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“Oh, baby,” he breathed.
Her lips parted at the reverence in his tone. “I’m not…a girl anymore,” she whispered, trying to divert his curiosity.
“My God, I know that.” His eyes lifted back to hers. “You became a woman in my arms. Did you really think I could ever forget?” His thumbs rubbed down against her nipples as he spoke, and she shivered.
“Meredith,” he whispered hoarsely. He bent his head, his mouth poised over one taut nipple, his breath warming it.
The glare of headlights and the roar of an engine caused his head to jerk up. Meredith took advantage of his diversion to tug her clothing down and pull out of his arms. By the time the passing vehicle was out of sight, she was out of the car.
Cy managed to catch her as she reached the porch, his lean hands insistent as they turned her to him. “I want you,” he said, his voice ragged.
“I know that,” she replied tersely. “I’m just as vulnerable as I was at eighteen, and apparently every bit as stupid when I get close to you. But that won’t work twice. I’m not going to be your mistress a second time. I learned my lesson the hard way.”
He was breathing hard, his eyes still faintly glazed with desire. Her gaze fell and she could see the blatant evidence of his frustration.
“You still want me,” he said. “I could take away every choice you have. I could make you get on your knees and beg me for it.” He smiled contemptuously. “In fact, I did. Do you remember?”
She did. It had been just before his mother had filled his head with lies about Tony, that last wild loving—before the confrontation with his mother. He’d humbled and exalted her, and she’d been too much in love and too weak to resist him. She hadn’t known that Tony and Myrna had sold her out. She’d given in because she loved him, because she thought he was in love with her, too. But he hadn’t been. Ever. It had all been a means to an end. He’d only wanted her.
“I remember,” she said, stiffening as he drew her against his body. “Let go of me.”
His voice deepened. “That isn’t what you want.”
“It’s what your mother wants,” she replied, playing the only card she had left. She hoped that it would divert him, because her body was betraying her. It had been so many years since she’d been with Cy. She wanted him until it hurt, but she didn’t dare give in.
He hesitated, and she pulled back.
“Remember your mother, Cy?” she asked coldly. “Nothing’s changed. She still hates me.”
“She doesn’t have to love a woman I sleep with,” he said, resorting to cruelty as frustration and pain gnawed at him.
“But I’m not sleeping with you, Cy,” she said, holding her purse protectively over her sensitive breasts.
He stood there, towering over her, struggling to breathe normally. It was just like before, just like old times. He was falling headlong into her web, and he wanted her so much that he couldn’t even save himself. He looked at her and ached like a boy.
“Tell me you don’t want me, Meredith,” he said mockingly.
She moved toward her door, fumbling in her purse for the key. “What I want doesn’t enter into it,” she said. Wearily, she unlocked the door and turned, her eyes big and sad in her tired face. He looked only a little less worn himself. “I don’t want that madness again, any more than you do. Go home, Cy. I’m sure your mother will be glad of the company.”
“She didn’t come to see you, did she?” he probed. “That was a lie.”
“It amazes me,” she said, searching his face. “Even now, you automatically think that if someone’s in the wrong, it must be me. Myrna should be proud. She’s taught you that the only truth is hers.”
“At least she’s capable of it,” he replied.
She smiled. “Once I thought you might love me,” she said. “But I knew the minute you sided with your mother that it was only desire. Love and trust are both sides of the same coin. One is nothing without the other.”
He clenched his teeth. “You can’t accept the fact that my mother has any virtues, can you?”
“You don’t know what she’s cost me,” she replied coldly, “because you don’t want to know the truth.” She smiled again. “Someday, you’ll have it. I swear you will. And when you know what she’s cost you, you’ll wish to God you’d listened to me. Good night, Cy.”
She was inside with the door locked before he had time to reply. She wasn’t at all surprised to find that she was shaking.
Outside, Cy strode back to his car, bristling with temper and frustration. As usual, she had him weak in the knees. She was just as much woman as she’d ever been, and his response to her was powerful, immediate.
