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The Join-Up begins. Through a series of bossy postures and motions he actually communicates to the horse in Equus and the horse has an amazing change of heart: Monty is not a predator—Monty is now not only a friend, but a powerful one with experience and savvy, offering protection and companionship. The worst fear of every prey herd animal is isolation. Monty has taken advantage of this fear. Within twenty minutes not only has Monty communicated that he isn’t a retractable-clawed killing machine, but that he is an in-the-know, all-protective alpha partner. The horse, now “joined-up” with Monty, shows some apprehension if separated from him, like a two-year-old human child trying to keep constant contact with a parent.
Monty’s communication with this animal creates a trust that is astonishing. Before the demonstration I sarcastically made the comment to my wife that Monty will probably be taming the most ludicrous of vaudeville beasts. I was overwhelmed to observe just the opposite. His new friend accepts a saddle and a rider, all because Monty said “trust me” in the horse’s language. Monty transformed himself from the predator to the horse’s ally. Now that horse will go to extremes to comply with him.
During the entire process, Monty has been giving a verbal rundown of what he is doing, even at one point asking the crowd to applaud loudly. It is apparent that Monty has harnessed the horse’s willingness to work with him. Every time the crowd applauds, the horse draws itself closer to the man, seeking the safety of its newfound protector. When the applause ends, the horse relaxes, feels free to wander a bit, but still is attentive to Monty’s presence. Restarting the applause sends the horse back to Monty for comfort and solace. Monty is clearly perceived as a place of safety. All this is opposite of the age-old practice of breaking a horse, which usually involves inflicting pain and terror on the animal. The traditional method of breaking literally mortifies a horse until it seems to accept its own spiritual death, and in doing so survives.
The real reason I am here is to see a man who is taking a giant leap of faith, past the world of horses. It is simply stated: cooperation is better than domination; the world could use much less pain and fear. Monty has used his knowledge of horses as a vehicle for the message. I see him as a kind of Buddhist monk, who I suspect doesn’t even know that he is a practitioner of compassion and empathy in all affairs among people and between people and animals.
I am no “new age” adherent. Too many “new ages” have come and gone for me to be impressed. Today’s atmosphere has allowed Monty Roberts to rise to recognition in an arena where men are men and horses are horses, and this is good. He is as much a reflection of the times as the other way around.
It is a simple, if large, step from a new kind of relationship between person and animal to learning to take the time to understand the ground on which all other people and living things stand. We are the truly pliable ones. If we want to talk to turtles, then it is up to us to learn turtle language, not the other way around.
Monty Roberts has demonstrated that all relationships can be based on a spirit of cooperation and empathy, whether it is with a ferret or the entire biosphere. All that is required is that we take the time and have the patience to learn the other’s language instead of brashly imposing our own. We are the capable ones. Primate researchers spent years trying to teach a chimpanzee to talk. All that came of it was a desperate ape that could barely say “mama.” Then our behavioral experts started to lighten up and stopped insisting on our way of doing things; before long chimps were babbling away using sign language. Their brains don’t have the motor control that allows the complexities of human speech.
Monty takes obvious pride in breaking a long chain of violent human domination. His message is clear and simple: all violence is bad; cooperation is good. There will always be conflicts in nature. It’s the way of the world. There are distinctions. Man’s violence against man is virtually always immoral. Nature is always amoral. My message is simple: I went to see Monty Roberts and watched him work with two horses. I learned about the language of Equus. I still don’t like the beasts and probably won’t again see the inside of a riding ring for years to come, but I did see a happy man who loves people, and who, while staying within the realm of horses, managed to plead for quietus, peace and compassion between people and the animals with which we cohabit this blue-green sphere. Equus is just the first language. There are many, many to come if we only take the time to stop, look, listen and Join-Up.
MICHAEL SCHWARTZ, PH.D.
Prime Factors Inc.
Chairman
One JOIN-UP: THE JOURNEY (#ulink_88022f51-27d2-5317-a724-4dfa7e646787)
The horse has an important message for humankind
I cannot imagine my life without horses. They have been my teachers, my friends, my business partners and my entertainment. Their message to me has been so strong that I have dedicated my life to interpreting what they are trying to tell us.
When as a boy, I first watched the wild horses out on the Nevada desert, I was immediately surprised by the fact that there was a clearly defined language that they used. I was further surprised by the realization that it was a silent language, one of gestures, much like signing for the deaf. A horse squared up to another, rigid and on point with eyes directed onto the eyes of his subject, is saying, “go away.” The positioning of their ears indicates the direction of their attention. Turning to a forty-five degree angle is saying, “You are welcome back into the herd.” All the many motions and gestures of the horse add up to a sizeable dictionary of signs and actions.
