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I don’t know. I didn’t want to think about it. In my life, there was a lot of that going on together. At this point, I wasn’t smiling or sad or even bursting into audible laughter or crying. I was just a bystander, my realization that Mike was alive and that he was actually a regular crook. Yes, I adored him, but that love was a deception that transformed my wounded heart into a punching bag. My feelings were swinging from side to side like a pendulum. I sat in a seminar and tried to figure out what it was that I was feeling. No matter how hard I tried, it wasn’t like that.
– It’s mind-boggling, isn’t it?
Eric’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. I’d completely forgotten that he was sitting next to me.
– Uh-huh.
It really is mind-blowing! I don’t know myself and my feelings.
– In the past year, this young man talked about the newest online game.
I looked at Mr. Davis, who was giving us a presentation on new developments in the web environment. He was a tall man, thin, with narrow-rimmed glasses on his eagle nose and a bald head. His voice was quite sonorous, but even he could not shout out my thoughts.
And so again I came back to my thoughts.
How should I behave when I see Mike? What would I say to him? Would I feel the feelings I’d been harboring all these years again?
But there was no answer. I honestly tried to imagine our meeting with Mike, his face, and the likely environment. I couldn’t get myself in the mood, so I sat and fidgeted in my chair.
– Not interesting for you?
I turned to Eric, and the suffocating scent of his cologne made me shiver.
– Why is that? I just don’t like to sit in one place for a long time.
– Ah, I see. Same problem.
– The truth?
I had to act surprised.
– Especially when I have to wait for a long time at the airport. This is the height of my patience.
Mrs. Hughes, sitting in front of us, turned halfway around to face Eric and shushed him softly. I don’t know why, but it made me smirk. In my head, I said, «Thank you,» to Diana. Because I wasn’t in the mood to have a conversation with Eric at the moment.
A few minutes later an SMS from the detective arrived.
«Mr. Norland in the elevator.»
I nervously tucked the phone into my purse on my lap and looked around confused. I needed to make sure I didn’t miss my own chance to meet Mike, but how was I supposed to do that when I was sitting in a seminar? In truth of the matter, this event was just a cover, but I still felt bad for the speaker. Damn the upbringing!
My phone vibrated again.
«Are you there yet?» – I read and quickly dialed the answer, «Not yet.
I bit my lower lip and glanced toward the door.
«It’s now or never!»
As I got up from my seat, the look on Eric’s face spoke volumes for him. He certainly didn’t approve of my behavior, but I didn’t care anymore. I cautiously, ducking a little, walked around the rows and quickly made my way to the exit, hiding behind the door.
«What am I doing?» – I didn’t really hit myself on the head as I huddled against the cold wall as I walked out of the conference room.
«He’s on the first floor,» came from the detective.
Everything was very fast-paced. I felt sick at the thought of Mike. I tried to pull myself together and move forward, but it was like my legs wouldn’t listen.
«So Violet! This is your only chance to find out the truth. So get it together already!»
After I told myself off, I had to take one last deep breath and walk unsteadily to the hotel lobby. Now that I knew the detective’s face, I had no trouble finding him out at once. He was standing near the front desk, flipping through a magazine.
To be sure, I imagined Mike’s face in my head, so familiar and my favorite. I was so caught up in my ideas that I didn’t see the lady walking toward me. A collision was inevitable, because I was in the clouds, and at the same time the lady was rummaging through her own bag, not noticing where she was going. Her belongings flew a few meters forward after our collision, which left even me with a small tube of lipstick on my cheek.
– Oops! Sorry…
My cry was answered in French, and so quickly that I could barely catch a word or two. My French was not as good as my German, so I had to jog my memory and remember a few phrases.
– Excuse me. – I said in French and started running around the lady picking up her things that were scattered on the floor.
Her grumbling lasted until she stepped away from me, casting a hateful glance in my direction. Here’s a thank you for you! It’s not my fault she doesn’t look where she’s going! After all, I’m on a mission of principle.
«Oh right! Mission!»
I turned around to go to a safe place where I could see my ex-boyfriend, but before I could take a step I ran into someone. I looked up and faced the eyes that hadn’t left me in years.5
– Mike!?
And that was it, the abyss. I collapsed right in the middle of the crowd of people, into the arms of an ex-lover. It was the same feeling as if I had sat on a stained bench, and not anywhere, but in the middle of town.
So, now let’s take our seats according to our purchased tickets and watch the mentor movie «How to Get Attention or One Bad Day by Violet Spikes»!
Chapter 12
I like to dance, especially when I’m cooking for Mike. There’s a soft clang of the knife on the wood chopping board. Pasta and vegetable salad are coming up for dinner. I stand in the kitchen wearing a reddish apron and slice tomatoes. From the living room comes the voice of James Blunt. I catch the beat and start dancing. The chorus comes on and I sing along:
– You’re great. You’re great. You’re gorgeous, it’s true. I saw your face in the masses. And now I don’t know what to do, since I’ll never be with you.
It’s already6 on the clock. Mike’s not due back from work until seven o’clock. I dump the sliced tomatoes into the frying pan and turn down the heat.
– Okay, now noodles…
It is a moment of my happiness, my love and boundless joy. I’m bustling around the kitchen with a glass of Chardonnay and enjoying the hustle and bustle. Everything is so perfect, it feels like a dream come true.
