed over her. The cleaning man shoved his hand truck back against the wall. “You okay? I had to use the bathroom. Sorry about that. Hey, you’re the one who made the rum cake for my birthday last month. Man, it was great.” He offered her his hand and tugged her to her feet.
Gina blinked, feeling a little dizzy. “Glad to hear you liked it.”
“Ma’am, you don’t look so good. You want me to get someone—like a doctor or something?”
“I’ll be fine. Just be sure you store that hand truck so no one else trips over it.”
“Sure. Real sorry about that. By the way, Tobias Hale is looking for you.”
Great.
Gina dug a tissue from her pocket and limped off. Most of the blood was gone by the time she located her chocolate pallet, just in time to keep it from being loaded into the cooler with the unreliable thermostat. After fifteen minutes of mixed pleas, promises and threats, she found an alternate berth in a different unit, but it meant volunteering to prepare special desserts for staff dinners the following month.
Next time she’d definitely beat Blaine to the dock. And until then she’d remember to watch her back.
When Gina finally reached the kitchen, she sank wearily into a chair, kicked off her shoes and pressed a bag of ice against her bruised cheek.
“Want to tell me what you are doing?”
“Resting?” She didn’t look up. She knew that deep voice, and there was no ignoring its edge of anger. “I had to rescue some chocolate.” She sighed. “And after that I was trying to avoid running into you.”
“In my office.” There was steel in Tobias Hale’s order. “Five minutes, Gina. Otherwise I’ll put you on report.”
If she hadn’t been so tired, she would have jumped up and saluted. “Aye-aye, sir.”
“Don’t bother sounding nice and obedient. We both know you’d like to insert one of your favorite knitting needles up my…nose. So stop smiling and get over to my office.”
One more fire to put out, Gina thought wearily. What had she done to piss off Tobias so royally?
She rubbed a fresh trickle of blood off her cheek and wiggled back into her shoes. Whoever thought cooking was glamorous needed to have a serious mental evaluation.
CHAPTER TEN
“YOU SHOULD HAVE told me.”
“Told you what?” Gina paced Tobias’s small office, watching seabirds rocket past the porthole. The ship was two hours out of San Francisco, following the curve of California south to Mexico. Given the hum of the big engines, she put their speed around fifteen knots.
Funny how she’d picked up the maritime life. Now it seemed like second nature. She was going to miss all of this when she left.
When she had to leave.
She prayed it wouldn’t be soon.
“Stop pacing like a scrawny, caged cat.”
“Who’s scrawny?” Gina muttered.
Tobias sat down at his desk and glared at her. “You know damned well what I mean. You’re not eating enough. You’re not sleeping enough. Scrawny,” the big security officer repeated flatly. “Bad-tempered and wound up tight.”
Gina started to rub her forehead, then caught herself. Tobias missed nothing. She couldn’t give any sign of the headache that was digging in behind her eyes. “You have a cigarette?”
“Why? You gave them up four years ago.”
“Right. Then how about some of those lemon drops you think you’ve kept hidden in the top left drawer of your desk?”
Tobias flipped open a drawer and tossed her a bag of candy. “Don’t change the subject. I know what’s going on.”
What was he talking about? Had she forgotten to return those last two videos of 24 from the ship’s video library? Did she owe money for uniform laundry?
No to both. But something had Tobias riled up big-time.
She savored the bite of a sour lemon ball, frowning. “Gee, Tobias, I don’t know what—”
“Of course you do. You were pale and shaky out at that damned pastry class you refused to say no to. You were dizzy by the end.”
“Oh, that.” She should have known Tobias would get reports on staff activities ashore. The man was spooky in his ability to gather information. She shrugged. “Didn’t sleep very well last night. Must be too much partying.”
“Partying, my ass. You don’t party. You don’t take time off. You work twenty hours out of every twenty-four and your staff is worried about you.”
Gina stopped pacing. “They told you that?”
“I had two worried calls today. Everyone says you looked pale yesterday.”
“Things were hectic.”
The security chief snorted. “Try again.”
So much for fooling her staff. “Look, I—I’m fine, Tobias. I was tired and too rushed to eat. Everything piled up.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re still pale. Something else is going on.” The head of security steepled his fingers and stared at her. “Level with me, or I’ll get really nasty.”
Gina cast about desperately for another excuse. “A truck ladder broke and almost hit us. Things were looking nasty.”
“I know all about the lieutenant with the medals who saved the day.”
“Is there anything you miss?”
“Not if I can help it. So did you get the man’s name?”
“No. Should I have? We weren’t contemplating marriage,” she said dryly.
“I’m just curious. And I’ll take the rest of those lemon sours, if you’re done shredding the bag.”
Gina took a breath and handed the bag back to Tobias. “Do you have boxes of these stashed somewhere? They’re imported from France, so you can’t just pick them up at the local Wal-Mart.”
“I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.” His lips curved faintly. “So they say.”
“When are you going to tell me the truth, Tobias? Were you Delta Force or a Green Beret?”
The security chief moved his fingers over the single photo on his desk. It was a shot of a woman at a distance, her face blurred by the sunlight pouring over the mountain at her back. The thick trees could have been in Mississippi or Connecticut or Guatemala. Gina had often wanted to ask about the woman, but Tobias wasn’t the sort of man you crowded with personal questions.
“What I was doesn’t matter. It’s over. That me is dead.” He sat up stiffly as if the words had surprised him. “Stop changing the subject.”
