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Join-Up works at any stage of a relationship, whether a new one or one of long standing. It heralds an end to isolation by establishing bonding through communication. Join-Up is the result of deep communication in a shared language; it is a bond based on trust and marks the beginning of a fifty-fifty partnership, sustained through continued adherence to Join-Up’s principles and techniques. It is nonviolent, noncoercive and can only be achieved if both partners have willingly entered into the process. Join-Up means stepping into the other person’s world, by observing his or her needs, conditions, rules and by working within his framework and communicating in his language. It is not created by a particular environment, nor is it a formula to overcome an inability to communicate. It cannot be faked.
On the other hand, it can be formulated and taught; at heart it’s a simple process. Once you understand the formula, the path is clear to successful and mutually enjoyable conversation.
Follow-Up is the confirmation of Join-Up. With horses, this process allows the trainer to reestablish the trust bond. If the bond is not firm enough, the trainer simply goes back through the process until Join-Up is reestablished. Join-Up’s strength is its simplicity.
Join-Up is pivotal to a balanced existence, encouraging trust, reliability and comfort from others, but it can only occur when an underlying desire for partnership exists on both sides. My training provides a step-by-step guide to building a trust-based partnership, which is essential for horses and humans in order to eliminate violence.
With humans, as with horses, communication enables Join-Up. Trust keeps the process alive.
JOIN-UP IN THE WORKPLACE (#ulink_08da3857-6566-5245-adaa-7485e58cb13b)
Fear and mistrust can be delivered to you by two distinctly different messengers. First “the familiar” and second “the unfamiliar.” Horses bring about fear in people, generally because they are unfamiliar with them. People simply have not taken the time to get to know that, although horses are large and fast, they have no agenda to hurt without cause. Fear of a parent, your spouse or your boss might be established out of familiarity and a knowledge that they have a propensity to “act out” violently.
I tell people who express great fear of horses to get to know them, to study their true patterns of behavior and understand more clearly what the horse wants out of life before branding them as dangerous.
As I examine my own patterns of fear and distrust, it seems utterly foreign to think that I might fear a horse. It is a joke for me to think that I might fear this flight animal more than the man walking on the other side of the street or the person approaching in an automobile. It seems ridiculous to me that a horse could be perceived as more dangerous than an airplane, train, truck or even that awesome instrument of terror, the computer.
What the horses are telling me is that if you can remove fear from the environment, both learning and innovation spiral upward. There is no more fearful situation than when people in the workplace are faced with change. Predictability and routine are all important in the stress-filled world of business. If you take away that predictability, change the routine, you alter the environment in which people work. Change, however, is with us. The speed of change in today’s high-tech world is frightening. One of the most important jobs a manager has is to create an environment in which change occurs without production loss. This can be accomplished by creating an environment in which people are willing to change. Obtaining people’s willingness to embrace change is therefore a catalyst in the process of change.
I ask my raw horse to change from being an uncooperative animal to being a partner with me in a new venture. I do not use force—horses Join-Up with me of their own free will. It should be the same with a workforce. Without willingness, work suffers and the whole organization is crippled. Take the simple situation of lunch and coffee breaks, time off and bonus benefits. If a manager is fearful that the company’s goodwill is being abused, he may try to control the situation forcefully. What he should do is concentrate on making the working environment pleasant and building motivation so that the employee is actually happy to stay busy. If the executive gets his formula right, he may well find that his attention will need to be directed to seeing to it that his people take sufficient time off so as to freshen them for the task. Suddenly you have employees hungry to volunteer their loyalty, in the same way that horses lick and chew to signal their willingness to cooperate. People, like horses, perform much better if they are willing partners.
While attending a conference I noticed that one company put its management team in one hotel and its executives in another more upscale establishment. If cooperation and communication are desirable, then segregation is destructive. In my own organization, I attempt at all times to keep travel and living accommodation the same for all staff to promote the feeling of being a member of the team. I work to create an environment that communicates this theme: each position on the team is important if we are to achieve a successful outcome on tour and at our demonstrations.
On another occasion, a well-known organization came to Flag Is Up Farms for a demonstration. The employees filed up onto the round pen viewing platform. Three of the executives stood by the buses—I was told they were the bosses and we would have to wait for them before I could start. I took no notice and began my introduction. I didn’t see why 98 percent of the people should have to wait for the 2 percent. As the crowd hushed and the sound system came on, I could see the three men had come up the steps and were standing to the rear of the onlookers. In an oblique way I began to describe how corporate families find ways to intimidate and pull rank on their workforce. I didn’t name the men, but I made my position clear to everyone. Remaining on the theme throughout the evening worked like a charm and, at the end, each of those men came to me and told me how much they had learned that night.
