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Nick cleared his throat. “Sorry. The girls are overexuberant.”
Breaking away from Dan, Sara approached Maddie and stood before her. “Sorry, ma’am.”
She smiled at his niece, a genuine, pure-Maddie smile that had often been directed at him in the past. Nick was mesmerized by it. “Don’t worry, honey, no harm done.”
Not to her, maybe. After holding her, even briefly, Nick knew he would spend another night tearing the covers off the bed. Any physical contact with this woman was going to ruin his peace of mind.
Tessa came forward. “Madelyn, this is my husband, Dan.”
“Nice to meet you.” Maddie nodded to his family. “All of you.” She’d never met them before because Nick had been estranged from Dan when he and Maddie were together.
Dan kept a poker face, but Nick could guess what he was thinking. “You, too.”
“Nice to bump into you,” Molly said, chuckling.
Maddie gave a short laugh and the tension eased. “If you’ll excuse me. Nick, I’ll get back to you on the grant.”
Nick watched her leave. When he turned around, he caught sight of Dan’s face. “What?” he asked.
THE YOGA INSTRUCTOR, Hillary, sat in the middle of the wooden floor in lotus position. Early March meant the days turned dark at 6:00 p.m., and the inside of the cavernous loft of Open Heart Yoga was in shadows. “Keep your eyes closed,” Hillary said softly, “chin down, sternum up, tailbone settling into the floor or bolster.”
As Madelyn had only taken classes for two years, she was elevated on a cushion, her legs merely crossed, not sliding easily into a complete lotus. Beside her, Bethany Hunter, who’d been at this since she was twenty, was in perfect harmony with the instructor.
Blank your mind. Don’t think. Concentrate on the light. Breathe in. Out.
Still, no harmony. Damn it! Damn him!
“Madelyn, ease the tension in your shoulders. Get rid of that frown.”
Chastised by the instructor, Madelyn tried like hell to relax.
For an hour and a half.
It never happened.
When the final namaste came, Madelyn’s stomach was still in knots.
“That felt terrific,” Beth said, stretching out her legs and wiggling her toes.
“Yeah, terrific.”
Her friend nodded to the huge statue on the front altar. “Buddha will smite you for lying in his sanctuary.”
“I know somebody else he can smite instead.”
Beth stood. She was a tall, graceful woman with a slender body and a core of inner strength. “Come on, let’s put our props away and go get juice.”
When they were settled into a corner of the juice bar downstairs, Beth sipped her cranberry drink. “It didn’t go so well with Nick?”
“On how many levels do you want to hear about it?”
“All of them.” She squeezed Madelyn’s hand. “I wish I’d been at work the last two days.”
“You had your own problems, Beth.” She took a swig of her drink, enjoying the tart pineapple flavor. “It was hard to see him.”
“I’ll bet that’s an understatement. How’d he react to the news about Lucy? And you?”
“He was shocked.” She tried hard not to feel sorry for him. She had to stifle all emotional involvement with this man, or the floodgates would open.
“Still think you can work with him?” When John had asked her to come back and then told her Nick was also returning, she and Beth had discussed the issue at length. Beth had advised against it.
“Yep. I can. For John and for the Center.”
“Tell me about the meeting.”
“Right off the bat, he objected to the schedule sheets. Then he balked at the idea of running his program by me.”
“Nick doesn’t deal well with authority.” Beth smiled. “It’s one of the reasons he understands kids so well.”
“He tried to talk me out of a second counselor for his group sessions and absolutely refuses to participate in the staff support group.”
“I warned you about the last thing. But objecting to the additional counselor is bad judgment. And I’m kind of surprised. He usually sees what’s best for kids.”
“Well, we ambushed the hell out of him with my being his boss.”
To be fair, Madelyn also told Beth about the space he’d set up for the teens. However, she didn’t mention that while he’d been painting the room, he’d been talking to his lovely sister-in-law about her or that, when his nieces had unbalanced Madelyn, Nick had grabbed on to her. That slight touch had brought back so many associations. At that moment, she’d realized she couldn’t afford to get anywhere near him physically. She’d have to keep her distance—a lot like an alcoholic had to stay away from booze.
“Always the innovator. That’s the Nick Logan I know and love.”
Madelyn clenched her hands in her lap.
Insightful, and closer to Madelyn than any other human being, Beth watched her friend for a minute. “Maddie, I know you hated that I talked to him after he left you and had an e-mail correspondence with him, but A, I’m a minister and I can’t turn away people in need. And B, he suffered. Almost as much as you did.”
Madelyn drew in a breath that would make Hillary proud and released it slowly. “I realize all that. And I’m glad you were there for him. He got cold feet and ditched me but I was still in love with him.”
“He ditched you because he was in love with you, too. In his words, he ‘couldn’t handle how his life had begun to revolve around you.’”
She shook her head. “You don’t leave someone because you love them too much.” She arched a brow. “And I bet he never used the L-word to you. I know he didn’t to me. It’s not in his vocabulary.” Of course, Madelyn had held back that particular declaration, too.
A silence. “Isn’t that a little unfair? You know what caused his commitment issues.” Beth hesitated. “You knew it when you got involved with him.”
