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‘Faith—’
‘I was devastated and you hate emotional scenes, you know you do. Look at you now—you’re standing there thinking to yourself, “I hope she doesn’t cry again. Once was enough.”’
‘That isn’t true,’ Raul lied swiftly but her soft, derisive laugh told him that he’d been less than convincing. He paced to the furthest end of the living room although why, he didn’t really know. There was already an enormous gulf between them. Physically and emotionally they were as far apart as it was possible for two people to be.
‘It’s all irrelevant. What matters now is that we’re married. And we have to find a way of moving forward from here.’ He thought of the past year and the passion they’d shared. He’d loved the fact that she hadn’t known who he was at their first meeting. Loved the fact that the chemistry between them had been raw and explosive and nothing to do with who he was.
And even when she’d discovered his identity, it hadn’t changed her. She’d continued to be herself, challenging him constantly without guarding what she said. Surrounded by people who deferred to him, he’d found Faith a revelation. And then there had been the sex.
‘Raul, it’s over.’
‘You’re my wife, Faith. I want you back in my bed.’
She gaped at him. ‘You have to be kidding.’
Taken aback by her less than enthusiastic response to his statement, Raul frowned. ‘Every relationship goes through rocky patches.’
‘This isn’t a rocky patch, Raul, it’s a mountain range!’
‘I told you earlier that there wouldn’t be a divorce.’
‘I assumed you didn’t mean it.’
‘We were good together.’
‘At sex. You’re just being ridiculously possessive and macho. You’re doing it again—that whole Argentine-man thing.’ Her face was terrifyingly pale and she rose to her feet so suddenly that her body swayed.
With a sharp frown, Raul stepped towards her but before he could reach her her legs gave way and she sank to the floor, unconscious.
‘These things happen after a head injury, but it’s important that she avoids any unnecessary stress.’
Faith woke to find herself lying on the bed with a doctor hovering over her and groaned. Not more doctors.
‘She really needs peace and quiet,’ he was saying and Faith struggled to sit up.
‘What happened?’
‘You fainted,’ the man said calmly and Faith frowned.
‘I never faint.’
The man closed his bag. ‘You can’t expect to return to full health immediately. You need to take it gently.’
‘I intended to take her back to the estancia tomorrow.’ Raul’s face was strained and the doctor nodded.
‘It’s only a short drive. She will be fine, I’m sure. But you need to remember that a miscarriage followed by a head injury—it’s a lot for anyone to cope with.’ He picked up his medical bag and left the room with Raul.
A few moments later Raul was back, a wary expression on his handsome face.
Faith lay still, just watching him. ‘Why are you staring at me like that? I’m not about to break in two.’
‘The doctors think that the reason you’re so emotional could be because of the miscarriage,’ he said tightly. ‘They think you should be encouraged to talk about it.’
‘Talk?’ Faith gave a weak laugh. ‘They don’t know you very well, do they? Now I understand why you’re looking green around the gills. You’re afraid I suddenly want to expose you to my inner feelings. Relax, Raul. I wouldn’t discuss it with you if you were the last person on earth.’
He absorbed the insult without attempt at retaliation, his face grim as he studied her in silence. Then he dropped something into her lap.
Faith looked at it and her heart stopped dead.
‘It’s your wedding ring,’ he said in a harsh voice. ‘The wedding ring you threw at me only two hours after I’d placed it on your finger. Put it on. You’re mine and don’t ever forget it again.’
Remembering how she’d felt when she’d removed it, Faith felt the lump return to her throat. ‘Do you know something?’ she said in a shaky voice that didn’t sound like her own. ‘Until I met you, I could never understand why a woman would be so stupid as to cry over a man. And here I am, doing exactly that.’
‘Put it on. You should never have taken it off your finger.’
‘You should never have put it on my finger, feeling the way you felt.’ She took the ring in her hand but didn’t put it on.
‘I did not intentionally upset you.’
‘Don’t say that, Raul, because if you’ve achieved this level of devastation without even trying, I don’t even want to think about what you might manage if you really applied yourself.’
‘I’m willing to admit that I was thinking of my feelings rather than yours.’ His surprising admission left her speechless and he sat on the edge of the bed, his dense lashes lowered as he studied her. ‘I am trying.’
‘Are you?’
‘I’m here.’
‘Claiming your “possession”; wasn’t that the word you used? Give me one reason why I should even think about putting this ring back on my finger.’
‘Because you love me.’
His arrogant statement rocked her to the core. Did she love him? Was she really such a poor judge of character? ‘Go away, Raul. You heard the doctor—I’m not supposed to be subjected to any stress and you definitely fall under the category of stress.’
‘You love me, Faith.’ His voice was dangerously intimate and she glared at him angrily but the anger was as much directed towards herself as him. She shouldn’t be listening to him. She shouldn’t be giving him air-time.
‘Do you want to have to explain to the doctor why I’ve collapsed again?’
His response to that was to take her cold fingers in his warm, strong grip and slide the ring onto her finger in a decisive gesture. ‘Don’t take it off again. And now I want you to tell me how you feel.’
‘No, you don’t.’ She gave a hollow laugh. ‘Trust me, you really don’t want to go there. And anyway, we both know that you would sooner eat glass than discuss my feelings.’
‘That is not true.’ His fingers tightened on hers. ‘Whatever you may think, I do care about you. The doctors say you need to talk about the miscarriage. I explained that the pregnancy was an accident, but they didn’t seem to think that would make any difference to the emotional impact.’
‘And that was news to you?’ Her voice shook as the pain shot through her. ‘You think that made any difference to my feelings? Do you think that made it hurt any the less?’