A CORPORATE EXPERIENCE Paradyne (#ulink_68e23ba3-895a-5cb0-9396-75b6699990c0)
Paradyne employs more than 800 people at its corporate headquarters in the Tampa Bay area of Florida in the United States and has regional offices around the world. Paradyne is a pioneer in high-speed network access and is revolutionizing the data communications industry. More than 50 percent of Fortune 500 companies, and businesses in more than 125 countries, have chosen Paradyne.
In 1997, Paradyne had a huge challenge on its hands. The company needed to adopt a new information management system, and get it up and working in eighteen months or less. The company had an archaic information system. It was necessary to install a new system, which would change everything they were doing, from giving a quote to organizing payment at the other end. John Guest of Paradyne brought in management consultants. They put together a team of people in charge of getting change under way and titled it “the foundation team.” The consultants showed the foundation team my Join-Up video. They were not at all sure how the film would be accepted—after all, I was a cowboy talking about horses.
The consultants needed to stir up creativity and willingness, and began by exposing the team to metaphors from the horse world. Time was limited: they had only two days to put the team together. To take an hour out of those critical days to see a video about a horseman was a bold step for these consultants. Would the foundation team see the connection between the nonconfrontational methods I use with horses and its need for people to accept a completely new information system? The team was asked to write down all the connections they saw between the project in front of them and the film. Within two minutes people were nodding, then busy writing and listing the connections as they saw them—more than a hundred in all, including: a nontraumatic, noncoercive environment; allowing bucking to occur; expecting resistance; keeping the pulse rate down; establishing trust; and keeping the dialogue flowing. They recognized the value of never taking out their frustrations on a colleague.
The consultant team sat back at this point, breathed a deep sigh of relief and realized the message was getting through. Join-Up became a metaphor for the willing acceptance of change that the team sought.
The film helped to establish the tone of the workshops and the changeover to the new system went well. In record time, Paradyne was reaping the benefits of change, with a level of acceptance its executives had previously not considered possible.
In 1999, I was in Texas meeting with my friend Flip Flippen about his work with the school systems in parts of that state. And as an aid to our conversation he told me about an interesting experience he had with Transit Mix.
A CORPORATE EXPERIENCE Transit Mix (#ulink_fd9c0b88-c701-5a0a-82eb-1e9a4d99288f)
Join-Up has the power to transform a workplace in terms of efficiency and employees’ motivation and satisfaction. Turns out Transit Mix Concrete & Material Corporation was in real need of all three.
It faced mounting costs caused by high turnover among the drivers of trucks used to deliver concrete and materials. It was costing the firm $2,200 to train a driver and the turnover rate was a staggering 72 percent every six months. The cost of accidents also cut deeply into its profits.
Flip Flippen of M. B. Flippen Associates was brought in by Mark Stiles, president of Transit Mix, to meet company executives and improve performance. Flip is a psychotherapist who owns one of the most successful teacher-educator companies in America. In 1997 he was lying in bed reading alongside his wife, Susan, who was watching a PBS special, a documentary on my gentling of the wild mustang Shy Boy in the high desert. Half listening, at first he thought the program was about kids, not horses, but he soon sat up and listened attentively to the rest of the documentary.
Later, he bought a copy of the video and asked some of his staff to watch it. They were fascinated but didn’t get its relevance to their work until Flip asked them to close their eyes and listen. “Tell me,” he asked. “Is he talking about horses or kids?”
Flip became a close friend and we later collaborated on a video used for instructional purposes in the school system. Although I had developed my approach from my work with horses and his had grown from his knowledge of children and teachers, there was a strong relationship between my concepts and his teaching methods. Although his work is primarily educating teachers who work with children, he and I had been collaborating for about a year when he got the call from Transit Mix, which asked him if he could use his renowned skills for improving educational performance to help solve its corporate problems. Flip took a hard look at the driver problem. Cement trucks carry a heavy load that rides high over the truck’s mainframe. With that high center of gravity, these vehicles are prone to overturn at the slightest miscue. The drivers are in charge of loading and unloading, washing the truck after each off-loading and preparing their unit for the next trip. The work is strenuous and the scheduling tension-packed. And when drivers quit, qualified replacements were scarce—in part due to a construction boom and an all-time low unemployment rate in Texas.