He fought himself out of the sensual fog by the time he got home, but something Meredith had said was disturbing him. You don’t know what your mother has cost you, she’d said. He frowned as he went into the house. Did she mean money? Or was it something intangible? Perhaps she meant her love. But he knew how treacherous she was. She’d betrayed him. Or had she?
That was a thought he didn’t want to entertain. He passed the living room, still deep in thought.
“Oh, you’re home,” Myrna said, rising from the sofa. “I waited up. You’ve been very preoccupied the past several days. I thought…you might want to talk.”
“About what?” he shot at her.
She swallowed. “About whatever’s bothering you.”
He moved into the room, his dark eyes threatening. “Did you go to see Meredith?”
That was a question she hadn’t wanted to answer. She could have lied, but what if one of the neighbors had seen her? It would be a risk to lie.
“I…did,” she said finally.
He scowled. “Why?”
“You know I don’t approve of Meredith,” she said quickly. “I was only trying to convince her that bringing back old memories won’t help either of you. I asked her to go away.”
“I gave her a job,” he reminded her.
She twisted her hands together, her face tormented. “Oh, Cy, she’s not for you! Don’t make it worse.”
“Make what worse?” he demanded. “What do you know that I don’t?”
She actually paled. “Cy…”
He moved forward, determined to get it out of her. Just as she panicked, the telephone rang, diverting him. Fortunately it was someone on business, and she excused herself quickly with a rushed “Good night.”
By the time she got upstairs, her heart was beating her to death. It was like a nightmare. Why hadn’t she realized the implications of what she’d done all those years ago? Her chickens had come home to roost, now. She didn’t know how she was going to survive if she didn’t get Meredith out of town fast.
CHAPTER SIX
BLAKE WAS ANGRY when Meredith phoned Chicago.
“Why won’t you come home?” he demanded. “You said a few days, didn’t you?”
“It’s taking longer than I anticipated,” she defended herself, sick over Cy’s rekindling of her physical needs and the slowness of her progress. “Blake, don’t push. You know I’d be home if I could. I have to support us, little man. I have to work.”
He sighed. “I know. But I miss you, Mommy.”
Her eyes closed. “I miss you, too,” she said, and it was true. She missed him more every day. Seeing Cy was like looking at a mature image of Blake. The pressure of trying to conduct business from a long distance, missing Blake, and dealing with the Hardens kept her nerves on end.
“Tell you what,” she said after a minute. “My secretary reminded me earlier when I phoned in that I have to go to a banquet Saturday night in Chicago. Suppose I fly up Friday night and spend the weekend? How about that?”
“Oh, Mommy, that’s radical!” he exclaimed.
Already, she thought, he sounded like a typical boy of the nineties. She laughed. “I hope that means you’re glad I’m coming. Now, put Mr. Smith on, please.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I gather that you’re coming home?” Mr. Smith asked with droll humor.
“For the weekend,” she emphasized. “I need to pick up some more diskettes for the computer and conduct a few personal visits to clients I seem to have been neglecting.” She added that last bit because her secretary had mentioned that those clients had reacted to some comments of Don’s that Meredith was taking a working holiday. How like him to forget to mention that it was on company business. He’d made it sound as if she were off enjoying herself to the company’s detriment. “Have one of the jets pick me up at the Rimrocks at six sharp Friday night. I’ll get off from work early.”
“Can’t get much work done on the weekend,” he murmured.
“Stand back and watch me. Or don’t you remember that Henry did most of his plotting at cocktail parties?” She grinned to herself. “The Harrisons are having that banquet for Senator Lane Saturday night, and Don promised to tag along. We can discuss the new computer operation and the personnel shift at the same time. Remind Don.”
“Will do. How do you plan to manage this project, the acquisition, and hold down a full-time waitressing job at the same time?”
“Don’t fuss,” she replied, although it touched her that he was concerned for her health. “I’ll see you Friday.”