‘I don’t know.’ His tone was cool and detached. ‘I have no experience in this area.’ And he hadn’t wanted any experience; that much was obvious from every taut, stiff line of his powerful frame.
‘I don’t know why we’re talking about this.’
‘Because the doctors seem to think it might help you. Did it hurt, physically?’ His voice was gruff and she stared at the ceiling, feeling as though the bottom was dropping out of her world, yet again.
‘Raul, I really don’t—’
‘Talk to me!’
‘Why? So that you can watch me unravel like a ball of wool?’ Her strangled laugh was like a warning bell, indicating that the volumes of tension building inside her were reaching danger levels. ‘Is that what you’re asking?’
‘Dios mío, do not attack me when I am trying to help! Tell me what is in your head.’
His hand rested close to hers and the fact that her own fingers tingled with the need to touch shocked her. He wasn’t capable of giving comfort, so why was she hoping for it? ‘I’m angry. That’s how I feel.’
‘Sí, that much I can see for myself,’ he growled. ‘What else?’
‘Sad,’ she whispered, curling her fingers into the soft duvet that covered her. ‘And guilty. Because I was so worried about what the baby would do to you and to us. It didn’t occur to me that I might lose it. And now I’m wondering—’
‘It was not your fault.’ The fact that he’d read her mind surprised her because she hadn’t thought he was capable of being so connected with her thoughts.
‘You don’t know that. It feels as though it is.’ Her voice was clogged with tears. ‘Perhaps that baby knew that it had stirred up a hornet’s nest between us. Perhaps it knew, Raul.’
‘You are torturing yourself for no reason.’
‘You wanted to know how I feel. I’m telling you. I feel guilty. Sad. Disappointed. Angry with you.’ She swallowed painfully and her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘And empty. Really, really empty. Because I’ve lost something that was part of me. Part of us. And I know it wasn’t planned, but once I found out about it I just wanted it.’ It was too much. Letting a tiny drop of emotion escape was dangerous when so much of it was bottled up.
‘You always were maternal. I watched you delivering foals and I knew then that you were trouble.’ His tone was gruff and she knew he was acknowledging what they’d both known: that this was always going to be an enormous issue between them.
‘I didn’t think it would be a problem,’ she admitted hoarsely. ‘I had no plans to settle down and get married. Children were something in the far-distant future so when you told me that wasn’t what you wanted, I suppose it just didn’t really seem relevant. We were having fun and we were happy. That was what mattered.’
‘The problem was always there.’
‘Only if you were thinking in terms of marriage and a future, and I wasn’t.’ Her fingers tightened on the duvet. ‘I didn’t see it as a problem.’
‘You mean you hoped I would wake up one morning longing to be a father.’
‘No, I mean I wasn’t thinking about parenthood. I was just enjoying our relationship.’
His gaze didn’t shift from her face. ‘And now?’
‘Well, I don’t think this is the most fun we’ve ever had together, if that’s what you’re asking me,’ she croaked and he rose to his feet and gave her a long, speculative look that made her stomach tumble and turn.
‘I never wanted to hurt you.’
‘Raul, don’t—’
‘I love being with you.’
It was as close to a declaration of love as he’d ever come, and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. Afraid that she’d make a fool of herself, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. ‘Getting soppy on me, Raul?’
‘Perhaps.’
She gave a soft moan of agony. ‘It’s easier to deal with you when you’re angry and unreasonable. Why are you doing this to me now, when it’s too late for us?’
‘It isn’t too late.’
If she’d thought she was confused before, she was doubly so now. ‘How can you claim to care about me when you hurt me?’
‘If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be here now.’ He didn’t try and touch her but somehow that made his simple statement all the more compelling and she screwed her eyes tightly shut.
‘We make each other miserable.’
‘Until we married we were extremely happy together.’ His voice was tense. ‘We need to put all this behind us and move on. Concentrate on our relationship.’
‘I can’t just put it behind me—’
‘So what are you going to do?’ His voice was brutal. ‘Carry on like this? Walking under cars, winding yourself up to a state of such anxiety that you pass out?’
Numb, she looked at him. ‘What do you want from me?’
‘You,’ he said simply. ‘Back in my bed where you belong.’ It was such a typically macho declaration that she closed her eyes tightly, hating herself for even considering it.
‘You hurt me, Raul.’
‘And you hurt me.’
Accepting that as a truth, she opened her eyes. ‘You seriously expect to carry on with our marriage?’
‘You are getting upset again and you are very pale. Last time we talked about this you collapsed on the floor at my feet,’ he bit out. ‘So we’re going to leave the subject until you’re feeling stronger. In the meantime you’ll just have to accept the fact that we’re married and that we’re staying that way. We’re not going to talk about this again, now.’ He turned and strode towards the bedroom door. ‘Get some rest. I need to do some work.’
Too exhausted and drained to argue with him further, Faith collapsed against the pillows, feeling as though she’d been run over all over again. Now what?
Part of her was worried that she felt so lousy, but another part of her was far too distracted by her relationship with Raul to pay much attention to her own health.
Why was he so determined that they should stay married when it was clear that he’d only married her because of the baby?
What hope was there for them?
And then she remembered just how good their relationship had been—how much she loved him.
Just how much could a person forgive?
Did she dare try to make their marriage work?
If she chose that path, how much pain lay ahead of her?
Her head full of doubts and questions, she couldn’t relax or lie still so she slid out of bed and padded on bare feet out of the bedroom and into the living room.
Raul was sprawled on the sofa, his eyes closed. His shirt was undone at the collar, his sleeves were rolled up and dark stubble emphasised the lean, hard lines of his handsome face.
He looked exhausted and Faith felt her heart twist. Five minutes earlier she’d wanted to slap him. Now she wanted to put her arms round him and hug him.
