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‘I believe you, I know. I said, it looks lovely.’ Eve nodded and smiled. ‘Really lovely.’ She didn’t need to look at it. She knew what it looked like. Cold and white.
‘Honestly, Eve. It needed freshening up,’ Libby pushed. ‘People don’t want that kind of décor any more.’
Eve nodded but all she could hear were Jake’s opinions in Libby’s voice. ‘Libby,’ she said, ‘if you’re happy with it, that’s all that matters. You don’t need to persuade me. And I really like it, anyway,’ she added, an unconvincing afterthought.
Libby swallowed and turned away. ‘Well, yes. Yes, we like it,’ she said and started to walk forward, leading Eve to her room.
They walked up the stairs in silence, Eve staring at the walls willing the pattern of the wallpaper to come out from under the paint.
‘Where are the pictures?’ she said.
‘In the garage,’ Libby replied. ‘With the carpet.’
Eve could concede on the carpet. It was old and swirly and fairly hideous, but the rest of it … She looked up at the light fittings and winced when she saw long metal strips of halogen bulbs. The surfaces were bare, trinket free. The windows were curtainless, now just covered with simple white blinds.
‘I put you in your old room,’ Libby said as they reached the furthest room along the corridor. She put the key in and turned the door handle. ‘You’ll be happy—it hasn’t changed.’
Eve could remember it perfectly. Lying on the bed like a penniless monarch, her grandeur falling down around her. She’d left the plaster bare in her ramshackle conservatory at home and let the ivy grow in through the roof to conjure up the feeling of this room.
She glanced inside and breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of the huge wooden wardrobe, the damp patches on the peeling wallpaper, the big bed with the chipped gold paint, and the heavy brocade curtains. And then the wind rustled the trees and she smelt the lemons waft in through the open window.
‘Libby, I’m sorry if you think I’ve offended you somehow,’ she said. ‘I do really think it all looks nice.’
‘But …?’ Libby said, arms crossed.
‘But nothing,’ Eve replied. Then when Libby looked at her, almost willing her to carry on, she couldn’t stop herself adding, ‘Just remember that people don’t always know what they want, what they like, until it surprises them. I agree it all needs updating but this place always had character. Style. You know, just maybe you don’t need to get rid of it all.’
She walked over to the window when Libby didn’t reply and looked out to see the lemon grove, the familiar image of the waxy leaves winking in the sunlight. She wondered how it was that people could be so close at one point in their lives and then become so distant. Eve was as wide open as they came, but Libby, she took some chipping away to get beneath the polish. Especially now that she too had a great stamp across her saying, ‘Jake’.
Sometimes, when Eve had put the kids to bed, she would sit down with a glass of wine and read Libby’s blog. There was always some gorgeous looking lemon and basil drizzle cake to salivate over or a plate of something delicious that Libby said she’d thrown together because she was feeling peckish but would take any normal person hours.
Eve knew it was all gloss. All shine. But slowly she would feel herself prickle with jealousy, like pins and needles starting in her neck. She found herself jealous of the life made quirky and cool through the many filters of Instagram. Of the parties Libby catered, of the selfies with famous guests, of the Rainbows and Roast Beef Supper Clubs that she held at her flat with Jake there sipping red wine from a glass as big as a bowl.
Eve had lived in the flat below Jake for three years. She knew he was an arrogant pain in the arse half the time; she had eaten batches of Libby’s mistakes, she had been to the pillar-box tiled kitchen and seen the beautiful hand-thrown bowls the colour of oatmeal and the lovely little white enamelled saucepans and thought they were lovely, if a bit impractical, but, in the pictures, in the lifestyle, she coveted them like no other. Because they seemed to symbolise this other life—where everything went right.
And over the years it had made Eve start to stay away. Because somewhere along the line, her friend Libby had become lifestyle blogger Libby Price, while Eve was a scruffy, haphazard mother of two who struggled to run a business and fit into her countryside lifestyle and be an interested wife and not believe that everyone else was doing marvellously while she was just keeping her head above the surface.
