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She had not cried during her long years without privacy at the convent, but now, unleashed, Gillian’s misery poured forth in wracking sobs. And it might have continued unabated, if she had not heard a noise in between her gulps for air. Lifting her head in cautious curiosity, she was horrified to see an older woman, short and rounded, standing right beside her, cooing to her gently.
“There now,” the woman said, reaching out to pat Gillian’s shoulder consolingly. “Surely ‘tis not as bad as all that. Here, tell Edith all about it, and you will feel better.”
Gillian’s embarrassment faded under the warmth in the stranger’s gentle brown eyes. No one had comforted her, really, since her mother had passed on, and when Gillian found herself buried against the Edith’s ample bosom, she let out her woe in a long wail. “I am a big, gawky, ugly thing, and he hates me!”
“Tsk, tsk… That is not so, my girl,” Edith said. “You are tall, true enough, but you are neither fat nor ungainly. Here, let me take a look at you.”
Sniffing loudly, Gillian stood up and waited while the woman assessed her, turmng her this way and that under a discerning gaze. “Well, you have not the coloring of my Aisley, but that does not mean you are not lovely. Why, just look at your eyes, rare as emeralds, and such thick lashes! And the color of your hair, bright as a flame, and enough to heat any man’s passions, I’ll warrant.”
Gillian blushed, unaccustomed to such plain speaking, or, indeed, flattery of any sort. “Aye, you would please any knight with that figure of yours, and many a lady would kill for your curves.”
Startled, Gillian looked down at her body in wonder. She had never received compliments before, and although she suspected that much of what the woman said was designed to comfort, still, she suddenly saw herself from a different perspective—no longer too big and too boldly colored, but unusual. Maybe even special.
“Now, who is the great fool who would make you feel other than the beautiful woman you are?” Edith asked, clucking in disapproval.
Before Gillian could answer, the chamber door was thrown back on its hinges with a loud bang, and Nicholas filled the doorway.
He was dripping-wet and naked, but for a dampened linen cloth around his waist that did little to hide his magnificent body, and with a low gasp, Gillian took in the whole of him, beautiful and deadly and larger than life.
Strength was there, riding beneath his skin, not in great, lumpy bulges, but in smooth, well-delineated muscle in his arms and across his shoulders. And his chest! Gillian had never seen anything like it. All too well she remembered the feel of it beneath her fingers, smooth and hard and thick with curly dark hair that made something jump and quicken inside her. And below, what she had taken great pains to avoid looking at in his bath now was boldly outlined under the thin material.
Gillian stared. Although in repose, it did not resemble Master Freemantle’s wick in the slightest, but rather more a stallion’s nether parts. Abruptly Gillian glanced away, her face red, her breath coming quickly at the frightening size of him.
The deafening quiet that had descended upon the women at Nicholas’s entrance was broken by Edith, who stepped in front of Gillian, as if to protect the younger, taller woman from the man who stood before them, glaring ferociously. “My lord Nicholas! What are you about, racing around without your clothes?”
Ignoring the older woman, Nicholas pinned Gillian with his glittering, hateful eyes. “Get to your chamber, wife!” he said. His tone, though lbw and even, was laced with threat, but Gillian was too outraged to beware.
“You just bellowed at me to get out!”
“Do not raise your voice to me, vixen?”
“My lord Nicholas, what has gotten into you?” scolded Edith, still poised protectively before Gillian.
“Do not overstep your bounds, Edith,” Nicholas snarled.
“It is all right,” Gillian said, moving out from behind the older woman. “His quarrel is with me, as always.”
“As I live and breathe, I never thought to see such a sight,” Edith continued, as if her lord had not reprimanded her. Indeed, she seemed not to fear his wrath, for she put her hands on her hips and glared right back at him. “You should be the one to hie to your chamber, before you catch your death! And the lady can stay here with me.”
“This is Aisley’s room,” Nicholas snapped.
“And since Aisley has her own home now, I am sure she will not mind the lady’s presence here.”