After Daniel Logan Sr. had embezzled a half million dollars out of the bank he worked at and gone to jail for it, Nick had rebelled. Because she couldn’t handle him, his mother had kicked Nick out of her house when he was sixteen. A “tough love” kind of thing that had backfired in ways Claire Logan couldn’t have imagined.
Still what Nick had done to Maddie was unforgivable. “At some point, you have to stop blaming your past for your present insecurities and faults and take control of your life.”
Across the table, Beth gave her an indulgent smile. “You’re so strong, Maddie. Not everybody could overcome what you did.”
Madelyn shivered, remembering her absent father, her alcoholic mother and how she’d practically supported herself since she was eleven. For most of her early life, she’d been intimately acquainted with the word impoverished.
“Because you overcame such odds, you think everybody else can, too.”
“Maybe. But, Beth, he’s a psychotherapist, he should be able to figure out a way to deal with his personal issues.”
Beth laughed. “If that were true, I’d be able to forgive my ex for all the damage he’s done. I’m a minister, but truthfully, when he disappoints Parker, I want to kill the S.O.B.”
Madelyn loved Bethany like a sister and didn’t want to fight with her, especially over Nick. “Let’s stop talking about Nick. I can’t change the things that happened in the past. I can just try to work with him at the Center.”
“What are you going to do about the additional counselor?”
“No money for one. But I’m not going to let a little thing like that violate my new policy.”
“Can you assign Reid to help?”
“No. He’s taking a vacation—long overdue. There’s something going on in his family he won’t talk about, but I gather this time away is important.”
“John can’t do it.”
“No, it would be too much of a burden now.”
“I’d help out but I can’t afford any more time out of the house. Parker needs me there.”
“I wouldn’t let you anyway. You already put in more hours than the local ministerium pays you for.” Beth was a part-time pastor at a local church, and her part-time salary at the Center was footed by a group of inner-city churches. “How is Parker?”
“Better.” Beth scowled. “I’m so mad at his father. He canceled their plans on Sunday, which sent my son into a serious depression.”
“I’m mad at him, too.”
They chuckled, as if being angry at the men in their pasts would help.
Beth studied Madelyn with what Madelyn called her minister look. “You aren’t thinking about doing the counseling yourself, are you Maddie?”
She didn’t say anything.
“That would be a very bad decision.”
“I know.” Her throat tightened at the mere thought. “And I swear to God, I don’t want to work that closely with Nick.”
“We’ll find another way.”
“By three o’clock tomorrow?”
“Hey, God does some of Her best work on deadline.”
Madelyn laughed, and so did Beth. Once again, Madelyn was grateful to have this woman in her life.
She had a lot to be grateful for. Friends like Beth and John. A job she loved. Enough material things.
Hearing a thud from above where another yoga session had started, she vowed not to let Nick Logan ruin one more class, one more hour, one more minute of her good and happy life.
“WHAT ARE YOU still doing here?”
Nick turned to find John in the doorway of the newly painted group session room. “Is it that late?”
“Eight o’clock.”
“I wanted to finish up as much as I could tonight.” He scanned the area. “Not too shabby for one day’s work, is it?”
John wandered inside. “Who paid for these?” He swiped his hand over a beanbag chair, one of a set of four. “And the futon? And the director’s chairs?”
He missed the table and “kewl” lamps, as Nick’s nieces had called them.
“Everything was cheap. I got it all at the furniture warehouse outlet.”
“How much?”
“Two fifty.”
“Did Maddie approve the expense?”
“What? Without bloodletting? No, I paid for it myself so I didn’t have to open a vein.”
“I thought so.” John slouched down into a beanbag. “Ouch. Wow, I’m getting old.”
“Try the futon.”
When John was settled on the couch, he looked up at Nick. “You can’t spend your own money on this place.”
Though social work didn’t pay big bucks, Nick lived frugally and had saved some money. “I don’t have anybody else to spend it on, except maybe my nieces.”
“Whose fault is that?”
Nick stared down at the man who was more of a father to him than his own had been. A friend Nick had almost lost because of what he’d done to Maddie.
She’s like a daughter to me and Lucy. You’re like a son. What the hell are you doing to your lives?
Nick’s response had been so weak, so milquetoast, he’d been embarrassed by it. John, when she thought she was pregnant, I began to realize what I’d gotten myself into. I wouldn’t be any good at that kind of life. I’d be like Daniel. Claire was right, I have his genes. Maddie’s better off without me.
John had practically begged. Please, Nick, don’t do this.
“Where are you, son?”
“Thinking about the past.” He glanced up at the ceiling fan Dan had put in. “I…” Damn it, he had learned something in the last three years. “About how grateful I am that you didn’t write me off after what I did to her.”
“Never gonna happen.” The expression on John’s face was full of warmth and acceptance. “No matter how hard you try to alienate everybody who cares about you.”
Nick dropped down into a director’s chair opposite him. “John, I’ve agreed to stay on. But I hope Maddie doesn’t get hurt in the process.”
“She tells me she won’t. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have hired her back.” John smoothed his hand over the light wood arm of the futon. “She’s moved on, Nick. She had a steady guy in her life for almost a year.”
