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She had promised herself not to take a single dollar from that account. She wanted to manage by herself. To be on the safe side, though, she should leave that apartment and get a smaller one in a less expensive area. But before going to an agency, she had to be sure about which direction her relationship with John would go. She wanted to give him time to reflect and change his mind, so she wouldn’t regret one day that she hadn’t tried, and give her child what it was entitled to: a family and the love of both parents.
A rumbling in her stomach suggested she had to eat something, but in the emotional state she was in, she didn't feel like cooking. Mira could have prepared something good her for if she had been there. She had given her another day off so she could have time to think about what to do, because she didn't know what she would find when she got home.
It would be very sad if one day she was forced to tell her that she had to look for another job. She had become attached to that hard-working woman, with a thousand resources; she had a lot of confidence in her and sending her away would be a great loss. Mira seemed to be attached to her too, and often said that she had never been treated so well as in that house and that she never wanted to leave her. Poor Mira!
She touched her belly and laughed in a high-pitched, wavering, nervous way, until that laughter turned to tears, which released the tension and plummeted her into mental stagnation.
The sharp beep of her mobile phone reminded her that it needed charging. Very slowly she got up and connected it to the charger; then tried to sleep, with no success.
She decided to call Hans; she needed to hear a familiar voice. This happened to her every time she felt down in the dumps, unlike John, who clammed up.
John... he was always in her head!
With scatty gestures she typed the number.
"Loreley, how are you? Did you have fun in Paris?" her brother asked her.
"Of course I had a great time..." She slipped on the last syllable and cleared her throat.
"Are you sure everything's okay?"
"I just woke up and I still feel a bit groggy. How are you and Esther doing?"
"We’re well. I'm still in the office and she's at her Mom's."
"Speaking of Esther, I met someone in Paris," she hesitated... was it important to tell him? Maybe not, but why not? "You see, the first time I saw this person I mistook him for Jack, Esther's brother."
There was silence at the other end of the phone.
"Hans, are you there?"
"I heard you."
"Sorry, you’re acting as if I didn't tell you anything."
"Don’t apologize, just tell me who this guy is?"
"I met him when I ended up in hospital and..." she froze. Damn it! She didn't want to tell him about the fall.
"What are you talking about? What happened?"
"Nothing serious. I'm fine, really!" She slicked a lock of hair behind her ears to hear better.
"Tell me the truth!" insisted Hans in a sharp voice.
When he used that tone, it meant he wouldn't give up until he got convincing answers.
"I stumbled on the stairs of the hotel in Paris. Thankfully I didn't hurt myself much, just a swollen knee and a few stitches in my head."
"I'll pop over and see you."
"Not now. I’m still recovering from the flight back." She didn’t want him to come here and notice Johnny's absence.
"I'll come later, so you'll have plenty of time to rest."
"I need to have some peace for a while. Don't insist! And I’m warning you: if you come anyway, I won’t open for you."
Moments of silence went by. "All right, but we’ll catch up during the week, okay?"
"Let me come to you, I’m often around your way. That way I’ll see Esther too."
"She’ll certainly be happy to see you. Now tell me about that man, You said you met him in the hospital. Was he a doctor?"
"The one who stitched me up. And this guy is the spitting image of Jack with a beard. When I heard him speak, I told myself that it couldn’t be him. His English is not as perfect as that other’s was, and it has a French cadence. Furthermore, the staff referred to him as Dr. Jacques Legrand. So it's clear he can't be your brother-in-law. He looked at me like he’d never seen me before."
"It’s strange the things that happen in life...”
Loreley had the impression she could hear a note of concern in her brother’s voice, as well as perplexity. "That's what I thought."
"Please don't tell Esther what you just told me. It took her a long time to accept the disappearance of the only remaining member of her family."
"Of course not! Don't worry."
"What about John?"
"He's fine, much better than me. He's at work right now." Of that she was sure.
"Say hello from me. I have to go now, I'm sorry, I have a meeting in a few minutes. Let mom know you’re home, and try to rest."
A little more rest and getting back to walking well would mean she’d need physiotherapy! she thought snorting.
"I have to go back to the office tomorrow, though, or Kilmer will fire me."
"Try to stand up to him, don't let him intimidate you. See you during the week."
8
Sonny closed the piano and threw paper and pencil onto the top of it; the new composition required a lot of concentration, which had been lacking recently.
He got off the stool, walked out of the study and opened the window of the living room to go into the garden. What he needed was some cold air to snap out of it.
Ever since he had seen Loreley at the ice rink, he thought of her often and, despite trying to immerse himself in his work, he couldn’t drive her from his mind, the images of her face and its Nordic beauty, and that one time together. On other occasions he had been with a woman for just one night and then had slept peacefully afterwards; why should it be any different with Loreley, he thought, as he heard some quick footsteps.
The housekeeper, a middle-aged woman with a gaunt face, was coming towards him waving a dark grey garment.
"Mr. Marshall, it's cold out here! Put this jacket on," she said as soon as she was close enough to give it to him.
"Thank you, but I'm fine like this."
"You’ll catch something with only a shirt on... and it’s half unbuttoned at that!" She hung the jacket over her arm and did up the top buttons of his shirt.
"Louise, I'm not a child. I know what I'm doing." He stopped her.