Later I became a trainer of horses, and over many years developed a set of training principles. The horses I work with are usually “raw,” untrained horses or remedial horses that have been physically or psychologically abused. I often meet the horse I am to work with for the first time in a Join-Up session. Join-Up is a consistent set of principles using the horse’s own language and designed to let the horse know that he has freedom of choice. I release the horse at the beginning of each session of communication, encouraging him to leave me, therefore exercising his right to flee in order to protect himself. I then encourage him to go away, in essence suggesting that he can do anything he wants. I require him to be responsible for his own actions and for their consequences. I continue to communicate that I will be responsible for my actions, too.
I came to call the process based on these principles or concepts, Join-Up. Fundamental to the process and its remarkable success is my belief in the effective importance of nonviolence and trust.
A STORY The Mustang Mare (#ulink_5bd0d742-0981-55d7-8638-876d895338ec)
People often ask me if horses are capable of such traits as loyalty, trust, care and concern for other species. I am asked during each “question and answer” session during my demonstrations if I believe that horses possess a sense of caring regarding people. Many academics inquire of me whether or not I truly believe that there could be an interspecies understanding.
My stock answer is that horses live within a social order that is based on the principles of trust, loyalty and mutual concern. I go on to say that they have taught me that without these attributes they could never have existed for their fifty million years.
I don’t know that any of us will ever be certain about how much horses actually feel a sense of loyalty toward human beings. I am not sure if anybody will ever know if there is a deep caring or concern on their part for our well-being. I only know what I have experienced with horses and it is with that background that I bring you a story that to me dramatizes these characteristics.
I feel it is quite possible that the story I am about to relate is one of the most important episodes of interspecies communication ever witnessed. I know the importance that this story has for all my work subsequent to its occurrence. I know firsthand the hundreds of horses that experienced a deeper understanding from me because of this experience.
If horses are capable of demonstrating this cross-species care and concern, then how many species are there on earth that have this capability? I feel that many animal behaviorists at work today would ratify my findings with experiences of their own. It seems strange to me that humans find it so difficult to comprehend this.
Each horse in the herd lives by the laws of absolute allegiance. A stallion is loyal and protective of his mares. I have learned about it from horses and I can attest to the fact that breaches of loyalty are far more frequent in the human spectrum than in the equine world. I am not sure if it is a function of their fifty million years of survival of the fittest or whether it is a conscious effort at the moment.
Over the many years that I have been utilizing Join-Up and developing its potential, I have encountered many interesting and sometimes surprising reactions. Each of these experiences allows me a further insight into the power of developing trust. As I go through the process of Join-Up I am engaging in a dialogue with the horse in exactly the same way I hold a conversation with a person. Our conversation creates that basis of trust. I carefully observe the horse as I work with it, assessing its responses to me and the environment it is now in.
We often make false assumptions about people and horses; it is our nature. I have done it in the past and from time to time still do. This story is a reminder of just how wrong we can be and how important it is to make correct and unbiased assessments of people and situations. Our ability to read other people’s body language is innate, but sometimes we can even get that wrong. This incident has led me to a greater understanding of the depth of the bond I make with the horse. This experience has brought home to me how deep maternal instincts run in most mammalian species. To my personal knowledge this is the first interaction of its kind. To think that this adult female horse as wild as a deer could so quickly adopt me and move to protect me was overwhelming. It would have surprised me greatly if a domestic mare had reacted in such a fashion. I now realize that it is more likely for the wild one to express this phenomenon because she is so much more acutely aware of the dangers in nature. Subsequent to the incident I have been much more confident when discussing interspecies communication than I was before. This mustang mare proved to me beyond any shadow of a doubt that there is a close interspecies connection most people have failed to observe or experience.
I received a call one day from a lady who had just adopted a mustang mare from the Bureau of Land Management. The mare had a foal at her side, which was not uncommon. The owner had heard about my methods and wanted her mare started by me. She felt strongly that my nontraumatic approach would enhance the genuine qualities of the mustang, causing her to be an excellent riding animal for herself and her family.
This was the first mustang I had started since those early days of working with them in Salinas. I advised this lady that she should wait until the foal was six or seven months old and then wean it. Once the mare had settled down, she could bring her to the farm.