“Fine. I’ll eat. I’ll sleep. I’ll be more careful in the future.” And I’ll learn to lie a whole lot better, too.
Keen eyes swept her face. “Pressure is part of the job. You’ve dealt with it before without any problem. Something’s different now.”
No kidding.
Now my eyes ache and I keep failing my peripheral vision tests. Occasionally colors blur and lines of print wobble. “Nothing important, I promise you.”
The dramatically handsome security officer leaned back in his chair. He straightened a pen and pencil near his phone, then looked up. “That’s bullshit and we both know it.”
No fooling Tobias, Gina thought glumly. But she said nothing. If he reported her as unable to work, she’d have to appear for a medical evaluation, and any serious exam would reveal anomalies in her last set of vision tests. It would only be a matter of time before her condition went on record for personnel and everyone else to see.
No way. This chef was going to die in the saddle. What else could she do but cook? Once upon a time she’d had a different job back in Seattle. She’d been damned good at the job, too.
Ancient history.
Gina knew she’d go crazy if she had to stare at her hands and do nothing while she waited for the color loss and double vision that signaled final optic nerve deterioration.
So she had to lie through her teeth and convince Tobias she was in perfect shape to work. Not that it was a lie; the day she couldn’t do her job was the day she’d turn in her resignation.
Of course it was never a good idea to have a blind person working near an open fire.
Tobias leaned back in his chair. “Stop that.”
“What?”
“Trying to cook up a lie. It won’t work. You know, I thought we were friends. Friends don’t lie to friends.”
Yeah, they were friends. They’d shared some bad jokes during awful storms at sea. They had worked together for five years on more cruises than Gina could count, and they spent Thursday nights playing poker in a secret, rotating location with only select crew in attendance. She counted Tobias as a true friend.
But some things you didn’t share.
After her dad’s death, Gina’s mother had flaked out completely. Unable to function, she’d lived on medications that left her half asleep most of the day. She hadn’t accepted what was going on around her. Instead, she’d built a wall of denial and vanished behind it.
That wasn’t happening to Gina.
Tobias had a right to expect the truth from her, but friendship had its limits. How did you tell a friend that you were going blind? That the meds were working, but only to a point and one morning you’d wake up to see shadows and squiggles. About that time Gina’s color vision would become unreliable. Outlines would blur and the headaches would ratchet up.
She closed her eyes. Dear God, she needed more time. How could she break the news to someone else when she still hadn’t come to grips with it?
“No more evasions.” His voice was rough with concern. “Damn it, Gina, I want to help but I don’t know how.”
It was his baffled anger that finally cut through her defenses. Pity or concern she would have dismissed easily, but anger was something she understood too well. Anger had become her closest companion in the past few months. Little things, nothing things, left her shaken and furious.
Meanwhile, Tobias wouldn’t let go until he had answers.
“It’s personal, Tobias. I have to deal with this myself.”
His eyes narrowed. “Personal how? Blaine trouble?”
Blaine. He thought that was her big problem. If only he were right.
Gina cleared her throat. “I’d rather not discuss it.”
He didn’t move, didn’t speak.
She didn’t try to make up a story. The man would spot it in a second. “If things get desperate, I’ll come to you—I promise.” That was true. Tobias was the only one she could trust. Her staff was too emotional. They would worry and intervene and hover. They’d want medical details and the name of her doctor. They’d need to try to change what couldn’t be changed.
Only Tobias would be cool and practical. Gina needed that if she was going to face the truth, not live on wishes and impossible hopes for a cure.
Her throat was raw. She locked her hands, trying to stay calm.
“Here.” He held out a white handkerchief. “Your cheek is bleeding again.”
She took the soft cloth, feeling her cheek burn as the soft cotton pressed against her skin. “If things change, you’ll be the first to know. Isn’t that enough?”
“I guess it will have to be. I know you keep your promises. But we can’t avoid this conversation forever.”
Gina took a long, rasping breath, feeling lost and afraid of the future. It was past time she faced that future.
All at once, she blurted out the words that couldn’t be trapped inside any longer. They fought her, demanding to be heard, demanding an honesty that felt like sandpaper on an open wound.
“I’m…going blind, Tobias. That’s pretty much it, soup to nuts. It’s a nerve degeneration problem and I’ve got meds to slow it down, but there’s no cavalry over the hill and no cure in sight.” She sat stiffly. “I didn’t want to tell you. Now if you don’t mind—I think I’m going to throw up.”
“Head between your knees.” Gentle hands pushed her forward, rubbed her neck while she gulped in air and tears seared her eyelids.
He didn’t speak. When her shaking had stopped, he sat forward. “What’s the specific diagnosis?”
Gina said the long, barely pronounceable Greek name. She’d avoided the word for so long that it was a relief to say it out loud.
“Which means?”
“Optic nerve damage of unknown origins. My doctor in Palo Alto says it will probably be months. Maybe I’ll get two good years before…” Her fingers twisted, locked. “I need to work until then, Tobias. If I lose that, I’ve lost everything. Working is what I know best. I’ve got no family to speak of, and my friends are all here. This will never impact the ship or my staff, I promise.”
He didn’t speak. He crossed his arms at his chest and stared out the window. Two seagulls dove into churning waves, then reappeared carrying small fish that wiggled vainly.
Gina knew exactly how those small fish felt.
“So you want me to keep your secret, even if it means breaking a dozen company regulations?”
“What are rules if you don’t break them once in a while?” She squared her shoulders. She wouldn’t grovel. She’d quit first.
