скачать книгу бесплатно
As soon as she had room to move, she shoved against his chest and his grunt told her she’d successfully knocked the wind out of him. It was a provocation. His eyes flashed at her, a clear warning that she was playing with fire. But Alessa wasn’t going to let up. Never in her life had she been so aware of every nerve in her body. She wasn’t ready to let go of whatever it was that was igniting her from the inside.
She was still in a vulnerable position and this time he didn’t go easy on her. He returned her jab and attempted to pin her back down but she was quicker, managing to twist away from him while delivering a few kicks. Luke had asked them to train with their shoes off, partly to avoid serious injuries but also because shoes add an inch or so to the foot. If they got used to kicking with bare feet, the extra shoe length in real combat would maximize their contact with an opponent. Alessa had trained barefooted in martial arts gyms, breaking boards with her hands and feet. She knew all about aiming past the target to maximize her blow and she used this training to the fullest. Luke moaned after a particularly vicious jab that she managed to land on his solar plexus. When she paused to make sure she hadn’t gone too far, Luke came at her within a second and she forgot all about her concern. Now that they were in the throes of the fight and he’d stopped handling her delicately, she was enjoying their encounter. Luke was good. Better than the rest of the team, even Rodgers.
He managed to get her against the wall. “What are you doing, Alessa?” he snarled, his breaths coming fast and heavy, blowing warm air against her ear.
What am I doing? He had given her plenty of chances to get out of this; why wasn’t she taking them?
“I want us to finish this exercise,” she squeezed through a closed throat. He had her pressed tight against the Plexiglas and her lungs were starting to burn. As if realizing that, he eased up just a little, enough that she could take a full breath but not so she could get the upper hand.
“You want to finish the exercise, you got it.”
He twisted her arm behind her back. Alessa knew what he was trying to do. He would pin her to the floor so she couldn’t get up. Like a wrestling match, it would effectively end the exercise.
Taking a breath, she twisted her shoulder, wrenching her arm tighter against him. Luke swore under his breath. There was only one way he could keep her down and that was to put a knee in her back and slam her head into the floor. It was a vicious move and she needed to find out whether he’d use it on her. She knew without a doubt the other guys wouldn’t hesitate to be rough with her.
“Why are you so stubborn?” he asked through gritted teeth as she continued to struggle against him. Her shoulder and arm burned, but she didn’t care. Pain was something she understood, something she could deal with. The feelings Luke was bringing out in her were something she could not.
He placed a hand between her shoulder blades. Rather than knee her back, he was going to force her down with his hand. It was a kinder, gentler way, but just as effective, so she wrenched her shoulder as hard as she could against his hand.
Something popped in her shoulder and a searing pain traversed her arm. She cried out, then collapsed.
CHAPTER FIVE (#u3ef489b5-224b-5df6-b3c9-d6bb9008aabb)
LUKE KNEW THAT the floor was padded and Alessa wouldn’t be seriously hurt if she fell, but he couldn’t stop himself from catching her. He gestured to the team and they came rushing through the door. Rodgers had some basic medic training.
“She dislocated her shoulder,” he said immediately. While Luke was no medic, the protruding knob on her shoulder was clear as day. Her face twisted in pain as she clutched her arm, and his chest burned. What was I thinking? He’d known from the moment he stepped into the ring that this would end badly. When Rodgers first asked him to fight Alessa, he should’ve declined. She wasn’t one of the guys, and treating her like one had gotten her injured.
Luke yelled for someone to get the medic kit. While Rodgers ran to get it, Luke bent his head so only Alessa could hear. “I’m sorry, Parrino, I didn’t mean to do that.”
“You found my weak spot,” she croaked, and he felt a punch to his gut. Alessa had dislocated her shoulder twice before—it was in her file—which meant her shoulder was more prone to a repeat injury. And yet, he’d mercilessly yanked her arm.
What had he been trying to do? Show the guys he was better than them or prove to himself that Alessa was nothing more than another soldier? Good job, Luke. Fail on both counts.
Rodgers went about immobilizing her arm with a sling.
“You can let go of her now,” he told Luke not-so-tactfully. Luke was still cradling Alessa, and she seemed to realize it at the same moment. She sat up on her own, grunting as she did.
“If we were in the field, I’d set it for you,” Rodgers said, “but we have the luxury of a clinic on post. I’m going to give you a painkiller to tide you over.” He handed her a pill and Dimples followed with a bottle of water, which she chugged down.
