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“Want some?” he asked, holding out the muffin.
“Sure. Thanks.”
As he handed her half, her eyes finally met his, and he was struck by the directness of her gaze. He dwarfed her and hadn’t exactly been friendly, but she didn’t seem the least bit intimidated by him. The cute suit had some guts. Who’d have figured on that?
They munched in silence for a few minutes, and Matt tore the napkin in half to share with her.
“Thanks.” After wiping her mouth and hands, she stood up. “I’ll leave you be now.”
Her bare feet rustled through the grass as she walked away from the pond. She was a few yards away when he heard himself call out her name.
She turned, and a shaft of late sunlight hit her like a spotlight. If he were superstitious, he’d think someone was trying to tell him something. He shook off the weird feeling and went on. “You mind hanging out awhile longer?”
She took a step toward him and stopped. “You’re sure?”
“Yeah.”
She hadn’t pushed him to talk, hadn’t tried to be entertaining or lift his spirits. She’d just let him sit there and stare at the water. It made him wonder if somehow she understood how he felt.
When she sat back down, he realized it was getting cool and her pretty blouse wasn’t much for warmth. He pulled off his jacket and draped it across her shoulders.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.” Sighing, he stared at the house he’d avoided like the plague for so many years. “I wish I could’ve said goodbye.”
“You’re not just talking about Ethan, are you?”
Her perceptiveness was unnerving, to say the least. Avoiding her eyes, he stayed fixed on the house and shook his head. Then, for some insane reason, instead of leaving it there he started to explain.
“When I was ten, our mom got real sick. I didn’t know it then, but she had leukemia. She went to the hospital and didn’t come home. We had supper with her one night and the next morning she was gone. I never got to say goodbye.”
Caty put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. He hated it when women tried to baby him, but for some reason her gentle touch didn’t bother him.
“That’s so sad. You must have missed her so much.”
“Marianne was seven, but John and Lisa were too young to understand. Lisa doesn’t even remember her.” His voice broke, and he cleared his throat. Even after all these years, talking about it was almost impossible.
Folding his hands in an effort to control his emotions, he stared down at them. “After she died, everything changed.”
He expected Caty to jump in and finish his thought, maybe fill in the blanks for him, but she didn’t. To his surprise, her patient silence actually made him want to keep talking. Hands clamped into helpless fists, he lifted his head and met those bright green eyes.
“The older I got, the harder it was to be here. I left Harland the day after graduation. Dad said he hated to see me go, but he understood. No matter what I did, he always said he understood, but I’m not sure he meant it.”
Matt had never shared that with anyone, and he had no idea why he’d picked now to bare his soul. Too tired, he figured, to keep his mouth shut.
“He loved you,” Caty said, rubbing his shoulder. “He wanted you to be happy. If that meant leaving home, he was okay with it.”
Matt wasn’t so sure about that, but he didn’t have the energy to argue with her. From leading his careless lifestyle to ignoring his family, he knew he’d disappointed his father too many times to count. Now it was too late to fix what he’d broken.
Tears stung his eyes, and he held them back with the heels of his hands. Caty put an arm partway around his shoulders, and he felt himself leaning into her. He didn’t know why, but just having her there made him feel slightly less miserable. The warmth of her went beyond the physical, drawing him in. When he realized he wasn’t fighting it, he knew he’d gotten way too close to this sweet, understanding stranger.
Angry with himself for losing his grip, he pulled away and got to his feet. “I don’t know why I told you all that.”
“Told me what?” she responded lightly. “We’re just out here getting some fresh air.”
Her smile promised she’d keep his emotional meltdown to herself, and he managed a halfhearted smile of his own. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
He went a few steps, then turned back. “You introduced yourself as Caitlin, but everyone calls you Caty. Which do you like better?”
She shrugged. “Whichever. I’m not picky.”
After studying her for a few seconds, he decided, “I like Caty. Suits you better.”
* * *
Matt turned and headed for the house, leaving Caty there, wondering what on earth had just happened. While she’d also lost her own mother at a young age, hers had simply vanished from her life. Lost in an accident with a coworker who’d had a few too many drinks after work. Caty couldn’t imagine how difficult it would be for a child to watch a parent wither away from illness. Matt had been old enough to know what was happening but too young to accept that she was gone.
