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After a moment, he inhaled and muttered to himself, “It’s time to set the past straight. And this time, Jessica Knight, I’m not taking no for an answer. You are going to listen to me.”
TWO (#u514c6ad5-d8c9-550d-8f92-d8336e8f1014)
Jessica pulled into her parking space behind the apartment complex where she lived, turned off the ignition and stared at the walkway that led through what she supposed some people might call a backyard. Not her, though. To her a backyard was a wide-open lawn with flower beds in the spring and shade trees to sit underneath in the summer. But the crowning touch would be a child’s swing set and a grill for barbecues.
She lay back against the headrest and closed her eyes as she let her imagination fly to the life she wanted to have one day. Right now, though, it seemed as if her dreams would never come true. She was twenty-eight years old, almost twenty-nine, and she hadn’t had a serious boyfriend since high school. The guy she’d dated in college didn’t count because he didn’t like her brothers, and that was a deal breaker for her.
Her parents had worried when she became a police officer. Even more so when she joined the Knight Agency as a bounty hunter. They feared what might happen to her. And it almost had today. That bullet had come way too close.
Her hands tightened on the steering wheel as she recalled the rush of air across her face and the smell of barbecued potato chips when the bullet struck the rack beside her. Her body began to shake as the scene in the store replayed in her mind. Why was she suddenly reacting this way?
Post-traumatic shock, she told herself. That was what it was. She’d studied it when she was a police officer and knew it was likely to happen after suffering an event where a person felt intense fear or horror. She also knew that it occurred more in women than in men.
But was that really what was wrong with her? She’d faced dangerous situations before and had never had this feeling of powerlessness. Maybe she was just tired and needed some rest.
Or maybe it was something else. Something she didn’t want to recognize.
Shaking her head in denial, she stepped from the car and headed down the short flagstone walkway that led toward the back door of her apartment. As she stepped onto the porch, she looked over her shoulder at the small grassy area the complex owners advertised as a yard. It wasn’t what she envisioned as a garden area, but it was okay for now. Maybe it was time to start looking for a new place with a backyard big enough for her to putter around in when she wasn’t working.
With a sigh she slipped the key in the lock and was about to walk through the back door when she heard the sound of a car engine. She glanced over her shoulder and stared at the black SUV that drove slowly past the parked cars behind the complex. It stopped when it reached near where her car was parked and sat there, its engine idling.
Jessica squinted to get a better look inside, but she couldn’t see past the tinted windows. The hair at the back of her neck stood up. Had someone followed her home?
She unzipped her jacket and pushed it back to expose the gun at her waist. The only reaction she received was the revving of the engine, but the car remained still. Frowning, Jessica stepped down from the back porch onto the brick walkway. The engine rumbled again, but the car still didn’t move.
Jessica’s heart pounded as she took one more step, then another. She was just about to pull her gun from its holster when the window on the passenger side slid down. A young woman stuck her head out through the opening and called out, “Excuse me, ma’am. Could you tell me where apartment 4-G is?”
Stunned, Jessica came to an abrupt halt and stared at the girl. The Greek letters on the front of her sweatshirt were the same as Jessica had seen on other girls walking across the nearby college campus.
“4-G?” she asked as she inched closer.
The girl smiled, and Jessica could see another girl in the driver’s seat. Her sweatshirt was identical to her friend’s. “Yes, one of our sorority sisters is moving in there, and we said we’d help out. But we haven’t been able to find it yet.”
Jessica released the hold she had on her weapon and pointed down the street. “Go around the end of this building and then turn to the left. It should be on the far end.”
The girl glanced over her shoulder at her friend and laughed. “I told you to go that way, but you wouldn’t listen.” She turned back to Jessica. “Thank you, ma’am.”
Jessica gave a weak wave and tried to smile. “No problem.”
She stood still and stared after the car as it moved off in the direction she’d pointed. After a few minutes she shook her head and chuckled. What was the matter with her? Had the incident at the convenience store upset her so much that she’d mistaken a simple request for directions to have some sinister motive?
If she had been as observant as she should, she would have been following the advice she’d given Jamie Spencer earlier—be aware of your surroundings. Then she would have known she wasn’t being followed.
Sighing, she touched her gun once more and headed toward the back door. If the convenience-store episode had taught her nothing else, it had reminded her to be more alert to what was happening around her.
She stopped on the small back porch and took a long look over her shoulder. Nothing there. Nobody following her. But she still had an uneasy feeling that something wasn’t quite right. She stood there for a few minutes, the scenario from the convenience store playing over and over in her head.
Something wasn’t right about the robbery. But what was it?
One of the first things she’d learned as a police officer was to trust her instincts when it came to solving a case. And right now some sixth sense was telling her she was overlooking something.
After a few minutes she shook her head. Whatever it was would come to her, probably at the least likely moment.
She unlocked the door and stepped inside. The house felt warm and inviting after the cool temperature outside. She took off her coat and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair and was about to take her gun off when the front doorbell rang.
Jessica pulled the gun from her holster and eased from the kitchen into the living room and over to the apartment’s front door. The smell of barbecued potato chips enveloped her, and it was as if she was back in the store with a gun pointed at her. No way was she going to open the door without knowing who was on the other side.