Although he looked as if he would fain kill them both, Nicholas made no move. “Very well,” he snapped. “But I hold you responsible, Edith. She is your charge—for now.” Flicking a contemptuous gray glance over Gillian, he added, “And for God’s sake, contrive some decent clothes for her!”
When he left the room, still clutching his makeshift covering, Edith snorted and shut the door behind him.
“Are you not afraid of him?” Gillian asked. Nicholas was taller than she, but he fairly towered over the older woman, and his malice was greater even than his size.
“Nicholas?” Edith asked, dismissing the fierce lord with a shake of her head. “Nay, I am not frightened by him. Why, I have known the boy since he was but a mewling babe. And tilere is little that scares me anymore, after Dunmurrow!” She shivered, as if the very name chilled her.
“Dunmurrow?”
“Shh… you just sit down here by the fire, my lady,” she said, coaxing Gillian onto a beautifully carved settle. Though it was a warm day, Edith threw a soft fur over her shoulders and another over her bare feet, until she felt cozy and pampered. It was easy to relax under the older woman’s ministrations, especially after the harsh routine of the convent and the tense days since her marriage. Gillian rested her head against the smooth wood and closed her eyes.
“There now, that is better! Where shall I begin? Well, I am Edith, and I have served at Belvry since I was a young girl myself. I attended the lady of the castle, God rest her soul, and after she died, I took care of her daughter Aisley.”
Gillian lifted her lashes in surprise. “Aisley is Nicholas’s sister? I had thought…” She lifted her chin, uncertainty making her grim. “I have heard that a lord is wont to keep a leman.”
“Nicholas?” Edith snorted. “Nay, the man is virile enough, but where he spends it all is beyond me. Probably churns it all back into the bile that makes him so fierce.”
Gillian could not help smiling at Edith’s words, though she was still amazed by the woman’s plain speaking. So, Nicholas did not have a female installed at Belvry! Gillian ignored the tiny leap of pleasure that shot through her at the news, and told herself she was relieved to have one fewer enemy.
And yet, Nicholas had a sister. Gillian found it hard to picture such a female. Was she as cold and heartless as her brother? “Perhaps I should not be in the Lady Aisley’s chamber,” she said, voicing her fears aloud.
“Nonsense, child, she is grown and gone now, and lady of her own keep. Though ‘tis not as fine as Belvry, she prefers to live there,” Edith said, as if she did not quite approve of the choice.
Personally, Gillian was not surprised that Nicholas’s sister should choose to stay away. She could not imagine anyone seeking the company of the soulless creature she had married. “Perhaps she fears him, as I do.”
Edith scoffed. “Aisley is frightened of nothing,” she said, her tone revealing mixed emotions about that fact. “After marrying the Red Knight, she can handle her brother easily enough.” The older woman blew out a long sigh.
“Nicholas is not such a bad sort, my lady. He was but a young man when he went with Prince Edward, now our good king, to fight in the Holy Land. I know not what happened to him there, but we were told by that villainous neighbor of ours, may he rot in hell, that Nicholas had been killed. Of course, his poor father was heartbroken, though you would not have known it to look at him.”
She eyed Gillian sharply. “Listen up, my lady, for you might as well know that the de Lacis are a cold lot, my little Aisley excepted, of course. They are not much for affection, and keep a tight control on themselves. Although they do not shout and scream when in a temper, like someone else I could name, neither will they touch another willingly, nor give in to the gentler emotions.”
She shook her head sadly. “But they feel pain as keen as the rest of it, and after losing all his sons to illness and battle, the old lord sickened and passed on himself. That is when Aisley took over the demesne, and ran it very well, thank you, until she married Baron Montmorency.”
The name seemed to affect the older woman deeply, and Gillian lifted her brows in an unspoken question. “Make no mistake, he turned out to be a fine man, but Belvry is my home, and after the wee one was born, I came back here with a new husband of my own.” She gave Gillian a broad wink and a smile.