Another area of concern was property damage. Because of high turnover, competent operation of the vehicles was at a low level. Backing into someone’s building or crunching the contractor’s Mercedes was an expensive proposition.
After a few days of observation, Flip had identified what he believed was the primary problem. “The company and these drivers,” he said, “have not joined-up. I found a window, up high in the office building where I could see a large portion of the operation. I watched the drivers arriving in the morning, parking their cars, taking over their trucks and starting their day. They never talked to anybody and no one spoke to them. When their truck was loaded, off they went, getting directions from a dispatcher on their CB radios.”
Flip concluded that the drivers were seen as little more than robots. When he met them to hear their concerns, he discovered that they were completely disengaged from the company. Their basic concern was “When is pay day and how much do I get?”
Flip and I had discussed the fact that every time I do Join-Up with a horse, I give him a rub between the eyes; I let him know that I care; then I communicate with him, form a relationship and earn his trust and respect. Flip then put in place the EXCEL Leadership Model, which he uses with teachers. It consists of a series of steps almost identical to my own in the round pen. As in Join-Up, first comes the welcome—one of the most important phases of building trust. My rubbing of the horse’s forehead is analogous to offering a handshake, saying “hello” and exchanging pleasantries. Flip told Transit Mix executives that they had to listen to the needs of their employees, much as I listen to my horses.
Flip spent considerable time with the executives and established their individual needs and wishes, both for their working lives and for the company—he literally joined-up with them and urged them to engage with their drivers in the same fashion. He went around the room shaking their hands, asking them if they had ever shaken the hands of their drivers. Each had to admit that he had not, and all agreed to give the plan their best shot. This was vital, because it is impossible to make significant change in a company unless you have agreement at the top level.
The executives had to convey concern, interest and commitment to the truck drivers and let them know that they were important and respected employees. They started meeting the drivers every morning, shaking their hands and exchanging a few words about their plans for the day. A new company attitude began to take shape.
New drivers and their families, many of whom spoke Spanish as their first language, experienced difficulties when first coming to town. So the company hired a social worker to help relocating families with telephone or electrical hookups, in registering children in school or finding a doctor. The social worker even went to workers’ homes to discuss with spouses things such as job benefits and preschool classes, how to find tutoring services or set up car pools, since the head of the household often drove the family’s only vehicle to work. Taking a lot of the stress out of matters at home left the men better able to concentrate on work. The social worker’s job was equivalent to Follow-Up, which enables the trainer to create a bond of trust with the horse. The workers had found a safe place, which enabled them to respect their managers and give their commitment to the partnership.
At one point, the child of a driver became seriously ill. The company helped out and it was astonishing how many other drivers showed up to help the family as well. Transit Mix suddenly had a team.
Flip then decided to bring company executives to watch one of my demonstrations where they too learned the power of Join-Up. Managers went back to work with a new enthusiasm, which they communicated to employees, and goodwill flourished. Shop mechanics would shake hands with drivers; there was a new willingness to work harder to resolve problems.
At the same time Transit Mix executives, Bill McWhirter, president, and Haywood Walker, COO, under Flip’s guidance, instituted a certified professional driver program. After a thorough training course, certified drivers got a bonus, a raise and a patch for their uniforms. This created an elite corps within the drivers’ group. Men who were proud to do a good job were rewarded for their efforts.
Competition for the certification courses encouraged drivers to stay with Transit Mix. There were even competitions between plants to select the most outstanding driver. The company discovered the value of giving positive rewards for positive actions. Employees’ efforts were rewarded with care and commitment. To anyone who has watched me work with a horse in a round pen, it all sounds familiar.
Most of the drivers came to the company with lots of baggage. They had spent their lives relegated to low-paying jobs and they were not used to being treated with respect. At first they were skeptical; they were unaccustomed to a handshake from the bosses, but it wasn’t long before they saw the workplace as a safe place and their effort increased dramatically.
Mark Stiles, group president, set the tone and direction for a successful future. The driver turnover rate dropped from 72 percent to 47 percent in just over fourteen months. The dropout rate among certified drivers was less than 1 percent. Transit Mix is confident that the dropout rate will continue to fall sharply. Meanwhile, the company now serves as a model for the trucking industry, and Transit Mix is more profitable than ever.
Two COMMUNICATION (#ulink_75a821dc-27bf-5c76-8cda-cf540b3bba1b)
The body language of horses offers profound lessons for communication between humans.
