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No. He had to stop attempting to figure out what she might be thinking. Soon she would be out of his life again, this time probably for good.
She may have been thinking the same thing, because she put down her coffee cup and said, “Nick, it’s been interesting to see you and I know it’s not late, but I have an early flight.”
“Sure,” he said, picking up on her need to leave. He signed for the check and led her out, telling himself it was for the best. But he couldn’t help the disappointment that he never would know the reason for those intense looks.
* * *
As Nick drove her back to the hotel, Claire rehearsed asking him to come in for a few minutes. She knew that, being the gentleman he was, he would see her to her door. Once there, it would be so simple to invite him in. But there would be nothing simple about confessing to him she had given birth to his son. Informing him that he had a three-year-old son was not the sort of thing to tell him over dinner in a public place. She had to be alone with him and her last opportunity was approaching.
At the hotel, he gave his car to the valet, saying he’d be right back.
She shivered as they walked into the lobby, blaming the chilly evening air. As they rode up in the elevator and walked to her door, her stomach was in knots and she dreaded breaking the news to him. Nick still seemed wrapped in mourning for his wife, but the fact that he had lost his unborn child made it imperative to inform him of his son.
She couldn’t look back and wish she had told him long ago because that was over and done. Maybe she should take a few days to think things through before she told him about Cody. She hadn’t had time to really consider how the situation was going to change her life and Cody’s life permanently. Not to mention Nick’s life, too.
“Claire, is something wrong?”
His voice cut into her reverie and she started, realizing she was still standing in front of her hotel room door, the key card in her hand.
He’d given her the perfect opening...except the words wouldn’t come. Even though she was freezing, perspiration broke out on her forehead and her palms grew damp.
Tell him. Tell him now.
But she couldn’t.
“No, I just got to thinking about something that has become a problem in my life,” she said.
“Maybe you’re working too hard,” Nick said quietly, running his finger along her cheek.
She looked up into those deep blue eyes with thick lashes, into Nick’s handsome face. Nick was a good person, intelligent, sophisticated, reasonable, charming. She should just tell him about his son. At the same time, she recalled the bitter accusations they had flung at each other when they had parted—she’d called him a selfish rich guy who always got what he wanted, while he’d accused her of not having a life of her own.
If she told him about his son, what hurtful things would they say to each other tonight? She didn’t want to go through that kind of stormy battle with Nick again.
“Nick—” She paused. The moment she told him, Cody would no longer belong to her side of the family only. She would have to share him and let him stay with Nick. Or worse. Would Nick try to take Cody from her?
“Yes?” Nick prompted, curiosity in his expression.
“I had a really good time tonight,” she said softly, barely able to get out the words.
He tilted his head to look intently at her again. “I’m glad. I wasn’t sure you were having that much fun. It was a good evening for me. How about a kiss for old times’ sake?” he said and leaned down to place his mouth lightly on hers while his arm circled her waist.
The moment his mouth touched hers, she felt the sparks she always had with Nick. His arm tightened around her waist and his mouth pressed against hers more firmly, opening her lips as he really kissed her, a deep, sexy kiss that for a few minutes stopped her worrying and fears, and shut off memories of their past and the big problem facing her.
Her heart pounding, she clung to Nick and kissed him in return, knowing it was folly, but unable to stop. She was swept back in time, into memories of Nick’s steamy, passionate kisses that had stolen her heart so quickly. She ignored the voice in her head that warned her she couldn’t let that happen again.
She clung to his broad shoulders, too aware of the hard, muscled body pressed against hers. Desire seemed to explode from his scalding kiss. It had been so long since she had been held by a man and kissed with such intensity.
When they moved apart, he was breathing as hard as she and he looked startled. His kiss had shaken her, igniting desire that burned through worry and made her stop thinking for a few minutes. But now, as she faced him again, she saw his blue eyes were filled with curiosity. Nick was an intelligent man and he had already picked up on something worrying her.
She couldn’t tell him. The words wouldn’t come to invite him in. She could take a few days to think about what she intended to do and to consult her family lawyer. She smiled at him, trying to pull herself together. “Thank you for the wonderful dinner, Nick. It was good to see you again. I am so sorry about your wife and baby.”
“You’re saying all the right things, Claire, but why do I have a feeling there is something else you want to say?” he asked, studying her as if he hadn’t ever seen her before.
“No, Nick. I’m just overworked at home.” Nervous, wanting to get away from him, swamped in guilt at the same time, she inserted her card into the door with such a shaky hand, she couldn’t get it to work.
Nick’s hand closed over hers and he opened the door for her. Even in her upset condition, she noticed the physical contact, the warmth of his fingers that sent an electric charge up her arm with his touch. “If you ever want to talk, I’m an old friend, Claire,” he said quietly.
She felt as if she had fallen into ice water. “Thank you. Good night, Nick,” she said, stepping inside and holding the door, turning to look at him. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He nodded, giving her one more searching look before walking to the elevator.
She started to close the door and guilt swamped her. Could she live with her conscience if she flew home to Houston and didn’t tell Nick?
Closing her eyes, she opened the door just as the elevator doors opened. Nick glanced over his shoulder, saw her watching him and frowned.