They duly arrived. The trailer was backed up to the round pen and out of it charged the wildest animal I have ever seen in my life. I soon learned that she had gone through the adoption program and had just been turned out in a corral. Her only interaction with humans was when they fed and watered her. It was a daunting experience to watch this mustang from the small viewing platform. She was frantically trying to climb out and kept herself as far away as possible from our side of the pen.
Eventually I entered the pen to begin to work with her. I went through my procedure, sending her away, which is the first step, and she responded quite well. She gave me the signs I was looking for and was very demonstrative. After about forty-five minutes I could touch her. We were making excellent progress. By the two-hour mark, I had a halter on her and was leading her around. I could pick up her front feet, but when I tried to pick up her back ones, she resisted furiously by kicking. Mustangs are often paranoid when it comes to handling their hind legs and I felt certain that a few days of work would increase her trust in me so that this problem would go away. I decided not to force that issue.
Sean, my assistant, brought in the saddle, bridle and pad, placing them in the center of the round pen. While he was doing this, the mare was hovering really close to me at the south side of the pen. Sean left to the north, closing the solid wooden gate behind him.
I left the south side of the pen and started to walk toward the equipment, leaving the mare just to the right of me. She was facing north toward the door. I took about two steps from the south wall and she left me like a rocket. Running as fast as she could, she crashed into the saddle on the ground and started ripping it to shreds with her teeth. Pawing and kicking, she tore at the saddle. It was as if I had brought a lion into the middle of the pen. I felt she thought she was cornered and had to fight this predator for her life. I stood frozen in my tracks near the south wall of the pen. The air was filled with bits and pieces as they flew off the saddle. The effect was terrifying and I must admit at that moment I thought I was next on the menu.
I started moving around to my right, staying as close as I could to the wall. I moved along as smoothly and rapidly as possible. I had recently had extensive back surgery, so jumping out of the round pen was not an option. I managed to get about halfway round. I saw Sean was standing on the viewing platform near the gate, watching me and at that moment the mare broke away from the saddle and ran straight at me.
My heart almost stopped. I was scared to death. I crouched down against the base of the wall and decided that the best way to take her on was to ball up in a fetal position covering my head. She was coming and having seen what she had done to the saddle, I knew it was not going to be pretty. I could sense that Sean had jumped down from his perch into the pen right by the gate. I don’t think he was too anxious to get near her either, but the mere fact that he came into the pen said a lot for his courage.
As I was balled up there on the ground, I saw out of the corner of my eye her nose was right against the wall in front of me. She had not attacked me. Her hind feet were brushing against my toes. It was very strange because she was almost in a U shape, wrapping herself around me, her tail against the wall on one side and her nose the other.
I stayed balled up there for a while and Sean was out of sight. I saw her look over her shoulder directly at the saddle. As her head came off the wall to view the saddle she pinned her ears flat back and bared her teeth. As she looked back toward me her ears came forward and her mouth was closed. I called out to Sean. “Wait, wait, don’t come forward now.” Luckily she had not seen him as her attention was fixed on the saddle and me. He stopped in his tracks, frozen by my urgent command and stood up against the wall. The mare then made another dive for the saddle, attacking the remaining larger pieces. Like a whirlwind, she suddenly deserted this deadly enemy and resumed her protective stance around me.
I realized that this mare was adopting me. She had joined-up with me so intensely that in her mind I deserved the same protection as her foal. She was guarding me from this deadly predator that had come into our world. She was still lactating and the warm milk began to drip onto my legs.
Sean moved into the center of the pen and gathered up the shredded remnants that had been a saddle, retreated and closed the gate behind him. Once the potential danger was removed, the mare walked away from me. I got up, stroked her head and walked around the pen with her. Sean went for another saddle and returned to the pen. This time I kept her on a lead while putting the pad, saddle and bridle on.
Sean came in later and rode her with no trouble, finishing up in just over two and a half hours. The owner actually rode the mare within two weeks and was extremely pleased. Later reports reached me that this mare became a wonderful animal for both this lady and her daughter. It was the first mustang she had adopted and this experience was so positive that she became president of a mustang association.
Several times she invited me to come to adoption events and start mustangs, which I was delighted to do. She felt that they had a better chance of being successfully adopted if they were already “joined-up.”