Communication is key to our success as human beings. Poor communication results in unrest, unhappiness, isolation and much more. The horse communicates through body language. With humans, body language plays an important role in determining what information we receive and how we are receiving it. Surprisingly, words play a relatively insignificant role in our interaction with people. Therefore nonverbal communication sends very strong messages, not only in the world of the equine and most other animal species, but also among humans.
If we feel comfortable around someone, we will naturally want to stay with him. By staying near him, we are likely to become more interested in him, his needs and desires. This is how we influence people.* (#litres_trial_promo)” Scientific evidence allows us to assume that about 80 percent of communication between humans is body language. When compared with words, body language cues are imprinted more deeply in the human memory bank. Tone of voice is the next most influential part of communication and words make up the rest. This compares favorably with the horse’s communication system. Horses communicate extensively and almost entirely using body language: they do make noises, but in the natural environment, silence is paramount, because no member of the herd wants to alert predators. The horse’s highly developed senses of smell and eyesight play an important part in their communication.
The dictionary definition of communication is an act or instance of transmitting information. But communication is so much more than that. What are we trying to do when we communicate with people? We are looking for physical, emotional and spiritual families. We are looking for like-minded people who will reduce our sense of isolation in an increasingly complex world. The horse knows that, in his world, isolation means certain death. People, by contrast, can often intentionally isolate themselves from other humans. Though they can survive quite well, isolation can have negative consequences. In large cities for example, fear for one’s safety tends to create a desire to isolate oneself using bigger and bigger locks and more and more security, creating an environment of isolation within the mass of humanity. And often people in isolation lose confidence both socially and in the workplace. Stress and loneliness rise and isolation can create a sense of vulnerability.
The badly behaved foal that has been sent out of the herd knows that he cannot survive alone without the protection provided by the group. The isolated horse is at risk. The elderly or infirm horse unable to sustain the pace of the family lags behind and is soon harvested by predators. The horse knows that isolation is an unhealthy state, whereas the human seems to be unaware of the potential dangers of solitary confinement, even when it’s by choice.
Animals use a sophisticated interspecies communication system in order to survive. They assist each other, protect and communicate in a way man has yet to learn. Animals do not form subversive groups that terrorize the neighborhood as humans have learned to do. To be isolated is not to be part of a community, not to belong. Isolation is a revolt against all the things society has to offer. The more people find themselves in situations where isolation is encouraged, accepted and endured, the more anger, shame and fear they will feel. And reactions such as violent crime will surely be a result. We need to improve our communication with the less fortunate of our society and learn to speak the language they understand, as I have with the horse.
When I induce the horse to circle the round pen I am saying, “I am giving you an opportunity to choose for yourself. Flee if that is what you feel is best for you.” I want the horse to be free to choose his own course because in that state of mind learning is encouraged. Through communication, I play out the role of predator and await the gestures appropriate to renegotiation. When the horse exercises his option to come to me rather than go away, I welcome him as strongly as I can in the language of Equus. I reinforce his choice so that we can work together in harmony. It is my hope that we can go forward from that point in the certain knowledge that we mean no harm to one another.
FATHER AND SON (#ulink_60acbd9a-a54e-5ec7-b2ee-6c2bf8e4961f)
It’s important to realize that we do each other harm in many ways—physical violence is only one form of violence. Harm can be done verbally or by an absence of communication. Communication, and the lack of it, molds our personalities just as the sculptor’s hands mold clay. If we find a way to come together with others, each of us understanding our mutual needs and desires, a bond forms. True communication protects us from misunderstandings that tend to fester into a state of fear and distrust. To acquire trust in a relationship is one of the most enriching aspects of life. But my own life is testament to the fact that communication between humans—even between father and son—is often flawed or lacking altogether.
I was walking down Main Street in our hometown of Salinas one day; I would guess I was about ten at the time. I looked ahead and saw my father walking directly toward me. As he approached, I said, “Hi Dad!” but he looked at me and kept walking. I couldn’t decide if he had seen me or not so I said, “Dad … Hello!” He was only about three feet from me and he looked directly at me. I could tell that he recognized me, that he knew me, but he gave no response at all. He passed me, turned to the left, and crossed the street; again I called out to him, “Dad. Hey!” I shouted loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, but he just kept walking. I returned to school, hurt and puzzled, trying to figure out in my mind what I could have done to upset him and cause him to so deliberately ignore me.