Always missing her, wishing she could come back. Tears welled in Caty’s eyes as she pictured that little boy growing into a young man, bitter and furious, desperate to leave those painful memories behind. But Ethan had still been there, along with John and the girls. The pull of the farm fought with Matt’s need to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
Judging by Marianne’s coolness toward him, his solution had only created more problems for his family. Over the years, he’d probably decided it was easier to stay away than come home and face the music. Unfortunately, it had kept him from being there when they needed him, and he could never change that.
Guilt is a terrible burden to carry around, no matter how strong you are.
Chapter Three
After spending the night on the Sawyers’ couch, Caty woke as the sun started peeking through the living room’s sheer curtains. She was usually up before now, but her long day had completely knocked her out.
She folded the light blanket and stowed it with her pillow in a hand-carved chest. After a couple of tries, she managed to fold up the sofa bed and replace the cushions and throw pillows. Stepping back, she decided everything was the way Marianne had left it and glanced into the antique mirror next to the front door.
Dressed in one of John’s battered football jerseys and a pair of Marianne’s capris, she wouldn’t win any beauty contests, but she was more or less presentable. She caught her hair up in the clip she’d worn yesterday and padded into the kitchen to start the coffeemaker. While it gurgled, she saw Tucker sitting on the back porch, gazing in longingly through the screen door. He had free run of the entire farm, but apparently he was feeling lonely.
“Morning, boy,” she greeted him, holding the door open. “Want to come in?”
Panting, he thumped his tail with enthusiasm and looked over his shoulder toward the field road that wound alongside the woods.
“You want some company?”
The thumping increased, and he spun a couple of tight circles before settling back on his haunches with an expectant look.
“Okay.” She laughed. “Give me a second.”
Most of the cups were too small to hold her usual dose of morning coffee, so she ended up with a huge purple mug sporting “Lisa” in fancy silver script. The dot over the i was a star, and the mug played “When You Wish Upon a Star” when she poured in her coffee.
“Totally Lisa,” Caty commented to no one in particular as she spooned in creamer and sugar. After a quick taste, she decided it worked and headed out the back way with Tucker.
He bounded down the lane toward the restored carriage house John called home. When Tucker raced up the steps and did some more spinning, Caty noticed Matt in a chair on the little porch. The Lab ducked his head under Matt’s hand, delighted with the ear scratching he got in return. Ten seconds of that was enough, and he repeated his come-with-me dance for Matt.
“Looks like you’ve snagged a partner already, boy,” he said with a guarded look at Caty.
She’d thought they were starting to become friends, so it was tough not to take his attitude personally. Reminding herself that he needed some understanding, she bit her tongue and forced a smile. “Tucker’s motto is The More, the Merrier.”
There, she thought. She wasn’t exactly asking him to come along, but she’d made it clear she didn’t mind if he took the dog up on his wagging invitation. Matt didn’t move at first, but eventually he got to his feet.
“I’d hate to disappoint you,” he told Tucker, avoiding her completely. The dog bolted from the porch and galloped up the road, glancing back to make sure they were following.
Matt’s long strides quickly took him past her, and when he got to the top of the small hill, he stopped to look over at a gnarled old oak a few yards away. The impassive look on his face changed, and she got a glimpse of the same grief she’d witnessed last night. Out of respect, she stopped, too. He seemed to be wrestling with something, and she didn’t want to intrude. To her surprise, he turned to her with a pensive expression.
“This is—was—Dad’s favorite place on the farm.” He glanced out over the hill toward the wheat fields becoming gold as the sun rose behind them. “He had all that, and he liked this old tree more than the rest of it.”
Caty took that as an invitation to come closer, and she paused a few feet away. Judging by Matt’s anguished memories of his own past, she suspected that, while he respected Ethan’s fondness for the old tree, he didn’t share it.
“Y’know,” he said with a scowl, “you’re really easy to talk to.”
The warm blue of his eyes took some of the sting out of his comment, and she smiled. “You make that sound like a bad thing.”
“It usually is. For me, anyway.”
She wasn’t sure what to make of that, so she decided to ignore it. “Want some?” she asked, offering the mug.
When he hesitated, she thought he’d refuse, but he took it from her. “Thanks.” He swallowed some coffee with obvious difficulty and pushed the mug back at her as if it held something poisonous. “What’s in that? Frosting and whipped cream?”
“Creamer and sugar,” she answered, taking a sip to prove it wasn’t nearly as bad as he made it out to be.
“Any coffee at all?”
“Sure. At the bottom,” she added with a smile.
