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He felt it again, the ping, followed by a surge of longing for something so far out of reach he couldn’t put a name to it. He waited a beat, struggling with an onslaught of emotion and possibilities. Suddenly, the future became a clear, distinct picture in his mind.
Caleb knew what he had to do. If all went as planned, his family would be complete by Christmas.
Chapter Four (#ulink_cb60ed39-28b7-5e80-9baa-e2b4c2b901a1)
After the pandemonium over the mouse incident died down and order was once again restored, the rest of play practice went smoothly.
Ellie would like to think the children’s obedience was due solely to her skills as a teacher, but she knew better. Caleb’s watchful presence from the back of the church was a powerful inducement for good behavior, as was the glint of his nickel-plated badge.
Despite her best efforts to ignore him, Ellie’s gaze continually wandered to where Caleb stood with his shoulder propped against the back wall. Each time she glanced in his direction, her breath caught in her throat. He looked so handsome, so impressive bathed in the afternoon sunlight that streamed in from the long skinny window on his left.
Each time their eyes met, the muscles in her stomach tightened and Ellie had to force herself to remain calm, to act normal, nonchalant.
A nearly impossible feat.
She was far too aware of Caleb in every fiber of her being, aware of his strength, of his reliable masculinity. It would be all too easy to imagine him as her husband, all too easy to dream of evenings sitting by a toasty fire with their children, the twins plus at least three more. And—
Stop right there, warned her better judgment.
She could not—would not—allow herself to view Caleb in any role other than friend, not even in the privacy of her own mind.
She forced her gaze back to the children in her group and caught two of them poking at one another. Shoving would soon follow. Were they the only ones growing antsy? Ellie took a fast assessment of the entire room and immediately noted the telltale signs of boredom in shifting feet, wandering gazes and general inattentiveness.
With the idea of preempting the inevitable, she called an end to rehearsal. “We’ll pick up where we left off next Monday afternoon, same place, same time.”
A mass rush to gather coats and gloves accompanied this announcement. Goodbyes were tossed between the children. Feet pounded toward the exit. Soon, the only people left in the church besides Ellie were Kate, Brody, Caleb and his daughters.
After a none-too-subtle nudge from Caleb, Brody apologized once again to Ellie and Kate. “I’m sorry for bringing a dead mouse into the church.”
Although Ellie had already forgiven the boy, she did so again.
Kate wasn’t so quick to excuse Brody’s behavior. “Your shenanigans certainly got my blood pumping, and I don’t mean that in a good way.”
Brody sheepishly repeated his apology, then added, “I didn’t mean to scare you, Miss Kate.”
“Apology accepted. However,” she said, ruffling the boy’s hair with a little more force than necessary, “you will leave all rodents and other critters outside where they belong. Are we clear on this?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The incident now settled between them, the boy gallantly offered to walk Kate back to her shop and she graciously accepted.
Then there were four.
Hannah and Grace crowded around Ellie, asking if she needed someone to walk her home, too, and maybe they could do it, with their father’s assistance, of course.
Ellie’s first response was a rush of longing, the kind of achy wistfulness she didn’t dare allow to take hold.
She was already dangerously enamored with Caleb’s daughters. More time spent in their company would only make it harder to watch another woman eventually become their mother.
“While I certainly appreciate the offer, there’s no need. I live right next door.”
“Nevertheless,” Caleb interjected before his daughters could respond. “The girls and I would very much like to escort you home.”
Something about the set of his shoulders, the look in his eyes—a sort of decisiveness she didn’t know quite how to interpret—made Ellie’s blood vibrate with nerves. “But my house is out of your way.”
“Not that far.”
He was right, of course. Caleb and his daughters lived on the other side of the street, barely a half block to the north. Ellie could see his front door from her father’s porch. She really had no reason to resist the kind offer.
Yet, resist she did.
Her inner conflict was so intense, so tangled with tempered hope, that heat surged into her face.
“It’s settled,” Caleb declared, taking advantage of her silence. “While you gather your belongings I’ll help the girls into their coats.”
Ellie capitulated. Arguing any further would only make her appear ungrateful. Besides, a few extra moments with Caleb, and his daughters, would be a treat worth savoring for many days to come.
“Thank you,” she said. “I’ll only be a moment.”
