скачать книгу бесплатно
There was a tiny diaper on my baby and, luckily, his legs had nothing attached to them. Everything seemed beyond our control. Seeing our baby with the tubes scared me.
“It is real. What do we do now?” I asked my husband.
Oleg hugged me tight. I wanted to hold our newborn son and have some quiet time with him, but it wasn’t possible. I felt a strange wave of emotion like he was mine, but at the same time not mine. I tried so hard to control my feelings and to not cry. “This is serious. We and our baby are in deep trouble,” I thought.
“Your baby has jaundice, a medical condition with yellowing of the skin and whites of his eyes, arising from excess of the pigment bilirubin,” the nurse said. “We need to turn on the special light that will help his jaundice go away. I need to cover your son’s eyes with black glasses, close his incubator and keep him under the lights.”
Oleg and I stepped aside. I didn’t want to leave our son, but due to my pain, we returned to my room for more medications. I needed rest, and it was time for me to pump more milk. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I couldn’t say a word to Oleg, who laid quietly on the couch with his own tears.
When I calmed down, I called my sister, Luda. One of her children was also born premature.
“Olga, I know what you are going through,” she said. “I feel your pain.”
We both talked and sobbed. It was easier to talk with someone who had had similar experience and understood. I was so grateful for my sister’s support.
…….
In the afternoon, Oleg brought David, Kristina and Michael to visit me and meet their baby brother.
“Mom, why did the doctor cut your stomach? How big is your cut?” Michael asked, scared.
“The baby would have died if the doctors had not cut my stomach,” I answered. “The cut is about five inches long.”
“Did it hurt, Mom?”
“No, it did not, because the doctors used numbing medications during the surgery,” I answered. “But it hurt after the surgery and it hurts now.”
“How long it will take to heal?” Kristina asked.
“About two weeks. I will need to be very careful when I come home. You guys will need to help me a lot.”
“Mom, we will help you.” Kristina laid by me on my hospital bed and hugged me.
“Why was the baby born early?” David asked.
“Because Mom’s blood pressure raised very high,” Oleg answered. “Mom has some health problems. We need to take good care of Mom.”
“How soon will you and the baby come home?” David asked.
“I will come home after about four days, but the baby will stay at the hospital for a while. He needs a surgery on his heart.”
The children were sad. Even children know that heart surgery is serious. They had no more questions. We were all quiet. After getting the information they wanted and seeing that I was likely to be okay, they just turned the TV on and watched cartoons. How much could we expect from our children? David was the most concerned, but Kristina and Michael, because of their age, didn’t understand much.
After spending a few minutes with me, the children wanted to see their baby brother. We thought they could handle it. Seeing the wires and tubes, attached to the baby, the children were scared because they didn’t understand what was happening. They knew that their brother was in a trouble and that he was sick. They didn’t want him to die. This was the first time they ever experienced the possibility of death. Oleg explained the problems with the baby’s heart and asked our children not to be scared, but to pray for God to help their baby brother.
…….
That afternoon, the doctor came and told us, “During the meeting of cardiologists, neonatologists, surgeons and medical students, we decided to delay your baby's open-heart surgery until he weighs at least five pounds. We think medications will enable his heart to keep working until he has grown larger and stronger, which will give him a better chance for success. We will feed him intravenously and let him grow, while keeping his heart duct open with medications. We will also continue providing oxygen to help him breathe. Your baby will stay at the hospital at least two months before the surgery and few more months after the surgery.”
Hearing the doctors’ long-term plan, Oleg and I understood that our son would not be coming home any time soon. We had to decide how our family would manage these changes for many weeks to come.
“Have you decided on a name for your son?” the doctor asked.
“Not yet,” I answered.
For a parent, whose baby is born healthy, the most important thing is to give him or her a name. But for us at that moment the most important thing was for our baby to live, not his name.
“During one of our meetings, one of the doctors called your son the “Russian Prince”, the doctor said. “While you are still deciding on his name, would it be okay for the doctors to use that name for now?”
I liked the doctors calling our son the Russian Prince.
“Yes,” I answered. “He deserves it.”
