скачать книгу бесплатно
‘Maybe he has been stringing me along for ages,’ Kate muttered, swirling the drink around the glass. ‘Maybe he never really loved me at all.’ She looked up at Nick sharply. ‘Did you know?’
‘Know what?’
‘That Stephen was cheating on me. Is that why you looked so shocked when I told you I thought he was going to propose?’
Nick shook his head. ‘I had no idea. If I had, I’d have told you.’
‘Would you?’
‘Of course I would. I care about you too much not to have said something.’
Kate took a sip of her drink, feeling it warm her deep inside. ‘Have you eaten?’ Nick asked her.
She shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry.’
‘I’ll make you something. I’ve got steak in the fridge.’
‘Thanks, Nick, but honestly I couldn’t eat anything. I should be going anyway.’ She glanced at her watch and was surprised to see it was nearing midnight. ‘I didn’t realize it was so late, you’ve got work tomorrow and so have I,’ she murmured, swallowing the rest of her drink. ‘I’d better go.’
‘You don’t have to,’ he said quietly.
She looked over at him.
‘The spare room is made up,’ he said.
Kate hesitated; the thought of her empty apartment was not welcoming. Plus she would have to completely strip the bed. She raked a hand through her hair, feeling suddenly sick.
‘I haven’t brought any night things.’ She shook her head. ‘I should go home.’
‘I’ll lend you a T-shirt and I’ve got a new toothbrush in the cupboard.’ Nick grinned at her, a teasing light in his dark eyes. ‘Now, how can you possibly turn down an offer like that? You’re very honoured, you know. I don’t hand out T-shirts and toothbrushes to just anybody.’
She smiled.
‘That’s better.’ He suddenly became serious. ‘Don’t go home to that apartment tonight, Katy.’
‘I must admit, I don’t want to go back there,’ she admitted huskily.
‘Well, that’s settled, then.’ He stood up. ‘Come on, I’ll show you up to your room.’
It felt strange following Nick upstairs to the bedrooms. Although she had been to his home on many occasions, she had never stayed overnight and had only seen upstairs once when he had first moved in.
For some reason there was a feeling of awkwardness inside her as he opened the door into the spare room. Why, she couldn’t have said, but the sight of the enormous double bed was somehow provocative enough to make her feel self-conscious. Maybe it was just the way she was feeling at the moment. She was edgy and tense, and no wonder after the shock of seeing Stephen with someone else.
She tried to turn her thoughts to the décor; the plain Shaker-style furniture and the pictures on the wall made it a very sophisticated and relaxing room.
‘There’s an en suite bathroom through here.’ Nick opened a door into a luxurious bathroom, flicking on all the lights.
‘This is really very kind of you, Nick,’ Kate murmured hesitantly as he turned back into the bedroom and she found herself standing very close to him.
‘You’d do the same for me…wouldn’t you?’ he asked with a grin.
‘Well, I would if I had a spare room,’ she said, trying to lighten the tension inside her and smile at him.
‘That’s OK, then.’ His eyes moved over her face, and lingered for a second on her lips.
She felt her throat tighten, her breathing restrict. She wondered suddenly what it would be like to be kissed by Nick, to be held properly in his arms, not just to be comforted, but caressed. He would probably be a fabulous lover. How could he be otherwise? He was so incredibly sexy and yet so tender. Her heart missed a couple of beats. Then she looked away from him, shocked by her thoughts.
‘I’ll go and get you that T-shirt.’
As he disappeared out of the room, Kate sat down on the side of the bed. Her heart was thumping as if she had been running in a race. She felt ashamed of herself for thinking such thoughts—if Nick knew what she had been thinking, he would probably be horrified. He thought of her as a sister.
Her reflection stared back at her from the dressing table opposite. She looked awful: her skin was ashen, her eyes swollen from her tears, her dark hair dishevelled. Nick would never be attracted to her; she just wasn’t his type. He went for leggy, very glamorous blondes…Natasha would be his type.
She closed her eyes. Why was she thinking like this? She was upset enough without torturing herself with wild imaginings. Maybe it was the brandy she had drunk.
‘Are you OK?’ Nick’s gentle voice made her eyes fly open again.
‘Yes…’
He put the T-shirt down on the bed.