Taking a deep breath and holding it, she stared through the peephole. The breath she’d been holding escaped her body in a big rush, and she sagged against the door. For the second time today she’d experienced a complete surprise.
Slowly she unlocked the door and pulled it open. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
Ryan stared back at her, and then his gaze dropped to the gun she still held. His forehead wrinkled, and he tilted his head to one side. “Do you always answer the door with a gun in your hand?”
“Of course not. I had just gotten home and was taking it off.”
He nodded. “Oh, I see.”
She straightened her back. “You haven’t answered my question. What are you doing here?”
He swallowed, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “I want to talk to you, Jessica. May I come in?”
She started to refuse but then thought better of it. She shrugged, opened the door wider and stepped aside for him to enter. “I guess so.”
He stepped into the apartment and waited until she’d closed the door. Without speaking, he followed her into the living room, where she gave a jerk of her head, indicating for him to sit on the sofa. She took a chair facing him.
His gaze drifted over the apartment, and he smiled. “You have a nice place here. I don’t know if you remember or not, but I was here about a year ago.”
“I remember.”
“Your friend Claire Walker was almost killed that night trying to bring in a bail jumper on her own, and your brother Adam saved her life. He brought her here so she’d be safe, but the fugitive found her. He broke in and tried to kill her. Thanks to you that didn’t happen.”
Jessica frowned and shook her head. “Claire and I have always made a great team. She helped fight him off, too.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I remember that’s what you said. How’s she doing now?”
“Fine. She and my brother Adam are married, and she’s working at the agency with us.”
His eyes lit up, and he smiled. “That’s great. I hope they’ll be happy. I always liked Adam and Lucas. You’re lucky to have such great brothers.”
“You have a nice brother, too. I was surprised today to find out who he is. He’s not anything like the teenage kid you used to talk about after he first came to live with you.”
Ryan chuckled and shook his head. “No, he’s grown up a lot. Back then he was having a lot of problems dealing with all the changes in his life. You know, Mom’s and Dad’s deaths and having to change schools when he came to live with me. But I’m proud of the way he’s turned out. He’s in college and works on the school newspaper. He also has a part-time job working at a computer store.”
“I’m glad things have improved for the two of you. But is that what you came to tell me?”
His face flushed, and he glanced down at his hands. “No. I came because Jamie told me I needed to.”
Jessica frowned and settled back farther in her chair in hopes of displaying an attitude of indifference. Her nonchalance seemed to be working. She spotted a small trickle of perspiration roll down the side of Ryan’s face, and she almost laughed.
“Why would he tell you that?” Jessica asked.
“Because he thought you were so brave to take on that robber and you were kind to him afterward. Then he saw how you changed when I arrived. He wanted to know what that was all about.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That we had a misunderstanding a few years ago, and you’ve held me responsible ever since. When he asked if I’d tried to fix things between us, I told him I hadn’t. He said it was time I quit making excuses and made things right. I’ve known for a long time I should do that, but I haven’t, and I’m sorry about that. Once, we shared something special, and I know I was the one who ruined it. I’ve faced the fact that we can never go back to where we were, but I would like for us to be friends, Jessica. It’s time we talked through whatever happened between us and made peace with each other.”
She studied his face. He looked sincere. But could she be sure? Once, she had loved him. Not only had she trusted him with her heart, but as her partner, she’d trusted him with her life. That was a long time ago, and a lot had happened since then. She didn’t know if there was any way they could ever be friends, and certainly they could never go back to the closeness they’d once shared.
After a moment, she pushed to her feet and shook her head. “I don’t think there’s any reason we need to continue this conversation. Let’s just say that we didn’t know each other as well as we thought we did and leave it at that. Now, I think you’d better leave.”
She turned to lead him to the door, but he sprang from the sofa and grabbed her by the arm. When she faced him, she almost gasped aloud at the anguish she saw in his eyes.
“No,” he said. “This isn’t going to end like the other times when I tried to make you understand. You’re going to let me speak. Then I’ll leave and never bother you again. But this once, will you put that stubborn Knight pride away and listen to what I have to say?”
Jessica didn’t move for a moment as her gaze drifted over his face. His eyes seemed to be pleading with her to remember the good times they’d had together, the laughter they’d shared and the feeling that maybe they’d stumbled upon something they’d both been searching for.
Then his parents were killed, and his attitude toward her changed. The pain she’d tried to ignore for the past four years stabbed at her heart as she remembered the cold tone of his voice as he told her they needed to put their personal relationship on hold while he dealt with the loss. Even though she was devastated, she’d tried to understand what he was going through. At least, she told herself, they’d still be working together, and she could help him work through his grief.
It didn’t take her long to realize he wasn’t about to let that happen. He’d wanted her out of his life on all levels, and it had broken her heart. Now he said he wanted to make things right. It was too late for that, but perhaps not too late to understand why it had all ended.
She pulled her arm free of his grasp and sat down in her chair. She leaned back, crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap. “Okay, Ryan, I’ll listen. Maybe it’s time I understood why you asked to have me taken off the Harvey murder case we were investigating.”