“But I am getting ahead of myself! ‘Twas only when the castle was under attack, and Aisley’s husband fighting bravely, that Nicholas returned. Just in time, they all say, to save us from our villainous neighbor, Baron Hexham. The people were well pleased to have a de Laci take his rightful heritage, and I am not the only one who hoped that he would marry soon and continue the line. But he had changed, coming back from the East a harder man, and after that business with Hexham… Well, he seemed but a shell of himself.”
Edith brightened then, and grinned. “I must admit that I was surprised to hear him call you wife, but after meeting you, I am sure you are just the one to put everything to rights. Why, just look at the difference in the man already,” the older woman noted. “Never in all my days did I expect to see Nicholas de Laci chasing after a woman, and him half-naked besides!”
She laughed softly, as if the memory were a pleasant one, but Gillian could hardly join her. She remembered too well the glitter of hatred in her husband’s eyes. And, though she was grateful for Edith’s chatter, she was dismayed to learn that the older woman, and perhaps other members of the household, expected her to have some influence over their lord.
Ha! They might as well wish for the moon, for it would be more likely to do their bidding than Nicholas, Gillian thought, doubly angry with him now.
She looked up to see Edith’s brown eyes, eager with curiosity, upon her. “So tell me, my lady, how did you manage to get his attention?” the older woman said with a grin.
“In truth, I did nothing but be born,” Gillian answered after a long silence. “You see, I am Hexham’s niece.”
Nicholas was surly at supper, and so inattentive to the steward who tried to report upon his holdings that the man gaped at him in astonishment. The food seemed to sit like a hot stone in his belly, and he soon pushed away his trencher, though he knew that if he did not eat, he would regret it later. The promised pain meant little, for he had lived with it for years. Instead, his thoughts traveled to the upper chamber where his wife was taking her repast alone.
It was only natural, Nicholas told himself, to wish to keep the object of his revenge within view. Although he had sent a soldier up to guard her door, he trusted no one, least of all Edith, to watch over his wife. The foolish old servant did not know, nor could anyone guess, that the little nun was really a vixen who might leap out a window at the slightest provocation.
The thought of her escape attempt made Nicholas rise halfway from his seat, and he would have gone up to check on her, but for the startled gaze of his steward. He shifted slightly, nodding to the man, then stared at his cup. Had the meals at Belvry always been so interminable? Was there no way to hasten the serving and eating of food?
He looked at the members of his household, seated side by side along the trestles that lined the tables of the great hall, and realized that they had become soft, taking their ease at length. He ought to send them scurrying to their pallets, and then…
“I am glad to see that you abandoned your previous attire for something more suitable.” The sound of the low voice, suddenly so close to him, startled Nicholas, and he cursed himself for the lapse in his alertness. His eyes narrowed as he assessed the Syrian, who leaned near.
“What are you talking about?”
Darius lifted his dark brows in an enigmatic expression that made him look all the more exotic and foreign. “I had heard you were running around the castle wearing nothing but a scrap of linen to cover your modesty.”
For the first time in years, Nicholas felt heat rise in his cheeks, at the reminder of his headlong rush after his wife. He picked up a bare bone and rolled it absently between his fingers. “‘Twould be a bit chilly for continual wear,” he said coolly.
Darius smiled slowly. “At first, I thought you were but donning your emir’s robes, but from what I gather, your costume was even less substantial.”
Nicholas did not comment. He had no intention of explaining himself to the Syrian, or of dwelling upon an incident best forgotten. If Darius’s object was to inform him of the gossip, then he had done so. He had no wish to discuss it further.
“They say you charged after her like a bear—”
“Enough!” Nicholas said. Immediately he regretted his response. Was the Syrian trying to goad him? Nicholas assessed his companion with narrowed eyes. Although his expression revealed nothing, Nicholas had the distinct impression that the Syrian was amused. And he did not like it.
The bone in his hand snapped abruptly.
“Do you find something humorous, Darius?” Nicholas asked. The Syrian shook his head, his dark face impassive, his black eyes cloaked. But Nicholas persisted, staring hard at his companion until he realized that he would welcome a fight to ease his frustrations. Finally, he looked away, angered by his own lack of discipline.
