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*
Charmaine was still sitting next to her when she opened her eyes. She slowly sat up and looked at her friend. There was no more delaying. She had hoped she wouldn’t need to have this conversation for a few months yet, but from the look on her friend’s face, there was no use trying to get out of it.
“Are you all right?” Charmaine asked quietly.
She seemed nervous. A stab of remorse pierced Lily. She shouldn’t have made Charmaine worry. She should have told her when she called to tell her she was on her way.
“I’m…” The words stuck as a lump in her throat. What was she going to do? Panic threatened to overwhelm her again and when she tried telling her friend she was fine all that came out was a huge racking sob.
Charmaine wrapped her in her arms and rocked her like a baby. “It’s all right, it’s all right.” she murmured softly. She let her cry for a while, then, when Lily had finally got her sobs under control, Charmaine grabbed her hand and held it. “It’s okay, you can tell me anything,” she said, looking her in the eye.
Another deep breath. She could do this. She had to. She had to tell someone, and she knew she couldn’t tell her parents.
Not right now.
Not yet. Not after all these years.
Not after the lies she’d spun.
Not after the lies they told her.
Lily hung her head and shame washed over her. How could she have made such a mess out of her life? She was the top of her class in high school and had held the belief she could do anything she set her mind to. Her life in Toronto taught her differently. But she was unable to let go of her pride along the way and she had let her parents believe she was doing well. There was no way she could go home to them like this. Not when she came with absolutely nothing to show for all the years she’d been away. Well, nothing except for the little being she carried inside her.
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted.
Chapter Three (#ulink_f052719a-13ec-5ba2-ac2a-d2b85234526b)
Lily sat in her friend’s kitchen, sipping a cup of tea ‘to steady her nerves’ as Charmaine put it.
“What am I going to do, Char? I’ve got no job, no place to live and now I have a baby on its way.” An unexpected wave of protectiveness ran through Lily and she pressed her hand to her belly.
“You know you can stay here with Bradley and me for a while, just till you get on your feet. As for a job, there’s bound to be something around. Even with the economy how it is, there just aren’t that many people here. Surely there’s something. I’ll ask around when I’m in town tomorrow. I know Beth is looking for someone at the Cat Whiskers Café.” Charmaine paused to raise her mug to her lips, “Don’t worry, Lily, we’ll find you something.”
A small amount of pressure eased from her shoulders. At least she had somewhere to stay for a few days. Not that she expected Charmaine to cast her out, but it was nice to be invited. “Do you mind if I come with you to town? I’d better go see the doctor and I want to get some olives from the store, I’ve been craving them for days.”
Charmaine laughed, “Oh dear, you’re getting cravings already? It wasn’t until I was showing that I got mine. I always craved peanut butter and pickle ice cream when I was pregnant. Olives aren’t so bad.”
“Well, I was also hoping to buy some cooking chocolate as well so I can melt that and then dip the olives in it before I eat them.”
“You want to cover your olives in chocolate, and you didn’t know you were pregnant until this week? What kind of stuff have you been eating for that to be normal?”
Lily blushed, “Deep down, I knew. I just didn’t want to know. Look at me,” Lily spread her sweatshirt-clad arms wide, “what the hell am I going to do with a baby?” She had nothing to offer a tiny human. No job, no career, no home. She was going to be a horrible mother. She couldn’t even get her own life in order and now she was going to be responsible for another person. That’s what scared her most of all.
“Love it, honey, that’s all you can do.”
*
Lily replayed her friend’s words over and over in her mind on the drive into town the next day. Charmaine was right. All she could do was love her baby. And in a funny way, she already did. It seemed impossible to her to love something that didn’t entirely exist yet, at least not as a whole human, but the little group of multiplying cells growing in her belly already held her whole heart. And she’d do anything for it.
Finding a job so she could care for it was the first thing on her list. Then she’d work on finding a place to live.
Charmaine pulled up in front of the Cat Whiskers Café. There was a large ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the window.
The building had been recently painted and she could hear music pumping from the speakers when she got out of Charmaine’s minivan. This place sure brought back memories. She spent a whole lot of time here as she was growing up. It was always the place to be when she was a teenager. From the look of the clientele she could see through the windows, that much hadn’t changed, but it wasn’t just full of pimply faced kids anymore, it seemed that everyone from town had stopped in for lunch. She was sure she could even see Suzy Little sitting next to one of the speakers.
“Is that who I think it is?” she asked Charmaine, pointing at the little old lady with purple hair.
“Suzy? Oh yes, she loves it in there. She declares it’s her very favorite place to eat. Of course she’s fallen in love with Beth ever since Beth catered for her birthday party last year and put all the other ladies of the nursing home out of sorts. You know how she loves the attention.” Charmaine smiled. “Come on, let’s see if Beth still has that job available.” She opened the door and herded her three youngest kids into the welcoming café.
The aroma of freshly ground coffee hit Lily as soon as she walked through the door. The tea she’d drunk earlier at Charmaine’s threatened to wash Beth’s floor. She covered her mouth, shoved Charmaine’s kids out of the way and dashed back outside.
