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His own father had abandoned him and his mother instead of ranching on his mother’s family’s land. He knew nothing about being there for a kid. He wasn’t sure he could.
Morgan never gave you the chance to decide.
Maybe that was for the best. His life was too transient. He liked it that way.
Do you?
He shook his head.
He was a fool.
“You okay?”
“Fine.” She sat up straight, but he could see that she was exhausted.
“It’s a long time on your feet.”
“I’m aware of that.”
“When did you eat last?” he asked.
Emily shook her head. “Lunch, just before I got the call from Dr. Ruchi about the conjoined twins and before you decided to grace me with your presence.”
He chuckled. “Come on, let’s get something to eat.”
“There’s no time. The patient’s parents have arrived and are in the waiting room. I think we have to go talk to them and take them to their son.”
“We can go talk to them, but one of the interns can take them to their son in the ICU. After we talk to them, you’re getting something to eat. Doctor’s orders.”
Emily sighed and stood up. “Fine.”
“You’re not going to argue with me?” he teased.
“No, because you’re right and I’m starving. Let’s go talk to the Klassens. Dr. Teal can take them up to see their son.” Emily stood up, but she closed her eyes and the blood drained from her face.
Ryan reached out and held her steady. “Whoa, you’re definitely not fine.”
“Just a bit dizzy. Okay, you’re right. Today I pushed it too far. I haven’t been present in a pediatric orthopedic or neurosurgery since I got pregnant.”
He helped her sit back down. “I want you to stay here. I’ll go speak with the parents and then I’ll be right back.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”
“I won’t.”
* * *
He didn’t want to leave her, but he had a duty to his patient’s parents. They were probably sick with worry. He took Dr. Teal with him so that the young intern could take Jason’s parents to the ICU, and because Dr. Teal was with him it didn’t take him long to find the waiting area.
He explained to Jason’s parents the procedure and the outcome. Jason’s family would be in Seattle for some time while Jason went through extensive physiotherapy after he healed.
At least with kids they bounced back.
After Dr. Teal had taken Jason’s parents up to the ICU, Ryan turned round and went back to the operating room floor, using Emily’s pass.
She’d stayed where he’d left her.
Only she was sitting on the floor, her back to the wall and her head between her knees. He rushed over to her and knelt down.
“Emily?”
“I really need to get something to eat.” A weak smile tugged at her lips and he couldn’t help but smile at her.
“Come on. I’ll take you to the nicest place in town.”
“Don’t you have to stay while your patient is in the ICU?” she asked as he helped her to her feet.
“I do, but the nicest place in town isn’t far.”
She laughed. “I hate to disappoint you, the cafeteria is not the nicest place in town.”
“Well, it will have to do until I can take you to the nicest place in town. Where is that, by the way?”
She chuckled again and shrugged as they began to walk slowly away from the OR. “I don’t know. I’ve been in Seattle for five years but I haven’t got out and done much.”
“You’re not from Seattle?” he asked.
“No, I’m from Salt Lake City and, no, before you ask, I’m not Mormon. My parents are, but I never connected with the religion or any religion, just science.”
Ryan nodded. He understood that. Science had exerted the same sort of pull on him. His mother had wanted him to farm her family’s land, but by the time he’d hit eighteen it had been apparent that he was not suited to a life of ranching. That was about the time his mother had stopped talking to him and when he’d learned to fend for himself.
“Well, asking about your religious affiliation was the furthest thing from my mind.”
“Sorry, it’s just when I tell people where I’m from, that’s the first thing I’m asked.” She glanced up at him. “Sorry I’m walking so slowly.”
“It’s fine. Take your time.” He couldn’t help but wonder why she was apologizing so much.
“It’s frustrating,” she admitted. “I would spend my time racing around this hospital. I could get from the ICU to the emergency room in five minutes and now I’m significantly slower.”
He felt like he should apologize, but he hadn’t been the only willing party the night they’d conceived their child. What he did feel bad about was missing the first six months of her pregnancy, for her doing this on her own.
He was ashamed about that and angry at himself. He might not be sure about being a father, but he’d never meant to leave her alone. If he’d only known...
“Let’s get you something to eat.”
They walked into the cafeteria and Emily sat down. Ryan went to the counter and grabbed a couple of sandwiches and some water. He brought it back to her and sat down next to her.
“Thanks for this,” Emily said. “They really do make good sandwiches.”
“Still, there’s probably somewhere better and I’m going to have to find it and take you to it.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Why?”
“Emily, we have a lot to talk about.”
“Other than work, we don’t. I meant what I said in those messages, I can raise this baby on my own. We both made a mistake—”
“I don’t walk away from my responsibilities.” He was annoyed that she was giving him an out. He didn’t want an out. Well, he did, but he didn’t either. Right now, he wasn’t sure what he wanted. But he was here now.