The bizarre behavior described in this story has never reoccurred with me, nor have I heard of it happening to anybody else. While the occurrence may have been unusual, her desire to protect me amplified the potential for close human-to-horse attachment. The mare’s body language was there for me to read, but I was confused by the speed of events and perceived only the aggression with which she attacked the saddle. It took me a long time to realize that this was the act of a mother to protect what she now considered to be her family. I had not before realized the depth of bonding that Join-Up creates. In the mare’s mind I was to be protected from all danger and that included a possible attack from what she perceived to be “the deadly saddle.”
Surely one of the most important jobs a parent has to do is to protect the child from any kind of threat. This must be a deeply instinctual trait imbedded in the brains of all mammals. This mare exemplified the extent to which a mother will go to protect what she perceives to be her maternal responsibility.
A human being (predominantly a fight animal) will quite often act out in violence even when it is not in his best interest. I feel that most traditional horsemen would have stood their ground to this mare and wherever possible would have struck her, feeling it was the only way to protect themselves. Many of the horsemen I have known in my time would have literally beaten the hell out of her.
We all know now what a mistake an act of violence would have been at that moment in time. I believe that she would have instantly become a mare never again to trust a human under any circumstances.
We have been closely associated with the horse throughout almost the entire development of our species, and possibly this is why the concepts that I have explored in this book are as sound as they are.
This new millennium will be the first in the history of humankind without the horse as the mainstay of our transport system. The horse owes us nothing. They have fought with us in our wars, plowed our fields, fed us and remained the most faithful of servants. “Man’s best friend” has probably been an accolade preserved for our dogs for a few thousand years now. I’ve heard it said the Egyptian pharaohs were the first to use this term. I love dogs and I believe that people can love them deeply and that dogs try to please us far more than most people will, but there is also a case for the horse being man’s best friend.
The horse has been our partner in an incredible range of serious activities, and we must never forget the effort the horse has made to entertain us—racing, polo, dressage, jumping, rodeo and every kind of game or competition that you can imagine has been done in one form or another on horseback. The horse has served us as a pleasurable companion, to a greater degree than we realize. At the turn of the twentieth century the horse was our primary vehicle and practically the only power source on the farm. By the mid-1900s they were scarcely used in these ways, yet in the United States the total horse population at the turn of the twenty-first century was three times larger than it had been a hundred years before. How can this be when we don’t need them anymore? Because we do need or want them for our entertainment and pleasure.
But there is more to Equus than just the enjoyment of all the sports and pastimes with which we associate the horse. We can use his natural existence as a metaphor for our lives today. I once believed it was nothing more than a metaphor, but I have discovered that the horse has many of the same responses and needs as humans; and the horse and human have closer behavioral ties than I had first considered. The reason horse and human work so well together may be because they do share much in common—the horse’s behavior is not alien to us. It is little wonder that what the horses tell me in the language of Equus, their natural communication system, can be translated directly to the world of humans.
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Recently, we had two very interesting horses brought to Flag Is Up Farms, which gave me a unique opportunity to test the true nature of this language. One was born without hearing and the other had been blind from birth. As events progressed the blind horse regained its sight following surgery, but the deaf horse will remain so for life. The deaf horse understood all my communication (in body language) and joined-up well with me. The once-blind horse had difficulty in deciphering my movements; they meant very little to it. These experiments proved that their body-language communication is to a great degree learned, although partly instinctual, and that sound is not terribly important. Mares might call to their foals or vice versa, and sounds will alert horses, but they do not play a major role in their communication system. “Actions speak louder than words” is a nice saying and one we humans use quite often; generally, however, we do not live by it. The language of Equus is, in fact, one of actions, not words.
If you still find it difficult to believe that sound is not a necessary element in the language of Equus, you only have to look at the behavior of a herd of wild horses. Every time I bring wild mustangs to the farm, they run and hide in horror at the neighing of domestic horses because they fear that a predator will be alerted. It is clear to me that this language I have identified is silent—it is a body language that utilizes direction, speed and gesture to receive and pass on information.
The most common forms of communication on earth are silent. Bioluminescence is used by billions of marine animals. It is a light show. Their little bodies are equipped with a lighting system that flashes in patterns only they understand. Body language is used by literally hundreds of species. It may seem to uninformed human beings that many gestures are without specific meaning, but be assured, the more you learn about body language, the more specific you find it to be.
