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‘I have it,’ said a new voice from behind her… it was too difficult to work out who it belonged to.
All she wanted to do was lie down somewhere very comfortable. Somewhere dark and quiet. Somewhere Rafe McKinnion wouldn’t be around to see what a fool she was making of herself.
‘Tea, please, nurse,’ Ellie said, putting the chair down and coaxing Lorna into it. ‘As soon as you have a moment.
‘I’m so sorry. I’ve never fainted before. I’m—’
‘—having the worst day of your life,’ Rafe finished for her. Lorna looked across at him and his mouth twisted. ‘Don’t apologise for anything. This must be very difficult for you. How are you feeling now?’
She let her hands fall back into her lap. ‘It wasn’t that. I’m…’ She trailed off. Having the worst day of her life was exactly right. In fact, she was slap-bang in the middle of the worst week of her life.
‘Tea.’ Ellie came back into her vision and handed her a cup and saucer. ‘I’ve also asked for some toast and butter.’
Lorna smiled, though she wasn’t sure how she was going to manage to eat anything. Everything had tasted like cardboard since she’d heard the news.
Strange how funny little things she’d thought she’d forgotten long ago were coming back to her. Like the genuinely good times she’d shared with her sister when they were very young…
‘It should help, even if you don’t feel like eating it,’ Ellie said, reading her mind as she moved to sit behind her desk. ‘Do you remember my brother, Raphael? Rafe, this is Lorna Drummond.’
‘We introduced ourselves out on the landing,’ Rafe said, moving forward suddenly as her cup tipped. ‘Careful.’
She felt so woozy, but the tea was warm. Sweet. She looked up and caught the edge of Rafe’s smile. He must think she was a complete no-hoper. But then he’d probably always thought that about her. Assuming he’d ever thought about her at all. Which he almost certainly hadn’t.
The boffin and the sex god. There was a joke in there somewhere. Oh hell.
Lorna took another sip of tea and concentrated on bringing it down in the centre of her saucer. It was easier to do that than risk seeing what Ellie’s elder brother thought of her now.
There was a brief knock at the door, followed by, ‘Sister, can you take a look at Baby Benjamin? His BP is a little low…’
‘I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse me for a minute,’ Ellie said standing. ‘Just sit quietly and drink your tea. This’ll probably not take more than a moment.’
The door shut behind her and there was silence.
Rafe shrugged his way out of his jacket and threw it across the back of the chair. ‘It’s hot in here.’ Then, ‘Have you only just flown in?’
‘Yes.’ She bristled against the implied criticism. No doubt he’d have been able to clear his desk in minutes, but she had responsibilities. Things she’d needed to do first. ‘Almost.’ She’d almost just flown in. She took another sip of tea, letting the warmth slide down her throat, and tried again. ‘I’ve already been to the police station.’
Lorna rubbed her fingers against her left temple. She felt so tired. So buffeted.
‘Have they given you all the details? About the accident?’
‘Well, they told me they found her car in a ditch.’ Precious few details, it seemed to her. They’d been more interested in asking questions.
Questions she hadn’t been able to answer. She’d absolutely no idea whether her sister was usually considered a safe driver. She didn’t know why Vikki might have been in Sittiford. And she couldn’t even begin to speculate on whether her accident might possibly not have been an accident at all.
Guilt ripped through her, and the pain in her left temple intensified. Sisters should know things about one another. She should have tried harder to find some common ground between them. Fought harder to stay in real contact.
Rafe moved to perch on the table in front of her. ‘If it’s any consolation, I doubt she’d have known much about it. Ellie said she never regained consciousness.’
‘The police said that too.’ Lorna sipped her tea, struggling to swallow past the hard lump in her throat. ‘They hoped I’d know who they should contact about the baby.’
‘Don’t you?’
She shook her head. ‘I didn’t even know she was pregnant.’
Rafe didn’t react. ‘So what happens now?’ he asked quietly.
The million-dollar question. What would happen now? ‘They seem to want me to take responsibility for the baby. Since I’m the only relative to have come forward so far.’
‘You want that too, don’t you?’
Lorna’s hand shook as she picked up the teacup. ‘No. No, I don’t.’ Deep inside her she felt a scream building. A mixture of panic, anger and pure fear. ‘Why the… hell does everyone think I would?’
CHAPTER TWO
RAFE’S eyes narrowed, but other than that he schooled his features not to react. It was, after all, none of his business.
Even so, he couldn’t help but have an opinion on a statement like that. It was repulsive.