The last time that had happened, he’d lost a child and it had hurt. He was going to take responsibility for this one.
There wasn’t any way he was going to walk away. He was going to help Emily for as long as he could.
CHAPTER FOUR (#u966b18f1-6ea3-54ca-8b76-92d7e0a996f1)
EMILY SAT AT a desk in a quiet part of the ICU. Her shift was almost over, but she didn’t want to go home just yet. Not that there was anything to go home to and she felt bad for trying to push Ryan away. It’s just that she’d never been able to rely on anyone other than her parents She’d got to where she was by working hard to overcome what her teachers had told her would hold her back. The only time she’d foolishly relied on someone else had been when she was with Robert.
He’d belittled her and cheated on her.
Why would it be any different with Ryan?
So she’d given him an out.
And he seemed to want it but said that he didn’t.
He’d been so mad when she’d suggested that he didn’t need to be involved in his child’s life. They’d eaten their sandwiches in silence, until he’d got an urgent page about Jason and left to go to the ICU.
Emily had finished the rest of her meal and then made her way back up to the ICU floor to do the last rounds on her patients before one of her residents took over to cover the night shift. Now she looked up from her charting to see Ryan by Jason’s bed and he was recording information into a computer.
Ryan might move from hospital to hospital and never hold down a steady position, but he was passionate and caring when it came to his patients. Dr. Ruchi believed in him and wanted him to be the neurosurgeon on the conjoined twin case.
Emily turned back to her computer and pulled up the chart information that Dr. Ruchi had sent over. She opened the MRI scan to take a look at the babies. There was a good chance that these babies could be successfully separated. They shared a liver and part of the colon and there were three kidneys, which meant one twin would only get one kidney, but they had four legs, four arms and two sets of genitals. It was a matter of trying to separate the liver and colon. And then there was the spine and the nerves that controlled the legs.
The babies were partially back to back.
Where they were joined it would be hard to separate them without paralyzing them. She scrubbed a hand over her face.
You’ve done other separations. This is no different.
And all those conjoined cases had been successful. The key to success was gathering a strong team and discussing the plan of attack.
Now, if only Ryan would discuss the plans with her, instead of insisting on talking about their baby, who was healthy and fine.
She closed the files and logged off the computer. She finished her charting and handed them to the nurse in charge. Emily knew that the resident in charge would know what to do. She wouldn’t have to talk to them.
With one last look at Ryan, still by Jason’s bedside, she headed to the attendings’ lounge so that she could change before she headed for home. She needed rest if she was going to be ready to face the mother of the conjoined twins tomorrow with the OB/GYN assigned to deliver the babies.
That was the first step, settling the mother into the hospital, before, in a few weeks, once the babies were bigger and stronger, safely delivering them by C-section and hoping they survived long enough to consider doing the separation surgery.
She quickly changed and was just pulling on her coat when Ryan came into the lounge.
“There you are,” he said.
“I’m going home,” she answered, without looking at him. “I’m tired and I need rest before our patient arrives tomorrow.”
“Good.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
“It’s fine. It’s a lot. I get it.” Emily wrapped her scarf around her neck. “Try and get some sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“How about we talk tonight?”
“About what, Ryan? Our baby, or what I wanted to talk about?”
“The conjoined twins case. It’s only seven and the resident on duty has my pager number. Why don’t we go and have a real meal? A sandwich is a pretty poor meal.”
Say no. Just go home.
“Fine. There’s a little bistro not far from here. That way, if you’re paged you can get back fairly fast and not get lost.”
“Sounds good.”
Emily nodded and stepped out of the lounge. It didn’t take him long before he was dressed. They walked in silence together out of the hospital. It was a cool night. It was the tail end of spring and soon it would be summer.
It was her favorite season.
She was not a fan of winter.
“It’s just over there,” Emily said, pointing to the small bistro on the corner just across the street from the hospital. “It’s a favorite haunt of the chief of surgery in the morning. So if you’re ever looking to have some one-on-one time to schmooze with him, this is the place he’ll be.”
Ryan chuckled. “Noted. Although I don’t have to schmooze. People are usually the ones schmoozing me.”
Emily laughed.
“What?” Ryan asked.
“Oh, just...you know when you say a word over and over again it sounds funny, like it’s lost all meaning.”
Ryan cocked an eyebrow and looked at her like she’d lost her mind, and maybe she had. She was tired and she was getting a bit silly from exhaustion.
“I can’t say that I’ve noticed that.”
“Say schmooze a few more times,” she teased. She had a sense of déjà vu and then she remembered the mojito talk during their wedding. She couldn’t help but smile.
“I think not.” He opened the door to the small bistro.
“Is it just the two of you tonight?” the maître d’ asked.