Since 1986, when I first showed my work in public, thousands of people have come to Flag Is Up Farms from all industries and walks of life to watch me demonstrate Join-Up. Most of them had no idea what to expect. I noticed an odd phenomenon and began to make a mental note of its occurrence. At the beginning of a demonstration I send the horse away into flight mode around the pen, and when he shows that he is ready, I communicate an invitation to join me. The horse turns toward me, walks in close and reaches out to touch my shoulder with its nose. At this precise moment I often hear a gasp from the crowd. On several occasions I have actually heard the commotion as someone falls. After the person affected has recovered, he or she has relived with me stories of mental or physical abuse. Oftentimes women are reduced to tears at the sight of a flight animal accepting and trusting a potential predator. This is no coincidence: it happens too often.
The animal at the fight end of the fight/flight spectrum is a predator, and the animal at the flight end is preyed upon. Based on this assumption, you can describe humans as predators, but humans can also be passive, nonviolent and nonaggressive. This curious and perhaps unique mixture of fight and flight, prey and predator is almost always present in our relationships and communications. Women, in particular, have a great ability to identify with the hunted and therefore with horses.
The traditional horse trainer who breaks a horse by tying him up and forcing him to accept saddle, bridle and rider is a predator. Male predatorial behavior is far more common than most people would imagine, and it happens in our apparently enlightened society on a scale that I find difficult to comprehend. In many parts of the world, women are still expected to walk behind their husbands and have few or no rights. Women in and out of the workplace are often preyed upon. It is little wonder that women identify with the flight animal.
The thousands of letters sent to me tell a sad story of the continuing existence of abuse of all kinds, predominantly in the home. How long will it take to raise awareness that violence is never the answer?
If the similarities between human and horse can tell us anything, it is this: the horse has much to teach us about social structure. He is asking not to be preyed upon. He is begging to Join-Up, to become a member of the human herd, a fifty-fifty partner on the basis of trust, and for us to leave violence out of the contract. Many women who watch my work will remark that they wish this lesson could be learned by the male of our species. When a man learns that a nonviolent approach can be far more effective—for himself as well as the prey animal—he understands how wrong violence is.
While I have learned the value of a good academic education, no hands-on work can be totally replaced by theory. It’s also true that at the time of my university training, there were no courses that approximated the work that I do. My teachers were a few people and many thousands of horses. I spent long hours with a pair of binoculars watching and learning about the nature, behavior and language of horses. I observed in detail and gradually translated it into a system that, coupled with my love for horses, formed the foundation for Join-Up. I am still learning, still discovering and still refining my approach.
It is my hope that Join-Up will one day be accepted as truly revolutionary in both the horse and human worlds. In my work, as in the work of other horse gentlers, the horse is given the opportunity to make choices, and to volunteer to cooperate with humans. It is my deepest wish that this discovery helps to change the nature of human interactions.
What is, I believe, unique in my approach is that I have recognized in the horse a language of communication from which we, as humans, can learn fundamentally important lessons. The last six thousand horses of the more than ten thousand I have started (that is, convinced them to willingly accept saddle, bridle and rider) averaged under thirty minutes to accomplish the goals described here. It is no great feat for me, and I should not be credited with inventing anything. I have only discovered what nature already had in place, a language and an understanding of how two species can get along without violence.
HOW TO ACHIEVE JOIN-UP (#ulink_2b65498f-bf1a-5c54-871d-89355ca1831b)
To understand the important principles behind Join-Up and how we can transfer them to our world, I will quickly take you through the process of Join-Up itself.
The horse has a very effective and discernible language. The incredible thing about this language is that it is universal to the species. Humans, on the other hand, possessing the most phenomenal brains on earth, often need help to communicate with one another. Just like any other form of communication, the language of Equus requires some effort to master. If we refuse to believe that the horse can communicate fluently, then we are apt to fall into the trap of training through the use of pain. Consider for a moment what you would feel if, when you attended your first day of school, your teacher put a chain through your mouth or over your nose, gave it a jerk and then took a whip to you when you tried to get away. What do you believe the balance of your relationship would have been? How do you think you would have viewed school from that point on?
Although horses’ brains are not as complex as humans’, horses have a similar reaction. The point of my method is to create a relationship based on trust and confidence, a relationship by which the horse wants to Join-Up, be part of the team and wear the same color jersey. Most conventionally broken horses form an adversarial relationship with the people they work for and, though they may agree to perform, it is with reluctance. Any environment that is based on fear and punishment will achieve performance, but not innovation. You can force people and horses to cooperate, but you cannot force optimum performance. This desire to perform can only be achieved through intrinsic motivation.
