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Breaking the Bonds
Dorothy Rowe
Depression: the imprisoning experience of isolation and fear which comes when we realise that there is a serious discrepancy between what we thought our life to be and what it actually is.From birth onwards we create our own secure worlds of meaning. Challenged seriously enough, these worlds can crumble, leaving us despairing, frightened, isolated, helpless. But we are not helpless. We can resolve to save ourselves by embarking on a journey of understanding and self-acceptance, and finally and for ever break free of the bonds of depression.Dorothy Rowe, the internationally renowned psychologist and expert on depression, brings together in this book what twenty-five years of research have shown her about depression, and shows us how every one of us can take charge of our life and find the way to happiness, hope and freedom.
DOROTHY ROWE
BREAKING THE BONDS
Understanding Depression, Finding Freedom
Copyright (#ulink_81c64410-bfc2-587c-ac54-392306a60dbf)
HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk/)
Published by HarperPress 2006
Previously published in paperback by HarperCollins 1994
Reprinted eleven times
Previously published in paperback by Fontana 1991
Reprinted two times
First published in Great Britain as The Depression Handbook by HarperCollinsPublishers 1991
Copyright © Dorothy Rowe 1991
The Author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
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HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication
Source ISBN: 9780006375654
Ebook Edition © JANUARY 2017 ISBN: 9780007406791
Version: 2017-01-13
Praise (#ulink_e94d27a1-48fd-574f-a850-4ae40d356512)
Praise for Dorothy Rowe:
‘Dr Dorothy Rowe, seer, has qualities which to my mind place her somewhere between sainthood and genius’
FAY WELDON
‘Dorothy Rowe’s books are exceptional. Rowe has not just got common sense but wisdom and real writing gifts. It’s pleasurable to read her blend of quoted poetry, proper and powerful prose and good jokes’
Observer
‘You can’t go to a party without meeting at least two people whose lives have been changed by Dorothy Rowe’
LINDA GRANT
‘Dorothy Rowe stands out among psychologists for her clear insight into human experience: her writing is refreshingly free from dubious theoretical constructs and jargon’
Independent
Dedication (#ulink_fc4f0276-f947-59b9-895e-548f44c99d58)
To Diana, Ron and Ed
Contents
Cover (#u3adb0494-a9a6-50ab-a286-276f5277da9a)
Title Page (#u20e9655f-7745-5257-b00f-9783c79c7301)
Copyright (#ue4415faf-2507-58be-9e9e-48199f11631a)
Praise (#u13f1fbf2-c7da-56f7-a007-9689a9b9a3d2)
Dedication (#u458811e5-0836-5673-a7ba-50b475ff81bf)
Preface: How to Use This Book (#u2912db8e-5f4e-5142-a4f6-a66e63b7ed46)
I The Meaning of Depression (#ubd16fd5e-f9ef-5cd3-8474-430f6e2ffbb3)
1 An Ordinary Story (#u015a5a7a-9d00-53d7-aafe-f64116cae3e7)
2 Depression – the Painful Isolation (#u3411cbb4-b8dd-5326-84d7-1cff5dc6d241)
3 Our Greatest Fear (#ud37f920b-376d-5e29-9cde-d412508e6bbd)
Finding the Source of Our Greatest Fear (#ulink_3cbf7565-ba95-5dd4-9d5d-4a536abb4560)
Extraverts and Introverts (#ulink_7932c4ab-3d19-5168-941b-19a6be69c166)
Why We Need to Know Ourselves (#ulink_59b97858-2f0f-5eac-8b6b-c2d04e171e07)
4 Believing That We Are Not Good Enough (#udfeb4310-ca1c-51e5-8111-13d5e669f6bf)
Drawing the Conclusion ‘I Am Bad’ (#ulink_d08778a8-8d7b-5615-a69e-9151ef609222)
Saving Our Self (#ulink_1fe2b486-30b6-5689-a14f-63f85a59c8be)