She hung up before he could argue. It would be a lot of pressure. But, then, she’d had nothing except pressure since Henry died—and even before. She was young and strong and willful. Besides, it wouldn’t be forever. The pressure would end for a while once she had her hands on those mineral rights. Except that it was looking more and more as if the only way to do that was to get enough proxies from Cy’s stockholders to assume control of his company and force him into relinquishing the mineral rights. In fact, she’d determined that nothing less was going to work, so she’d already set the wheels in motion. And the thought of ousting him and his mother so delighted her that it had helped to stem the frustration she felt at being away from her son.
Cy hadn’t been to her house since the night he’d picked her up when she was working late. But Wednesday evening he came to the restaurant for dinner. He didn’t come alone. His companion was a beautiful redhead with long legs, wearing an outfit that had probably cost more than a week’s take at the restaurant. He was getting even with Meredith for his loss of control. She knew it instantly. Not that it did much for her ego or lessened the pain of seeing him with another woman. She’d heard plenty about Cy’s reputation with women since she’d started work. It was depressing, because he hadn’t been a rounder when he was with her.
She put on her best smile and let nothing she was feeling show as she greeted them and produced menus. “Would you like something to drink while you wait for your order?” she asked politely.
“I’ll have a German lager,” the redhead said carelessly, and named the brand she wanted. “And do make sure that they don’t substitute foam for beer, will you? I detest being shorted.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Meredith said pleasantly. “And what will you have, sir?”
“White wine,” he said curtly. He didn’t look at her. That sunny bright greeting had taken the starch out of his sails. He’d brought Lara here to make Meredith jealous. And he’d kept his distance, hoping that she might miss him. He wasn’t sure of his own motives, except that he ached for her. He wanted her more than ever, but she’d dug in her heels and wasn’t giving an inch. It was going to be an uphill battle all the way to get her back into his arms. Lara’s presence didn’t even seem to faze her. The old Meredith would have been in tears.
Meredith served them with the impeccable control that Henry had taught her. Cy looked darker and angrier by the minute as she did her best impression of a star-struck waitress serving her betters. Lara swallowed it, insisting that he leave a huge tip. Cy only glared at Meredith, his eyes promising retribution. She had to resist the urge to rage at him. She knew what he was doing, but it didn’t help her bruised feelings.
He was showing her that he attracted other women, beautiful women. Inadvertently, it helped her get a bridle on her own need for him. Nothing had changed. He was a playboy now, and he had no use for commitment. She’d do well to remember the way he’d thrown her to the wolves before, so that she wouldn’t have to repeat it.
FRIDAY NIGHT, she changed hours with one of the other waitresses—with Mrs. Dade’s permission—and called a cab to take her to the airport. She changed into a black wig and expensive coat, so nobody at the airport would mistake her for Meredith Ashe. It was just a precaution, in case anyone who knew her saw her getting into a Tennison International jet. Cy probably wouldn’t even know that she was away for the weekend, nor would he care. He was avoiding her lately with a vengeance. But just in case, she’d make sure she was seen leaving the Billings bus terminal Sunday afternoon.
She boarded the small corporate jet quickly, and in minutes she was bound for Chicago.
Blake was waiting at O’Hare with Mr. Smith. He ran to her, recognizing her through her disguise, outdistancing even his companion in his excitement.
“Mommy!” he shouted.
Meredith bent and picked him up, swinging him around with laughter brimming over inside her. It had been such a dismal week and a half, and she’d missed Blake so badly.
“Welcome home, ragamuffin,” Mr. Smith mused, his eyes pointedly assessing the dark wig and the worn jeans and sweatshirt under Meredith’s open coat.
“Well, I couldn’t very well go to work in a Liz Claiborne original, could I?” she asked with a mischievous grin.
“Point taken. Your brother-in-law is still out of town, but he promised to be back in time for the banquet tomorrow night.”
“Very good. And the Jordan merger?”
“Went through with flying colors.”
“Oh, Mommy, don’t talk business,” Blake wailed as they got into the car.
She pulled him close and kissed him. “Okay. I’ll try. Until tomorrow night, we’ll just do what you want to.”
