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Sam teased me about HIM. ‘You got it bad.’
I smiled weakly. Sam had no idea how much I was banking on this love affair.
I hurried through the task of picking the apples. Sam seemed to sense my anxiety and soon begged off, complaining of a backache. He needed to lie down. I scurried down the ladder. I watched Sam retreat toward his side of the duplex.
‘Let me know if you need anything. I’ll bring over one of my pies soon,’ I yelled after him. But I’d already yanked off the garden gloves and thrown them to the ground. I grabbed the phone out of my back pocket and stared down at the Blackberry’s screen.
HIM: Been in mtgs w/execs all day but kept thinking abt bending u over, doggy style.
ME: God I love it 2. I love it SO much.
HIM: I like to watch ur tits sway when I fuck u.
ME: My tits love it when u r fucking me.
HIM: I will be @ same hotel in downtown next Tues nite. Can you come?
ME: Abso-fucking-lutely.
HIM: Gotta run.
ME: K.
* * *
The next day I drove to a lingerie store on the Boulevard. The shop had a myriad sexy negligées and such. The woman behind the counter looked at me knowingly. She was an older woman with long, dark, curly hair, perhaps in her fifties, but she exuded sexuality. She wore a boho purple dress that managed to show off her curves despite its frilliness.
‘The man I am seeing likes it when I wear sexy outfits,’ I explained.
‘Of course he does,’ she replied. ‘I have just the right item for you. It will drive him wild. Follow me.’
I walked past racks of lingerie, all beautiful and delicate and sexy, but she took me to the back aisle of the store and handed me a package. Inside was a crotchless black lace body suit.
‘Your man will love this. I suspect you will love it too. You are having a good time with this man?’
‘Yes.’
‘Nothing has been like this before for you, has it?’
‘No,’ I said, barely in a whisper, my face reddening.
I believe she knew I was in the middle of a sexual relationship that was consuming me, body and soul. I was pretty sure she had travelled the same terrain: the darker, out-of-control side of sex. We both knew there was no going back.
‘You have to be careful though. All the sex can make you a little crazy,’ she said.
‘How?’ I asked nervously.
‘The sex takes you places you’ve never been before. But it can consume you.’
‘Yes. But that’s OK.’
‘Enjoy it, my dear. But be careful.’
‘OK.’
‘It’s just that men often have many secrets. You never know who he really is.’
‘He’s very open with me,’ I said defensively. ‘His ex-wife was horrible.’
‘They always are,’ she said with a smirk. ‘Enjoy the ride, but proceed with caution. Don’t always be so available.’
She might as well have told me to bicycle to Mars.
We walked back in silence to the store cash register. I wanted to ask her more about my situation but I really didn’t know her. I gave her my credit card. She ran it through the machine and handed me the package. We smiled at one another.
She put her hand on my shoulder. ‘Take care, honey. Come back to the store whenever you’d like. You can see we have many beautiful negligées, but I’m also here just if you want to talk. Your friends are probably too vanilla to understand what is going on with you.’
‘Thank you,’ I replied, almost in a whisper.
Once home I threw my clothes off and opened the package. It took a while to get the body suit on. I looked at myself in the mirror. My white skin against the black lace made my tits appear enormous. I was very turned on. I rushed to my phone and then back to the mirror. Aiming the phone at the mirror, I snapped the photo. I looked amazing. I sent it to HIM and waited, lying on my bed with the body suit on, expectantly.
He answered me about a half hour later.
HIM: OMG. I luv the photo. Totally hard 4 u. I have to fuck u now!
ME: Be my guest.
HIM: Damn, so busy @ work but can’t wait 2 c u on Tuesday.
ME: U r gonna luv the body suit.
HIM: U look gr8 in it. I want to do all sorts of things 2 u.
ME: U can do whatever u want 2 do 2 me. I want u so bad.
HIM: An offer I can’t refuse.
ME: K. Can’t wait 2 c u. Any chance sooner?
HIM: No. Busy w/kids this wkend. Gotta run. More mtgs.
* * *
And then the weekend was upon me. I had to get through more days before I would see HIM. I hated the weekends without HIM.
I wondered if he was really divorced. I had done for a while. I’d vacillate from wondering about whether he was lying to me to fantasising about the sex we were having. I knew he and I were lost in a world of secret desire.
* * *
I spent the weekend baking apple pies. I brought one over to Sam on Sunday night and then stayed for dinner. He didn’t ask me about HIM.
I kept my phone close by. I was hoping he’d text me but he didn’t.
Waiting for HIM to text me was hell. I could not imagine living like this for ever. My nerves were shot. I wanted to drink or smoke or use drugs and sleep all day or cry all day or injure myself in some way. This was hell.
Heaven was getting a text from HIM.
* * *
On Tuesday, he texted me during my class. The students heard it although I was supposed to have turned my phone off.
‘Excuse me,’ I said to my students. ‘I have a friend in the hospital. Her sister said she’d text me about the test results.’ I paused. ‘She’s OK.’
After the class THE BOY came to my desk. ‘Your friend is in the hospital?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’
‘Well, have a good time.’ I was too obsessed to really get crazy about THE BOY’s remarks. But I knew he was on to me.