“Nick, can you come in for a little while?”
He turned, once again giving her one of his probing looks that filled her with dread. Nick could be formidable. He had power, wealth and a state-wide network of cronies with influence. What would he do when he found out about Cody?
“Claire, I’ll be happy to help with a problem,” he said in a gentle voice, but it did nothing to ease her fear.
“Come in and let’s get a drink,” she said, leading him into the living area of her suite, which overlooked the sparkling lights of the city from the twenty-fourth floor. She switched on one small lamp that gave a soft glow in the quiet room. “I’m trying to think things through before I start talking. Just give me a minute,” she said. “What would you like?”
“Let’s see if there’s any beer in that fridge you have,” he said. Looking in the small refrigerator, he held up a bottle of white wine. “Would you like this?”
“Yes, thank you,” she said.
“I’ll pour your wine. You go ahead and think so we can talk. I’m in no hurry, Claire.”
She nodded and he went to pour her wine, but as she watched him walk away, she knew she couldn’t think this through in just minutes. She got her phone out of her purse, still half wanting to tell him to forget it and talk to him later, by phone from Houston. Each time she had thoughts like that, guilt chased them away. She couldn’t fly home without telling Nick that he had a child.
Perching on the edge of an ottoman, she watched him stroll back into the room. She couldn’t have chosen better for the father of her child. Nick had so many good qualities. She hoped forgiveness was one of them.
He handed her a glass of white wine. When his fingers brushed hers, he frowned slightly. “You’re freezing,” he said, his hand covering hers. His hand was warm and in other circumstances would have been reassuring. But not now. He knelt in front of her. “What’s wrong? It can’t be money with the successful business you have. Are you not well?”
She shook her head, unable to say anything.
“How can I help?” he asked gently.
“I want to talk to you. Have a seat, Nick. This may take a while.”
His probing gaze searched hers again before he rose, pulled a straight-back chair close and sat. She sipped her wine and set the glass on an end table. When she did, he took her hand, holding it between his two warm hands.
“Do you want me to get you a blanket?”
“No, I’ll be all right.” They gazed at each other and she realized he was being quiet to give her a chance to think and to let her talk when she was ready.
“Nick, the night you proposed...we had a terrible fight and you said goodbye. You walked out and we didn’t see each other again. It wasn’t many months until you were engaged to someone else and headed for a political career. I’m sure you remember.”
“Of course I do. We couldn’t work things out.” He took a swallow of his beer, as if to wash away the memory of their breakup. “Karen and I had known each other for years and we’d dated in college and at one point had talked about marriage. When she came to work in DC she called me and I started seeing her. She was from Dallas, had no ties that would interfere with the two of us. My family pushed me to marry and start a family. You had already turned me down. That last time you and I were together...it was terrible. I imagine you were as hurt as I was. It was clear that it was over between us.”
She nodded her head, giving him the affirmation he was looking for. Then he continued.
“I proposed to Karen and she accepted. I know it was fast and I know I should have called to let you know so you heard it from me, but...well, I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me at all.”
“I heard you were dating and then I heard you were engaged. I was shocked, but I understood that we couldn’t work out our problems. You had your life in politics and in DC at the time, working at that well-known law firm. It was obvious you would be successful and you were ambitious. The hurtful words we had finally ended it between us. I let you go out of my life and I knew eventually you would have your own life, your wife, your family.”
“That’s what I planned,” he said quietly, looking down at the beer in his hand and then taking a drink before he lowered it to look at her and wait for her to speak.
“We had really gone our separate ways and you were starting a new life.”
“What you want to tell me—does it have something to do with me?” he asked, sounding puzzled.
She nodded. “I just want you to remember that you had your own life planned, a new career, a future in politics, a new wife. You lived in your world.”
She could see she had his full attention and she was certain he was trying to figure out how anything in her life could involve him. She took a deep breath and hoped she wasn’t making the biggest mistake of her life.
“Nick, at that time I was pregnant with your son.”
Three (#ulink_ddf1b5f5-c77a-5466-8227-66326269a324)
Stunned, Nick could only stare at her as he tried to register her words. “That was almost four years ago,” he whispered, talking more to himself than to her. She couldn’t have had his baby. He gazed into her big, dark-brown eyes that still hid secrets and saw her wring her hands. She looked pale, afraid, her shoulders slightly hunched. She was telling him the truth. Four years ago he had gotten her pregnant. Nine months later, she had given birth to his baby and hadn’t told him.
He had a son. He would have to be three now. Nick was so stunned he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t believe that he was a dad. Gulping for breath, he stood and walked to the window. Like shock waves that kept hitting him, the realization rocked him again that he was a dad, he had a son, a child of his own. He turned to look at Claire.
“Dammit, Claire. I have a child and you didn’t tell me,” he said, clenching his fists and shaking, anger and shock jolting him. “How could you not tell me? Dammit,” he snapped, without giving her time to answer.
He could only stare at her and think back. He had been in love with her, had proposed to her and wanted to marry her. And then they’d fought. On the rebound he had married Karen. He hadn’t talked to Claire again and she hadn’t talked to him—a natural outcome of the last hours of arguing, flinging accusations, letting a wall of anger and hurt come between them.
