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Tully came down the stairs wearing no makeup, a black loose skirt, a beige baggy sweater. All old. All worn a hundred times. She walked quietly past the sofa where her mother and Aunt Lena sat watching TV. Aunt Lena did not look up at Tully. Tully was not surprised. Aunt Lena usually did not look up after hearing the scenes from upstairs.
Tully put on her only coat: brown, gabardine, torn, worn.
Now she had to ask carefully what time to be home.
Aunt Lena looked up. ‘Tully! You look wonderful!’ she said. Tully didn’t answer. When taking into account Aunt Lena’s impression of the visible universe, Tully always reminded herself that her aunt was registered as legally blind. However, Tully very quickly remembered an episode three weeks ago when she was just about to go over to Jen’s for a barbecue and Aunt Lena asked her when she would be back. Tully didn’t answer, Hedda threw a cup of coffee at Tully, with the coffee still warm, and Tully ended up going nowhere, no barbecue, no television, no dinner.
‘Thank you, Aunt Lena,’ she replied. ‘I’m going now, okay, Mom?’
‘What time will you be back?’ asked Hedda.
Here it is, thought Tully. Again, deliberately trying to stump me, trying to make me pay, trying to make me make myself not go. How many times did I get stuck on this question because I couldn’t figure out what time she had in mind? There was no correct response.
Tully held her breath. It’s only a stupid party. Stupid party. Fuck you, I say, and I go upstairs and don’t go. I’ll see Jen tomorrow at St Mark’s. There’s never anyone good at these parties anyway. They are all so lame. Fuck you, Mother, I don’t want your fucking permission. I don’t want to go anymore.
Sweat collected under her armpits and trickled down her sides. But she did. She did want to go. And Hedda was waiting. Tully had to answer. The correct response was not dependent on any particular set time; there was no curfew time in the Makker household, there was only the barometer of Hedda’s mood that was certainly not helped by the goings-on in Tully’s bedroom a half hour ago.
Asking her mother when might be a good time was a bad idea. Hedda invariably said that if she, Tully, didn’t know at the age of (fill in the blank – Tully had heard this line from about seven) when a good time to come home was, then she certainly wasn’t responsible enough to go out.
Still, the question lingered in the air and needed to be answered. Hedda would not look at her. Hedda was waiting. Fortunately, Aunt Lena for once meddled to Tully’s rescue.
‘Will you get a ride, Tully?’
‘Yes, Jen’s mom will drive me home.’ That was a lie.
Tully looked at her watch. Six fifty-five. Come on. Come on. Come on.
‘Ten-thirty,’ said Hedda. ‘Now go.’
Tully descended down the porch steps and smelled the rotting leaves. Tomorrow I’ll have to clean them up, no doubt. She walked slowly and steadily down from the Grove to Kendall, and then, when she knew she was out of view, she ran.
TWO The Party (#ulink_b203812d-d264-531a-87f2-1f6e24844d91)
September 1978
Out of breath, Tully rang the bell with little hope of being heard and then walked right in. Look at this place, she thought, and immediately some guy ran? fell? out of the hallway, spilling beer on her and himself, too. She backed away with distaste; he got up halfway to apologize, saw her, and smiled. ‘Tully!’ he called, ambling up to her and grabbing her waist. ‘Be-bop-a-lula, she’s my baby…’
‘That’s nice,’ she said, trying to get away from his arm.
‘I’m not letting you go till you dance with me, Tully. We’ve all been waiting for you! But I get the first dance, and “save the last dance for me!”’ he sang.
‘I will, I will,’ she said, prying his arm off her. ‘Let me go change first.’
‘“Don’t go changing/to try to please me…”’ he sang drunkenly, bending closer to her. Tully ducked underneath his arm and saw Lynn Mandolini watching her from the kitchen.
‘Hi, Mrs M.,’ Tully said when she got loose.
‘Hi, Tully,’ said Lynn. ‘Who was that?’
Tully rolled her eyes. ‘Who the hell knows? Never talked to him before in my life. Rick something or other.’
‘He seemed to know you pretty well.’
‘He seemed to be drunk pretty well,’ said Tully. ‘There’s liquor at this party?’
‘Not anymore,’ said Lynn. ‘What are they playing? Listen to this noise.’
Music. The Stones? Van Halen? Tully couldn’t tell for sure. Ah, yes, The Who. There was a stone in their shoe, apparently, and they couldn’t get to it.
‘Pretty loud, huh? I rang but no one heard.’
‘Who’d hear you? And have you lost your key?’