When starting the fresh horse I will not hit, kick, jerk, pull or tie to restrain him. I request that he perform certain maneuvers, but I must not force or demand. The horse is the quintessential flight animal and when any pressure is applied to the relationship, he will almost always choose to leave rather than fight. I have chosen to follow a nonconfrontational route, and my intention is to cause the animal to accept the saddle, bridle and rider with a minimum of trauma. I regularly do public demonstrations where I take a young horse who has not been saddled, bridled or ridden and attempt to have him accept all this in approximately thirty minutes.
I bring the horse into my round pen where I introduce myself in the center of the circle. After this brief get-acquainted session, I offer the horse an opportunity to leave me. I square up to the animal and snap my eyes directly on to his—what I call “eyes on eyes.” The horse, viewing this as a predatory gesture, flees. I track the horse as he proceeds around the perimeter of the pen so that my shoulders are square with him at all times. My eyes pierce his. In his language this means, “Go away.”
My message to him is, “You made the choice to go away and that is fine, but don’t go away a little, go away a lot.” Horses have a flight distance of approximately a quarter to three-eighths of a mile. After that, they feel compelled to negotiate with their predator, as it could be dangerous to continue fleeing because they run out of energy. Once this distance has been achieved, their tendency is to request a truce of some sort.
I remain eyes on eyes and shoulders square, but I watch closely for gestures of negotiation—gestures that make up part of the language of Equus that I’ve deciphered over time. The first one I virtually always see is that he will lock on me the ear closest to me. It will point in my direction. This means, “I respect you. I don’t know who you are or what you are up to, but I will show you respect and attempt a negotiation.” Second, he will come off the wall and try to come closer to me, near the middle of the pen. I remain shoulders square, eyes on eyes, which effectively keeps him away. The next gesture I usually observe is that he licks and chews—language, in effect, that conveys he does not fear me and believes I will not hurt him. The fourth and last gesture that I wait to receive is when the horse drops his head down near the soil and allows it to bounce along. This says, “If we could have a meeting to renegotiate, I would let you be the chairman.”
With all four of these gestures in place, I take my eyes away from his eyes, turn slightly away from him and set my shoulders on a forty-five degree angle to the body axis of the horse. This means that he is entitled to come to me, to make a choice to be with me rather than to go away. I stand virtually motionless as he approaches and reaches his nose out, most often nudging me in the back. This is the moment of Join-Up, when the horse has chosen to accept me.
I turn slowly, eyes cast down between his front legs, my shoulders round, fingers closed and wrist bent. I reach up and rub him between the eyes. This is his reward for joining with me. Very occasionally the horse is not ready for Join-Up and returns to the flight mode and I have to repeat the process. Usually, however, after a few seconds of rubbing, I walk away and the horse will follow me. I call this Follow-Up. I can literally walk a serpentine pattern in the round pen and the horse is happy to follow close to my shoulder. I stop and turn slowly to stroke him once again, reaffirming our new relationship. Soon we will be partners doing great things.
If all learning is 0-10, then the most important part of learning is 0-1. Join-Up and Follow-Up represent the 0-1 phase. Once I have my horse traveling on a positive path, then all I have to do is reward him for his positive actions and put him to work if he does something negative. For the horse, work is running away from a predator. (The horse is at rest when he is peacefully grazing and must flee when danger is near in order to survive. However, it’s also important to note that in order for the horse to maintain fitness he plays and runs with others.)
Once the horse is on that positive path, the balance of the procedure is academic. Before I ask him to accept certain responsibilities, I must earn his trust by showing him I am not a predator. To that end, we work our way through a series of goals. One is to massage with both hands those areas most often attacked by predators—high on the back and low into the soft flanks. I stroke the horse and then walk away, so that he becomes aware that I have no agenda to cause him pain. I pick up and put down each of his feet, then once more walk away to achieve the same result. After that come the saddle pad, saddle, bridle and rider.
If he says no to the saddle, he goes back to work, which means I gently but firmly push him away from me and require him to run around the perimeter of the round pen once more. The same goes for the bit and the other goals I choose for the horse. Often, placing the bit in his mouth causes the horse to forget about the saddle and think about this new item of tack—it causes a diversion. (Such a diversionary tactic can, we all know, be useful in dealing with reluctant children. If they are focused on a negative problem, then diverting their attention to something else is often a swift and effective way of turning a negative situation into a positive one.)
At no time is there a need to inflict pain or use violence. It will only cause the horse to want to fight me and is, without any question, counterproductive.