* * *
Over the next two days, Ellie made a concentrated effort to avoid the entire Voss family. She managed to do so easily enough, primarily by sticking close to home. But her self-imposed isolation came to an end Sunday morning. Church beckoned, as did the promised dinner with Caleb and his daughters, a meal Ellie was looking forward to more than was probably wise.
The day dawned clear and cold. The sky was a brilliant blue that looked brittle enough to crack. Tucking her hands inside her muffler to keep them warm, Ellie stepped onto her father’s porch, smiled up at the heavens, then made the short trek next door to the church.
She’d dreamed of Caleb again last night, the same dream she’d had the night before and the night before that. They’d been sitting together in front of a roaring fire, the scene playing out exactly as she’d imagined at play practice. While she read to their children, Caleb stoked the fire. The twins were there with them, plus a babe in a cradle, and...
It had only been a dream, she reminded herself, triggered no doubt by a long-ago affection for a boy who had grown into an attractive man. A man so averse to falling in love he was prepared to take wedding vows with a stranger.
Ellie would be smart to keep her distance, especially emotionally. She would see the Voss family today, and then go back to avoiding them.
As if to mock her resolve, she caught sight of Caleb and his daughters crossing the street. Her stomach performed a quick, hard roll. Caleb was handsome in all black save for his crisp white shirt. The girls were absolutely adorable all wrapped up in matching blue coats, mittens, hats and scarves.
“Miss Ellie,” one of the two bundles shouted as she lifted her hand in a wave.
“Hello, Hannah,” Ellie called out in return.
The child’s eyes widened. “How did you know it was me?”
The little girl’s surprise was understandable. Ellie doubted many people could tell the twins apart. On first glance the girls were identical. But they had very different personalities.
Hannah held herself with more confidence than her sister. She was certainly more precocious. Her smile also came quicker, with a mischievous glint in her eye.
Clearly impatient for an answer to her question, Hannah jammed two tiny fists on her hips. “Did you really know it was me or did you just guess?”
Holding back a laugh, Ellie smiled down at the gregarious child. “Actually, I can tell you apart from your sister rather easily.”
“You can? That’s really, kind of...” Hannah seemed to search for the right word “...amazing.”
“Yes,” Grace agreed, slipping in front of her sister so she could join the conversation. “Very, very amazing.”
Not for the first time, Ellie felt a need to pull the two girls close. They were smart and sweet, the kind of children any teacher would be glad to have in her classroom. And that any woman would be proud to mother as if they were her own children.
Careful, her better judgment warned for the hundredth time in a smattering of days. Remember your place.
Hannah attempted to reclaim her spot in front of Ellie, all but shoving her sister out of the way.
Silent until now, Caleb muttered something to the girls then set a hand on each of his daughter’s shoulders. The gesture was all it took to put an immediate end to their jockeying for position.
Impressed, Ellie lifted her gaze to meet his.
His eyes were dark beneath the brim of his hat, his smile a mere tilt of one corner of his mouth. Ellie thought she detected a hint of humor in his expression, and something that looked like affection. For her, or the girls, or all three?
The responding hope in Ellie’s heart felt too intimate, too real. How was she supposed to remain immune to the man when he looked at her like...like...that?
“It’s good to see you again this morning.” His deep voice fell over her soft as a caress.
She swallowed back a sigh. “Good to see you, too.”
Their gazes held a long, silent beat. As always, whenever he gave her his undivided attention, an unspoken message passed between them, one Ellie didn’t fully understand. Right then, in that moment, she somehow felt less alone.
Which made little sense. She wasn’t alone. She had her father, and would soon add his future bride, Betsy, to the ranks of her family.
And yet, with Caleb eyeing her so closely, his gaze soft and welcoming, a warm sensation moved through her. Ellie couldn’t help but think of far-off dreams and a happily settled future.
“Will you sit with us during service?” Hannah asked.
Touched by the request, Ellie once again smiled down at the child. “If it’s all right with your father, then, yes, I’d like that very much.”
“As would I.” Caleb held out his hand to her.
Ellie accepted the silent call without hesitation, then just as smoothly, reached out and grasped hold of one of Grace’s hands. Caleb took one of Hannah’s and the four of them entered the church linked together.