“During this week, we will need to perform many blood tests on your three-pound son,” the doctor continued. “He may become anemic and a blood transfusion may be necessary. Is that okay with you?”
We had no choice and signed the consent.
“Finally, some good news,” the doctor said. “Your baby is stable, so he can start having breast milk through a feeding tube!”
Oleg and I were so relieved to hear the news and thanked God.
…….
On Saturday, friends and family with beautiful flowers and gifts visited us. We couldn’t walk everyone to see our baby. With some we just talked, prayed and hoped for the best.
Tanya was the first one of my siblings to see our son. When we came to the NICU, the lid of his incubator was raised, and the nurse was changing the dressing on his arm. Our baby’s eyes were covered with black glasses, but he was awake and moved his arms. We could not hear his voice due to the breathing tube in his mouth, but we could see it by the look on his face and by the way he was breathing that he was very upset. He cried without noise. Quietly, Tanya and I stood by his bed, trying to withhold our tears. My heart ached from not being able to help our son. Tanya didn't ask a lot of questions, but later I heard she cried after leaving the hospital, because she saw how fragile and ill our baby was.
A little later, my brother, Leo, came to visit us with his wife and children. They brought snacks and presents. While I was talking to Leo’s wife, I heard my husband tell Leo, “Being home with the children without my wife has not been easy. I had to clean, cook, send children to school, figure out their school bus stop, read all their school papers, wash their clothes. It is hard to be home without my wife. She does so much. I realized how hard it is to be a single Dad.”
Later I learned that Leo was calling everyone in our family, asking them to fast and pray for our fragile son.
…….
Oleg met his Mom at the airport. His brother and sister helped her arrange the flight and paid for her ticket. Oleg’s Mom was planning to stay with us for two weeks. We knew that she would take wonderful care of David, Kristina and Michael. Most importantly, she would give them lots of love. We were so thankful for our family’s help. It amazed us how one event could impact the hearts and actions of so many people and they were all ready to help. We began to realize that what was happening to us and our baby not only affected our immediate family, but impacted our extended family, friends, relatives, neighbors and co-workers. They all understood our pain and tried to help.
…….
Sunday, the third day after delivery, I woke up at 5 a.m. and pumped the milk. Since Oleg was still sleeping, I decided to take the milk to our baby. This was a big deal. I had never walked there by myself before. Holding onto the wheelchair, I slowly walked to the NICU.
“Good morning, Olga,” the nurse greeted me. “You are here early today!”
“Good morning,” I said, happy to be there.
“We have good news for you!” she continued. “Your son’s milk dosage has increased from one to two milliliters! He is doing well!”
I was so happy to hear good news! Through the little incubator’s windows, I could touch my baby’s head, legs and hands. He seemed to be sleeping.
“Olga, have you decided on a name for your baby?” the nurse asked.
“We have not decided yet,” I answered. “I am sorry. I need to talk to my husband about that.”
I spent about an hour by my baby and returned back to my room. Oleg already woke up.
“I have great news for you, honey!” I said. “Our baby can tolerate more milk!”
“That’s great!” Oleg exclaimed.
“We need to give him a name. The nurse asked me about it again.”
“Okay. What names do you like?” Oleg asked me.
“I like Jacob, Elijah, Aaron and Nickolas, but I feel that Elijah would fit our baby the most. It is a Biblical name, which means “My God is Jehovah”. What do you think?”
“I like the name Elijah,” Oleg said.
“Our son has a very serious heart defect and his life will not be easy for him. I think the name Elijah would suit him the best,” I said.
On the birth certificate, that day we wrote:
Elijah Joseph Anischenko
The baby of Oleg and Olga Anischenko,
Born on September 9, 2010.
Oleg visited Elijah and spoke with the doctors. Then he went home to spend some time with our children and his Mother. I had a lot to do: return phone calls, pump and take my milk to Elijah, take my medications and choose healthy foods to eat. My blood sugar and blood pressure were both elevated. Most importantly, I needed to rest and recover.
…….