“Honestly?! Great!”
It wasn’t until she was failing miserably at the Nintendo controls with Blake that she realized how much she missed being with him. Even a simple game like this—at which she was terrible—was so much fun. Blake laughed and flaunted his superiority at eye and hand coordination while Meredith rolled on the floor with glee at her own failure.
They watched a nature special together after supper, and then Meredith read bedtime stories for half an hour. When Blake fell asleep in her arms, she looked down at him with aching tenderness. She’d never be alone, not while she had Blake. It even eased the pain of losing Cy. There was so much similarity between Blake’s small features and those of his father, she thought wistfully. The resemblance really was striking, especially when he opened his dark eyes. Her child…hers and Cy’s. Not that Cy would ever believe it, she told herself.
Meredith tucked in her son and walked back downstairs into Henry’s old study, which was now hers. Passing the fax machine and computer, she walked over to her desk and sat down. She started to pore over contracts and memos and correspondence that seemed endless. Although work had piled up in her absence, Meredith still looked upon the past week and a half as a vacation. Even the physical work of waitressing wasn’t a patch on the mentally exhausting routine she was used to. The exercise was rather relaxing, in fact.
She worked far into the night on current projects without really getting caught up. The most she accomplished was to answer the more immediate correspondence on tape for her secretary to type and Don to verify. She’d have to pack up and take the rest back to Billings with her. She could fax and use the phone to catch up on the rest. She hoped. Most deals were best conducted in person. Well, if all else failed, she could sneak out on the corporate jet for meetings. But that was risky. Seeing the Tennison International conveyance too often at the Rimrocks, upon which Billings’ airport was located, could tip Cy Harden to a move on his company. And that she didn’t want.
Blake wanted to go to the park the next morning, so Meredith dressed him warmly and walked him the four blocks east to the playground. Mr. Smith brought up the rear. The rugged ex-mercenary never left them alone. She knew it was driving him crazy that he couldn’t be around in Billings to look after her. He was as loyal as he was trustworthy.
Meredith and Smith sat on a wooden bench watching the sun play off the vast expanse of Lake Michigan. “How’s it going?” he asked while Blake was swinging on the playground equipment.
Meredith leaned back on the park bench and pulled her cashmere coat closer around her body. “I’m surviving. It isn’t easy. I tried to get to some of the executives and almost got fired for fraternizing.”
He smiled, something he did rarely. That hard face was scarred and laced with mementos of the violent lifestyle Mr. Smith had led. One of the executives once told Meredith that his scars were the result of his being shot to within an inch of his life in a commando raid, after which they’d practically had to put his face back together with superglue. She could believe it. He was rugged and indomitable. She always felt safe with him, as she had with Cy.
“Giving up?” he taunted.
She glanced at him and grinned. “What do you think?”
His green eyes searched over her face quietly, lingering just a second too long before he averted them. “I think Don’s right. You’ve found yourself one formidable adversary. There’s no shame in cutting your losses.”
“I haven’t started yet,” she reminded him. “I’ve got McGee working on proxy acquisition behind the scenes. All I’m doing is keeping the head honcho diverted while they work.”
“No, I don’t think so,” he replied.
She folded her arms and watched Blake, waving back when he waved and called for her to see how high he could go. “All right,” she said finally. “I got a little too close to the fire and singed my wings. But I won’t make the same mistake again.”
“I hope not. I haven’t forgotten how broken up you were that night we found you.”
She looked up at him warmly. “You saved my life.”
“I almost cost it,” he replied. “I didn’t even see you.”
“Did I ever tell you that you and Henry made me want to live?” she asked wistfully. “You even went to Lamaze classes with us, to learn natural childbirth in case Henry was out of town when Blake was born and you had to coach me. We did so many things together.” Her eyes grew sad. “I miss him.”
“So do I,” he replied. “He gave me a job when nobody else would. I was under indictment for murder. No prospective employer wanted me around. But Henry believed I was innocent. He hired me, got me the best criminal lawyer in town, and I was acquitted.”