So in the end there was no point seeing Libby because, while it was all aesthetically lovely when she did, they never had the time to get beneath the facade to make it worthwhile. It was all just too nice and polite to bother.
But what was so frustrating was that she knew the truth of Libby. Eve knew what was under there, had seen her drunkenly dancing in her bedroom at three in the morning, had seen her laughing so hard that she snorted lemonade out her nose, had seen her stuffing her mouth so full of chocolate that she couldn’t breathe, had seen her sobbing on the doorstep because she couldn’t take the pressure of all her brothers and sisters and her mum out of a job, but over time the walls had gone up and now it was just that bit too high to reach.
Peter had done this whole lesson at school on entropy. He used pictures of the crumbling disused ballrooms of Detroit to show that everything falls into disorder in the end. The walls always came down. It was just a case of how long it took. And how much one was willing to try.
‘OK well …’
Eve turned to see Libby backing out of the door.
‘Anything you need just let me know. I’m thinking drinks on the terrace at seven and we can work out a plan,’ Libby said, starting to pull the door closed behind her. ‘I’ll leave you to settle in.’
Eve turned so her back was against the view and watched Libby leave, nodding at the instructions.
JESSICA (#ulink_281f1608-3f23-54fa-9ea8-9f34e8dcf729)
Jessica arrived back at her room slightly sunburnt and annoyingly still replaying the meeting with the cocksure Italian at the bar. She had planned on having a shower and doing some work to rebalance, but when she opened the door she found Dex sitting at her dressing table working on his laptop.
‘What are you doing in here?’
‘Work,’ he said without turning round. ‘I thought we were working.’
‘We are, but why do we have to do it in my room?’
‘Because I’ve got no WiFi in mine. Yours is bad enough—it only works here,’ Dex said, pointing to the dressing table. ‘Come on,’ he said, ‘let’s get it done then we can be on holiday.’
Jessica frowned. She wasn’t used to sharing her personal space. She remembered the early days when Dex had shown her the plans for the new office—all inclusive and open plan—and she’d said, ‘No, this just won’t work. I need to be able to shut a door.’
He had prattled on about the merits of sitting together as a team, exchanging ideas, laughing together and building bonds.
‘My brain doesn’t work well as a collective force, Dex,’ she’d said. ‘It works well on its own. I am antisocial. I like to be on my own.’
Dex had stalked away with a shake of his head, rolling his eyes at the architect as they fudged a small office into the sleek design plans.
Now she wished she could portion off a section of her hotel room.
‘Come on, chop chop,’ said Dex, pulling over a spare chair so she could sit down next to him. ‘Get your laptop.’
‘OK, OK, hang on.’ Jessica took a minute, standing in the centre of the room, to get herself in the right mode. She went into the bathroom and splashed some water on her face—saw the extent to which her hair had frizzed and curled in the humidity and the pink tinge to her cheeks, and tried to channel First Day Holiday Jessica back into At Work Jessica.
She poured herself a glass of water then walked out of the bathroom, went over to her bag, pulled out her laptop, then set it up next to Dex.
‘You look very relaxed, by the way,’ said Dex as she booted up. ‘Very earthy.’
She glanced across at him with a raised brow.
‘What? That’s a good thing. It’s a good thing. I promise. Very …’ He looked her up and down.
‘Don’t go on.’
He laughed. ‘Very pretty.’
She shook her head. ‘No I don’t.’
‘You do, it’s a compliment. Take it as a compliment. You’re terrible at compliments.’
Jessica scoffed. ‘Because most of the time people say them to mask something else.’
Dex looked perplexed. ‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know.’ Jessica shook her head. ‘Like you think my hair looks bonkers but you can’t say that so you say something nice instead.’