* * *
He couldn’t believe how cold her eyes looked when she spit the accusation at him. He raked his hand through his hair and sat down on the sofa facing her. He scooted to the edge of the cushion and rested his arms on his knees.
“The first thing you need to know is that I never asked for you to be removed from the case.”
“Then why—”
He held up his hand for her to be silent. “Never. Let me say it again. I never asked to have you removed. I asked to be moved to another case and let you continue to work on finding Cal and Susan Harvey’s killer. The captain made the choice to move you to another partner and let me stay where I was.”
“That’s not the way it was told to me. The captain said you thought it was better if we didn’t work together anymore. When he told me that, I knew if you felt that way about me I couldn’t stay at the precinct and see you every day.”
“So you asked for a transfer.”
“I did. I thought maybe you’d stop me before it was granted, but you didn’t.”
“I wanted to explain.”
She sat up straight and stared at him. “Then why didn’t you?”
A scoffing laugh rumbled in his throat. “When I heard you were leaving the precinct, I came to you, but you wouldn’t listen. I don’t remember how many times I tried. The last time I made the effort to tell you, I came to your apartment, but you told me to never come near you again and slammed the door in my face.”
Her cheeks turned crimson, and she smiled sheepishly. “I remember. I think I also told you I’d have my brothers beat you up.”
“Yeah, but I knew they wouldn’t, even if you told them to.”
“But why did you ask to be removed from the case?”
Even after all these years he still found it hard to talk about his emotional state at that time in his life. “Do you remember what had happened right before we took on the Harvey case?”
“Yes,” she murmured. “Your parents were killed in a car wreck, and you had to take custody of your brother.”
He nodded. “Jamie, the one you met today. It was a terrible time for me. My folks were dead, and my teenage brother was beside himself not only with grief but over having to move to another neighborhood and change schools.”
“Why didn’t you move into your parents’ home so he didn’t have so many changes in his life? Wouldn’t that have been easier?”
“I thought about it. Unfortunately, the neighborhood had gone down a lot, and Jamie had started hanging out with a rough crowd. It was only a matter of time until he got into trouble. Dad had bought a new house out east of town right before he and Mom were killed in that wreck. He wanted to give Jamie a new start in another school. When I found myself as Jamie’s guardian, I thought we could live in my apartment since it was in a better neighborhood, but Jamie was unhappy there. He did everything he could to defy me. I couldn’t figure out how to make him understand I loved him and only wanted to help him. Out of desperation we finally moved to the house that Dad had bought. It turned out to be the best thing for Jamie. He made new friends and settled down.”
“Why didn’t you tell me all this?”
He shrugged. “Because it was my problem, not yours.”
“But, Ryan,” Jessica said, “I would have helped you.”
Ryan shook his head. “I didn’t want that. I was scared to death. Scared I couldn’t get Jamie straightened out. And scared I couldn’t be the kind of man you deserved in your life.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You have a great family, Jessica. Your brothers aren’t afraid to tackle anything, and you’re just like them. I knew you had high expectations for the guy you would marry, and my mind was in such turmoil that I knew I couldn’t give you what you needed.”
“Ryan, you were wrong.”
He paused and closed his eyes for a moment, then took a deep breath. “Maybe so, but I wasn’t thinking straight, and I found myself making mistakes on the job. And I couldn’t forget how my last partner had died.”
Jessica leaned forward and stared at Ryan. “You’re still blaming yourself for Al Stevenson’s death? It wasn’t your fault that he was killed.”
Ryan pushed to his feet and gritted his teeth. “He was my partner. If I’d been covering him like I should have, that drug dealer never would have gotten the drop on him.”
Jessica rose to her feet and shook her head. “You’re wrong, Ryan. I read the reports. Nobody blamed you for what happened. If he had waited for backup instead of leaving you to guard the front of the building and going in alone after a crazy killer, he might be alive today.”
“I blamed myself,” he said. “I still do.”
“But that’s ridiculous.”
Ryan’s hands were shaking, and he shoved them in his pockets. “It’s not ridiculous. At the time, I was an emotional mess. I was still dealing with my guilt about Al’s death when my parents died and I found myself the sole guardian of a troubled teenager. I began to question whether or not I should even stay in police work. But most of all, I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
Her eyes grew wide. “I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t want you ending up like Al. Dead because I’d made another mistake. I couldn’t have lived with that.”
Jessica looked at him intently. She clasped her hands and squeezed until her knuckles turned white. Finally she spoke. “Oh, Ryan, I’m so sorry. I never knew how much you suffered because of Al’s death. I wish I could have helped you with that. In time you’ll come to see it wasn’t your fault.”
“I doubt if that time will ever come.” After a moment, he took a deep breath. “That’s all I wanted to tell you tonight. I didn’t want to go another day with you thinking I’d stabbed you in the back to get you taken off the case we were working on. I didn’t do it, Jessica. Please believe me. I’ve come to realize I missed out on the best thing I could have had in my life when I pushed you away. I know it’s too late now to go back. But whatever I did at the time, I thought it was for your benefit. I hope in time you can come to forgive me.”
“You’ve given me a lot to think about, but I still have questions.”