Luke stood back while Rodgers and Dimples helped Alessa up and out of the pit. She tried to shrug them off, but they wouldn’t have it. They even helped her get on her shoes, ignoring her protests. Dan and Boots had gone to fetch a car. Luke felt useless, but he followed along, unsure of what to do.
At the jeep that Dan had commandeered, Rodgers held up a hand. “We only have room for four. Dan is driving, Dimples and I will go with Alessa.”
Luke scowled at him. “Dimples can stay here. I’ll go with you.”
“Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” Rodgers said unkindly.
It was no way to talk to a superior officer, but Luke was the one who had been training them to do just that. To treat him like they were a private security firm, not the disciplined soldiers of the army. He had encouraged his men to question orders and call him on his bullshit, which was exactly what Rodgers was doing now. Luke had no reason to go to the hospital with Alessa.
“Listen, there might be some administrative hassle with the unit designation. I don’t want there to be a problem,” Luke tried.
Rodgers narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything. Luke got the distinct impression that the other man could see right through him but was choosing not to say anything. They got into the jeep, Alessa in the back with Rodgers while Luke rode in the passenger seat. He would much rather have been with her, but Rodgers hadn’t given him a chance. Luke knew that Rodgers was single and irrationally wondered whether the man had feelings for Alessa. He seemed to be overly protective of her. And you’re not?
He snuck a glance at Alessa. She was holding her right arm to her chest, her face composed, but he didn’t miss the slight flare of her nostrils or the tinge of pink on her cheeks and throat. She was in pain. His stomach churned, the adrenaline burning off. In its place was the sickening feeling of self-loathing. He’d physically hurt a woman. And not just any woman. Alessa. Of course, he hadn’t meant to hurt her; in fact, he’d been very careful not to. Things had happened so quickly... Had he lost focus and missed that she was turning her body? Had he twisted her arm a fraction too hard? None of this would have happened if he’d been a stronger man and just refused to fight her.
In that moment when the team was goading him, he’d been ready to step away, to take the guys’ ribbing, but then he’d looked at Alessa and the fervor in her eyes had lit him up. He’d wanted nothing more than to prove to himself and his team that he deserved to be their commander, and that Alessa was nothing more than a soldier to him. So he’d stepped into the pit, and he’d hurt her. Possibly badly. Under normal circumstances, a dislocated shoulder was not a permanent injury, but with the previous trauma she’d endured, what if he had effectively ended her career? His mouth soured. I’m supposed to put my unit’s needs before my own. What kind of leader will I be?
They took her to the community hospital on base. The emergency room wasn’t busy, and Alessa was whisked into the treatment area. Luke, Rodgers and Dan were firmly told to stay in the waiting room. Dan volunteered to go find coffee for the men.
“What was that all about?” Rodgers didn’t waste any time once Dan was out of earshot. When Ethan died, Rodgers had been the de facto unit commander. By rank, Dimples was the most senior, but Rodgers had been with the team the longest and so he had been the one to get the team back home after their mission literally blew up. He’d been the one to hold the team together while Colonel McBride jockeyed for position and the team’s future hung in the balance. If it hadn’t been for Rodgers, Luke wouldn’t have a team to command; he was the heart and soul of the unit. So Rodgers was not a person to lie to. He would see right through Luke, and Luke needed Rodgers on his side to help him keep the unit together.
“I didn’t want to fight her.”
“Because she’s a girl or because you have feelings for her?”
Luke bit the inside of his cheek. It isn’t because she’s a woman, and it isn’t because I have feelings for her. I don’t. I can’t.
“The colonel didn’t want me to hire her. That’s why I put her in logistics. I didn’t want her getting injured and the colonel asking questions about why she was training.” It was a partial truth.
“Don’t you have a high opinion of yourself? She was holding back with you, and vice versa.”
Luke had sensed that, too. He’d seen Alessa fight and she was rough and fast, but with him she’d been way too hesitant.
Rodgers leaned forward. “Neither of you can afford a scandal. Maybe we’re just seeing things between you and Parrino ’cause you’ve got a reputation and it makes for good gossip between men. But it almost feels like you two are hiding something.”
We are. Luke didn’t want to have this conversation, but he couldn’t have the team suspect Alessa was spying on them. One way or another, a unit member was involved in Ethan’s disappearance and Luke needed the guys to trust Alessa. It was almost better for them to believe the worst of him. “You’re right, I’ve been treating her differently. Maybe because she is a good-looking woman. But I promise you there is nothing romantic between us, nor will there be. I’ll make sure of it.”