At this point, I have essentially accomplished my aim to have the horse accept the saddle, bridle and rider. The horse is not traumatized and elects to stay with me. And to my mind, this is the secret of true leadership. An effective leader must create a situation whereby people choose to stay with him or her rather than go away.
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There are clear parallels between the procedure I describe above and certain aspects of human communication. With horses the methods are physical; with humans they are psychological. But they are both rooted in psychology and the results are the same phenomenon of acceptance, which will be predictable, discernible and effective.
First impressions are perhaps the most important messages we convey. There is never a second chance to make a first impression and the importance of the manner of a greeting can never be overstated. We humans can tell much from a handshake. Does it have a feeling of welcome and warmth or the lack of it? Rubbing the horse on the forehead I believe to be quite similar to the human handshake. People seem to be most comfortable after a handshake when they remain eye to eye and begin to communicate. Horses, on the other hand, do not require eye contact in this situation and are happiest when the human walks away from them immediately after rubbing the forehead. The horse will generally follow the human being at this point. Predators do not ordinarily walk away from prey animals. When I rub the forehead of my equine student and then walk away from him I am conveying the message that I am not acting predatorily. Touch and connection are established, however briefly, at this point. This welcome gives confidence to each party about the other’s intentions. An embrace, too, can be such a reward. A hug is a wonderful reward for friendship given and establishes its continuance.
Eyes on eyes, shoulders square and encouraging the horse to go away is the same as allowing people to consider their options and recognize their mutual needs. Generally eye-to-eye contact between people implies communication is going to follow.
It can, however, also be a hostile gesture. The piercing eye-to-eye contact of the predator and prey is aggressive and implies intent to attack. A man was in a canteen one day, his lunch on his tray, when he was suddenly punched in the eye by a complete stranger. The man next to him was horrified and offered a helping hand. As they sat down together the man who had been attacked tried to piece together the reason for the assault. He told his newfound friend that the stranger caught his eye because he looked exactly like the man who had robbed him in the street just a week earlier. “I must have looked at him with subconscious aggression in my eyes without realizing it,” he said thoughtfully.
My eye-to-eye contact with the horse communicates my desire for the animal to go away. I establish a working alliance and a flow of conversation only after the horse communicates a request for cooperation. Using the language of Equus, I keep the conversation alive as I create an environment for learning. If I execute true to the concepts of Join-Up I will soon establish trust. Ambivalence should not be viewed as resistance, but as a request for time to think over the proposal currently being offered. At no time should the trainer use force to establish leadership to achieve his or her aims.
When the horse turns his nearest ear toward me he is paying close attention to what I am saying. It is his first offering of respect during this act of communication.
Coming closer to me in the center of the circle is the equivalent of a person watching me closely during a conversation, and appearing to be keenly aware of what I am saying.
Licking and chewing, another part of the wordless conversation between horse and man, also has a broad connection to human communication. When the horse is still suckling from his mother, he moves his mouth in a unique manner, quite similar to the movements of a human baby. Once the horse has learned to eat grass and hay, this changes to a licking and chewing motion. Don’t we humans place great importance on sharing a meal with someone with whom we wish to communicate? There is a great deal of meaning in this. “Let’s have lunch together,” is very different from, “Let’s spend thirty minutes in my office.” Going out to dinner is another level altogether. It metaphorically shows your soft underside and builds an environment of trust. After my first meeting with Queen Elizabeth many people asked me if I had dined with her. It was surprising to me at the time, but it made me acutely aware of how important most people feel it is to have shared a meal with someone. There is a subconscious understanding that sharing food suggests a closer association. Horses understand their own vulnerability while eating, and so that activity is reserved for a time when they are in the presence of those they trust.
When the horse drops his head and trots along bouncing it near the soil, he is acting out a very similar gesture to that of bowing in traditional Japanese culture: the person who achieves the lower position in this gesture of greeting is in fact asking the other to lead the conversation. This is virtually a direct translation of what the horse is saying: “Please suggest the agenda for this meeting. I don’t necessarily want to be subservient to you, but one of us has to play the lead role and I would like it to be you.”
The Join-Up moment is what any successful human conversation tries to achieve. It represents the coming together of two people, a meeting of the minds and of mutual respect and understanding. It advances the thought that I am happy to be with you and that I hope our time together will be one of mutual enjoyment. I place enormous importance on the fact that it is volunteered. With people, as with horses, I believe it is vital to achieve that same feeling of Join-Up. It is not possible to Join-Up when either participant feels pressure to accomplish it. It is not that we agreed to do it; it is that we want to do it.