At about 1:00 P.M., I heard a knock at my door and saw the worried faces of my parents. They hugged me and kissed me.
“It all will be okay, my Daughter,” my Mom said.
“I love you so much,” my Father added and hugged me.
It felt good to feel the love of my parents. I smiled through tears.
“We named our baby Elijah,” I told my parents. “He is your 20
Grandchild.”
“We would like to meet him,” Mom said.
I got up, sat in a wheelchair and my Father pushed it with his left hand, his only hand. When we came to the NICU, my parents didn’t say much, just asked some questions. Most of the time, they looked at the baby quietly and breathed in deeply. The nurse took a picture of us. Then, we returned to my room.
“Olga, it is very difficult for me to say this, but please, let God do His work,” my Father spoke, “Elijah is very ill. It would be not easy for him if he was ill all his life. It would be better for him to be with God. If you had only called me when you were in labor, I would’ve told you not to save the baby. Please, don’t ask God to leave him here with you. Ask God to either heal him, so he would be healthy, or let God take him to Heaven.”
When I heard my Father speak, words got stuck in my throat and I almost choked. I knew my Father was speaking the truth as he knew it, but we had already made a decision and the baby was already here.
When I was finally able to speak, I answered to my Father, “That is exactly how I am praying, Dad. For some reason, Elijah is still here, and God gives him life. I feel God has plans for him. It is God, who will decide if Elijah will live or not. But it is our choice to give Elijah every chance for life.”
Mom and Dad spent a little more time with me, prayed for me and left to go home. It was hard for me to hear my Father speak at that time. Today I respect my Father even more for willing to express his honest opinion. Upon reflection, I understand now how difficult this must have been for my Father, who loves me dearly and whom I also love so much.
…….
After about an hour, I heard another knock at my door. My sisters, Irena and Luda, came to visit me.
“Olga, our dear sister, we love you so much,” Lyuda said and hugged me on my shoulder.
“We brought you flowers and freshly prepared, homemade food,” Irena added and gave me a big hug.
“Thank you so much,” I answered. “Would you like to go see Elijah?”
“Yes, of ‘course!” my sisters answered.
I sat in a wheelchair and Irena pushed it for me. Those were special moments for me. I felt loved and well cared for by my family. They did for me what I could not do for myself and I appreciated that. My sisters were excited to see Elijah.
“Olga, he is so beautiful, but I can’t believe how small he is,” Irena said.
“I am so sorry, Olga,” Lyuda said and hugged me tight.
My sisters looked at Elijah through tears. I stood next to Elijah’s bed and was able to put my hands on his head and legs. Elijah was lying still. His eyes were covered with black glasses and we didn’t know if he was asleep. My sisters asked me some questions and took pictures of us. Then it was time for them to go home. I took my hands off Elijah. He started crying, but could not make any noise, as he still had a breathing tube in his mouth. Immediately, I put my hands back on his head and his legs, and he settled down. Apparently, during pregnancy, babies can hear sounds from the womb. Elijah knew my voice and when I again removed my hands, he started to cry again. Eventually, my sisters and I had to leave.
“I will come back, my sweet little baby,” I said through tears. “Mommy is in pain and needs to take her medications. I love you. You will be okay.”
Elijah calmed down. It was heart-breaking for me to leave him all alone in his tiny incubator.
…….
Soon, Oleg came with our children and his Mother. Oleg’s Mom hugged me.
“How are you, Olga?” she asked.
“I am okay. Thank you for coming to help us,” I answered with tears on my eyes.
After spending some time with me, Oleg took his Mom to see Elijah. When they came back, Oleg’s Mom kept repeating, “Oh, God, please help my fragile Grandson.”
Later Oleg told me that his Mom cried when she saw our tiny and very ill son, her ninth Grandchild. After about one hour, Oleg took his Mother and children home, and then returned to the hospital. Grandmother was taking good care of our children.
Later that evening, my Mother-in-law called me and read the poem that her friend wrote. The last verse was so promising:
The years will pass and take its course,
We will remember this day of course –
For Mom and Dad – a very hard decision,
For heaven and for earth – Elijah’s day of birth!