Rodgers nodded. “Good.” Then he took a breath. “As much as it pains me to say this, if she’ll be a distraction, I suggest you take her off the team, or at least keep her stateside for the next mission. We can’t screw this one up again.”
Luke pressed his lips together but said nothing. Rodgers was right. If he couldn’t even complete a simple exercise with Alessa, how would they ever work well in the field? The unit was already fractured; he couldn’t make it more divided by favoring a member. Not to mention that Rodgers was right in saying Alessa could ill afford another rumor. Luke was well aware of his own reputation and if the colonel even caught whiff of what had happened in the pit today, he wouldn’t hesitate to use it against Luke.
“It won’t be a problem.” Luke said with more confidence than he felt. Dan returned with steaming cups of coffee and they all sat in silence.
It didn’t take long for the doctor to set Alessa’s shoulder. Luke didn’t trust her to heed the doctor’s warning, so he pulled the man aside to ask him what her prognosis was.
“She asked that I not discuss her medical issues with you,” the doctor said.
He was a short, bald man in his sixties and he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Luke towered over him but the man did not seem to notice.
“I know this is her third dislocation, and I’m asking as her commanding officer whether she’s fit for duty.”
“Her chart says she’s logistics. She needs to wear the rotator cuff brace for at least two weeks, so she’s fit for whatever work she can do with her left hand. No heavy lifting for six weeks.”
“Will she regain full use of that arm?”
“I don’t see why not, as long as she follows my directions. Though I warn you—as I warned her—that next time she may separate her shoulder entirely and in that case, there is no guarantee what kind of nerve damage she might have.” The doctor peered at Luke. “I suggest you keep her to light desk duty.” He was an army doctor and completely used to soldiers wanting to get back to physical activity as soon as possible. “No training,” he reiterated.
Alessa wouldn’t even look at him, and after asking how she was doing in a perfunctory way, Luke told Dan and Rodgers to take her back to her barracks to rest. He could walk back and use the time to clear his head.
“I’m fine. I need to go back and fix the travel issues you found earlier,” she insisted.
“The doctor said you need to rest for two weeks.”
“He said I need to keep the brace on for two weeks max. I am perfectly capable of using my left hand to operate a keyboard and mouse.”
“I’m ordering you to return to your barracks for the day,” he said firmly.
“With all due respect, sir, you’ve asked us to think and operate independently and to question orders if they don’t seem right. I disagree with yours right now.”
Luke didn’t miss the smirk on Rodgers’s face, nor the matching one on Dan’s.
“You are correct that that is how I want the unit to operate. However, in this circumstance, my order stands.”
She looked like she was going to say more but then thought better of it and responded with an unenthusiastic, “Yes, sir.”
He motioned to Dan to hand over the keys to the jeep they had borrowed. “On second thought, I’m going to drive you myself.” The guys could walk back or get another ride.
“Will you also tuck me in?”
“If I must,” he retorted.
Dan and Rodgers exchanged a glance and Luke glared at them. “Rodgers, get one of the guys to pick you and Dan up. I need you to round up the team. We’re going out for target practice. I’ll meet you there.”
Rodgers nodded, though disapproval was clear in the man’s eyes.
Alessa signed her discharge papers, then Luke held the door open for her as they exited the emergency room.
Once they reached the parking area, he watched her struggle to get into the car. Having the use of just one arm, and her non-dominant one at that, could not be easy. He extended his arm to help her but she ignored him, obviously unwilling to have any contact with him.
“I’m sorry,” he said turning to her as soon as they were seated.
“You should be,” she shot back while she fumbled with her seat belt. She glared at him. “This is all your fault.”
Meeting her gaze, he nodded solemnly. She had every right to blame him.
“I know. I am so sorry, I never should have fought you.” He reached over, pulled the seat belt and clicked it into place. She slapped his arm with her left hand.
“No, you should be sorry for not fighting me. What was that in the pit? You couldn’t decide whether you were going to let me win or force me to lose?”
She was right. He had let himself get into a situation and then hadn’t been able to decide how to handle it. He’d started by thinking he would let her take some jabs at him and then call a truce, but the more she pushed, the more the fight had spun out of control.
“The whole thing was a mistake. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“This wouldn’t have happened if you’d gone through the exercise like you were supposed to, and fought properly. Tell me something...” She turned in her seat and though she tried to hide it, she winced in pain. “If I’d been Rodgers or Steele or one of the other guys, would you have fought the way you did?”
He didn’t bother responding because it was a rhetorical question. They both knew the answer was a clear no. He started the jeep and put it in reverse. The next question was inevitable and he didn’t have an answer, even for himself.