“I will see to the sentries,” the Syrian said. Nicholas nodded, and was grateful for a respite from that knowing gaze when Darius left his seat. It was getting late. He ought to seek his rest and attend to his wife.
Gillian. Nicholas’s heart seemed to pound faster and harder as he pondered her fate, come the night. After what had happened in the bath, he was leery of sleeping with her. Nun or novice she was not unfamiliar with womanly wiles. Aye, innocent as she might seem, she could entice as well as the sultriest of harem dwellers. And he had no intention of becoming a slave to her body, when it was she who was at his mercy.
In truth, he ought to make her lie on the floor at the foot of his bed, like the meanest of servants. And yet her skin was so creamy and fine, Nicholas wondered if such a hard berth might not mar it. Perhaps he should just let her stay in Aisley’s room.
Daunted by his indecision, Nicholas took a deep breath to clear his head. Usually his judgment was swift and sure, and he liked not this continued dithering. With a frown of annoyance, he resolved to keep his wife within his sight. She was a clever, bold thing, and he would be wise to keep an eye on her, lest he find himself deprived of his vengeance come morning.
His. vengeance. Nicholas’s blood quickened as he contemplated his course. Already he had discovered her deepest fear and how effortlessly he could torment her with it. He would let the vixen sleep on a thick pallet, so that she would suffer no bruises, but he would keep her within reach… at the foot of his bed.
For the first time this evening, Nicholas’s lips curled into a ghost of a smile. Absently he stroked the curve of his cup with his thumb, again and again, while he pictured Hexham’s niece on her knees before him. Aye, he would taunt her easily enough—with his sex.
Chapter Five (#ulink_9627052c-fe4e-5721-b64d-a042648c19d4)
Gillian sat back, a bit uncomfortable under Edith’s constant attention. Being waited upon took some getting used to, and the habits of the nunnery died hard. Still, the older woman seemed offended by Gillian’s offers of help, so she played at the role of lady, and wondered just how long this treatment would last.
Somehow, she did not think Nicholas would approve.
“Well, you certainly have a healthy appetite,” Edith commented. As the servant cleaned away the remains of the meal, she eyed Gillian closely. “Could it be that he has got you with child already?”
Gillian blanched. “Certainly not,” she answered sharply. Then, feeling guilty for attacking her only friend here at Belvry, she took a deep breath and tried to find the words to explain. “‘Tis an old habit,” she said. “There was a time when I…when I did not have enough to eat…and since then I have filled myself whenever I can.”
“Oh, my poor child,” Edith said. Gillian turned away, too proud to see the pity she knew would be in the old servant’s eyes, but to her relief, Edith did not belabor the subject. The woman simply made a brisk sound in her throat and moved on.
“Well, you look fine and healthy, so I am sure that a baby will be not long in coming, especially since Lord Nicholas wants you to attend him in his chamber this night,” she said, giving Gillian a broad wink.
Gillian was horrified. The good food and friendly company of the older woman had relaxed her, but that easy mood fled at such news. She sat up straighter, so as to take slow, simple breaths, and stared, wide-eyed, at the door that had kept her closed away—and safe—from him.
“See, my lady, he cannot hate you as much as you say, or else he would not take his pleasure with you,” Edith rambled on. Suddenly the woman’s chatter seemed irritating, and Gillian would stop it before it embarrassed her further.
“The only pleasure he will take is in abusing me.”
“My lady!” Edith said, with a gasp of surprise. “I admit that Lord Nicholas is not the gentlest of men, but you cannot mean to say he has hurt you?”
“Not yet, for he has not had the opportunity to…to consummate the marriage,” Gillian said baldly.
“Oh!” Edith put a hand to her bosom, as if heartily relieved. “‘Tis your fears that are speaking, my lady. Lord Nicholas is a fine figure of a man, tall and strong and well made. Why, he is the most handsome man I have ever seen, excepting my own dear Willie, of course.”
“Yes, he is beautiful. Beautiful and terrible,” Gillian muttered.