‘Do you mind if I have a shower and turn in?’ She looked up at him, her eyes shadowed.
‘Of course not. Make yourself at home.’
A few minutes later as Kate stood under the forceful jet of the shower and poured shampoo on her hair, she dismissed the way she had thought about Nick. Her body was in shock—she wasn’t thinking rationally, never mind clearly. It was Stephen whom she had loved. And now it was over.
She stepped out of the shower and towel-dried her body. How long had he been having an affair? Did any of their other friends know? Tanya and David had come around for dinner last week and, come to think about it, Tanya had been quiet, very unlike her usual gregarious self. As Tanya worked with Stephen, presumably she knew Natasha.
Kate’s stomach churned. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she was that Tanya knew. Those looks she had been giving her over the dinner table had been looks of sympathy.
She groaned. How many other people knew? She felt like a total idiot.
‘Kate, I’ve brought you a drink.’ Nick’s voice coming from the bedroom made her jump. She wrapped a towel around herself and opened the door.
Nick was putting a coffee and a sandwich down on the bedside table.
‘You shouldn’t have done that, Nick.’ She tucked the edge of the white towel down firmly. ‘It’s very kind, but I honestly don’t think I can eat anything.’
‘You’re skin and bone as it is.’ His eyes flicked momentarily over her, taking in the long, shapely legs. ‘You can’t afford to skip meals.’
‘Yes, I can.’ She sighed. ‘But thanks for the compliment.’
‘It wasn’t a compliment.’ He grinned. ‘Come on, eat this and make me happy.’
‘Hold on a minute.’ She snatched up the T-shirt from the bed and retired into the bathroom again. Did Nick really think she was too thin? she wondered as she took off the towel and slipped into the white cotton shirt. Come to think about it, maybe he did prefer his women with a more curvy shape. Serena had been very well endowed.
Irritated that she was even thinking along these lines, Kate turned her attention to her appearance. The T-shirt was big on her and came down nearly to her knees. She gave her hair a quick blast with the hairdryer so that it sat in glossy waves around her face. Then she surveyed her reflection in the mirror; she looked a bit better, she supposed. There was a bit of colour in her cheeks now, and her eyes weren’t quite as puffy. Not that she really cared how she looked for Nick…it was just female vanity.
When she returned to the bedroom she found Nick sitting on the bed watching the small TV set which was on a stand at the far side of the room.
‘Nothing on, as usual,’ he said, flicking through the channels. He gave her a cursory glance before returning his attention back to the set.
She needn’t have bothered worrying about how she looked, she thought as she climbed onto the bed and sat behind him, reaching for the coffee.
‘Don’t forget your sandwiches.’ He grinned at her. ‘You’ll have nightmares if you don’t eat something.’
‘I’ll probably have those anyway,’ she muttered glumly. ‘I’ll probably see Natasha and Stephen walking down the aisle, hand in hand.’
‘That sounds like Stephen’s nightmare, not yours,’ he muttered dryly.
‘Just because you are frightened of commitment, doesn’t mean every man is,’ Kate retorted sharply.
‘So you think Stephen is suddenly going to turn into Mr Commitment, do you? Mr Fidelity?’
Kate shrugged and took a sip of her drink. ‘I don’t know what Stephen is going to do. I don’t think I know him any more.’
Nick switched off the TV and turned to look at her. ‘Get real, Kate. Stephen is having a fling. It probably won’t last two minutes.’
‘How do you figure that out?’
‘Well, for one thing he can hardly keep a job down for two minutes, never mind a relationship.’
‘We lived together for two years, Nick. Stephen isn’t that flaky.’
‘That’s a matter of opinion,’ Nick retorted dryly.
‘At least he tried to settle down.’
‘Unlike me, you mean?’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘That’s what it sounded like.’
She frowned. Were they arguing? She and Nick never argued…well, not real arguing—maybe they differed occasionally on small things, but they never snapped at each other. ‘I didn’t mean it to sound like that,’ she said with a shake of her head. ‘But, you know, Stephen may not have been the most reliable of people, but he did try to commit…you haven’t had a serious relationship since Jayne.’
‘Yes, you made that point earlier,’ Nick muttered. ‘My relationships may not have lasted long, but at least I have always been honest with my girlfriends. I’ve never lied or cheated.’