Tully smiled. ‘Never had a key.’
‘Well, by God,’ said Lynn cheerfully, ‘maybe it’s time you got one.’
Putting her Marlboro out, she looked Tully up and down.
‘Let me take your coat.’ Lynn stared at Tully a little closer. ‘You’re a bit late,’ she said.
‘Yes, I know.’ Pause. ‘I got held up.’
‘Everything all right, I hope?’
‘Oh, yes, fine, fine.’ Tully became acutely aware of her swollen, bluish face. How well was it hidden behind the cake powder? My nose feels twice its size, Tully thought, I wonder how it looks. ‘Where’s Jen?’
‘Upstairs. They’re destroying the house,’ said Lynn, lighting another cigarette and downing her Alabama Slammer. ‘Simply destroying.’
Tully patted Mrs Mandolini on the arm. ‘It’s a good thing an eighteenth birthday comes only once, ain’t it, eh?’ she said, leaving the kitchen and heading upstairs. Rick something or other was still out in the hall, now milling around another more willing victim.
Jennifer had the master bedroom. Needing a bigger room for all her junk, she pleaded and pleaded with her parents until they gave in, or so Jennifer had said. Tully and Julie postulated an entirely different scenario. Tully said that Jennifer probably mentioned it once at supper, and Lynn and Tony immediately started clearing out of their master bedroom.
Upstairs, the noise was less deafening. Again, beer cans, plastic glasses, cigarette butts. The Mandolinis really should’ve waited to install a new carpet, Tully thought. And what a nice clean cream color it used to be, too.
Five or six people stood in the hall, shouting a conversation at each other. They nodded to Tully; she nodded back and pushed her way into Jennifer’s bedroom.
‘Hi, Tull,’ said Jennifer. Tully grunted, looking around the room. Jennifer peered into Tully’s face and at Tully’s clothes. ‘Hey, you okay?’
‘Great,’ Tully said. ‘Couldn’t be better.’ She nodded hello to Julie and Tom, who were sitting on the love seat. But Tully wasn’t that interested in her friends just then. Instead, her eyes were on someone in the room she didn’t know. A young dark boy, nearly a man, very well groomed, who looked up at Tully when she walked in. Unfortunately, there was some bimbo on his lap, marring the otherwise impressive view. Tully would have to ask Jennifer about him when she had a chance. But right now she needed to go and get changed. Trying to look un-selfconscious, Tully sauntered over to the drinks bureau.
‘Mmm, nice,’ she said to no one in particular. ‘I haven’t seen so much Coke and lemonade in a long time.’
‘You know, we are not allowed to drink if we’re not eighteen,’ said Tom from the couch.
‘Really?’ said Tully, irritated by his self-righteous tone. ‘Wow, thanks. I didn’t know that. That’s so helpful.’ She gave Julie a withering look that made Julie move a foot away from Tom.
‘But Tom,’ said Tully sarcastically, ‘did you know that though we can’t drink, we can go to Kmart and buy ourselves a teeny-weeny handgun with super-duper bullets?’
Tom made some kind of a noise. Tully continued in the same helpful tone. ‘And did you know, Tom, that not only can’t we drink even beer, but we can’t drink hard liquor until we’re twenty-one?’
Tom methodically rubbed his hands together.
‘But that’s neither here nor there, Tom,’ Tully went on. ‘What is here and there, though, is that I distinctly remember seeing you at a twenty-one-and-over club last summer, swilling those twenty-one-and-over cocktails down with an incredible twenty-one-and-over speed –’ Tully saw Julie’s astounded face.
‘Oh,’ Tully said quickly. ‘My mistake.’ She looked at Julie. ‘Ha! Must have been someone else. So many tall, skinny, freckled guys around. Of course. I’m wrong. Silly me, huh, Jule?’
‘Yes,’ said Julie, glaring at Tully. ‘Silly you.’
Moving away from them, Tully took a beer and peeked at herself in the mirror. My first party without Aunt Lena in a year and a half and look what I’m wearing. She sneaked a glance at the good-looking boy with the bimbo. He must’ve heard all that entire exchange with Tomboy. Yeah, but look how I look. Who cares what comes out of my mouth when I look like this? Tully wanted to speak with Jennifer before disappearing into the bathroom, but Jennifer was all over the place, in, out, in, out. She seemed to be enjoying herself. Tully was mildly surprised. Jennifer was usually a wallflower.