“Nonsense,” Edith said. “He has been to the East, where men are said to acquire an expertise in the arts of love. You cannot tell me that Lord Nicholas does not know his way about a bedchamber.”
Gillian blushed and ducked her head, unprepared for this frank discussion of what transpired between a man and a woman. Not since her days in Master Freemantle’s household had she heard such bold speech, and the memory of the burgher’s foul breath and loathsome touch made her shudder.
“Have no fear, my lady,” Edith said. “There are ways and there are ways, and if Lord Nicholas does not please you as he ought, you can take things into your own hands, so to speak,” she said with a loud chuckle.
“What?”
“I am only saying that there are some who do not respond to kind words and sweet smiles, but most men are swayed easily enough by a woman’s attentions under the covers.”
Stunned, Gillian stared, openmouthed, at the older woman.
“Aye, my lady,” Edith said conspiratorially. “I have marked the way Lord Nicholas looks at you, and to my mind, you could have him at your feet easily enough, should you but make a bit of effort.”
Gillian felt dizzy at the thought. She was distrustful of men and fearful of their lusts, and yet, when she bathed Nicholas de Laci, she had felt only a strange excitement. His body was so compelling that she had found her hands lingering at their task, her fingers exploring the broad pelt of dark hair that covered his hard chest. Trying to maintain a modicum of privacy, she had averted her eyes from the water’s hidden depths, but she had found out later that everything about Nicholas de Laci was larger than life.
Gillian’s heart started beating wildly as she remembered Nicholas de Laci as he had stood in the doorway, naked but for a scrap of linen. She pictured him leaning close, touching her, doing things to her that Master Freemantle had whispered in her ear. The images held a certain forbidden allure that Gillian would never have thought herself capable of feeling, and she closed her eyes, as if to block them from her sight.
When she did, her husband’s face swam before her, handsome enough to turn any girl’s knees to water, yet his expression showed not ecstasy but triumph, and his silver eyes glittered with malice. With a gasp, Gillian lifted her lashes, knowing that she could never turn him away from his twisted course of vengeance.
“Here now, calm yourself, my lady,” Edith said, bending over Gillian, concern in her gaze. “I did not mean to upset you. ‘Twas just a thought, and should you change your mind, you just ask old Edith for some advice. We will have haughty old Nick begging for your favors like a trained pup!”
Gillian smiled bitterly at the woman’s words, for she knew just how impossible it would be to accomplish that feat. Edith was gentle and kind, but she saw what she wanted to see, and she had never faced Nicholas de Laci’s dagger eyes, empty of all but his hatred.
“Well, now, you had better come along, and remember what I said, child,” Edith added.
Gillian stood and nodded, but when the older woman turned, she made sure that her eating knife was secreted upon her person. Although not much of a weapon, she would use it, if endangered. By rights, her body belonged to her husband, but before God, she would not let him harm her.
Grimly she followed the servant toward the great chamber, where he was waiting. Fighting against the same sensations that must have assailed Daniel upon entering the lions’ den, Gillian went in with head held high. She heard her husband’s sharp dismissal of Edith and the ominous thud of the door closing behind the servant, but still she refused to look at him.
Silence settled around her, thick and ominous, and Gillian decided there was something horribly close about the bedchamber, although it was the biggest one she had ever seen. Large, warm and luxurious, it was typical of Belvry, this fantastic home of the de Lacis.
A huge bed with heavy hangings stood against one wall, across from a clean hearth surrounded by coffers and settles soft with thick pillows. Eyeing a fat woven cloth with exotic designs that must have been made in the East, Gillian realized that she had never dreamed of such a place. Truly, it must resemble paradise.
There was only one problem: He was in it.
He had never shared her tent while on the road. In fact, they had been alone only once, right here, when she attended his bath, running her hands over his sleek, wet skin and discovering the hard muscle that ran beneath it. Shivering at the memory that beckoned to her, Gillian forced herself to look at him.
All her longings disappeared in a rush. He stood before her now, so arrogant and cruel that she could hardly believe him to be the same man who had relaxed under her touch, or that she had felt anything other than revulsion toward him.