Dex snorted a laugh. ‘You really are an idiot sometimes. Anyway, right, enough of this nonsense, there’s a sun out there just waiting for me.’
Jessica took a sip of her water and then started to work. Her laptop was taking longer than Dex’s to open the files.
Dex glanced over. ‘It’s so slow! Seriously, I’ve told you to get a new one.’
‘I don’t need a new one. This is fine.’
‘It can’t cope with the software update. It’s too old.’
‘It’s fine.’
He peered over. ‘Do you still have that bit of plastic film over the screen, Jessica?’ He turned to look at her, aghast. ‘You’re meant to take that off when you buy it.’
‘It keeps it protected.’
‘Oh my god.’ Dex smacked his forehead. ‘We need to get you out of that office. You are getting away with some ridiculous behaviour.’
She allowed herself a little laugh when she looked at the plastic film. ‘I just like to look after my things.’
‘Your laptop is ancient, Jessica. If you’re not going to buy a new one, I’ll buy you a new one, for the sake of the company.’
‘You aren’t buying me a new laptop.’
‘Well, you buy it then.’ He got his wallet out and handed her a platinum card. ‘Charge it to my dad.’
‘I didn’t think you used this any more?’ she said, taking the card and holding it tentatively between finger and thumb as though it might burn her.
‘I don’t. But you can.’
‘You should cut it up,’ she said.
He shook his head. ‘Then I’d want it.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Like ex-smokers. Better to have a pack to hand just in case.’ Dex shrugged. ‘Makes me want it less knowing it’s there.’
Jessica narrowed her eyes. ‘I think you should have more faith in yourself, Dex. You can’t carry it around forever. I can’t actually believe you still have it. You’ve kept that really quiet.’
‘Well, you shouldn’t spend so much time in your office, should you?’
She sighed. ‘You don’t need his money, you know that. You’ve totally made it on your own now. Cut the card up.’
Dex shook his head.
‘Dex! Cut it up.’
‘No.’ Dex stared at the card with a longing fondness. ‘I don’t think I can.’
Jessica widened her eyes at him. ‘Cut it up.’
Dex shook his head.
‘You cut it up and you can peel the protective film off my laptop.’
He raised a brow. ‘That sounds like some kind of kinky computer geek fetish.’
‘OK, you can’t do it any more.’
Dex laughed. ‘Oh please.’
‘No. You’ve made it too sexual.’ He snorted.
Jessica turned to her screen and started to do some work. Dex did the same, leaning over every now and then to see what she was doing.
The sun was streaming in the window. Dex kept yawning. Every time the WiFi dropped out he sat back on his stool and peered round the room.
‘What are you looking at?’ Jessica said in the end, unable to hold it in any longer.
‘Nothing. It’s just funny, that’s all.’
‘What’s funny.’
‘That we’ve been here mere hours and you’ve managed to make your room exactly the same as your office. Like, exactly the same. The books, the scarf, the make-up bag, that hand cream, the way the glass is on the coaster.’
Jessica looked around and realised he was right. It was pretty much the same as her bedroom at home as well. She hadn’t realised she needed such familiarity and structure around her to feel comfortable. It was as if she had become so self-sufficient it was to the point of robotic. Carrying her life around like a snail. She frowned. ‘Well, that can’t be good, can it?’
Dex shrugged. ‘I think it’s sweet. A bit anal, but sweet. But that’s what you’re like, isn’t it?’
Jessica made a face. ‘Don’t say it like it’s a given.’
Dex looked confused. ‘Well it is, isn’t it?’
‘No it’s not. Anal but sweet? That’s not how someone wants to be described.’
‘Why not? It’s what you are.’
‘It’s not a fact.’
Dex shrugged. ‘It kind of is.’
‘Well, I don’t want it to be.’
He half grinned. ‘Well do something about it then.’
Jessica shook her head and, ignoring the challenge in his eyes, went back to her computer.
They worked again in silence.