Caleb steered their tiny group to one of the middle pews. A lot of shuffling and giggling ensued as he and Ellie removed the children’s hats, coats and gloves. Almost as soon as they were settled in their chosen seats, the girls between the adults, the strains of the first hymn filled the church.
As if the organist and Ellie were in cahoots—which, admittedly, they were—the song was “What Child Is This?”
Hannah and Grace launched into the tune with great enthusiasm. Grace had a better memory than her sister, but Hannah caught up at the end of each line, all but shouting the words sleeping and then keeping.
Eyes dancing in amusement, Caleb chuckled softly. Ellie glanced at him with raised eyebrows.
“I believe a bit of practice at home is in order,” he whispered for her ears only.
They shared a smile over the children’s heads. Other young voices joined in the song, voices that belonged to children in the play. Ellie’s heart soared. Evidently her second rehearsal had been a success.
The rest of the service went quickly. Her father’s sermon was on God’s love given to mankind in the gift of His Son, an appropriate message for the season. After the congregation sang the last hymn, her father dismissed them all with a prayer and a blessing for the coming week.
Ellie and Caleb went through the arduous process of swathing the twins in their winter weather gear. She then escorted the Voss family around the back of the church and into the tiny room off the kitchen of the parsonage where she and Caleb once again began unraveling two squirming children from coats, gloves, scarves and hats.
A pleasant female voice rang out from the kitchen beyond. “Do I hear the sound of familiar laughter?”
“You do, indeed,” Ellie called out in response.
Betsy Anderson, the woman engaged to Ellie’s father and who also served as Caleb’s housekeeper, stuck her head around the corner. Her light brown eyes peeked out from behind wire-framed glasses and, in what Ellie considered Betsy’s no-nonsense style, her gold-streaked, brown hair hung in a single braid down her back.
Somewhere in her late thirties, maybe early forties, the other woman’s face was slightly lined, probably due as much to her worry for her dying sister as from age.
At the moment, however, Betsy’s pleasantly round features wore a happy smile. Her cheeks were pink from exertion, as if she’d hurried to the house and then went to work immediately after the service, perhaps even before the final hymn was sung. She was going to make a wonderful pastor’s wife.
The Voss girls squealed in delight when they were finally free of their coats and saw their housekeeper smiling down at them.
“Miss Betsy, Miss Betsy,” they said in tandem. “Did you hear us singing in church this morning?”
“I most certainly did.”
“Want to hear the song again?” Hannah asked.
“I do, yes.” She held up a hand to forestall the impromptu concert. “After we eat dinner.”
Their little faces fell.
Ellie quickly took control of the situation. “Come on, girls. Let’s get you washed up for dinner.”
Giving them no chance to argue, she guided them to the washbasin. Halfway through the room, she heard Caleb inquire after Betsy’s sister.
“Her health is failing by the day.”
Ellie’s heart went out to Betsy, as well as the sister she loved and the woman’s young son. As she helped the twins wash their hands and faces, Ellie lifted up a silent prayer for Clara Driscoll and her boy, Brody.
Lord, be with them today and always, bring them the peace that can only come from You, the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Having lost her own mother at sixteen, Ellie knew the sorrow Brody suffered as he helplessly watched his mother die.
Heart in her throat, she looked down at the Voss twins. They, too, had lost their mother, at a much younger age than Brody. How much of Lizzie did they remember?
No woman could ever replace their mother, but Ellie prayed that whomever Caleb married would love his daughters as her own. That woman wouldn’t be Ellie. Not because she couldn’t see herself loving Hannah and Grace, but because she could also see herself loving Caleb.
That love would only bring her heartache. Caleb wanted a very different kind of marriage than Ellie did. No good would come from building up hope that one day he’d change his mind.
She must focus on her own future. She’d already sent out queries for another teaching position. Though jobs rarely opened up in the middle of the school year, she was confident the Lord would provide in His time. She simply needed to have faith. And patience.
She set aside the towel in her hand. “All done.”
“Thank you, Miss Ellie.”
The girls hugged her, then ran off to find their father and Betsy. Ellie stayed behind, her mind traveling back in time to the pain and humiliation of being judged for something her brother had done.
When she’d told Monroe the entire story of Everett’s crime, she’d expected him to give her the same grace and understanding her father showed the members of his flock. Ellie had terribly underestimated the widowed preacher’s capacity for forgiveness.