She ran a few steps and dragged deep breaths into her lungs, trying to settle her stomach. Cold sweat ran down her face from her forehead and she shivered as the cool breeze rushed up the street. It was still cold out even though it was supposed to be spring.
Spring. Concentrate on spring, she told herself. Flowers, green grass, new babies… no, that is not what she wanted to think about… rain, thunderstorms, little birdies, newborn lambs, newborn calves, newborns…
Oh God, she couldn’t do this. She leaned against the building, gasping for breath. She was seeing stars again. How was she going to get any work if she was going to lose her lunch every time she smelled coffee? Everyone lived on coffee in this western town.
“Lily, are you all right?”
She jumped at the hand that touched her shoulder and she spun around.
“Beth?” she whispered. She hardly believed her eyes. She hadn’t seen her friend for years. “You look exactly the same,” she blurted.
Beth’s tinkling laugh filled the street.
“Thanks… I think.” She looked at Lily and asked again, “You okay?”
She realized she was still leaning against a wall of a building. She straightened up and looked around. She’d made it past Bill’s Barbershop and Tony’s Hardware. She didn’t realize she’d run so far from the café. She thought she’d only just made it out the door. She took a step away from the wall and straightened her skirt. “Um, fine. I uh, just don’t like the smell of coffee right now.”
Beth tilted her head and looked at her for a moment, just long enough for Lily to grow uncomfortable, then shrugged. “Well, you should meet Helga then,” Beth said, “she doesn’t like coffee either at the moment. She used to live on the stuff, now she gags at the sight of it.”
Lily didn’t know what to say and after a few moments of awkward silence Beth pulled her into a hug.
“It’s so good to see you again. I can’t believe you’re finally here. Charmaine mentioned you might be coming home, but when you didn’t show up for Christmas, I thought you must be busy. Are you? Busy, I mean?”
Lily missed this. The happy chatter of close friends who want to know anything and everything of each other no matter how much time has passed since they last saw each other. But Lily wasn’t ready to let her secret out and because her life hadn’t exactly turned out the way she’d planned, she didn’t really want to head down this road right now.
“Who’s Helga?” she asked, instead of answering Beth’s questions. “You said she doesn’t like coffee either?”
“Helga Hansen, surely you know she was shooting a film here last year? Your mom would have mentioned it I imagine… and it was in all the papers, not to mention the magazines. Do you still read them? Remember when we were teenagers and we’d pool our money together to buy the latest DIRT edition? I was still getting it up until last year.”
“Why’d you stop?”
“They published some unfavorable reports about Helga.” Beth’s usual happy look turned hard.
“You know her then? What’s she like? Just like in the movies?” Lily couldn’t stop the curiosity from coursing through her. After all, she’d wanted to be an actress too.
“I’ll introduce you to her. She’s really nice.”
“Is she still here, in Bassville?” Surely not. Why would a big movie star stay in small town Canada?
Beth looked at her strangely for a moment again. “Don’t you know?”
Lily thought she must be missing something. “Know what?”
“Helga’s marrying Ben this weekend.”
“What?” Lily felt as though the rug had been pulled out from under her feet. How had she missed the news about a movie idol marrying her friend’s brother?
“Come on, Lily, I’ll make you some mint tea. It always settles Helga’s stomach when it’s upset. And if you’re lucky I might have one of my cinnamon buns left. If Helga hasn’t stolen the last one.” Beth looped her arm through Lily’s and pulled her along the sidewalk back to the Cat Whiskers Café.
Lily hoped she didn’t have to bolt for the door again.
The interior of the café was welcoming and warm after the coolness of the breeze outside on the street. Once Lily choked past the smell of the coffee she was able to detect the mouthwatering aromas of Beth’s treats. Front and center in the display case was a lone cinnamon bun which Beth whipped onto a plate and presented to Lily.
“Enjoy,” Beth said with an easy smile.
Lily had been away too long. She hoped to reacquaint herself with friends before the rumors started flying about her enlarging belly. She knew from the past how vicious the local gossips could get with someone who’d ‘fallen from grace’, as her mom was apt to say. Ironically, her mother was one of the biggest gossips in town.
She slid into a stool at the counter and tucked into the cinnamon bun in front of her. God, it was delicious. A groan of pleasure growled in her throat.
Beth and Charmaine chatted over coffee but Lily was too preoccupied by the sweet bun to pay any attention to what they were saying until she heard her name.
“Lily’s looking for work. Do you know of anyone looking for help around town?” Charmaine said between mouthfuls of blueberry pie.
Lily blushed. Trust Charmaine to get straight to the point. Lily had planned on asking Beth once she had finished her tea and bun. She reluctantly put down her fork. She might as well listen.
Beth was smiling. “I could really use some help around here. I’ve been advertising for ages but, besides some school kids, no one’s applied. Mark helps out when he can and Shirley Jenkins from Hobart helps on Wednesday through Saturday. But the rest of the time it’s mostly just me and Samantha. It gets hectic all right.” Beth looked at Lily and her smile grew. “What do you say, Lil? Want to come and work for me?”
