The Tiger Catcher

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“As long as it’s ‘that’s incredible, Jules, congratulations,’ yes.”

Ashton was silent.

Julian waited. “Come on. I gotta go soon.” He didn’t want her waiting for him alone in that parking lot at the Greek. It wasn’t safe.

“You’re going to ask her to marry you?”

“I’m trying to find the perfect moment, but yes.”

“How about three years from now?”

“Not helping, Ashton.”

“What kind of help are you looking for? Do you want to practice your moves on me? Or do you want my advice?”

Julian studied Ashton’s face. They had spent so many years together, living and working together, drinking, traveling, meeting women together, that Julian didn’t need long to know how Ashton felt about anything. And most of the time, Ashton was the most chill, sunny guy despite coming from a disastrous childhood, the kind of childhood that made you question the point of existence itself. So when Julian saw the worry on his friend’s face, the tension around the normally relaxed mouth, the darkened indigo rings around the light eyes, when he caught sight of the long shadow of anxiety in Ashton’s expression, Julian couldn’t continue to press him. He was going to have a hard enough time with his family, considering they’d never met Josephine and thought he was still with Gwen.

“I just want you to be happy for me, Ash.”

“I know that’s what you want.” He said nothing else.

Sighing, Julian picked up his beer. “You don’t like her.”

“I don’t know her. That’s my problem.”

“You’re right. That’s your problem.”

“Not just mine.”

“I know her,” Julian said. “And you will get to know her. And when you get to know her, you’ll love her.”

“Yeah.”

“You think I’m moving too fast?”

“Among a thousand things. And I don’t think it. It’s fact.”

“What else?”

“Are you sure it’s love?”

“Excuse me?”

“Have you considered the possibility that it might be something else?” Ashton said. “Something as pleasing but more misleading.”

“Stop it.” Julian gulped his beer.

“Do you even know the difference between love and sex?”

“Do you?”

“I’m not getting hitched, am I?”

“You want to know what the difference is?” Julian said. “Nobody dies for sex.”

“Oh boy. It’s already like that, is it. Also not true. The male praying mantis dies for sex. That’s his whole life. Dying for sex.” Ashton tutted. “What do your parents think? I can’t imagine your mother approves.” He paused for Julian’s reply, in a way that suggested he already knew there wouldn’t be any. “Have they even met her?” There was another pause. “Sweet God, Jules, do they even know about her?”

Julian refused to return Ashton’s incredulous stare.

“Tell me, when were you planning to tell your mother?” Ashton said. “When she received your wedding invitation in the mail?”

“If you’re like this, how do you think she’s going to be?”

“What does that tell you?”

“That no one understands or cares about a single fucking thing.”

“Yes,” Ashton said, “that’s me.”

Julian regrouped, lowered his voice. “Okay, but then why are you being like this?”

“I can’t fathom,” Ashton said. “Have you told Riley?”

“You two just came back from Cabo! And I’m hardly going to tell her before you. Plus I know what she’ll say. She’ll tell me to eat more yellow food like bananas and pineapples to balance the fire in my life.”

“Maybe you should listen to her for once,” Ashton said. “What’s the rush, Jules? I don’t get it. Did you knock her up or something?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“So why not wait? If it’s real, it will stand the test of a few …”

“You want me to jump through your arbitrary hoops? And wait for what? You said stand the test of a few … few what?”

“Parsecs,” Ashton said. The stress in Ashton’s shoulders did not recede despite the joke. “What happened to being spooked by commitment?”

“It’s not the commitment,” Julian said. “It’s the girl.”

“Did no one tell this girl that if she wants to make it in show business, she should never get married?”

“I certainly hope not.”

“Where’s your common sense?” asked Ashton. “You didn’t always have it, but you got it the old-fashioned way. You bought it with your life.” He took a breath. “You’re careful, meticulous with time, reliable, trustworthy. You’re not impulsive. You don’t do things like this. It’s not you. It’s not even the old you.”

“Ashton, but she’s the one!”

All his friend said was, “The one what.”

Julian fell back on the bar stool. “Is that why you were such a jerk the other day?”

“Don’t know what you mean.”

“What I don’t get is why you were rude to her friend. What did she do?”

“I wasn’t rude, I was making small talk. What else were we going to talk about, you?”

They finished their beers.

“Have you lovebirds discussed where you’re going to live?” Ashton said. “Is she going to move to L.A.? What about her career? Theatre is my life and all that? Or are you the one making other plans, like a relocation to New York, perhaps?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Ash,” Julian said. “I promise.” Affection crept into his voice. “Is that what you’re worried about?”

“Who’s worried? But why the rush? To keep her from returning east? Is her visa expiring? You do know New York is still the United States of America,” Ashton said. “You can travel freely from coast to coast.”

Julian peered into his friend’s face. “Dude, what’s going on with you?”

Ashton stared into his empty beer glass. “I don’t know. I have a bad feeling, that’s all,” he said. “Even at Cherry Lane when I saw her perform, there was something about her that wasn’t right. And I’m not the only one who thought so. Look at Gwen and Riley’s reaction to her. Everybody’s but yours, frankly. I can’t explain it. Something’s off. Maybe she’s not the girl you think she is. Maybe what you’ve found is the Hollywood version of what you think you want. You think you’ve found day, but what you’ve really found is night.”

“You’re wrong,” Julian said. “She is the most open, heart on sleeve girl I’ve ever met. She lives her life out loud.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“She’s like a female you. Are you telling me you’re not the guy I think you are?”

Ashton didn’t answer. “She is trouble,” he said. “I can’t help it. That’s what I feel.”

“You’re wrong.”

“For your sake, I hope so.”

The men fell quiet, focusing on other patrons’ conversation, on the song playing on the jukebox, “Burn it Blue.”

“I know how you are,” Ashton said. “Quiet but ruthless. I know you won’t be talked out of anything unless you want to be talked out of it. When are you planning on popping the question?”

“Soon. Waiting for the right time,” Julian said.

“Oh, that’s wise.”

“I don’t have much of it, though.”

“Wisdom?”

“Time.” Julian leaned in. “The Brentwood Country Club has a cancellation four weeks from Friday!”

At first Ashton didn’t react. “Four weeks from which Friday?”

“Don’t be like that.” Julian rocked on his seat.

“You want to marry a girl you met five minutes ago, four weeks from this Friday?” Ashton’s stunned expression was priceless.

“I’m not crazy, Ashton.”