And now to learn that he had a son and Claire had never told him shocked and angered him all over again. He placed his hands on his hips without thinking what he was doing. “You never intended to tell me. The only reason you did is because we saw each other today,” he said, fury beginning to boil.
She stood and faced him. “When you told me you had lost your wife and unborn baby, I realized you had to be told. Before, an out-of-wedlock baby would have hurt or ruined your political aspirations and you know it. You wouldn’t have wanted to hear from me. When you married, I always thought you would have your family with your wife and you really would never be that interested in a child I carried.”
“My son? Of course, I would be interested. I have a son,” he said, feeling awe. “Claire, that is the most fantastic news I could possibly hear. How in hell could you think I wouldn’t be interested?”
“I just told you—news that I had given birth to your son just after your marriage would have killed your political career. You married within months after our breakup. I wondered if you had been seeing her while you were seeing me. Your new wife certainly would not have wanted to hear that I had your baby.” Claire closed her eyes and swayed, and he frowned, wondering whether she was about to faint. “Nick, can’t you see that I felt you shut me out of your life? Without telling me anything you became engaged. You should have let me know.”
“I should have done that, I agree.”
“Recriminations aren’t going to help. I’m just trying to explain my actions.”
“You can’t ever explain not letting me know,” he said.
“I just did. Would you have wanted to tell your fiancée you had recently gotten me pregnant? You married and occasionally I saw pictures in the news of you with your wife and you looked happy. Why would I think you would want my baby just when you married Karen?”
Knowing she was right, he didn’t care. The knowledge that he had a son was far more important.
“I’ve missed all his first years. I missed his babyhood. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t even know I exist, does he?”
“No, he’s little.”
“Dammit, Claire, I’ve missed too much.”
“Hindsight is always better,” she replied, looking pained. “I’ve told you why I did what I did. It’s that simple. But I will say this. This son is not going to help your political life, I promise you.”
“I don’t give a damn about that. It’s far more important that I know my son.”
“You say that now, but you don’t really mean it. Your adult life has revolved around politics and rising to the next office,” she said.
“I mean it, Claire. My son is my future, not a job. You can’t keep me from getting to know him.”
“I don’t plan to, Nick. That’s why I’ve told you about him.” She glanced away. “But your family will not be happy, especially your father. You know he would not have been happy to hear about a child—not then and not now.”
Nick inhaled and clenched his fists, trying to hang on to his temper. “You took those years from me, and I can never get them back.”
She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I regret that now.”
“I’ve been through hell the past two years. I lost my wife and baby. I could have filled part of that void and helped the hurt by knowing my son. I can’t believe you did this to me.”
She looked at him. “Nick, I’m so sorry for your loss and if I had known—” She bit off her words and wrung her hands. “I wish I could undo the past few years, but I can’t. We’ll have to pick up from here.”
“Dammit, Claire,” he said, clenching his fists and closing his eyes. Hurting, he thought of all the empty moments. He’d hurt badly after the breakup with Claire. Two years ago, he’d hurt after losing Karen and the baby. Now he had another deep hurt and this one could have been so easily avoided. He tried to hang on to his temper and to avoid saying hurtful things to Claire because it really didn’t help to pour out his fury on her.
“Would you like to see his picture?” she asked after a few minutes.
Nick jerked his head up. His anger melted as fast as it had come and awe filled him. He suddenly knew how he would have felt if he had been present at the birth of his son. “You have his picture? Of course I’d like to see it.”
She walked back to the ottoman to pick up her phone. Nick came to stand beside her. “I named him Cody Nicholas Prentiss.”
“You named him Nicholas?” he asked, pleasure filling him.
“Yes. I named him for you,” she said, looking up at him. “I felt I should do that.”
Nick looked at her phone and she opened it, handing it to him. His hands shook and he was overwhelmed as he looked at a child that resembled his own pictures when he was small.
“Oh, my word, there’s no doubt about his heritage. He looks just like me at that age,” Nick said, the feeling of awe swamping him. “My family will love him beyond words. Thank you for naming him Nicholas.”
“He looks like you. He’s a sweet, happy little boy who loves people. Even as a baby, he smiled constantly when someone talked to him.”
“That’s great,” Nick said, still staring at Cody’s picture.
“My grandmother watches him a couple of days a week, and I have a nanny the rest of the time to help relieve Grandma. For his first seven months I took maternity leave. Grandpa was around until the past six months, so there was a man in the house.”
Looking at his son, Nick felt the sting of tears of joy, forgetting his anger and the empty years. Getting a grip on his emotions, he wiped his eyes. “I have a son,” he said, his voice filled with awe. “This is the most wonderful news. Claire, he’s perfect. Was your family with you when he was born?” he asked, staring at Cody’s picture.
“Oh, yes. Mom was alive then, and all of them were thrilled. When he was a baby, one of us rocked him to sleep every night. Grandpa read to him when he was so tiny he couldn’t possibly understand a word, but it made him happy.”
“Can you send this picture to me?”