I harbored this hurt for many years. My father’s recognition of me was important, particularly at that age. This incident was yet another deep scar on our relationship. In a sense, it was a small incident, but it reflected a huge coldness, a void between us, which I simply could never come to grips with. I became always eager to please. I did everything he wanted me to. I intensely disliked being involved in his harsh, often brutal if traditional training methods with horses, but in order to please him I gave him any assistance he requested.
We finally reached a silent understanding. During a confrontation years later, I asked him if he remembered that day on the street when he ignored me. He looked at me and said, “I didn’t have anything to say to you.” I let it go, because I guess that was an answer; by then I knew it would achieve nothing to point out that I had not been asking for a conversation that day in Salinas, merely an acknowledgment of my presence.
Greetings take little effort. Children need to know they are important to someone. A parent refusing to acknowledge the presence of his child is like an animal refusing to allow a newborn to drink from its udder. It is a refusal of life itself. I have been strong in my need to communicate with my own children because of such incidents from my childhood. Parents must take responsibility for their children’s emotional welfare; the impressions of humanity they grow up with will mold their lives and affect the lives of the people around them.
For a few critical years in my development I lived with the knowledge that my father had ignored me. The child will almost always ask, Why? In this case the child’s logical conclusion was that he wasn’t worthy of a greeting. A child so treated will often conclude that he or she has been rejected by society, in this first case the microsociety of his immediate family. If a message of rejection is given to a child, we should not be surprised if the child rejects the family and, perhaps, in the end, the larger society. We have already painted the picture; all the child has to do is step into it.
I had not, to the best of my knowledge, done anything to cause my father to ignore me. In my own opinion, I was a hardworking youngster whom any father might have been proud to have raised. The incident, however, caused doubt in me, and it left an indelible mark on my character that has caused me to view relationships with people with a degree of skepticism. But if the adults in my life didn’t seem to make much sense, the horses—even, and especially, wild horses—were starting to make perfect sense.
DISCOVERING THE LANGUAGE OF EQUUS (#ulink_08991dc5-141e-5567-9c6d-6abe8fd0b8a2)
In 1948 I made my first of many trips to Nevada. There, deep in the heart of Indian and ranching country, I watched the wild mustangs and began to recognize that there was a decipherable vocabulary in their actions and movements. There were quiet times during our trek in which I could observe the mustangs interacting with one another oblivious to our presence. I was driven more by intuition than by a desire to communicate with horses, but this experience opened the door to a process of communication that would help me find common ground between human and horse.
Advance and retreat was one of the first lessons taught to me by horses and I was later to discover that it works well with people, too! This was an exciting time for me as I was discovering the presence of a language that nature probably had had in place for millions of years.
This early knowledge was the foundation of all that I am today as a horseman. A few years later, as a boy of fifteen, I was convinced that it would be possible to get a wild mustang to turn and come back to me of his own volition, so that he would Join-Up with me instead of fleeing. It was a wild undertaking, but out there in the desert in 1951, I caused a mustang colt, about three or four years old, to Join-Up with me in one day.
I started out early one morning and within a couple of hours or so I had a young mustang separated from the herd and was driving him away from the group by using what I now know to be crude gestures in the language of Equus. Even though I had a lot to learn I was able to utilize the principles of advance and retreat to make it uncomfortable for him when he was negative and very comfortable for him when he was positive. Within twenty-four hours, having stopped to feed and water my saddle horses while allowing the mustang to do the same, I had full control over the movements of this wild flight animal. I could square up on him with my saddle horse and run straight at him if he decided to leave me. I would stop abruptly, turning to ride away if he showed me the signs that he wanted to come closer to me. In one full day I could cause him to willingly follow me around. His actions became voluntary. He was relaxed and comfortable. I didn’t take it any further because I was so pleased with the achievement and my time was limited.
I was certain people I knew would embrace my accomplishment; sadly that was not the case. I must have anticipated meeting with some disbelievers, but I never imagined the level of ridicule with which I was met. When the word got back to my father and his friends, I was further put down. My mother was the only one who gave me any credit, but I’m not sure she completely believed me. As I reflect on it today, I can understand how in the early 1950s my claims seemed utterly impossible.
But I went back to work with my horses and made them my life. During my childhood I lived in two distinctly separate worlds, one with horses, the other with people. My world with horses was one of comfort and understanding, but with people I felt isolated and alone.
•
It wasn’t until early in 1985 that I attempted to demonstrate to my father the effectiveness of my work. I explained that what I was doing was based on what I learned out there in the desert. Even at that late date he was too set in his ways to give ground. Father and son relationships can be powerful and often inflexible, as ours was. There was never any give in the constant struggle for supremacy. My father tenaciously clung to his beliefs, and I to mine.