A gust of wind lifted a patch of dry leaves from the ground, some of them ending up in the woman's hair, Annoyed, she tried to get them off. "Do you see what the weather’s like? There’ll be a downpour soon! Let me do it." She looked at him determined, with her dark little eyes sunk in their sockets.
Sonny took the jacket off her arm and put it around his shoulders. He knew she wouldn't leave until he was covered. The housekeeper's diligence was sometimes as irritating as a mosquito bite, but she had become fond of him and seemed to have no other way of showing her affection, other than always keeping an eye on him.
When Louise had returned to her chores, Sonny continued his walk along the path which would lead him to the fountain.
"Esther. Waterfalls and fountains fascinate her...” he murmured, his voice betraying the pain he was still feeling.
He shook his head Why keep thinking of that woman? She had made her choice and now she was happy with Hans. That alleviated the heartache of losing her. A bitter smile crossed his lips. He couldn’t lose something he had never had.
"If it weren't for him, though, Esther would be here now, with me, in this house and...”
He chased away those harrowing words with a gesture of his hand. That's enough! He had to divert his attention to something else, or to someone else. For example, to a girl with long blond hair and blue eyes.
Loreley returned to occupy his thoughts, which tumbled around in his mind looking for their logical order. Those images became clear at times, at other times blurry, as they followed the memories of that one night spent with her. He felt the desire to have her there, even just to have a chat, perhaps with a glass of champagne in front of them. But that girl always eluded him, she didn’t seem willing to see him again. Maybe she had repented having given herself to him... and he did not feel at peace with himself.
To hell with it! The only two women he had loved had caused him only trouble and pain, and he had no intention of adding a third.
"Hello, Sonny!" A female voice greeted him from behind.
A small sigh escaped him before he turned around.
"Hello, Lucy. How come you’re around these parts?" Nassau County was a long way from Manhattan.
"What a warm welcome! Don’t be in too much of a hurry to hug me, I don't want you to rumple your clothes. But it doesn’t worry me, and I'll prove it right away..." Without taking her eyes off his face, she waved her hand in the air, as if calling someone's attention.
Sonny looked beyond her shoulders and saw the housekeeper heading towards them with a bottle and two goblets on a tray. He frowned. "I see Louise has been busy down in the cellar."
"Don't be upset. You know I have a certain influence on her." Lucy was the only one who could soften the woman's stiff and edgy character.
"I still don't understand the reason..."
When Louise reached them, Lucy took the champagne. "You can open it," she said, handing it to him.
"Apparently my walk is already over," he said, taking the bottle.
"You're in a bad mood! Louise warned me. And I even got dressed up for you," she said sulkily.
Sonny looked at her. She was wearing a short, elegant blue dress, which followed the generous curves of her breast and sinuous shape of her hips. Her hair was pulled back at the nape of her neck in a soft bun. Lucy was beautiful, yes, but he had known her since she was a small girl, and continued to regard her as his friend Paul's little sister.
"Sorry, I’m feeling out of sorts. If you came all the way here and wanted champagne, you must have a reason. What are we toasting this time?"
"Actually, you’re right." She picked up the goblets and, when Louise had gone, she went on. "Do you remember the audition I had to do in the theatre?"
"Of course I remember. And so?"
"I did it and... they took me!"
He opened his eyes wide, astonished. "I can't believe it!"
"Oh, thank you very much! You really know how to make me feel proud of myself."
"Why don't we stop all this and give ourselves a break?" he snorted.
"I came here to celebrate my new unique work, and I’d like you to be happy for me."
"You told me you’d been studying hard, this time, but I didn't believe you. And instead you’ve shown me that when you want, you know how to be clever. I'm happy for you."
She smiled. "Thank you!"
Sonny poured the champagne into the two goblets that she was holding, then took one himself. "Best wishes for your career in the theatre, then."
The crystal clinked and they drank in silence.
It was Lucy who spoke again. "You know, I was tired of seeing myself with my face paralysed in a smile for hours and hours in front of a camera. Much better to act and have direct contact with people."
"I can't blame you."
She asked him to fill her glass again, drank it in one gulp and handed it back to him.
Sonny watched her drink with gusto and wrinkled his brow.
"I hope you're pacing yourself with alcohol. I've noticed you’ve been getting stuck into it quite a lot lately."
"Don't worry, I don't drink that much. And anyway, I’ll never become like your ex-wife Leen, if that's what you're afraid of. I'm not that desperate."
"Well, I really hope so!"
"As you can see I’m getting on with life, and doing well too; you're the one who's still tied to the past. When are you going to break free from everything that happened to you? Compared to last year you've changed, I must admist, but I hope you’re not diverting your life the wrong way and that it could do you harm."
"What the heck are you saying?" he asked her annoyed.
"There, see? Now I'd like to bite back, but today I feel too happy to want to fight. I'm serious."
"I prefer you as you were a while back, then."
She puffed up her cheeks and blew out the air.
"Listen, do you remember what you told me the night Esther had to leave New York and I accused you of not being in love with her enough, because you resigned yourself to letting her go without putting up a fight?"
Sonny narrowed his eyes and searched his mind for those nefarious hours. It was just before Leen tried to kill him. Lucy had come from behind, bringing him a drink, just as she had done a short time ago.
"No. It doesn't come back to me right now."
"You said to me, "It’s like I have like a pin stuck in my heart. A subtle, persistent pain that won’t give me peace, but that I’ll have to live with until I don’t know when. I'm just more prepared than you are to put up with it."
