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“No, she wouldn’t.” Luc nodded. “But that’s when I understood that I was just like my buddies. I gave everything to Sarah and she threw it in my face. That’s when I knew that whatever I’d felt for her wouldn’t survive the test of marriage. She hated everything I stood for. I made a mistake loving her.”
“I’m not sure loving someone is ever a mistake. Love’s not the problem,” Holly mused.
“No, judgment is,” Luc said. “My heart blinded me, which is bad enough. But my poor judgment is what scares me.”
The sting of his admission reached deep inside Holly. Luc was one of the best men she knew. She didn’t want him to hurt like this.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, knowing it wasn’t enough.
“Now I know how you must have felt when Ron walked away, Holly. It’s like being a kid again and having my world torn apart.” His hands fisted at his sides and pressed against his worn denim jeans. “I will never go through that again.”
“You can find someone else. There’s nothing saying your marriage has to end like your friends’ marriages did.” Holly wished she knew how to help him.
“There’s no guarantee it wouldn’t. Sarah fit all my requirements for an ideal wife. That’s why I started dating her. But I saw the outward beauty and missed what was inside. If we’d married and then split, it could have cost me the ranch...” His voice trailed away.
Love had cost Holly a great deal. She had no advice to erase the wistful sadness on Luc’s face.
“I’ve accepted that I’m never getting married so it’s a moot point now. But I refuse to give up all my dreams,” he said sternly. “I am going to have a son. That son will be Henry.”
“Luc, I—” Holly stopped when his fingertips covered her lips.
“Don’t say it, okay?” he begged, his voice soft, intense. “I need this dream so badly.”
Holly frowned, wanting to understand.
“You don’t know what it’s like to suddenly lose your home, your family, everything. You’re a little kid that no one cares about.” Luc’s intensity grabbed her heart. “I made do, I pretended, I fit in as best I could and concentrated on getting through.”
Holly could see him in her mind’s eye, a little boy, like Henry, pretending all was well, not making a fuss in case the family he was with asked to have him removed. And then at night, after the lights went out and he was alone in his bed, she could see him tear up, yearning for someone to say I love you, Luc. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.
That was the legacy her father had given Holly after her mother had left without saying goodbye. Pain stabbed her heart that Luc had lost that security. How could he not want to adopt Henry as his son and begin building his family?
“Dreaming of having a child was the one thing that kept me going through five very rough years in the oil fields.” His face tightened. “I did some things, accepted some dangerous jobs on the rigs so that I could earn enough money to buy my ranch. I want to make a legacy, to reinstate the Cramer name as something to be proud of. I want to pass something on to Henry. He is the son I’ve longed for. I can’t let go of this dream, Holly.”
As his hand slid away from her face, Holly blinked at the loss rushing through her. She was heart-sore for this kind, generous man who only wanted simple things—a family, a home. Things other people took for granted.
“Then if that’s your dream we’d better make sure there’s no reason to deny appointing you as Henry’s guardian, hadn’t we?” she said finally. Her heart thudded at the joy exploding across his face.
“Thank you, Holly.” Luc’s smile made Holly’s breath catch.
Why did she suddenly have such a strong reaction to him? Because she’d seen past the carefree persona he presented, to the man inside.
Luc was her best friend. Neither of them was willing to trust enough to love again. What they had in common only heightened their friendship. It was good to know nothing between them had changed.
And yet somehow it had. Holly now understood what drove Luc, comprehended his intense desire to make his ranch into a home, to adopt Henry. Luc would never walk away from that relationship. Somehow Holly knew he was trustworthy as surely as she knew her own name. Luc was a man of honor. In her life Holly had only ever known one man whom she’d found truly honorable and that was her dad. But Luc came in a close second.
Suddenly, unbelievably, Holly rejoiced that Luc had not married Sarah. She didn’t deserve him.
You can’t get close to this man, her brain warned. Not unless you’re willing to share your secret with him.
That inner voice unsettled her. “I guess we’d better go see what’s bugging you up north,” she said, needing to do something to escape her thoughts.
“Okay, but I’m warning you,” Luc said as he rose and held out a hand to her. “Next time we come back here, I’m getting in that water.” He nodded to the creek. “And I’m bringing Henry one day, too. Next to raspberry pie, swimming is my favorite thing.”
He drew her upward too fast. Unprepared, Holly bumped her head on his chin. Good thing. She needed to snap back to reality because for a moment she’d seen herself in the picture, splashing Luc and Henry in the creek, as if she belonged there.
* * *
“I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone who cooks like you.” Luc held up one macaroni, bloated and tinged pink. “Who taught you to cook the tomatoes with the pasta?”
“Dad.” She smiled at him, her sun-tinted face uplifted. “Don’t criticize until you taste.”
“Right.” Luc popped the pasta into his mouth then held up his hands. “I stand in awe of you, Holly. You manage to make everything taste great.”
