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Grumpy Old Men: A Manual for the British Malcontent
David Quantick
At last! A comprehensive, handy guide for the misery-guts in your life.Are you an irritable, crabby, cantankerous, malcontented old grump? Well relax, because you're not alone. Grumpy Old Men is an annotated, cross-referenced and fully illustrated manual for malcontents everywhere: the comprehensive Gripes of Wrath.A compilation of gripes and grumbles, illustrated with blood-boiling images such as derailed trains and traffic wardens throughout.The next time you find yourself enraged by pointless speed bumps, overcrowded trains, ill-mannered drivers, irritating adverts, inefficient customer help-lines, overbooked airlines, inconsiderate cyclists, slow-moving caravans, extortionate bank charges, persistent charity collectors, mindless hotel muzak, unfunny clowns or just plain miserable British weather, let this book take the strain.The ultimate in stress-relief for the 21st-Century Grouch.
DAVID QUANTICK
GRUMPY OLD MEN
A Manual for the British Malcontent
CONTENTS
Cover (#ud5dc0856-db0c-5d9e-a966-5111ae77905f)
Title Page (#u91408628-64fd-5cfd-b81a-bd3364a2a8ae)
Introduction (#ulink_78a0c551-4a79-5e37-8714-e54b2fe425d8)
ENTERTAINMENT (#ulink_21dca160-1e64-5947-8265-bfbd607e79d5)
Cinemas (#ulink_6d0bbacd-735c-5d6e-b733-54aa52828883)
Movie Trailers (#ulink_43900158-bad9-5205-adb0-66fb76e06fdb)
Hair Ads (#ulink_d42e88ca-906d-5166-9727-ccbd43382b80)
Perfume Ads (#ulink_7888e499-d99c-5d2c-a566-a6705cbef58b)
Loan Ads (#ulink_7947157b-62a3-5150-94c1-476daf6593e0)
Booze Ads (#ulink_297c0fa6-94bf-531d-8b2d-07598763729a)
‘Irish’ Pubs (#ulink_8578d2f4-a29b-51c7-82e0-bcbad87baf42)
The Theatre (#ulink_49a54044-7fe1-5a1a-bcc7-2397e1193187)
DVDs (#ulink_3b863da1-8d5c-5471-a00a-6f4d38a34fa9)
Plays (#ulink_9915466d-e2e3-53c4-adc1-b7baa1ec6ec3)
Rock Musicals (#ulink_2b920f76-de3b-5a2d-b9c3-1f92a5c4e268)
Theme Pubs (#ulink_24d47430-faf4-5ff0-8107-dd0fe9f1a584)
ANIMALS (#ulink_dcd69404-0a1b-57c4-9250-b737fd89df56)
Cats (#ulink_8e15b926-d92e-57e1-b54e-414d41274aec)
Squirrels (#ulink_8821af94-79e6-56fa-a91a-18780858ffbc)
Wasps (#ulink_6653658a-3482-58b7-8cad-c0ca6874fff3)
City Pigeons (#ulink_543c988a-1a07-55f3-b08a-9713bc40305d)
HOTELS (#ulink_727c7954-91a8-50a0-9f1c-ae830d34f44d)
Hotel Rooms (#ulink_3962ff97-ea03-582a-ba0a-e1512b3af7a4)
Hotel Bathrooms (#ulink_1d7f4dfb-748c-5e37-bbac-0d50588a193d)
Hotel Towels (#ulink_abfffd07-6ce4-5b96-b6dc-0378bd848b85)
Hotel TV (#ulink_43679d7a-3330-59af-8ff3-256d8275e9e0)
Hotel Keys (#ulink_d2d7a001-d77f-508c-b9c3-037868226ab4)
Muzak (#ulink_f0184033-37e3-573a-b2b3-e8457ffe043b)
Tipping (#ulink_d8a653d7-804a-5708-882e-13b149bd05dd)
ROADS (#ulink_254a40dd-88c5-5d9a-b937-beb331ccbb4c)
Speed Bumps (#ulink_acb2bab4-6894-5453-b8e4-54243d6dc523)
Speed Cameras (#ulink_d75b72c0-6475-5563-9061-f9134aa7a75b)
Parking Meters (#ulink_108305f5-e80f-5c86-8926-3012fc266a99)
Clamping (#ulink_7c339059-619f-5796-9787-a159da3bf719)
Minicabs (#ulink_02db4fa2-1332-5a24-8daf-a7b7e62714ad)
Black Cabs (#ulink_3d7133a1-1f08-560c-b9ec-3812d0910439)
Trendy Scooters (#ulink_8450a97d-983f-5894-b131-44c9549f41df)
Urban Cyclists (#ulink_ff9742e2-f33a-5c88-8928-6276ffb84dc4)
Mountain Bikes (#ulink_c3d67afb-df2c-5cd1-8230-ab8c94460311)