Becoming An Expert in Feeling Guilty (#ulink_2c632c3b-8c06-53e8-bf17-a82d8365320c)
Compensations for Believing ‘I Am Bad’ (#ulink_85f5438f-f4d3-5a36-b51d-7149239a83a8)
Living Our Story (#ulink_188d33b2-7f98-5623-a75b-30f7dd0e92b1)
5 Constructing Our Prison of Depression
How Thoughts and Images Create a Prison (#ulink_335b5008-4075-53b1-a564-35e5ac8a9c74)
How Pat Built her Prison of Depression (#ulink_6432ae06-c640-5518-b6aa-a2d40f1cab64)
The Recipe for Depression (#ulink_d1897bbd-88f2-5abf-8520-9298f8c311ff)
How the Six Beliefs Fit Together (#ulink_f2cf584f-2148-5c12-80b4-6e855312785c)
II Why Is It So Hard To Change? (#u2d173476-79f1-5297-bb45-e3c21752f6e7)
6 Fearing Change (#u4d581ea6-aa41-5533-8228-22377d99b8a4)
7 Wanting Certainty (#ud127488e-926e-5a01-8a97-b7f329e1496d)
8 Pride (#u204869d0-db1d-574e-85af-c4d38001407a)
9 Taking Things Personally (#u6b323461-324a-5691-8034-e4bc1b7699dd)
10 Hanging On to Hopes (#uccad8692-86d2-5daa-a290-a851e02a9fdb)
11 Other People (#ud91c7b64-b411-5470-86a9-f3b5e10223fc)
Ourselves and Society (#ulink_cdc5ceb0-515f-59e1-b163-2dc304e71b4c)
Families Against Change (#ulink_fb402fa4-da58-5913-9a12-92f98d00a76a)
Partners and Power (#ulink_f94b04fe-6e85-55b8-8043-84dadcd7beb8)
III The Journey Out of the Prison of Depression (#u46131084-e39f-523a-b078-8ab5a093fed6)
12 The Expert’s Secret (#uba610b2a-cafa-5fae-9793-99e147977acd)
13 Fitting Yourself for the Journey (#u9a76d087-254a-536e-97e3-df5ea41ebc0b)
14 Suicide Is Not a Solution (#u6b3fa045-e1d5-525a-a764-a2f41f6c1c49)
15 What You Need to Find Along the Way (#u60ac7ced-de58-5581-8ea1-60b52403195a)
Labelling Emotions Correctly (#ulink_3cb40418-8d83-5ff3-ad13-2dc866067e45)
Finding Forgiveness (#ulink_934f521e-f45b-5b48-9d3d-8767b4482647)
The Consequences of Striving to Be Good (#ulink_91390b66-b2b5-56fe-8698-6c09d7634c24)
The World Is Neither Just Nor Unjust (#ulink_f7667ac4-2382-56d0-aa6c-7e682099a0e3)
Our Helplessness Is the Source of Our Strength (#ulink_cf44d8ba-a661-5970-b14e-ecbd35aa4c01)
Changing Our Relationships with Other People (#ulink_f4061ea7-aa1b-51f0-94fc-73c4439a5b3b)
16 Leaving Loneliness Behind (#u95b49800-a4e4-5cd2-8d5f-7efd010b2848)
Our Rules about Our Relationships (#ulink_ccba8da1-36a2-5068-9680-1e696c3225b4)
Our Beliefs about Relationships (#ulink_27c7cb83-4aa7-5291-8e22-c3bc2f7a6920)
Our Skills in Our Relationships (#ulink_4cc05531-a59d-579b-97ea-b0d2e0d58555)
Our Emotions in Our Relationships (#ulink_ed1c7d23-337d-500f-8549-6804751335bd)
Dismantling the Barrier (#ulink_033ff6a7-cb34-593c-82c9-07d7c781dc5f)
Twelve Decisions (#ulink_255dce2f-9990-50ca-8235-8256331486ff)
17 Helping One Another (#ue5fdda81-7119-504e-97b4-8274dcef38e6)
18 Trying Something New (#u0c5114a4-293b-5f3b-a43b-9ed23c0b4e00)
19 Journey’s End (#u188b17e7-6da5-58a3-bb7c-d547b2a088d3)
IV Discoveries (#u4dacca3b-52ae-5ee1-b056-fc485544dff3)
20 Discoveries (#ue327e0d7-6074-50e7-a9a8-3f9ee7cbcda6)
Discoveries (#ulink_c1c8df19-5fc4-572f-a020-a8775472c428)
V Technical Footnotes (#uedf2ec56-01e4-56ea-a698-007ca7a68bb1)
21 Is Depression a Physical Illness? (#u70ed6712-cedf-5dcf-ba63-5949e369c5e5)
The History of Depression (#ulink_a5b598e3-db0b-5cbc-80c4-f583ee8b819d)
The Classification of Depression (#ulink_3c16ae3c-3091-5dae-a0da-66ee59ecca64)
What Psychiatrists Say Publicly (#ulink_2d5ba75b-608c-52ff-9bb2-a964731a49d7)
What Psychiatrists Say Privately (#ulink_5d220606-1bf0-54c9-874c-7768d5605269)
Why Psychiatrists Insist that Depression Is a Physical Illness (#ulink_e08012c2-eb13-52c1-8f35-d44cea53d443)