“For your information I draw the line at cooking liver. I don’t care how good they say it is for you.” She giggled at his gagging motions. “I see we agree on that.”
Luc nodded. “We agree on a lot of things.”
“Like what?” she asked.
“We both like to eat.” He snatched a radish from the salad.
Holly swatted his hand away but truthfully he thought she’d enjoyed the camaraderie they shared today. Luc wasn’t sure he should have dumped his sad story all over her, but he needed her help with Henry and to get that, he’d felt compelled to explain his reasons for wanting to circumvent marriage. Maybe he’d let her see a little too far into his heart but he knew he could trust her. Holly was like a soul mate.
“So what will we do about those missing cattle and the ruined fences you showed me?” she asked after she’d said grace.
“I’ll go up into the hills tomorrow and find those cows if it takes all day. But I need to figure out something to take the place of those fences where that steer was injured.” He took a large helping of the macaroni and two pork chops, his stomach rumbling as he inhaled the delicious aromas.
“I guess it’s been ages since Dad installed that fence.”
Holly showed surprise when he told her the date he’d found in her dad’s ranch notebooks. “That long?”
“Yes. They’ve been repaired once too often. We need something else. There are coyotes in those hills and our cattle are too valuable to serve as their food.” He paused. “Unfortunately, building a more solid fence means I’ll have to cut down some of those gigantic spruce you planted with your dad.”
Holly rose to get the teapot. When she returned to the table a tear glittered on the end of her lashes. Luc knew she was remembering happy times she’d shared with Marcus, and missing him. How he hated causing her pain.
“Don’t worry, I’ll fix it, Holly.”
“You always do, Luc. Thank you.” Her gaze locked with his and in that instant he wondered if he should have embraced her. That’s what Marcus would have done, and Luc had promised him he’d make sure Holly was taken care of. “You’re a good friend.”
Friend. His heart sank a little. Was that all he was? Some kind of long-distance acquaintance who never made it into the family circle? Luc chided himself. Holly and Marcus Janzen had always made him feel a valued part of their lives. From the moment he’d stepped onto their Cool Springs Ranch, Luc had felt at home. What more did he want?
More.
“What’s that funny face about? Does my cooking taste that bad?” Holly asked in a worried tone.
“It’s delicious,” he reassured her. “I thought your dad was a good gardener but you’re even better. Lettuce, onions, radishes—that’s good for early June.”
“I’m not just the town superstar you know,” Holly teased with a self-mocking grin.
“Apparently not. What else have you got planted?” As far as Luc was concerned, Holly was as pretty as cotton candy, inside and out. He figured any man should be more than happy to forgive her for anything. Her fiancé obviously hadn’t seen it that way. Again Luc wondered what had gone wrong between them.
Holly talked about gardening for a while. As she did, Luc studied her. She’d changed from her jeans and shirt into a pretty blue sundress that brought out her eyes. Her orange-tipped toes were bare again in a pair of comfortable-looking sandals. Her hair wobbled in a topknot that he expected to tumble down over her shoulders any second. She looked like the perfect rancher’s wife. For somebody.
Though Luc could envision Holly as a wife, he couldn’t settle on which of the available local guys would be the best candidate for her husband. Any of them would be lucky.
“You deliver a lot of babies,” he blurted. “Have you ever thought about having your own?”
Holly’s hand paused halfway to her lips. Her head went back and she gaped at him as if he’d asked where she’d buried her secret treasure.
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” he apologized. Why hadn’t he kept his mouth shut? “I just thought that you’d naturally dream about your own kids and—”
“I’ll never marry, Luc. I told you that.” Her voice sounded hoarse as she set her fork back on her plate.
“You don’t have to marry to have—”
“I’ll never have children,” Holly cut him off for the second time, exhaled and forced a smile. “I’m one of those women who don’t have the motherhood gene.”
“Not true.” Luc speared a noodle and held it up for examination. Something was wrong. “I’ve seen you with your Sunday school class. Pretty sure you’re what they call a born mother.”
Holly said nothing. A moment later she jumped up from the table and began making tea.
“I’m sorry. I guess your mom probably turned you off motherhood, huh?” he guessed, coming up with a reason for her jumpy behavior.
“My mother?” She turned to frown at him. “She never stuck around long enough to make much of an impact on me. It was Dad who was most hurt by her leaving.”
“Really?” Unsure whether or not to continue, Luc pressed on, curious about her response. She was hiding something or else he didn’t know this woman at all. “You were what—seven?”
“Almost eight. So what?” Holly returned to the table, completely forgetting the tea. She leaned her elbows on the table and crossed her arms as if to put a barrier between them. “She wasn’t around here much even when she was supposed to be. Dad was the one who met me when I got off the school bus. As I said she didn’t have an impact on me.”
“Holly, it’s okay to admit it.” Why was she so adamant? “I imagine all kids would miss their mother if she suddenly wasn’t there.”
