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When he’d seen Rachel standing beside the bed, he’d thought she was an illusion, and his reaction had been profound pleasure. It hadn’t taken long to realize that she was very real and that she did not share his happiness at being reunited.
She was right, he thought as he watched her with her family. He’d treated her worse than terribly. He remembered their short few weeks together as good ones even though she was nothing like the women he usually spent time with.
She was very smart, which was a little intimidating, as was her desire to become a doctor and settle down in Wolf Creek. His greatest goal was to see as much as he could while his money held out. There was plenty of time to worry about what he would do with his life after he finished seeing the world.
It was years before he’d come to grips with the reality that the lifestyle he’d chosen when he left home had lost its luster and that his interest in aimless pursuits had declined dramatically. He’d begun to feel as if he were living in a world of make-believe, while somewhere out there people led real and meaningful lives.
Comprehension led to months of reflection and careful examination of his upbringing and the life he’d tried so hard to leave behind. He’d realized that the void he’d felt in his heart since the day his mother abandoned him and his brother could not be filled with laughter and joking, senseless reveling or meaningless relationships. All attempts to do so had been futile, masking, but never filling, the emptiness.
He’d been left with the sobering realization that his entire life was nothing but an effort to escape the pain that gnawed at him every moment of every day and could not be assuaged by any thrill, pleasure or sinful indulgence known to man. He’d accepted the truth that there was no escaping the past or how it shaped the person you became. At some point you had to come to terms with that, both the good and the bad.
Then one day in Atlanta almost a year ago, he’d been strolling through a park and heard a woman laugh, laughter filled with such undiluted joy that it triggered an unexpected, long-forgotten memory of Rachel. The moment was sharply poignant. In those few out-of-time seconds, he’d been struck with the sudden conviction that he’d had something rare within his grasp and thrown it away.
Over the next few weeks, memories of their time together drifted through his mind with the sweetness of springtime scents on a subtle breeze: Her affirmation that money was not the important thing for happiness, which he’d scoffed at and now knew was true. Her serious, unwavering dedication when mocked for daring to brave entrance to a profession dominated by men. Her willingness to dedicate herself to a life that was not necessarily conducive to her own well-being, but to the well-being of others.
Longing for something he couldn’t put into words, he’d begun to wonder if there was redemption for him out there somewhere. If so, he knew he’d have to start in Wolf Creek, the place where his life had first begun to unravel. There, he’d hoped to find new direction and a new purpose for his life, though he had no idea what that might be or how to go about finding it.
Now, sitting in the Stones’ parlor while Edward read the story of baby Jesus from the Bible, he wanted to ask Rachel if he could sit in the parlor the next morning and watch the gift opening. Thanks to his mother’s leaving and his father’s indifference, he and Caleb had never known what these three people shared. Christmas was just another day. Lucas’s only concession to the holiday had been a traditional meal because he liked showing off to some of his friends.
Gabe longed just once to experience what a real Christmas should be, but Rachel had made it clear that the less she had to do with him the better, and he had no wish to disrupt their day. The solemn sounds of their prayer, and their happy, laughing voices as they joked and teased each other, brought about a pang of regret so painful that his heart hurt almost as badly as his physical injuries.
The desire to have that kind of love and the knowledge that he had willfully ruined any chance of experiencing it with Rachel was overwhelming in its intensity. The woman he now knew was the most important person to come into his life had made it clear that she had not forgiven him and was not likely to.
He couldn’t blame her. She was right. He had used her—not deliberately, perhaps—but she’d been there and they’d both been willing. In his mind she was no different from other girls he’d spent time with. Except, of course, she was very different.
Filled with an incredible sorrow for what he’d tossed away, Gabe blinked back the unmanly sting of tears. Tears were a luxury he had not allowed himself since the day he’d come home and been told that his mother had left for a new life in Boston...a life that was more important to her than her husband or her sons.
Funny how history repeated itself. For all intents and purposes, he’d done to Rachel exactly what his mother had done to him and his brother.
* * *
Christmas morning dawned bright and cold. Rachel slipped into Gabe’s room to stoke the fire in his fireplace, stunned to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, as upright as possible. A blanket covered his legs. He clutched a shirt in his fists. He was trembling and sweat dripped down his face despite the chill of the room. A basin of soapy water sat on the stand next to the bed. He’d given himself a sponge bath and was trying to get dressed. He looked near to passing out from the effort.
“What do you think you’re doing?” She shook her head. Stubborn, stubborn man.
“Getting dressed,” he told her in a terse tone. Knowing how she felt about him, he couldn’t bear being near her any longer than was absolutely necessary, so he’d forced himself to the limit to make her believe he was feeling better than he really was.
“Why didn’t you ring for help?”
“It wasn’t necessary.” Despite the medicine still dulling his senses and the pain racking his body, he made his voice as crisp and no-nonsense as hers.
“How do you feel?”
His blue eyes roamed over her, as restless as the wind tossing the tree branches outside the window. “I’ll live.”
“I certainly hope so,” she said, going to the fireplace. She removed the screen and placed a couple of slivers of pine knot and a couple of logs on the bed of coals. He needed to get warm.