“Either you went easy on me because I’m a woman or you don’t think I can cut it on this unit, or—”
Or I have inappropriate feelings for a soldier in my command.
“You’re not an official member of the team,” he interrupted. “An injury is what I was trying to avoid. If Colonel McBride finds out about this, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do.”
“If that were true, you wouldn’t have let me fight the rest of the guys. Unless you are so arrogant that you’re assuming you would’ve gotten the best of me.”
She was right, and he’d have to come up with a better excuse than Colonel McBride to explain his bizarre behavior.
“I did get the better of you. I was trying to spare you the humiliation.” He kept his tone light.
“I can take care of myself,” she said tightly.
The words were on his lips to reassure her but he focused on pulling up to her barracks unit. He leaned over and released her seat belt, earning another glare. Before he could get around to her door, she had it open and had stepped down, her eyes warning him not to help her.
She turned to him before going through the front door. His stomach twisted at the shine in her eyes.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at, but the army is all I have, it’s all I’ve ever had. Please don’t ruin it for me.”
CHAPTER SIX (#u3ef489b5-224b-5df6-b3c9-d6bb9008aabb)
ALESSA’S SHOULDER WAS killing her, but she couldn’t take the painkillers the doctor had prescribed. She tried going for her morning run but gave up after the first two miles. The sun wasn’t even up when she arrived at her desk. If Luke thought he could marginalize her, he had another think coming. She’d have all the corrections he had suggested yesterday done by the time he came in. Only she’d underestimated how hard it would be to type and operate a mouse with her left hand. When she’d dislocated her shoulder before, she’d been in middle school and then high school.
What was wrong with her? She’d been so desperate to get the upper hand on Luke, she’d twisted her body beyond the safe zone. The man brought out an irrational side of her that she wasn’t used to. The self-discipline she’d worked so hard to attain seemed to melt away when he was around.
One assignment, then I’ll request a transfer. Even as she thought it, she hated the idea. She loved the guys in the unit. They respected and accepted her, something that wasn’t easy to find in the army. Which made spying on them that much harder. And then it hit her. If Luke was right about his brother being alive, he wouldn’t necessarily remain unit commander. From what the guys had told her, he’d only gotten the job because his father had insisted on it. But if Ethan was alive, and they found him, wouldn’t he return to take command of the unit?
More incentive to find him and prove that the guys weren’t involved. Another reason Alessa wanted to complete her assignment was so she could have time to study the satellite maps from the area where Ethan had supposedly been killed. She wasn’t skilled at reading satellite imagery, so it would take her some time to learn. Once again, she marveled at what a great opportunity working on the unit was. Normal army assignments were remarkably monotonous; you did the same job over and over again.
A few hours later, she had finished her logistics work and had turned to her spy assignment. “What’re you working on?”
She jumped in her seat and turned to find Rodgers peering over her shoulder. “Just studying the satellite maps to get familiar with the area. I’ve served on the border, but never in Pakistan.”
Rodgers nodded and went over some of the landmarks with her, including the safe house where Ethan had been killed. He didn’t once question why she was so interested in the imagery, trusting her half-truth.
“Are you okay with going back there?” She asked carefully.
Rodgers shrugged. “I need to be. Our mission was simple—grab and interrogate Azizi to find out who the army leak was. We never even got to Azizi, though the guys and I talked about finishing the mission since it was important enough to get Ethan killed. But McBride ordered us back. It’s time to get it done.”
“Did Ethan know something you didn’t?” Rodgers narrowed his eyes at her, so she quickly explained. “I’m trying to make sure I cover our bases so we stay safe. Luke briefed me on the mission and I’ve read the files, but you were there.”
Rodgers took a breath. “I try not to get defensive about it, but it’s hard not to question every move we made. Ethan was really open with us, kept us in the loop on all details, no hierarchy. Then when we got on the ground, he was listening to surveillance tapes and heard something he didn’t want to share with us. He insisted on following a lead by himself. Refused to let us get involved. It was the first time he pulled rank on us and we didn’t know what to do, so we let him go. I thought about following him, then decided against it.”
Alessa had read most of this in the after-action reports, but those reports were missing the emotion she sensed in Rodgers. He seemed to be genuinely struggling with the events of that mission.
“It’s not your fault. You were following orders.”
“Which is exactly what I’m not supposed to do in this unit.” He smiled sheepishly.
“It’s hard being in the unit, isn’t it? You’re supposed to question orders but follow them anyway?”
