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Thorne resisted the urge to smile and he resisted the urge to pull her in his arms and kiss her. Her brown eyes were dark with what he was sure was barely controlled rage, her cheeks flushed red. She was ticked off and he loved the fire in her.
His desire for Erica was unwelcome. He couldn’t have a romantic attachment.
I don’t deserve it.
Emotions were weakness.
Compassion for his patients, he had that in plenty, but these kinds of feelings were unwelcome. Still, he couldn’t stop them from coming, and as she stood in the elevator berating him he fought with every fiber of his being not to press her up against the elevator wall and show her exactly what he was thinking, that he’d fantasized about her for five years.
“Well?” she demanded and he realized he hadn’t been listening to a word she’d been saying. He’d totally zoned out, which was unlike him. He rarely lost focus, because if you lost focus you were dead.
At least that was what he’d picked up in his years in the Navy SEALs Special Ops and on the numerous dive missions.
Tyler had lost focus and that was why the sniper would have finished him off, if Thorne hadn’t thrown himself in the path. Just like the stupid mistake he’d made when Liam had thrown him out of the way and paid with his life. Thorne had only lost a leg saving Tyler’s life.
Just thinking about that moment made his phantom limb send an electric jolt of pain up through his body and he winced.
“Are you all right?” Erica asked, and she reached out and touched his shoulder.
He brushed her hand away. “I’m fine.” He took a deep breath.
“You look like you’re in pain.”
“I said I was fine!” He straightened up, putting all his weight on his prosthetic and working through the pain. “I won’t give you an easy ride, but I also won’t be so cruel. I realize that my actions are detrimental to your mental health.”
The words “mental health” struck a chord with her. He could tell by the way the blood drained from her face. He knew they would hurt. In her file he’d read that her first commendation had been turned down due to her being unfit emotionally. Though he didn’t have the details as to why, that was unimportant. His barb worked and he regretted it.
“My mental health is fine,” she said quietly.
“Is it?”
She didn’t glance at him as she slapped the emergency button, the elevator starting again. The elevator stopped on the next floor and the doors opened. She stepped out. The confidence, the strength which had been with her only a moment ago, had vanished.
And, though he should be pleased that he’d got to her, he wasn’t. Thorne hated himself for doing that to her.
It’s for the best. She’s dangerous to you.
“Thank you for your time, Captain. I will see you on Saturday at zero nine hundred hours.” The doors closed and she was gone and Thorne was left with a bitter taste in his mouth. His small victory wasn’t so sweet.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_3cb49a0c-05c1-5792-af80-aacb2743f5d7)
“AHA!” ERICA PULLED out her sneakers from the box. “It’s been a long time.”
Great. You’re talking to sneakers now.
Maybe she was overtired. As she glanced around the room at all the boxes she realized how disorganized her life had become.
It wasn’t many boxes, but she didn’t really like living in a state of chaos. She’d gone from the USNV Hope to San Diego and within forty-eight hours she’d been posted to Okinawa.
If she kept busy she didn’t notice it so much, but now that she had some free time it irked her.
She’d rather be busy than not. Relaxation was all well and good, but she had a job to do. She stared at her bright-blue sneakers with the neon yellow laces. Although she loved running, it was not what she wanted to be doing today.
Erica would rather be in the hospital removing a gall bladder. She’d even take paperwork.
This was a new posting and she had a lot to prove. Not only to herself, but to her comrades.
Damn Captain Wilder.
Questioning her mental health like that. How dared he?
Are you surprised?
He was probably just like Captain Seaton—threatened by her. She cursed Captain Seaton for being a major puenez, or “stinkbug”, as her mamère often said about men who were scared of strong women. She was also mad at herself for being duped by Captain Seaton and letting him affect her career.
And then she chuckled to herself for condemning her superior who had given her the day off. Most people wouldn’t be complaining about that and she found it humorous that she was condemning the man again.
Hadn’t she done enough damage when she’d had to take his leg after it had got infected?
The guilt about ending his career as a SEAL ate at her, but not her decision to take his leg. There was no help for that. He would’ve died.
Perhaps he would’ve preferred death?
“Your father wanted to die and the Navy gave him the means to do so.”
Erica shuddered, thinking about her mother’s vitriol, because it made her think of that last moment she’d seen her father—the haunted look in his eyes as he’d shipped out.
“Be good, Erica. You’re my girl.”
He’d held her tight, but it hadn’t been the same embrace she’d been used to. Three days later, he’d gone AWOL. Two weeks later, after a dishonorable discharge, he’d ended his life.
You did right by Thorne. Just like the surgeons saved your father’s life the first time he was injured. You saved Thorne’s life.
It was her job to save lives, not end them. His desire to die was not her concern any more. She’d saved his life and they’d taken him away. Captain Thorne Wilder was no longer her concern.
She’d done her duty by him and that was how she slept at night.
Erica sat down on her couch and slipped on her running shoes, lacing them up. There wasn’t much she could do. She wasn’t on duty today, unless there was an emergency, so she might as well make the best of it. Besides, running along a beach might be more challenging than running laps on a deck.
She stretched and headed out to a small tract of beach near her quarters. Though the sky was a bit dark, the sea wasn’t rough, and the waves washing up on shore would make her feel like she was out on the open sea. Back on the Hope.