What else can I wish for? I love and am loved, I have an excellent job, a comfortable apartment, and every day I smile and am truly happy.
I dance out of the kitchen and through the living room to the bathroom to get the laundry out of the washing machine. My thoughts are occupied by my father and his words. He didn’t want me and Mike together. I remember the days when I went against my father’s vision, principles and standards. Nothing’s changed, I’m still the same. If only he could accept Mike into the family, I think that idyll would scare me. There’s no such thing as the perfect one. When everything is so great, at some point there’s going to be a breaking point.
I take out my own boyfriend’s black T-shirt and hang it lovingly on the dryer. This love is very crazy, very powerful for me. I’m ready to tie Mike down and not let him go anywhere, just so we can be together all the time. I miss him even when he goes to another room. Apparently I’m a «Mike addict,» it’s mind-boggling how he hasn’t run away from me yet.
Early eight o’clock, dinner is ready, and I’m sitting on the couch in the living room, watching Kevin Paris’s cooking show and taking another sip of wine from my glass. As the door opens, I jump out of my seat and run to meet my lethargic boyfriend. As usual, he opens his arms for me and presses me firmly against him. At this moment I am happier than ever. There he is – my man. I will never give him up to anyone.
– I missed it.
Mike kisses me on the top of my head.
– I’m a baby, too.
We stood in the hallway with our arms around each other to feel like we were together again. I could have stayed like this forever, but Mike was tired and hungry, so I had to let him go first.
– Guess what’s for dinner now?
I smile with all my two30 teeth and take the bag from him to put it back.
– Pasta.
He guessed, as usual.
– How do you do it?
Mike takes off his coat and walks over to me, kissing me lightly on the lips.
– That’s what I wanted to ask you!
– Me!?
– Yeah. – He takes my face in his hands and our lips meet again, only this time in a dizzying kiss. – I’ve missed you desperately. – He says into my lips and kisses me again.
– Are you hungry!?
Mike’s lips move from mine to my neck, and I pull my head back and close my eyes in pleasure. I feel as good as I’ve ever felt. His hot breath tickled my skin and a blissful grin appeared on my lips. I run my fingers through Mike’s hair and pull them down gently. His lips make a small path to my collarbone-it feels so good, it makes my knees tingle.
That night we sat down to dinner exclusively at the clock10. I was very happy, and that happiness, afterward, tortured me every moment I spent without Mike. The beautiful memoirs echoed in pain. I hated them and adored them. They were on constant rewind in my head. Closing my eyes, they brought me back to those times and kept me from remembering every touch, word, or gaze.
– Violet… Violet…
Mike’s voice sounded in the darkness, calling to me, asking me to come back. I heard him, and I walked toward him. It had always been that way, ever since the first day we’d met.
Little by little, the sounds that surrounded me began to reach me. After you faint, you want to fall back into that darkness, because it’s the only way to escape reality.
«Mike’s alive,» it sounded in my head as I opened my eyes and looked ahead of me. The man who’d let me believe he was dead and left me alone to suffer the pain of love lost forever was now standing over me with his furry head bowed.
– Are you awake!?
The familiar voice sent shivers through my body. I pulled myself up in my seat and put my arms around my shoulders. It looked like it was someone else’s room, so there was a good view of the city from the window, and I was also sitting in bed at the moment.
– How do you feel?
I looked at Mike. He’d changed, a lot. His hair was shoulder-length and practically blond, he had a beard, and the glow in his eyes that I’d seen every time we were together was gone. I couldn’t help but reach forward and put my hand over his face. He pressed it tighter with his warm hand and sighed heavily, closing his eyes.
– You’re alive. – I wheezed with excitement.
– Yes, alive.
He looked at me, and I didn’t know what to say to him. Everything was so confusing and hard to make sense of. My thoughts swirled around in my head in a frantic whirl. I wished I could just hug him and run away from here. This man meant so much to me, but he had caused me so much pain that I didn’t know what I was essentially feeling at the moment. I looked at him, but I no longer saw the familiar and desirable face that I adored so much. He had become a stranger to me.
I turned away from him as tears welled up.
– Hey!
Mike took me by the chin and turned me toward him. I tried not to look at him, tears running treacherously down my cheeks.
– Please don’t cry. – There was a familiar pain in his voice, and I looked up in surprise. – That’s it, baby. That’s it, look at me.
– Mike…
His name sent a wave of pain through my body, and I threw the blanket aside with a sob, got up, and clung to him tightly. The familiar feelings overwhelmed me, and I started sobbing profusely.
– Oh, Violet! I missed you, too. I’m sorry, darling. I’m sorry…
I clung tightly to his shirt, which was damp from my tears.
– I… I… thought you were dead. Why is that? Why is everything like this?
– Forgive me. I am so sorry for you.
– I thought… I thought… God, you’re alive. How can that be?
I pulled away from him and sat next to him, looking more intently into his face. He tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear and then ran his hand down my cheek.
– Sorry.
He was so close that I couldn’t believe I’d already lost him once.
– Alive! – I exhaled as Mike took my hands. – But how?
– It’s hard to explain.
He stroked my hand with his huge finger, as if asking me to calm down.
– I’m not rushing anywhere.
– Not now, baby. Are you slowing down here?
– No. At the AZ Hotel.
Mike smiled guiltily at me and got out of bed.
– How long have you been in Algeria?