Propped up by a piece of furniture, Tully stood alone for a few minutes. Julie and Tom were kissing. Tully fought an impulse to roll her eyes. Tom held Julie with his right hand and a beer with his left. Well, I guess he’s eighteen, he can do those things, Tully thought. They weren’t the only ones kissing. The lap bimbo was making out with the cute guy.
Tully went over and sat by Julie.
‘What’s the matter?’ Julie asked.
‘Nothing. I want to dance.’
‘Let’s go.’
Tully rubbed her forehead. ‘Are there a lot of footballers?’
‘So many!’ Julie said. ‘You’re in luck.’
Tully ignored her. ‘Did Jennifer’s friend come?’
‘I think so. I haven’t been watching her every minute.’
‘Where is he?’ asked Tully.
‘Downstairs, I think.’
‘They spend much time together?’
‘Dunno,’ said Julie.
Tully shook her head. ‘How strange, don’t you think, Jule? I mean, don’t most girls like guys in the image of their fathers?’ Tully looked derisively at Tom.
Tom sat up straight. Julie laughed uncomfortably.
‘What kind of guys do you go for, Tully?’ he asked. ‘Do you go for guys who look just like your father?’
Julie stopped laughing.
Tully skipped one beat – but only one. ‘I don’t like to limit myself, Tom. I like all guys, but you should know better than most what kind I don’t like, am I right?’ said Tully. ‘Or am I wrong again?’
Julie was now glaring at Tully and at Tom.
Tom looked the other way, mumbling, ‘Oh, I’m sure you like all guys, I’m sure.’
Tully got up and walked out of the room.
‘Tom!’
‘Julie, calm down.’
‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘What did I say?’
Julie leaned close and screamed at him over the Stones, who were screaming they could get no satisfaction. ‘I’m sorry I ever told you anything about my friends, you shit!’
Tully, at this time, was demonstrating her offended feelings by pinching Jennifer’s behind on the way to the bathroom.
She locked herself in and looked around. Whether she needed to or not, Tully always made sure she visited the Mandolini bathroom at least once. Their entire house was neat and well kept, but the best, cleanest, prettiest, most organized room in the house was undoubtedly the bathroom. Spacious and gleaming, it had spotless white tiles with roses and daisies on them, an ivory white carpet, mirrors on all four walls, chrome taps, soft pink bulbs, blush-pink carnations, fresh-smelling towels and shower curtain. Unlike the Makker household, where everything in their gray bathroom smelled of diseased mildew, the Mandolini bathroom smelled not like seaweed but like the sea. Not that I have any idea what the sea smells like, thought Tully, looking in the mirror.
Her face was puffy. No amount of makeup, no matter how diligently applied, could hide that in the harsh light. She turned off the fluorescent and turned on the soft pink. Ah, that’s better, she thought. Now I just look a bit…fuzzy. Oh, well. She opened her big bag (Mary Poppins called hers a ‘carpetbag,’ but even Mary would’ve been surprised to find what lurked in Tully’s) and took out her makeup case. She put on another layer of cake powder, added another hue of black to her eyes; Tully liked her eyes, her eyes were all right. A shadow of all colors. Yes. Oh, but her dress! She couldn’t have looked more frumpy in Aunt Lena’s nightgown. She retrieved out of her bag a thin black polyester skirt, with a zipper at the front, a slit in the back, and a length of about ten inches.
She quickly slipped out of her skirt and shirt and tried to stuff them into her bag, but they were much too bulky, sort of like squeezing a brick through a keyhole, and so she ended up dropping them into the hamper.
‘Jule, I’m sorry, don’t be mad,’ Tom was saying in the meantime. ‘I can’t help it that she rubs me the wrong way.’
‘And what the hell did she mean about that twenty-one club anyway?’
‘I don’t know what she meant,’ Tom said.
‘What club was she talking about?’
‘Julie, how should I know? She’s got me mixed up with someone else. She knows a lot of men, believe me.’
‘How the hell do you know?’
Tom giggled awkwardly. ‘Julie! She’s got a re-pu-tation.’
‘How the hell do you know? What does that have to do with anything? And who are you? The Pope?’
‘Look,’ Tom said. ‘Everyone in school knows.’
Julie got up. ‘Tom, you’re gonna have to stop this. You’re gonna have to stop talking about Tully that way. As long as me and you are together, you’re just gonna have to be nice to her, just gonna have to.’
‘Why?’ he asked.
‘Because,’ Julie said, ‘I can always get another boyfriend.’
‘Oh, that’s delightful,’ Tom said. Julie became silent.
‘What is it, Tom? What is it? You have something personal against her, or what?’