As she jogged out toward the beach she got to see more of the base. It was pretty active for being on such a small island far off the mainland of Japan.
The hospital was certainly more active than being on the Hope. Unless they were responding to a disaster, there were stretches at sea where they weren’t utilizing their medical skills. Those stretches were filled with rigorous drills and simulations.
As she headed out onto the beach, she followed what appeared to be a well-worn path along the edge so she wouldn’t have to run in the sand.
Erica opted to go off the path and headed out onto the sand. It slowed her down, but she didn’t care. It would work her muscles more.
Besides, even though it was a bit overcast, it was still a beautiful day on the beach. The palm trees were swaying and the waves lapping against the shore made her smile.
As she rounded the bend to a small cove, she realized she wasn’t the only one who was on the beach at this moment and it made her stop in her tracks.
Thorne.
He was about fifteen feet away from her, in casual clothes, his arms crossed and his gaze locked on the water. She followed where he was looking and could see swimmers not too far out in the protected cove.
I have to get out of here.
She turned to leave but, as if sensing someone was watching him, his gaze turned to her. Even from a distance she could feel his stare piercing through her protective walls. A stare which would make any lesser man or woman cringe from its hard edge, but not her.
Of course, now she couldn’t turn and leave. He’d seen her, there was no denying that. He walked toward her fluidly as if there was no prosthesis there. So different from yesterday when he’d moved stiffly, his chiseled face awash with pain.
His face was expressionless, controlled and devoid of emotion.
So unlike the first time she’d met him, when he’d begged her not to take his leg and made her heart melt for him just a little bit.
“Commander, what a surprise to find you here,” he said pleasantly, but she could detect the undertone of mistrust. He was questioning why and she had the distinct feeling her appearance was an unwelcome one.
“It’s my day off and I thought a run along the beach would be nice.”
It was nice until I ran into you.
“Never heard someone mention a run as nice.” He raised an eyebrow.
Erica gritted her teeth. “I haven’t seen much of the base since I first arrived. I’m usually sleeping when the sun is out.”
Ha ha! Take that.
He nodded, but those blue eyes still held her, keeping her grounded to the spot as he assessed her. No wonder he’d been a Navy SEAL; apparently he could read people, make them uneasy and do it all with a cold, calculating calm. Even though it annoyed Erica greatly that it was directed at her at this moment, she couldn’t help but admire that quality.
It was why it made the SEALs the best of the best.
Only, she wasn’t some insurgent being interrogated or some new recruit. There was a reason she’d been one of the top students in her class at Annapolis.
She wasn’t weak. She was tough and stalwart and could take whatever was dished out. She’d told him as much.
This she could handle. It didn’t unnerve her. When he’d shown that moment of weakness, begging for his leg, that had shaken her resolve.
“No,” he finally said, breaking the tension. “I suppose you haven’t seen much of the base.”
Erica nodded. “No, I haven’t, but I’m not complaining.”
A smile broke across his face, his expression softened. “I know you’re not.”
“What’s going on out there?” she asked.
“SEAL training,” he said and then shifted his weight, wincing.
“I didn’t know this base was equipped for that.”
“Yes. It’s where I did my training.” He cleared his throat. “I mean …”
“I knew you were a SEAL.” She held her breath.
He feigned surprise. Captain Wilder might be good at interrogating and striking fear into subordinates, but he wasn’t much of an actor. “How?”
Erica wanted to tell him it was because she’d been the one who’d operated on him—that he’d been on her ship—only she didn’t think that would go over too well. He was obviously hiding from her that he had a prosthesis, as if such a thing would make her think differently of him.
Did he think it was a sign of weakness? If he did, he was foolish, because Erica saw it as a sign of strength. A testament to his sacrifice for his country. Only she kept that thought to herself. She doubted he’d be overly receptive to it right now. The last thing she needed was to tick him off and have him state she was mentally unstable or something.
So instead she lied. “I looked up your record before I shipped out. I wanted to know who my commanding officer was in Okinawa.”
His gaze narrowed; he didn’t believe her. She could tell by the way he held himself, the way his brow furrowed. Only he wasn’t going to admit it. “Is that so?”
“How else would I know?” she countered.
“Of course, that would be the only way you’d know.” Thorne crossed his arms and turned back to look at the ocean. “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m not out there swimming with them?”
“No,” Erica said.
He glanced over at her. “No?”
“With all due respect, Captain Wilder, that’s not my business.”
“Yet knowing I am a former SEAL was?”
“Any good officer worth their salt tries to find out who they’re serving under. The reasons you left the SEALs or aren’t active in missions any longer is not my concern. Some things are better left unsaid.”
His cheeks flushed crimson and she wondered if she’d pushed it too far.
“You’re right. Well, I may be retired from the SEALs, but I still oversee some of their training. Anything to keep involved.”
Erica nodded. “A fine thing to be involved with.”
Thorne smiled again, just briefly. “Well, I don’t want to keep you from your run. If you continue on down the beach, there’s another nice path which wraps around the hospital and forks, one path leading into the village and the other back to base. If you have the time, be sure to check out the village and in particular the temple.”
“Thank you, Captain.”
“When we’re off duty, you can call me Thorne.”
Now it was Erica’s turn to blush. It came out of the blue; it caught her off guard.
Maybe it was supposed to.
“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that.”
“What harm is there in it?”