Penny-Farthing (#ulink_8e0cb774-5dc0-5efc-b05f-fffbccebdcaa)
FOOD (#ulink_55102776-19ad-52c0-8573-cf1eef38d5ee)
Burger Bars (#ulink_18f770bb-817c-5490-b429-8e49957bc361)
Celebrity Chefs (#ulink_2c87c1f4-b138-53c7-b3f6-568f3f072bd6)
Take-Away Pizza Parlours (#ulink_30f57fda-6d95-5caa-935b-af479ebbe6fe)
Hot-Dog Vendors (#ulink_600ea7c7-fdd4-52d7-8a76-860b4fb0882d)
Bad Restaurants (#ulink_38ab46aa-09f6-59b4-917c-33fbfd02571d)
Supermarkets (#ulink_ae27ccba-fabd-54df-9c91-58170e85d139)
Supermarket Trolleys (#ulink_a827495a-2617-5925-a21a-60dea819664d)
THE FRENCH (#ulink_95f8ba3d-30a8-58c2-a0c7-ed9f6ac9de31)
Parisians (#ulink_8daf723d-532e-57db-8cda-64cfc6268c43)
French Music (#ulink_01c75beb-5a0f-5ad0-b5e7-9ad3bb81ec65)
French Hotels (#ulink_8a71eb32-5028-5441-85dd-37cd02906636)
French Design (#ulink_cc426260-e323-50ac-9ab1-8a3cd86c6232)
French Toilets (#ulink_a16557fc-6e4d-574b-9251-7cb88bcff547)
LEISURE (#ulink_b3799da5-d0fa-5532-986d-d1d0b32e23ad)
Caravans (#ulink_5a254c32-ea3e-5f0d-993f-27e02b0a0e6a)
The British Seaside (#ulink_4904de6a-5656-5cc7-997d-8518438f09bd)
Airports (#ulink_9ebe341c-7964-5039-8ed7-d7b5e2f86db8)
Airport Book Stores (#ulink_b126a53c-0514-5fd1-98b7-408518ec416e)
Luggagey Shops (#ulink_bf226834-78b7-53ee-a790-5780c1edae7d)
Airport ‘Pubs’ and ‘Restaurants’ (#ulink_308a3d82-2771-5bb3-8d7c-95f6ce48b6a5)
MODERN LIFE (#ulink_314a8a83-f069-533d-af69-4be41f1215a4)
Sports Casual (#ulink_6ede0f69-7662-5328-b642-e28da24f8ee8)
Call Centres (#ulink_497123d7-6da7-5b73-9304-2ed32ab5a32e)
Banks (#ulink_a959eb79-8980-5047-9f65-4c179f414d0e)
Cashpoints (#ulink_60eda5f3-9cfb-5eba-9861-5f68ea08add7)
Meetings (#ulink_31791da0-73ad-54be-a6fc-fe0bbaee56fd)
The National Lottery (#ulink_b44d444b-0519-5727-9704-cff552af0a6a)
Ikea (#ulink_44122771-8f60-5199-b322-5eeb314b70d2)
School Reunions (#ulink_b146f74f-6363-5783-bb35-930707760d94)
Squeegee Bastards (#ulink_88ba9a90-0902-5df2-aeb9-c2003f8bbe13)
Language Pedants (#ulink_ec2bd85c-5d9b-5add-acc8-ea52686cc968)
Split Infinitives (#ulink_6c587d33-f068-5cce-aaa1-2f11f0231121)
Business Words (#ulink_67ef79d6-563a-5b10-9af1-5206613a4422)
TRAINS (#ulink_76284256-4a8a-56a2-9370-caad543f4843)
The Railways (#ulink_4e25c0a9-6ffd-5833-9247-60392ac6bf82)
Train Carriages (#ulink_c07f1249-e5a0-5aab-8aa5-31060819849f)
Train Staff (#ulink_b4400459-1a43-5907-a655-78e97d62383f)
Reserved Seats On Trains (#ulink_dbdec472-a1c1-55c3-b4cd-c4317ace00cc)
First Class (#ulink_f3ea2d79-9aa3-5e11-8cc9-431d4ce2e024)
Train Food (#ulink_7ee642a4-b4d1-5d44-8445-6b66985d203d)
Buffet Trolleys (#ulink_e3d193c7-d88a-5765-901e-1d709b4dacad)
Virgin Trains (#ulink_b383d981-509f-5249-8fd1-debe1556e5d6)
OCCUPATIONS (#ulink_a5100cd5-564d-5040-8c29-b55ae6fb13e7)
Estate Agents (#ulink_5878e7cb-d53d-5e36-942a-f8766b8c3348)
Estate Agentese (#ulink_cb83a3cd-1949-5434-9ce2-37c18be1b947)
Hairdressers (#ulink_5b160ca5-1be8-55aa-a4bd-39cd427271ab)
Builders (#ulink_cf867593-037a-58bf-bb66-e1c7edc745d1)
Dentists (#ulink_303c336e-9a96-571b-9eac-f1caca341f35)
Astrologers (#ulink_c9b456f0-6b6c-50b8-9a40-34a4a8ee40a2)
Traffic Wardens (#ulink_858a5988-1f2f-5f32-9c08-da5b6c1e10bd)
Traffic Police (#ulink_1f7187ba-4615-581b-b2a6-1dac61a41cdc)
Royalty (#ulink_a85b78a8-0290-50bd-b3cb-ccb4a3cd0790)
‘Chuggers’ the Charity Muggers (#ulink_221bcc21-993f-5ea0-ad59-eb71ee96cbbe)