In February of 1997, I adopted three mustangs with the intention of repeating my experience of the 1950s. This time I was older and wiser, though somewhat less agile, and determined to record the event on film. Once again I confronted a wild mustang in the wilderness. I knew now that if I could persuade him to trust me I could cause him to accept his first saddle, bridle and rider without force or pain. Just as in 1951, Equus proved to be constant and reliable. It was incredibly tough for me, both physically and mentally, but this experience proved to be one of the most gratifying of my life.
The BBC/PBS television program about the mustang, which I named Shy Boy during that long twenty-four-hour ride through the Cuyama Valley of California when we became acquainted, was shown around the world. The video of that remarkable Join-Up became very popular when I conducted my lectures and demonstrations, and I often fielded remarks and questions about the event. One of the most frequently asked questions was, what did I think the mustang might do if he was taken back to the wild and turned loose? Would he go with the herd or return to me? It took more than a hundred queries of this kind before I realized that I had to accept another challenge.
By this time Shy Boy had been ridden for nearly a year and had been treated well. If I gave him the opportunity to choose between the wild horses and the wilderness or his newfound domestication and me, which would he choose? It was not without trepidation that Shy Boy was released to make his choice.
Come what may, I decided to document his release just as we had documented our first dramatic encounter. After we had tracked down the herd he knew before and released him, the wranglers who accompanied me, and the film crew, watched and waited, scanning the desert hills for any sign of his return. He had rejoined the herd without hesitation; they had welcomed him back before galloping off together. Through the remains of that day, and through the night, I watched him. In the early light of morning, we saw the herd on the crest of a hill. One horse stepped away from the others. I waited. Then Shy Boy came down the hill, galloping through the high grasses. Running directly to me, he put his head to my chest and, in the language of Equus, clearly stated that he was happy to be back with me. He had deliberately chosen to Join-Up with people over returning to his own kind.
I have always asserted that a happy horse that loves his work is better than one that has been forced. This has always been very difficult to demonstrate, but now for me there is no longer any question about it. A mustang, born into the world of absolute flight, chose caring people over his own kind. Shy Boy made his choice because I had gained his trust. Using his own language I had assured him that I was not predatorial and I’d made it clear to him that he could come to and stay with me without fear.
BODY LANGUAGE (#ulink_3e75c96f-58bb-5f67-b0c0-7208df4bbdc9)
Advance and Retreat
When I first encountered the wild mustangs in the Nevada desert as a boy, I also discovered how mustangs could be caught. The Indians from north of Battle Mountain introduced me to principles of advance and retreat. The wild herd is driven away from a trap (a keyhole-shaped structure made up of woven wire and posts, about a quarter of a mile long) for at least a day. You then ride back the other way and the herd tends to follow, leaving some riders to circle behind the herd and so complete the trap. Advance and retreat was one of the first lessons taught to me by horses and I was later to discover that it works well with people, too. For the first time I realized that it was possible to converse with a wild horse. This was thrilling—not only was I discovering the presence of a wondrous language, but I was also discovering my own ability to decode it.
The flight animal’s first reaction to a predator is to flee, using speed to escape from danger. With the attack safely averted, the flight animal will tend to stop, look back and reassess the situation. Survival of the fittest has taught the horse that the more he knows about his predator, the better he will be equipped to survive. In addition, it is critical to conserve energy. It makes little sense to run mindlessly into the jaws of another predator. A horse will often retrace his steps to the area of the attack to determine the nature of the predator, keeping track of its presence and appraising any current threat—somewhat along the lines of “better the devil you know …” This is the phenomenon known as “advance and retreat,” and it is an essential part of the communication process. Humans also act out advance and retreat.
Consider the example of an adolescent boy just starting high school. He has a crush on a girl and follows her persistently. If the girl is not interested, she will ignore his advances. After some time his enthusiasm for this pursuit wanes. He loses interest and starts to look elsewhere. This is the moment when he takes the pressure off. It often does not take long before she misses his constant attention. In animal terms, he has been the predator and she the prey. She will notice he is no longer around and will feel his absence. She may not have had a crush on him, but she enjoyed his attentions. Perhaps she starts to appear where he is, or shows interest in him. Without consciously realizing it, she missed the pressure of his advances, which subconsciously made her aware of how good it felt to be wanted.
