The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting your high-need child from birth to five

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Anaemia (#ulink_0a7a6439-7e45-5ddb-b26e-50b5974a0af2)

Urinary Tract Infections (#ulink_ea78cb12-8a69-5b96-aa3a-2b6b92b70ab9)

II: the high-need child grows up (#u2f3078d9-6f60-5895-9e30-67202e47ed2a)

chapter 11: (#ud70e214d-5f75-59cc-bb66-3da6e1d9e4ff)the high-need thrill ride (#ud70e214d-5f75-59cc-bb66-3da6e1d9e4ff)

The Ride Begins (#ulink_9461d1c5-28a8-5b66-b8eb-9048b2943c22)

1. Little Need for Sleep (#ulink_a5d3391f-9304-5394-b74a-351a9a122e23)

2. High Need for Mum (#ulink_f68b0168-2ce9-5472-9f32-aece67765ee2)

3. High Sucking Need (#ulink_ece4643b-5e0f-5519-bc85-6a56ba960692)

4. Hyper-Responsive to Stimuli (#ulink_ed46f4a6-2a8b-5f1b-91a2-902ea734d444)

5. Hyper When Hungry (#ulink_50217a2a-f296-586c-a12e-1dcb482b91e8)

6. Highly Creative (#ulink_d9a5d464-b9ab-5807-9e97-9fe90c9dafb6)

7. Resisting Authority (#ulink_78dede9d-e9d7-5343-987f-696053f90834)

8. Stubborn (#ulink_f9ae074a-71c6-593d-b7e1-5b2d07b7a2ae)

9. Negative (#ulink_3165ce82-d50f-50af-8818-59d11e844d2d)

10. Opinionated (#ulink_773a5532-4da8-505f-8b4b-6b3d6d3ecf6e)

11. High Need for Affirmation (#ulink_d38e4b48-5943-5a1d-9825-f3a12f0406be)

12. “It’s Not My Fault!” (#ulink_35eacc20-b017-5bb1-9154-23e77c3ffcb0)

Where Do I Go to Resign? (#ulink_7032931b-da69-561f-b98a-c5b16b90d70e)

chapter 12: (#u5b170423-c135-5ff0-847a-d86b054fd698)disciplining the high-need child (#u5b170423-c135-5ff0-847a-d86b054fd698)

Get Connected to Your Child – Early (#ulink_bf5f8f56-ccb6-5831-bfb0-bd57350ff0a1)

Study Your Child (#ulink_e365506e-46e3-590a-8e19-f27ffa4706d0)

Think Kid First (#ulink_d2f9aaca-e520-57b0-ac6b-e7bc680c2454)

Provide Structure, Set Limits (#ulink_f98883e4-33c2-54a2-b300-f771fa8d5e63)

Know When to Say Yes and When to Say No (#ulink_2aa3105e-412a-5cdf-9f0d-570ffdb8415d)

Command Respect (#ulink_3a8a2150-22d7-5310-9b5d-70dde0ad1057)

Help Your Child Learn Empathy (#ulink_68f9f0c6-9139-5446-bae9-c828f82f0e17)

Give Choices (#ulink_2c20d33b-cee5-57c1-9c3c-525accc0fa27)

Let Your Child Know What You Expect (#ulink_5f3640da-aefd-51cc-8515-f4ed04da37ee)

Shaping Is More Important than Controlling (#ulink_c0851fe1-f33d-5d7a-bcab-e3104fe15db2)

chapter 13: (#u48dfcc61-0696-5bb0-aec1-97612d43672c)how to talk to and listen to the high-need child (#u48dfcc61-0696-5bb0-aec1-97612d43672c)

Understand Your Child’s Viewpoint (#ulink_be870e1c-6162-5959-bd67-13e003ea0a3d)

Getting Your Child’s Attention (#ulink_e786fed2-423e-5142-a90f-4f5965cebf5a)

Holding Your Child’s Attention (#ulink_d07e0ab7-72c8-53d9-85d3-e1f09d0cdae6)

Encourage Compliance Before Defiance (#ulink_29e69f58-44e3-50ea-8e69-17991e42421b)

Guide Your Child Toward the Conclusion You Want (#ulink_8ece676d-5b58-5941-b3aa-e36e7bd8531b)

Model Control (#ulink_b2d3f380-dcb1-57eb-a511-2f0082099594)

Use Proper Body Language (#ulink_d02169d3-00b7-5f8b-be52-c39d463637ca)

Acknowledge Your Child (#ulink_52c12bba-26d3-5cea-91cb-27592c64558c)

chapter 14: (#ue6161630-abe4-5ca4-ad7f-3733b4e368e5)the payoff – for children and for parents (#ue6161630-abe4-5ca4-ad7f-3733b4e368e5)

Empathy (#ulink_4b92acde-1f11-504e-bb6a-1101e5f1ae8d)

Sensitivity (#ulink_ab9c18e7-73a6-5321-ab92-5fc53c896f8a)

Sense of Justice (#ulink_885e47b7-46eb-52bb-bd20-276ede707933)

Awareness (#ulink_d2586bff-e8ad-573c-8878-760e03ec5abe)

Intimacy (#ulink_9ed12b47-ced5-5ddf-91b5-e04d27979efc)

Confidence (#ulink_2dd436c6-8acf-51f2-b589-3b394618881c)

Expressiveness (#ulink_337ece3d-6a77-58ef-870e-686389bdb0c2)

Persistence (#ulink_574eba2a-cd76-575a-8026-7f5728d72bf7)