“Do you?”
The simple question fell into the silence of the room. Moving with extreme care, she set the screen back in place.
“Of course I do.” She went to the bed and set about changing the bandages on his head and face, probing his swollen shoulder and making a swift examination of his bruised chest.
“Can you bring me some hot water?” he asked. “My sponge bath was a bit chilly, and I’d like to shave and clean my teeth. Maybe I’ll feel a bit more human.”
She pressed her lips together to keep from saying something to antagonize him. It was too soon for him to be doing so much. “I’m not sure you can—”
“I’ll manage.”
The determined angle of his chin brooked no argument.
* * *
When she returned twenty minutes later, Gabe stood at the shaving stand, his mouth set in a grim line of agony. She didn’t know how he’d managed to do all he’d done or why he wasn’t passed out on the floor. He was dressed in the clean clothes she’d brought him and had somehow buttoned the shirt over the arm that was held against his chest by the sling. The unused sleeve hung loose. He’d shaved what he could of the stubble shadowing his face, but not without leaving a few oozing nicks here and there. He made no comment about the ugly wound that marred his lean cheek.
Placing the straight-edge razor on the stand, he met her gaze in the mirror. “You don’t know how badly I hate to ask this of you, but would you mind washing my feet? I couldn’t get below the knees.”
Her eyes widened. The simple request, one she’d done countless times for other patients, caught her off guard. Taking care of their needs was her duty as a physician and caretaker, but she didn’t want to do any more for Gabe Gentry than was absolutely necessary.
As soon as the thought entered her mind, she felt a familiar wave of shame wash over her. Where was her compassion for this man who might well have died if Simon hadn’t found him when he had? Where was her Christian charity? She was a good doctor who had never backed away from a challenge or shirked her responsibilities.
Without a word, she picked up the basin of cooling water, placed it on the floor and knelt beside it, going about her task with quick efficiency and reminding herself that serving his needs while he was injured was not only her duty as a physician; it was her duty as a Christian.
As she worked, the story of Jesus, sinless, perfect, washing His apostles’ feet slipped into her mind. She concentrated on her task so that Gabe wouldn’t see how near she was to tears.
By nature she was a caring person. She knew she couldn’t continue to harbor this soul-destroying resentment, but she seemed unable to free herself from it. Could she find a way to set aside the hostility that had taken hold of her the day he’d destroyed her love with his callous dismissal?
She sighed as she pulled a heavy pair of woolen socks onto his feet. She didn’t know. But she knew that if she was ever to be the person the Lord expected her to be she had to try a lot harder.
* * *
Gabe heard the sigh and watched as she stood and picked up the basin of water to set it on the shaving stand.
“I’ll bring you some breakfast a bit later,” she told him, gathering the soiled laundry. “Danny will want to open his gifts first.”
“That’s fine. I’ll just rest until then.”
He started to lower himself in gradual increments, using his workable arm and clenching his teeth against the pain. Rachel was beside him in an instant, her arms around his shoulders to help ease him to the pillows. She was strong, he thought, as she lifted his legs to the bed and spread a double layer of quilts over him. Stronger than she looked. He didn’t know why that should be such a surprise, but it was.
Gabe waited for the screaming pain in his ribs to subside to a dull, throbbing ache. Many things about Rachel surprised him. She was older, but no less beautiful than he remembered. She’d gained some much-needed weight, which only added to the femininity she tried to hide beneath her tailored, no-nonsense wardrobe. The intriguing scent of magnolia blossoms still clung to her.
What surprised him most was that she was no longer the shy woman who’d had trouble carrying on a conversation unless it was a topic she felt passionately about. Her worshipful eyes no longer followed his every move and she certainly didn’t hang on to every word he spoke, as she once had.
She was a woman, not a girl. She was a devoted daughter. She was a mother. She was a professional with long-standing ties to the community, successfully crossing the threshold of a field most women were afraid to enter. That alone made her exceptional.
“You must be in terrible pain after moving around so much. Would you like a bit of medication now?”
Was that actual compassion he heard in her voice? He clenched his teeth together and met her gaze steadily. “No, thank you. I’ve seen too many people get addicted to it. I’ll just tough it out.”
“I’m only giving you small doses, and I don’t think you’re in jeopardy of addiction at this point. Toughing it out isn’t really a good idea.”
Somehow he managed a derisive smile. “A lot of things I’ve done haven’t been good ideas, but that never stopped me, did it?”
Rachel stared at him for several seconds then scooped up the laundry and left him without another word. Let him hurt. It wasn’t her problem. Except, of course, that it was. The very thought of the pain he must be suffering went against everything she stood for and left her feeling undeserving of her calling. Unfortunately, some people had to learn the hard way.
* * *
As planned, Rachel and Danny went to Caleb and Abby’s at midmorning so that Danny could play with the Gentry children and Rachel could help Mary, Caleb’s former mother-in-law, with the last-minute meal preparations, since Abby was still confined to bed.
Rachel made the visit double duty, examining mother and baby and concluding they were both fine, at which Abby declared she was able to get up long enough to eat her Christmas meal with the family. Like Gabe, she would not be deterred.