He looked as if he hadn’t slept a wink all night, and she was hoping to lift his spirits with some humor. Not that it should matter, considering the way he’d treated her. The problem was that it just wasn’t in her nature to stand by and let someone suffer. Her supervising partner had knocked her for that very thing on her last performance appraisal. He’d called it “excessive sympathy.” She called it being human.
Shaking his head, Matt gave her a flicker of the lopsided grin she remembered from high school. “Lemme guess. You’re one of those hot-fudge-sundae-in-my-coffee types.”
“Mmm, sounds perfect. Don’t tell me. You’re one of those high-test, straight-up caffeine types.”
“Most men are.”
“I know lots of guys who like gourmet coffee,” the lawyer in her had to argue.
“Your boyfriend likes it that way?”
“I don’t have one.” She had no intention of telling anyone in Harland about David. She’d left him—and those awful memories—behind in Boston. That was exactly how she wanted things to stay.
Matt grinned at her. “Why am I not surprised?”
“Because you’re a cynic who can’t see beyond Friday night.”
“At least I enjoy Friday night,” he returned evenly. “I’m not chained to a desk somewhere waiting for my life to start.”
Appalled by the very personal attack, Caty didn’t know what to say. She glared up at him, but he deflected it with an I’m-smarter-than-you-think-I-am look.
“Go ahead,” he goaded. “Say it.”
“Not in a million years.”
“Okay,” he conceded with a chuckle. “But I know what you’re thinking. It’s written all over that pretty face of yours.”
She knew he was baiting her, but she wasn’t a trout. Inwardly seething, she cautioned herself against getting too close to this guy. He might not realize it, but he was now her client. That meant she had to be friendly but professional.
Tucker doubled back and ran circles around them, flopping on the ground so Matt could give him a belly rub.
“I’m real sorry I didn’t remember you,” he said while he scratched behind the Lab’s ears.
The quiet apology cooled her temper, and she decided to give him a break. “That’s okay. I was pretty forgettable back then. Invisible, more like.”
Matt glanced over his shoulder. “Not anymore.”
Feeling her cheeks start to burn, she turned away, pretending to watch Tucker bound back into the tall grass. “So this was Ethan’s favorite place. Why?”
“We’d have lunch here sometimes, him and John and me,” he explained. “Y’know, like they used to in the old days. We’d eat and talk, mostly about nothing.”
“That sounds nice.”
“It was.”
Matt seemed so distant from his family, Caty was amazed to learn how much he valued that simple memory. She’d have thought he’d do his best to forget everything connected to Harland. It was nice to discover she was wrong.
In his next breath, all semblance of nicety vanished.
“But I have my own life now.” Stepping closer, he glowered down at her. “Did you and Dad consider that when you boxed me into this little trap?”
Caty recognized that he was trying to intimidate her, use his size and considerable muscle to make her give in. She couldn’t miss the shift in his phrasing, dropping the responsibility for his predicament squarely on her shoulders. Fortunately, she had a weapon or two he hadn’t counted on, and she brought them out now.
She stepped closer, shrinking the distance between them to show she wasn’t afraid of him. Well, maybe she was a little, but she could fake it.
“Don’t get testy with me, Sawyer. I’m on your side.”
He opened his mouth, but she narrowed her eyes and cut him off with a warning look. Fortunately, he paid attention and settled for a disgusted sigh. It was insulting, but she let it go.
Pushing down her own frustration, she focused on the pain she knew he was feeling and softened her expression just a bit. “I’m trying to be patient with all of you. You’ve had a terrible shock, and I understand that. I’ll do my best to take some of the burden off you, but I can’t make it go away completely. The law works the way it does to protect everything Ethan worked so hard for. You have to be patient with me, too.”
That wasn’t what he’d wanted to hear, and he planted his hands on his hips like a petulant child, looking anywhere but at her. Quit being such a baby, she wanted to say, but she held back. It wouldn’t go over well.
When he did meet her eyes, she saw something she hadn’t expected. Fear. So quietly she almost didn’t hear, he said, “I don’t know what to do.”
Her heart tripped over the raw emotion in those few words, and she swallowed hard against the sudden lump in her throat. Hoping she appeared calm and dependable, she willed her most professional tone into her voice. “I know. I’ll help you all I can.”
The thought of working so closely with Matt didn’t thrill her, but she simply couldn’t leave him with the accordion envelope and letter of instructions that she gave most of her clients. Once the immediate crisis of bringing in the harvest was over, he’d have some big-time decisions to make.