And it was going to shock anyone who heard it. The general assumption was that she’d want to take on the care of her sister’s baby. Even Ellie thought it… and she knew Lorna better than most.
But clearly not well enough.
The uptight blonde seemed to have no intention of doing anything that might conflict with the way she’d arranged her life. He might have some sympathy for her not wanting the responsibility of a child—he’d avoided it himself—but he couldn’t like it.
Selfishness was unattractive. Always. And with a motherless baby girl needing someone to love and nurture her he thought it inexcusable. Family was everything. And anything else was always going to be a poor alternative.
‘I don’t know anything about babies.’ She brushed a hand across her face, clearly defensive. ‘I don’t like them. And they don’t like me.’
Rafe said nothing. What was there to say? He didn’t know a great deal about babies himself. Time bombs waiting to explode, he thought them. But…
This was an exceptional situation. Under these circumstances, surely one would simply get on with it?
He looked at her curiously. Lorna had to be colder than ice to seriously contemplate putting her sister’s daughter in foster care. Because that was what her refusal would mean. Did she realise that?
‘I’m sorry,’ Ellie said, returning and shutting the door. ‘Everything’s fine with Baby Benjamin. How are you feeling?’
‘B-better. Much better.’
Lorna didn’t look in Rafe’s direction again. No doubt ashamed. And with reason.
‘Good.’
Rafe took in his sister’s warm smile, and the real concern in her face as she looked at her friend—he didn’t understand it. Normally she valued kindness over and above any other virtue. If Lorna were that cold, why did Ellie like her so much? And she did. Lorna Drummond was one of the few people Ellie had conscientiously kept in touch with over the years.
He looked at the nervous twitch of Lorna’s hands, the tight hold of her mouth. She was tighter than a bowstring. Beyond grief, he thought. Frightened.
‘Why don’t you slip your cardigan off?’ Ellie suggested, sitting down and pulling a pile of papers towards her. ‘It’s kept very warm in here for the babies. Then… we’d better get the business side of this out of the way, so I can introduce you to your niece.’
Rafe stood up and held out his hand for Lorna’s empty teacup. She passed it over with the merest flick of a look in his direction.
‘I’ll wait downstairs in the Bistro for you,’ he said, with a glance at his sister as he set the cup and saucer on the table. ‘There’s no hurry.’
He turned in time to see Lorna pull at the oyster-pink ribbon holding her cardigan together. Like her skirt, the cardigan shrieked money. Whatever else Ms Drummond was, she wasn’t financially challenged. No reason there for her to refuse to care for her sister’s baby.
Ellie was going to be disappointed. And he hated to see her rose-tinted view of humanity challenged.
‘Thanks, Rafe.’ His sister smiled, first at him and then at the woman opposite. ‘My car is at the garage, and since Rafe has nothing to do…’
‘But serve you,’ he agreed smoothly, picking up his jacket.
Perhaps he was being too hasty in judging Lorna? She’d only said she didn’t want to take on responsibility for her sister’s baby, not that she wouldn’t.
There was no doubt it would be a steep learning curve for her. Not that he imagined for one second much of the actual care would be done by her. Not exactly the ‘yummy mummy’ type, Ms Drummond.
‘I’ll see you later.’ He nodded at Lorna. ‘It was a pleasure to meet you. Again.’
The door clicked shut.
Ellie smiled. ‘Rafe’s been very good to me since Steve left. And it’s so nice to have him near again rather than travelling all over. He’s just bought a place on the outskirts of Framley…’
Lorna couldn’t think what there was on the outskirts of Framley, baring Priory Manor, but she wasn’t particularly interested in where he’d bought a house. She was just glad he’d left and taken his disturbing presence with him.
Rafe McKinnion seemed to have the ability to fill a room simply by being in it. And it made her uncomfortable. He’d always made her feel uncomfortable. Right back when he’d been the boy every girl had secretly hoped would take them behind the bike sheds. A little bit bad… and a whole lot fascinating.
‘I’m so sorry about Vikki. I know you two weren’t close, but…’ Ellie trailed off and reached for a brown file among the pile of papers on her desk. ‘Had you spoken to her recently?’
Lorna shook her head. ‘I sent her an e-mail last Christmas and she replied to it.’ Lorna rubbed a hand up her arm. ‘She must have been pregnant then, but she didn’t tell me.’
‘So you’ve no idea who the father might be?’
‘I’d long since stopped asking if she was seeing anyone.’ It had been too difficult. Vikki’s life had been so different from anything she would ever want for herself. ‘I should have tried harder. I could have helped her, perhaps.’