I left the college early and went home to pick up my bag for the night. Esme followed me around the apartment. I felt guilty about leaving her alone. I scooped her up and held her in my arms. ‘You’re so beautiful,’ I told her. ‘I am so happy you’re in my life.’ She began purring softly and I held her for a long time.
I went into the kitchen, opened a can of catfood and put it into one of her bowls. I also took out the dry catfood and filled another bowl to the brim. I checked her water supply. She was going to be OK without me for the night, but I hurriedly left the duplex while she was still eating. Just as I was leaving I felt my phone vibrate. It was HIM.
HIM: Hey baby, can’t wait 2 c u @ downtown hotel 2nite.
ME: Me 2.
HIM: I have mtg til 8. If u want to come sooner I will leave ur name @ desk.
ME: K.
When I arrived at the hotel the clerk gave me the key to HIM’s room. I saw that he’d already settled in: his open suitcase was on top of the dresser. I looked at the contents. I supposed I was hoping to find clues to determine who he really was. But the items were generic: underwear, socks, several ties. There were several folders with electronic charts and diagrams. He’d put a suit in the closet. I smelled the jacket, taking in the delicious scent of HIM. HIM. He’d soon be inside me. I looked at the clock on the night table next to the bed. It would be several hours before he arrived.
* * *
I took a long bath, reapplied my make-up and put on the body suit. When I looked in the mirror I was once again shocked by how sexy I looked in it. I put one of my fingers in my already wet pussy. I went to the bed and lay down. I didn’t mean to fall asleep but I did.
* * *
I awoke to HIM opening the door. He came and lay down next to me.
He kissed me on the forehead, then took a strand of my hair and brushed it behind my ear. ‘Ah, ah, ah,’ he said.
He began stroking my pussy. He found the place, the very place. He slowly touched me THERE. He was so gentle and I began to move to his touch. I came in a moment of pure ecstasy, and then I came again. I wondered what it was like for HIM to watch me in my most intimate moments, my whole body quivering in delight.
I actually lost count of how many times he brought me to climax. And then we just lay on the bed, not talking.
* * *
He made love to me that evening and again in the middle of the night. In the morning he suggested we shower together. I agreed.
He opened the shower door and let me in first. He lathered me with a bar of soap, then himself. Our bodies glided over one another.
Then he pushed me up against the wall of the shower. He held my hands above my head so I could not move. He released one of his hands long enough to use it to guide his cock into my pussy. He looked down at me again while bringing his hand back up so that he was holding both of my hands up against the wall. It felt like handcuffs.
‘You have to have it this way. I know that about you,’ he whispered in my ear.
‘Of course,’ I whispered back.
‘I’m not kidding,’ he said, pushing his cock deeper inside me. ‘You don’t have a choice. You are the kind of woman that has to be fucked like this.’
‘Yes.’
He was still holding me up against the wall.
‘You need to ask me to fuck you this way.’
‘Will you fuck me this way?’ I asked.
‘I don’t believe you,’ he said withdrawing his cock.
‘Fuck me deeper,’ I said. I’d lost my mind. So completely lost to passion. I needed HIM inside me. I needed HIM so much.
‘Say it again,’ he said, thrusting his cock into me. ‘Louder. I need to know you really mean it.’
‘Fuck me deeper!’
‘Yes. That’s it,’ he said. By then he’d withdrawn his cock almost all the way, and when he thrust it back it went so deep inside me that I gasped.
‘Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me!’ I was crying. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours. He pinned me against the shower wall. My nipples were engorged simply from the sensation of having his penis planted so deeply inside me. It was painful and exciting. All I knew was that I needed HIM to be doing just this.
‘Do it again,’ I commanded and he did.
8 (#ulink_ba6e7593-13d5-5370-9518-f28c90081953)
He’s going to Paris. Paris? (#ulink_ba6e7593-13d5-5370-9518-f28c90081953)
Love is not a hot-house flower, but a wild plant, born of a wet night, born of an hour of sunshine; sprung from wild seed, blown along the road by a wild wind. A wild plant that, when it blooms by chance within the hedge of our gardens, we call a flower; and when it blooms outside we call a weed; but, flower or weed, whose scent and colour are always, wild!
John Galsworthy, The Forsyte Saga
This is what I understood: my life had been on hold since the day my mother got sick. After she died, I continued to live but only marginally. And then I met HIM. HIM. It was only after he came into my life that I could see how cut off I’d been from the rest of the world. I had taken the mournful road.
He and I ate breakfast in the room, then left. He kissed me softly in the hotel lobby. He did not set up another date, though I’d hoped he would, so by the time I arrived at college I was on the verge of tears. The students sensed I was vulnerable and remained quiet and passive.
When I got home later I couldn’t stop crying. My tears were the inevitable aftermath of a tryst with HIM, the price I paid for being with HIM.
I quickly changed out of my work clothes and put on an old pair of pajamas. I looked into the mirror and thought I was the exact opposite of the pretty, sexy woman who’d been fucked over and over at a downtown hotel the evening before.