The clever salesman uses the principles of advance and retreat to make his commissions. First, he bombards the customer with attention and information and then he retreats, leaving the customer literally to miss the attention. The customer then contacts the salesman of his own volition. The moment that the salesman receives a voluntary approach from his prospective customer, he is metaphorically in the driver’s seat. He can then use subtle tactics to convince his customer of the value of his product.
These concepts were made clear to me by horses over four decades. When the horse decides to approach me of his own volition, he is communicating that I have gone a long way toward selling him on how wonderful it might be to enter into a partnership.
Eyes on Eyes
The first gesture many predators make while stalking is to lock eyes on the eyes of the prey—there is no mistaking this for being anything but predatory. As soon as I release a horse in the round pen and he moves away from me, I lock my eyes on his eyes and take on an aggressive stance, my shoulders and body square to the horse. These actions alert the horse that I could be a predator and cause him to take flight.
A comparable situation occurs when a young man notices a girl he finds attractive and looks directly at her. The desire of one person for another can take on the nuances of a prey/predator scenario. If the female denies eye contact, it is very difficult for the relationship to develop. A relationship is apt to begin when there is eye-to-eye communication.
It is imperative that I am precisely aware of where I am looking at every moment during the process of Join-Up. I can actually slow a horse down by moving my point of vision along the horse’s back toward his tail. The farther I focus away from his head, the slower the pace of the horse. I often show this when demonstrating Join-Up. Conversely, turning one’s attention away is as important in this conversation as is a direct gaze. I always look down and away from the horse’s eyes when I go in close to reward him by rubbing his forehead. By taking my eyes off the horse, I am taking the pressure off. The horse perceives the release of pressure as part of the reward.
Among humans eye contact also signals interest and communicates commitment. It maintains conversation. The lack of eye contact may very well be a natural, healthy and demonstrative part of the communication process. Cessation of that contact takes the pressure off and denotes a change in the flow of communication. The lack of eye contact can be interpreted in many ways. One might feel it demonstrates a lack of self-esteem and/or sincerity and the presence of confusion and/or fear.
Don’t we demand that children should look at us when we are reprimanding them? The child often looks away and adults will generally consider this to show a lack of interest or even a passive defiance. How many times have we seen an angry parent grab a child’s face and yell, “Look at me when I am talking to you!” From my experience with horses I feel that a child who looks away is passive and not dismissive. If a child stands square and drills the adult eye to eye, that child may well be accused of defiant behavior.
Autism
The language of the autistic child is similar to that of the flight animal, and his flight mechanism is far more finely tuned than that of a nonautistic child. The autistic child will almost never make eye-to-eye contact.
Autistic children are also acutely sensitive to body language. In a way similar to that of horses, they rely heavily on it for communication. So it is appropriate to briefly explore autism in this regard.
Autism is a neurological dysfunction that has many different levels of severity and whose cause is not entirely understood. Because the brain is a complex organ, any part or parts of it affected by disease or mutation can cause a wide variety of dysfunctions. What is clear is that the brain becomes overactive in certain areas, which could be a reaction to underdevelopment, or lack of development in other areas.
Autism is not a disease—one is simply born with the condition—and there is no dramatic cure. The word “autism” conveys to many of us a child or person locked into some strange world. Often mute, they seem inaccessible and removed from normality. Autistics are noted for their ability to concentrate deeply on some tiny aspect of their surroundings; they might lock onto a minute detail such as a pencil rolled between the fingers. They seem afraid and often hide from a direct gaze, finding odd corners to crouch in and immersing themselves in repetitive activity. Even less severe autistics can have difficulty relating to other people: they seem unable to read people well or to respond. They are people for whom the jigsaw of life is missing key pieces.
The autistic, like the horse, thinks spatially, or in pictures. Autistic people often find written language a struggle, and they mix up words and symbols for sounds and sometimes cannot even recognize specific sounds. However, autistics have the same range of intelligence as do nonautistic people. In fact, they are often very gifted in some areas while below par in others.
Recently there has been a considerable increase in horseback riding therapy centers where children with a wide range of disabilities can safely, under trained management, ride horses. Reports on the success of these ventures vary, but generally it is noticed that the act of riding is stimulating for autistic children. Riding provides the autistic child who is unable to walk with a freedom of movement over which he or she has some measure of control.
The close proximity of horse and rider also seems to be attractive to autistics and often helps to arrest violent or repetitive behavior. The child with high anxiety or suffering panic attacks almost instantly becomes calm once seated on a horse. The act of riding also helps the children to use muscles that would otherwise not be so actively employed and so their all-around development is enhanced while the sound of trees rustling, the feel of the wind in their faces and the smell of nature as they ride along combine to produce a complete and stimulating environment.