Follow-Up is when I walk away from the horse after Join-Up. He will follow me only if he has a true desire to be with me. Horses have no ability to contrive. They simply cannot fake it. When I walk away, if he has any reticence about being with me, he certainly will not follow. Isn’t this similar to forming a close association with another person, nurturing that association and then waiting to see if your new friend makes any effort to come to you? If none is made, perhaps you need a bit more time to convince this individual that you have a meaningful role to play in his or her life. In my opinion, this is the same whether in business or personal relationships.
At the conclusion of a Join-Up session with a horse I make a point of doing something that is generally fun for both my audience and me. I take my horse to one side of the round pen, then run to the opposite side and ask my audience to applaud for the horse’s performance. The horse will virtually always perceive noise as frightening and will rush to be close to me. The crowd will at once realize that my horse has learned to seek a position near me when danger is perceived, thus validating my concepts.
I mentioned that during each of my Join-Up procedures I stroke the horse with both hands in what I call his vulnerable areas, those spots most often attacked by predators, then walk away. I do this to convince the horse that I intend him no harm. No predator walks away from its prey once it has access to the vulnerable areas. This builds trust. People are much the same, and while vulnerability may be either physical or psychological, you build trust when you are in a position where you could do harm but you don’t: the same is true when you protect another person from something you believe could be harmful. In turn, you know that if the same is done for you, it will increase your level of trust for the person involved. This gesture confirms the trust that began to develop at the first greeting. This trust-building tool is one of the most powerful in the world of commerce—the sharing of personal experiences between colleagues helps to create an environment in which people can work at a closer and more efficient level.
To further build this trust, I pick up each of the horse’s feet, hold it for a few seconds, put it down and walk away. The horses’ legs and feet are virtually their only weapons against predators. Their first choice is to flee using those powerful legs, but they will fight as a last resort. The strike of a front hoof or the kick of a back one can often mean life for the horse instead of death. When a horse chooses to allow me control of his hooves, he is in fact entrusting me with his weapons. Isn’t it true in the human spectrum that before we can go forward in a trust-based relationship, we are obligated to lay down our weapons? It isn’t until both parties feel no need for armament that we can truly work in unison.
The saddle pad corresponds in human terms to a tentative step toward shouldering first responsibility. The question asked of us might be: “Are you going to be responsible for your own decisions?” It is useful to find out how people will react to the idea of responsibility before it is given. For example: engagement before marriage, internship before becoming a practitioner and apprenticeship before achieving professional status.
The saddle continues the testing and accepting. It is literally about carrying responsibility; “being saddled with” describes the assignment of a task. Acceptance of the saddle is a metaphor for facing up to responsibility and accepting the responsibility of further challenges.
The bridle is used to guide the horse. Taking the bit between the teeth means, in human terms, to put energy into something, to be purposeful. The bridle is used for gentle guidance, not to control. If a horse wanted to do something, a bridle would not stop him. Among people, guidance—or the willing acceptance of guidance—suggests that a trust mechanism is in place and that one person is listening to another. The bridle represents purpose and direction based upon communication and trust. Cohesive direction and good communication create teamwork, which we rely upon to achieve shared goals.
The rider is the ultimate responsibility for the horse—a commitment akin to that of a partnership or marriage. The partnership of horse and rider represents the mutual acceptance of responsibility between employer and employee, teacher and student, husband and wife. Trust between horse and human can be seen when the two partners are relaxed and at peace together, where there is no force or stress involved.
It cannot be overemphasized that any violence will undo the processes I’ve just described above.
JOIN-UP: THE JOURNEY (#ulink_a9189cb0-707d-5600-a765-3cfa50ccce50)
Join-Up is a tool, like a fine chisel. With it, you can carve a stable environment that enables communication. The tool must be used with skill, which may take years to perfect, but in its basic form Join-Up can be learned quickly.
It is, though, a procedure that must be precisely followed; there are no shortcuts. Each step is distinct and necessary. Join-Up may bring out conflict and perceived resistance or ambivalence. It is imperative that anyone using Join-Up be totally responsible for his own actions while allowing the other party to be responsible for his.
A raw horse that quickly accepts saddle, bridle and rider does so, in part, because he has been offered freedom of choice. The “trainer” simply moves through the process, keeping the conversation alive, always allowing the horse time to respond.
It is therefore response-based, not demand-based. You have to learn to open the doors of opportunity and be confident that Join-Up will work. You may have to wait until the horse responds favorably—the same holds true in human relationships.