“Well, I didn’t miss her. Her absence never mattered because I had Dad. I always knew I could count on him.” Her shrug signaled the end of that topic. “I drew a rough sketch of what I want in my sewing room. I’ll show you after dessert.”
“Dessert? Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have eaten so much.” Luc let it go for now, but was determined to find out what kept Holly from admitting she missed her mother.
* * *
“I think it’s very doable,” Luc said after examining the bedroom she wanted renovated. “The costliest stuff will be the cabinets and countertops you put in.”
He’d barely stopped speaking when Holly’s cell phone rang.
“Hey, Abby. It’s late for you to still be at work.” Holly waited for her friend to explain. “He what?” She glanced at Luc and frowned. “Yes, I’ll go look right now and I’ll get Luc to help, too. I’ll call if we find anything.”
“Look for what?” Luc asked when she’d hung up, following her into the kitchen.
“For whom and it’s Henry,” she said as she kicked off her sandals and pulled on her boots. “He left Hilda a note.”
“A note? Can Henry write?”
“It’s kind of a picture note. Did you invite him to come to your place?” Her heart sank at his nod. “Well, apparently he decided to do that this afternoon, against Hilda’s specific instructions. Some kids on their bikes saw him heading out of town earlier. He never came home for dinner. Hilda’s frantic.” She grabbed her jacket. “I’ll saddle up Melody and ride her cross-country.”
“Why cross-country?” Luc asked in confusion.
“Because the kids I mentioned told Henry the shortest way to your place was through Parker’s Meadow.” Holly watched Luc’s face blanch. “What?”
“I put Ornery Joe in there yesterday,” he said very softly. “That bull is mean. If Henry goes near him...” His words died away. They both knew the little boy didn’t have a chance if the bull decided to charge.
“Let’s go,” Holly said.
“It wasn’t an outright invitation to Henry,” Luc said as he followed her outside. “It was just an offhand invitation like, ‘You’ll have to come see me.’”
“He’s a little kid, Luc. He takes everything literally.” He looked so upset Holly touched his shoulder. “Pray. Hard.”
“I need to do more than that.” Luc’s face was tight with strain. He slapped his Stetson on his head. “How can I help?”
“Take my vehicle and go by road. Your truck can’t handle the deep ruts as well as mine can,” she explained, forestalling any argument. It was funny how they seemed able to anticipate each other. “Maybe Henry stuck to the road and didn’t go for the shortcut. I hope. And, Luc?”
He’d been walking toward her jeep but now he stopped and turned, a question on his face.
“If you find him, you call 911 immediately so they can call off the search teams. Not me, not Abby but 911. Okay?”
Luc nodded, a perplexed look on his face. “Of course.”
“Good. Pray hard, Luc.” Holly didn’t take the time to explain. Instead, she raced across the yard to the barn where she saddled Melody and galloped across the fields, scouring wooded nooks and crannies for a little boy in a red-hooded sweatshirt who just wanted a family.
“Henry is Luc’s dream,” Holly prayed as she rode. “Luc’s a good man. He’s trying hard to be Your child.” The reminder of Abby’s words this afternoon sent a frisson of fear up her spine.
The case worker from Calgary is suggesting that Luc coaxed Henry out to his ranch after Hilda insisted they both wait for the visit till the weekend.
“Luc wouldn’t do that. He’s a wonderful man. He’d make a great father for any child,” she whispered. “Please keep Henry safe and work this out so Luc won’t be blamed. He was only trying to help Henry.”
Holly spurred Melody to go faster. She had to find Henry; she had to make sure Luc didn’t suffer for his eagerness to have the little boy in his life. As the wind dragged through her hair, Holly took shortcuts she hadn’t used since she was a girl. Luc’s words, filled with pathos, rolled through her mind.
Sarah said she wanted a husband to be proud of.
Silly woman. As if Luc wasn’t that man! Fury spurred Holly on but she couldn’t escape the echoed intensity of his words.
Henry is the son I’ve longed for. I can’t let go of this dream, Holly. I just can’t.
In that moment Holly decided she’d do whatever it took to help Luc realize his dream. She would never have another child, but Luc was going to adopt Henry if she had anything to do with it.
Chapter Three (#ulink_69a28a3a-d8ad-59a8-a0b5-63612e171416)
He’d left his phone at Holly’s!
Heart in his throat, Luc climbed the fence and moved forward while speaking constantly to Ornery Joe. From the corner of his eye he saw Holly arrive, slide off her horse and creep from tree to bush, edging ever nearer Henry who sat crying atop a big stone, the bull directly in front of him.
“Come on, you miserable grouch. Move over here. Leave the boy alone.” Ornery Joe cast him a disparaging look, dug in one hoof and snorted before his gaze returned to rivet on Henry. For the first time since he’d become a Christian, Luc clung desperately to his faith. “God, we need Your help here.”