The horse and the autistic child have much in common. Noise, particularly loud and unusual sounds, can be terrifying to both. The horse thrives on routine, and autistics are almost fanatical about routine; one thing out of place and they are likely to throw a tantrum, which makes education very difficult and much communication depends upon body language.
A handshake might be perceived as an attack to such a child, who will often approach you from behind, just as the horse in my round pen does when I do Join-Up. Autistic children will try not to look you straight in the eye, but firm eye contact, conveying focus, plays an important part in their communication system, as does touch. Many such children want to be hugged but cannot handle the psychic distress that this stimulation causes. As with the horse a certain quality of touch is acceptable, but it must never be forced. Both will become very accustomed to seeing the outline of a person they deal with every day and will recognize familiar sounds and shapes. The horse is immediately alarmed when faced with something that has an unfamiliar shape and is liable to react with extreme fear, even spinning around and bolting. The autistic child will almost certainly fear strange sights or sounds, which can be a trigger to violent or repetitive behavior.
Perhaps it is not surprising that the horse, a visual thinker with an extraordinary ability to sense the intentions of its rider, is quite comfortable being ridden by autistics and, furthermore, is able to cope with their often unusual behavior.
My interest in autistic children is not entirely founded on the similarities they share with the horse. I also think in pictures, and perhaps this has something to do with my success in working with horses. For a long time it never occurred to me that everyone didn’t think that way. I can still remember the floor plan of a house that my grandparents lived in—each room, how the furniture was arranged and where the windows were. That house was demolished when I was eighteen months old. When it came to designing Flag Is Up Farms, I had no difficulty in planning it out because I could see the end result. It was the same with our house and the subsequent alterations and extensions that I have made.
Temple Grandin is an autistic and a well-known author of several books and articles on her unusual life and chosen area of study—the design of feed lots, slaughterhouses, corrals and farms that handle animals. I first heard about her in the mid-1990s when her book Thinking in Pictures was recommended to me. I devoured it and was awestruck by the similarities that I found when comparing her thought processes to mine. I was impressed by her ability to recognize and reduce stress levels in cattle being handled in chutes. She used her special ability as an autistic with a pictorial memory to determine factors that terrified the cattle. She is now designing handling facilities for animals by employing concepts that would have been considered foolish and unnecessary just a couple of decades ago.
Temple Grandin has revolutionized the way in which cattle are brought to slaughter. Her autism means that she finds it difficult to cope with being touched and she fears loud and sudden noises, just as cattle do. So she brought a particular insight and sensibility to the problem of avoiding panic in cattle at stockyards. Her solution was simple, but brilliant: have the cattle follow a circular path, since moving in circles is in their nature and comforts them.
Though seemingly cut off from the world, the autistic may have lessons to offer us. The ways of her fellow humans confound Temple Grandin but she saw something terribly lacking in the way we handle animals destined for human consumption. Her thinking has had a profound impact on the handling of cattle, sheep and swine all over the world.
Although I am not a vegetarian, I firmly believe that the handling of all animals destined for slaughter ought to be done with the primary objective of eliminating stress, trauma or pain.
I invited Ms. Grandin to join me at a demonstration in 1998. She is the only person who specializes in animal behavior whom I have ever allowed to take a microphone during my question-and-answer period and respond to my answers with comments of her own. This was a dangerous thing for me to do—there is a risk of being contradicted, or of disrupting my work with the raw horses. But I not only have confidence in my concepts, I have also come to respect her opinion. It turned out to be enjoyable and I would welcome the opportunity to do it again, but only with Temple Grandin. I felt this incredible sense of safety. In her response she is a flight animal, or as close to one as I have ever met. In my excitement at first meeting her that evening, I thrust out my hand and she ducked under the bleachers. Quickly, the horse trainer in me kicked in and I began to move more slowly and cautiously.
What Temple Grandin offers is a keen insight into what a flight animal goes through. “If you’re a visual thinker,” she once said, “it’s easier to identify with animals.” As an autistic, she has great difficulty understanding human emotions and codes of behavior; the touch of another human appeals intellectually to her but its physical aspects terrify and overwhelm her. Yet she reads the moods and signs of animals as she would a book. Cattle and autistics share common ground, because both are frightened by high-pitched sounds, sudden loud noises, air hissing. Temple Grandin understands very well why cattle fear shadows and sudden movements, how feeling and emotion is communicated by the body—even through