Abby loved the little signs Danny had made. Caleb tied the leather cords to the end of the crib while Danny watched with pride. The other children, too, were happy with their name signs, and Caleb promised to hang them at the heads of their beds before nightfall. Though he had no talent for building things from wood, he did dabble with whittling and had fashioned a stunning replica of a Colt pistol for his children to give to Danny. Each of them had taken turns putting a coat of shellac on it.
When the dishes were done, Rachel and Mary Emerson put the little ones down for naps. The men went to the parlor, where Rachel suspected there might be as much afternoon dozing as dominoes and conversation. The older children played with their new toys while Mary Emerson supervised, giving Rachel and Abby time for some uninterrupted “woman talk.”
Rachel cut two pieces of pumpkin pie, poured two mugs of coffee and went to Abby’s bedroom, to find her once again propped up in bed.
“Thank you,” she said, as Rachel handed her the pie and set the mug of coffee on a bedside table. “It’s been a lovely day, hasn’t it?”
“It has,” Rachel agreed. “And you got the best Christmas present of all, albeit a couple of days early.”
“I did, didn’t I?” Abby said with a smile, glancing at the baby all snug in his cradle. She took a bite of pie and washed it down with a sip of coffee.
“What does Caleb think of Eli now that he’s here and you’re both well?” Rachel asked.
Since Caleb’s first wife had died in childbirth the previous winter, Caleb had been terrified when Abby told him she was expecting his child.
“He’s beside himself with happiness—and pride,” she said with a satisfied grin.
“Well, his fear was certainly understandable,” Rachel said.
“I agree.”
“You’re happy, aren’t you, Abby?” Rachel asked, unaware of the wistful note in her voice.
“I am.” There was no denying her contentment. “I loved William, but what I felt for him pales in comparison to what I feel for Caleb.”
“I’m really happy for you.”
Abby reached out a hand to her friend. “Don’t look so sad. There’s someone out there for you. Don’t ever doubt that.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I know so.” Abby’s eyes brightened at a sudden thought. “What about Gabe?”
“What about Gabe?” she asked with a lift of her dark eyebrows.
“As a potential husband, goose! If you married him we’d be sisters-in-law.”
Rachel felt the color drain from her face, felt the stiffness in her cheeks as she forced a smile. “Thank you but no thank you,” she said. “Gabriel Gentry is not the marrying type.”
“You sound very sure of that.”
“Haven’t you heard the gossip?”
Abby nodded. “Caleb’s told me everything about Gabe, but people do change. Caleb is proof of that.”
Not everything.
“It must have been hard for both of them growing up,” Abby mused. “Caleb told me that until he married Emily, Christmas was just another day.”
Rachel registered her friend’s comment with a bit of a shock. With the Gentry money, she would have thought Lucas would have seen to it his boys had anything they wanted. What kind of man would deprive children of a bit of happiness once a year?
“Well, Lucas didn’t pretend to be anything but who he was,” she said. “I don’t imagine he was too interested in conforming to society’s expectations. Dad says that for all his unreasonableness, Lucas had a reputation for being hardworking. At least he passed that on to Caleb.”
“But not Gabe, from what I hear.”
“No. Not Gabe.”
“Did you know him?” Abby queried, taking another forkful of pie.
“Yes,” Rachel said, concentrating on the steam rising from her mug. “Gabe was two years younger than I, though, and we didn’t share the same circle of friends.”
“Caleb said he was...spoiled.” Abby said the word almost apologetically.
“To put it mildly,” Rachel said, struggling to suppress the sarcasm in her voice.
“I’ve heard he’s very handsome.”
“He’s also wild, dangerous and has no sense of decency...from what I hear,” Rachel tacked on.
Abby wondered why her friend was so irritated by the topic of Gabriel Gentry. “So I’ve heard from Caleb. As I said, people do change. I suppose only time will tell if Gabe has.”
Rachel took a sip of coffee before answering. “He did tell me he came back to try to make amends.”
“That’s promising, but I’m here to say that Caleb is struggling with the idea that Gabe is even back after so long. There’s been a lot of bad blood between them.”
Rachel nodded. “I certainly understand how he feels.” Perhaps more than Caleb.
* * *
That conversation stayed with Rachel as she drove the buggy back to town. Like Caleb, she was having a hard time accepting Gabe’s return. Because he broke your heart and trampled your woman’s pride beneath his fancy handmade boots.
True enough. That aside, surely she was mature enough to put the past into perspective. As terrible as it had been, she had learned from the experience. She was a better person. Stronger and more tolerant of others’ mistakes. So why not Gabe’s?
No doubt about it, she thought, giving her head a shake. She was a terrible, terrible person! Not forgiving wasn’t an option to a Christian, but like Caleb’s, her forgiveness of Gabe would come hard.
She prayed he would heal and move on soon. If he chose to stay, she wasn’t sure how she would deal with seeing him on a regular basis. Stop borrowing trouble, Rachel Stone. No one had any idea what he would do once his injuries healed. Still, there was the remote possibility that he would stay in the area, which meant her father had a point. She had to tell Danny and pray he understood.