Interdependence (#ulink_a0330f31-59b2-5a95-9946-e394db76713e)

Ability to Make Wise Choices (#ulink_5449cda6-68da-5116-a6b5-5436a4d20ecf)

Future Parenting Skills (#ulink_f911b642-6180-55ba-bd5b-5d19c53580bc)

Closeness (#ulink_d6f8b6ab-9127-531f-90bf-e8845cd0d357)

Ease in Disciplining (#ulink_1a237ee4-ade2-57cb-b2e2-06c83af3dd23)

Trust (#ulink_8bc17250-b212-5681-88d7-f6281b53ab1c)

III: stories from the experts (#ue0a67534-7aa2-5b94-834a-a59e2b873c7b)

chapter 15: (#u1b89e4e0-0506-5ad9-9b7b-7910fe6d2865)survivors’ stories (#u1b89e4e0-0506-5ad9-9b7b-7910fe6d2865)

Too Tired to Get Dressed (#ulink_fb712b2e-e913-52ca-8acd-016e98bd950b)

I Knew Something Was Wrong With Him (#ulink_f7d3d80d-67bf-5999-a5b8-b8ae9afa2f89)

Balancing a Medical Career and Mothering (#ulink_9304ec72-44f4-57d8-870d-17f172f569bb)

Robbed of a Month of My Motherhood (#ulink_774c938d-3fec-55df-ac50-e4ed50e8e2c1)

A Late Bloomer (#ulink_5d496d98-68b9-5aa2-b218-3f5731b67571)

Why Doesn’t This Baby Sleep? (#ulink_00beb558-2cdf-5365-8e78-a36b4e797df3)

Day-Care Nightmare (#ulink_33925367-35ac-5769-b5d7-b0e7fd15ad3f)

I Snuggled With My Premmie in Bed (#ulink_6db75775-065d-5394-bf24-0125eabf97bd)

A Screaming Bundle of Unhappiness (#ulink_8b0bbcb5-4d45-587f-b501-b5f580832d01)

Sleepless in Canada (#ulink_2c546aef-c673-5faa-b806-f3be34aa26e5)

Career Derailed (#ulink_6fcc96e4-9242-5570-98a6-f1b1f23abd20)

He’s a Hard-to-Love Baby (#ulink_ec480f7c-dd26-5b57-9a2c-e97ce764e1c9)

The Proof Is in the Pudding (#ulink_7d57929c-dcf9-5f0a-b4c0-366fe26c6a23)

I Would Not Want Her Any Other Way (#ulink_56feadfb-6b54-5a94-8f6c-fbb3af4b4b8b)

Time to Move On (#ulink_4144f6b8-63bf-5605-a7ca-99bc51b20729)

Index (#uf2dc69e2-fd98-5c39-b21d-34bcf7f99431)

Acknowledgements (#ufd304a40-e33f-51ae-914a-7d01e7b3fd82)

Keep Reading (#udadec946-6014-5a2c-91f1-d5335e756981)

Also by the Authors (#u899654e5-756d-57ea-82d3-194e62e2b388)

Copyright (#ue724870c-8172-513e-8ccb-be137faf5202)

About the Publisher (#u019639b5-5686-5397-8ed4-1f99ea7feeee)

a word from dr bill and martha (#ulink_bc2d71de-028e-5855-bf5b-a7d667b41ca0)

We want to both congratulate and encourage you on being blessed with a high-need child. Having a challenging child will bring out the best and worst in you; we wish to help this life-changing experience bring out the best.

Parenting a high-need child is like attending a continuous life-enrichment seminar. From the moment these infants exit the womb, in one way or another, they announce, “Hi, Mum and Dad. You’ve been blessed with an above-average child, and I need above-average parenting. If you give it to me, we’re going to get along fine; but if you don’t, we’re going to have a bit of trouble down the road.” And these babies have the persistence required to hold up their end of this bargain. Right from the start these children make it clear they need more! The good news is they also give more to everyone who cares for them.

This book is about children who are challenging and the parents who guide them. Besides insights that we have gained from parenting our own high-need children and from counselling hundreds of parents in our paediatric practice, sprinkled throughout this book you will find testimonies from parents who have survived and thrived with their high-need children – kids you would like. We let the experts speak for themselves.

Parenting a high-need child will be one of the most difficult journeys of your life. It will also be one of the most rewarding.

William and Martha Sears San Clemente, California May 1996

I the journey begins (#ulink_df10fca2-0606-5a26-ade9-6539017efa8f)

Parenting is a journey. Parenting a high-need child is a journey where you unwittingly end up in uncharted territory. Before your baby’s birth you imagine what the journey will be like. You buy guidebooks. You listen to friends who have taken similar trips. It’s exciting. Your baby is born and the journey begins. Suddenly your trip isn’t going as planned. Your child is not following the guidebooks. He takes you on a different journey, one that you might not have chosen and certainly not the one you had anticipated. Initially, you resent this change in travel plans. The road is bumpy. It is lonely. And it’s costing you much more energy than you had budgeted. But you’ve purchased a non-refundable ticket, so you must go on. While your friends are seeing all the popular sights, your child pulls you off the usual paths, down side roads, and into places where you’re forced to carve some new trails on your own. The trip is tiring and challenging. You have difficulty sharing your discoveries with your friends; they haven’t been where you’ve been or seen the world through your child’s eyes. Before long, though, you will gradually begin to realize how much richer your life is and how much wiser you are for having experienced this special journey.