‘I know—’
‘You need to stop romanticizing about Stephen,’ Nick cut across her before she could continue. ‘You’re burying your head in the sand. OK, he may have said he loved you once upon a time, but anyone can pay lip service to emotions. Actions are what matter in the end, and real life isn’t like it is in your picture-perfect, idealized dreams.’
Kate swallowed hard. ‘Well, I kind of realized that when I saw Stephen in bed with someone else tonight,’ she muttered, her eyes shimmering bright green in the glare of the bedside lamp.
Nick watched the tears threaten to spill over from her eyes and groaned. ‘I’m sorry, Katy. I shouldn’t have said that.’
She shook her head. ‘No, you’re right. I am too much of a romantic. I know I am.’
‘Well, there’s nothing wrong with that, I suppose.’ Nick’s lips twisted ruefully. ‘Just don’t make excuses for Stephen, OK? It irritates the hell out of me.’
‘You never liked him, did you?’ she asked tremulously.
Nick shook his head. ‘Not much.’
She bit down on her lip and looked away from him.
‘Oh, come on, Kate. You’ve got to admit, there were times when you had no idea where you stood with him. He was inconsistent. One day he was showering you with roses, the next he stood you up.’
Kate was about to argue and say he had never stood her up, and then she remembered how he hadn’t turned up for her office party last year. Stephen had apologized profusely the next day, though…said he had been held up in a rehearsal with the band.
‘He had a bit of an artistic temperament, I suppose,’ she muttered.
‘You mean he loved himself more than anyone else.’
‘I don’t know,’ she murmured. She finished her coffee and then leaned back against the headboard, stretching her long legs out in front of her on the white bedspread. ‘What am I going to do, Nick?’ she asked him with a sigh. ‘I’ve spent two years of my life working on my relationship with Stephen…what am I going to do now?’
‘Get selfish and think about yourself for a while. You’re free to do exactly what you want now. Being single can be fun,’ he said firmly.
‘Can it?’ She looked down at her hands. ‘To be honest, it feels a bit scary.’
‘That’s only because events have been forced on you, but you’ll be OK.’ He reached out and took one of her hands in both of his. ‘You’re a survivor, Kate, you always have been. You’ll cope without Stephen. You managed before he came along, didn’t you? You were independent and strong. Hell, you even moved out here from London on your own when you were offered a promotion and you didn’t know a soul out here then.’
‘That’s true. But that seems like a long time ago now, as if it happened to a different person.’
‘It’s only two and a half years ago. You’re still the same person. This is just a set-back, that’s all. You’ll bounce back.’
‘I hope you’re right,’ she said hesitantly. ‘At the moment I feel that things are never going to be the same again.’
‘And maybe that’s a good thing,’ Nick said firmly.
‘Maybe it is,’ she said, watching the way his hand was resting against hers. She had read somewhere that you could tell a person’s personality from their hands. Nick’s were large and capable. She felt as if she could bring any problem and put it into Nick’s hands and he would fix it for her. She’d always felt like that about Nick—he was strong, nothing fazed him. In contrast, Stephen had always made her feel protective towards him. As if he was the one who’d needed her to look after him. He’d brought his problems to her and she’d fixed them. She had thought he’d needed her, but obviously he hadn’t needed her that much…either that or Natasha was fulfilling that role now.
‘And when your thoughts do turn to Stephen, remember the bad times. Don’t dwell for a second on any of the good. It will make you feel a hell of a lot better.’
‘Is that what you did when you and Jayne split up?’ she asked curiously, looking up into his eyes.
‘Something like that.’
She noticed how he clammed up when she mentioned Jayne. It had always been the same. They could talk about anything and everything, but not Jayne. Kate still didn’t know the real reason why that relationship had broken apart and Nick obviously had no intention of telling her.
‘She really loved you, you know,’ Kate said suddenly, seriously. ‘I remember her telling me that a few weeks before your relationship broke up. I remember thinking that she sounded sad, as if she knew it wasn’t going to work out between you. It was almost as if she thought you were in love with someone else.’
‘And what did you say?’ Nick asked quietly.
‘I told her to the best of my knowledge there wasn’t anyone else. That you cared about her deeply.’ Kate hesitated, her eyes thoughtful. ‘You weren’t cheating on her, were you?’
Nick shook his head.