Lily couldn’t think of anything better and was about to accept when a customer placed an empty coffee cup next to her on the counter on his way out the door. “Thanks Beth,” the man said before turning away.
Lily’s stomach heaved. The cinnamon bun threatened to reacquaint itself with the plate and Lily clasped her hand over she mouth in a desperate attempt to keep it down.
Beth grabbed the offending coffee mug and thrust an empty metal mixing bowl in front of Lily’s face in one smooth movement.
Lily quickly found out that cinnamon bun and mint tea do not taste very good on a return trip. Charmaine yelped and jumped down from her stool away from any splashes.
“Here you go,” Beth said, handing Lily a napkin as though this sort of thing happened all the time. “I’ll get you a glass of water. Just sit there a minute and get your bearings.”
Beth went into the kitchen to fetch the water. Lily sat at the counter with the busy café in shocked silence behind her. She’d never been so embarrassed in all her life. When Beth returned, she gratefully took a sip of the water as Beth removed the bowl. “I don’t think working here is a good idea at the moment.” Her voice was raspy and acid rose again in her throat but she choked it down. “I think I should go.” Her stool scraped against the tiles when she stood up. The room tilted for a moment but Charmaine grasped her by the arm and glared at anyone and everyone who dared to look their way.
“Come on,” Charmaine said. “Fresh air will do you good.”
The cool breeze blowing down the street took Lily’s breath away. “I can’t believe I just did that.”
“It’s okay hun, it could happen to anyone.” Charmaine patted her awkwardly on the arm.
“I’m so embarrassed. Poor Beth. What she must think of me.” Lily leaned against the truck and buried her head in her hands.
“You’re not alone in getting morning sickness you know.” Charmaine put her arm around her shoulder. “You remember what I was like, don’t you? I puked everywhere. Remember the fit Bradley had when I made a mess in his truck? I thought for sure he was going to leave me there and then,” Charmaine said with a chuckle. “It’ll pass. Trust me.”
“It’s not even morning anymore though! And how am I supposed to find a job if all I do is throw up all the time?” She leaned into her friend. “God, my life is such a mess. What am I going to do?” she murmured into Charmaine’s shoulder.
“Well, for one, we will go get groceries and we’ll ask around about any other jobs. Ones that don’t involve coffee. Okay? Come on, hop in.”
Charmaine dragged her into the minivan then headed back into the café to grab her kids. She was such a horrible friend, she’d forgotten about Charmaine’s kids. What if she left her own baby somewhere? Would she forget she had one and walk away and leave it behind in a shop? God, she started to feel sick again.
Charmaine piled the kids into their seats, completely unaware of the turmoil Lily was going through. “Okay,” she said once she buckled in and was reversing out of the parking space. “Is there anything you want from the store?”
“Olives and a Hershey’s bar.”
Charmaine looked at her sideways and grinned, “Okaaay,” she said slowly, “We can get those.”
The grocery store wasn’t far. It was only down the other end of the street but Charmaine said she needed to get quite a few things and didn’t want to carry them all back to the minivan when she could park just outside the door.
“Can I have some candy Mom? Please?” Charmaine’s youngest, Cody, asked with his heart in his eyes.
“It’s only just after lunch honey and you just had something to eat at Beth’s. I tell you what, if you are all good,” Charmaine eyed each of her children with a gleam in her eyes, “I’ll let you watch a movie when you get home and I’ll get you some popcorn.”
“The one in the bag, Mommy?”
“Yes honey, the one in the bag.” Charmaine sighed heavily.
“Yay!” All three kids shouted in joy and dashed towards the shop.
“Remember you have to be good!” Charmaine shouted after them but they were already through the door. “I don’t know why I bother,” Charmaine said to Lily and followed the little monsters inside.
Lily laughed for the first time in what felt like years and tagged along. She hoped they had lots of olives. Her mouth salivating just thinking about them.
Charmaine asked the lady at the checkout if she knew of anywhere looking to hire.
The beauty smiled sympathetically at Lily but shook her head. “No sorry, not that I know of. You could have a look at the post office though, they sometimes post notices up on the bulletin board outside.
“Damn,” Lily muttered under her breath before following Charmaine and her troop of little clowns back outside. “Who was that at the checkout? She kept looking at me as if I should know her.” Lily asked once the door closed behind her.
“Tricia.”
“Tricia? Do I know her?”
“You remember Tricia, don’t you? She was a Hamilton, but she married Greg Torr.”
Lily thought about the raven haired lady that served her and tried to place her face in her memory. “I guess I’ve been away too long.” she mused out loud, “I remember the name, but I didn’t recognize her.”
“Well, she used to be blonde and a hundred pounds heavier.” Charmaine grinned, “You should have heard the commotion when she lost all that weight and then snared the third hottest guy in town.”
“Your Bradley being the hottest of course, right Charmaine?”
“Oh I don’t know, I can think of someone hotter!” Charmaine grinned with a wink.