‘You weren’t to know she was expecting a baby. Not if she didn’t tell you.’
But she should have known. Wasn’t that the point? They’d been sisters. Sisters should share things, care about each other…
It was all too late now. Vikki was gone… and she felt numb about it. Why hadn’t she cried? There must be something lacking in her that she couldn’t cry for her own sister.
‘I don’t know how I feel.’ The words were wrenched out of her. ‘I haven’t cried. Not once.’
Ellie reached out and touched her hand. ‘Early days, hon. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, and there’s no use pretending you feel something if you don’t. Vikki was a difficult person to be close to.’
Lorna drew in a shaky breath. Glad beyond description that it was Ellie sitting the other side of the desk. Glad for the gentle touch on her hand and the understanding that shone from her eyes.
She sniffed—and she never sniffed. She looked round for her handbag, to find the small packet of tissues she always kept in the front zipped pocket. ‘What do I have to do here?’
‘Primarily, meet your niece. And I need some contact details from you…’
Lorna nodded. She felt so tired. Normally she was the type of woman who got things done, took control of situations, but here, now, she felt as if she was clawing through fog.
‘Where are you staying?’
‘Mum’s old house. Vikki lives—lived—there.’ She put her bag down on the floor. ‘I dropped my things off there before talking to the police.’
Ellie wrote down the address. ‘How much have the police been able to tell you about the accident?’
‘They don’t seem to know much about it yet. No other cars seem to have been involved. Vikki had no alcohol in her system.’ Lorna put a hand up to her temple and tried to remember exactly what she had been told. ‘They said one of the paramedics noticed Vikki was having contractions…’
Lorna felt her throat tighten. She couldn’t bear to think of Vikki trapped in the wreckage. It was too difficult, too graphic.
‘Vikki had an amniotic embolism,’ Ellie began, after a moment. Her voice had become matter-of-fact, exactly what Lorna needed. Facts appealed to the scientific part of her brain. She could deal with facts. Respond appropriately.
‘It’s rare—usually fatal for both mother and baby.’
‘Wh-what is it, exactly?’
‘It’s where—’ There was a hesitant knock at the door, and Ellie stopped. ‘Yes?’ It opened, and the student midwife entered carrying a plate of buttery toast. ‘Ah, thank you. You’ll probably feel much better when you’ve eaten something.’
Lorna smiled her thanks, even though she’d given up adding fat to her food more than three years ago. Future cholesterol issues seemed very insignificant right now.
The door shut and Ellie continued. ‘An amniotic embolism is where the amniotic fluid is forced into the mother’s bloodstream. As I’ve said, it’s incredibly rare, and usually fatal for both mother and baby.’
But not this time. This time the baby had survived. Lorna picked up a triangle of toast and took a bite.
‘Your niece is a little miracle. Baby Drummond, as we’ve been calling her, was born by emergency Caesarean section at 5:06 a.m. on the 26th. We’ve estimated her to be at about thirty-four weeks’ gestation, but Vikki didn’t seem to have had any antenatal care anywhere.’ Ellie looked down at her notes. ‘Baby scored three in the Apgar test—’
Lorna didn’t even try and understand what that meant. Three out of what? Five? Ten? She could tell from her friend’s expression that it wasn’t good.
‘But she’s now holding her own beautifully, and I imagine she’ll be discharged towards the end of the week. Maybe sooner. She really is doing that well.’ Ellie looked up. ‘Lorna?’
Lorna looked up too, with a start. ‘I’m sorry. I was trying to work out if I knew where Vikki might have been thirty-four weeks ago.’ She shook her head. ‘I’ve got no idea. No use, am I?’
‘Concentrate on what you can do.’ Ellie smiled gently. ‘I think you need to see baby. She’s beautiful. You’re going to love her.’
From a distance. That was all she was capable of. She was all cared out. Surely Ellie knew that?
‘She’s a really good birth weight for a prem baby. Her biggest difficulty has been that she suffered severe birth asphyxia.’
Lorna tried to concentrate on what Ellie was saying, but it was desperately difficult. She obediently washed her hands once more, and walked towards the small ward of maybe six incubators. Or were they called cots? Plastic cots.
And only two were filled. ‘This is Benjamin. He weighed two pounds fourteen ounces at birth, and is a real fighter. And this,’ she said moving along one, ‘is your niece.’
Lorna looked down at Vikki’s baby.
It was unbelievable. Her sister’s baby. Tiny. Hands so perfect. Skin almost translucent.
‘She wouldn’t be in Neonatal now if Vikki was here to look after her. She really has done tremendously well.’
