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He seemed surprised when she parted her lips. She realized then that he hadn’t taken her capitulation for granted. It had been a risk for him—one he wasn’t convinced would work out—and, for the first time, she felt a measure of hesitation. Would he withdraw? Maybe lift his head to ask whether she was really okay with what they were doing?
She hoped not. That would only yank her back into the real world and ruin everything.
To make sure he didn’t, she became more aggressive. Instead of just permitting him to kiss her, she clenched her hand in his hair and kissed him back.
“God, I haven’t felt anything like this in so long,” she muttered against his warm, pliant lips.
She wasn’t aware that she’d spoken aloud until he caught her face in his large hands and made her look at him. “How long?”
“Years,” she admitted.
“That’s even longer than me.”
She didn’t ask how long it had been for him. She didn’t want any more conversation, or she’d have to make sense out of what he said and how she replied, what she was doing. She couldn’t justify this, which was why she didn’t want her conscience to intercede before she could get what she craved. So she moved his hands to her breasts.
He seemed startled, as if he couldn’t believe his good fortune. Then he reached around and unsnapped her bra, staring into her eyes the whole time, testing her to see if she’d stop him. When she didn’t, when she let him slip his hands up under her shirt and touch her, she heard him suck in his next breath.
“This is going too well. You won’t even go out with me,” he said as he flicked his thumbs over the tips of her breasts. Obviously, he wanted her to convince him, not change her mind. But she could offer no explanation for her behavior. Where was this sudden recklessness coming from? She’d been so sad for so long, it was almost as if all the needs that had gone unsatisfied during that time were welling up at once.
“Are you going to let that stop you?” she asked, and stood on her toes to reach his lips. When he met her tongue, she groaned and gave everything she had to that kiss, even bit his lip and felt him nip at hers.
“Holy shit,” he moaned, closing his eyes as her mouth moved down his neck and her hands traveled up under his shirt.
Feeling strangely gratified that he was already trembling and breathless, she ran her fingers over his arousal. “Is this for me?”
He turned her face back up to his. “Let’s go to my place,” he said.
She didn’t protest when he scooped her into his arms and carried her there.
7 (#ulink_74a5680e-3bfd-58f0-842e-116197f3c796)
MAISEY KNEW SHE was too thin, but Rafe didn’t seem to notice or care as he stripped off her clothes. He looked at her as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world and that was all that mattered because it was exactly what she needed.
His bed smelled like he did. Maisey held a pillow next to her face and breathed deeply, thinking how much she liked that scent as he ran his hands over the curve of her hips.
“Wow,” he said.
He still had his pants on, but she’d pulled off his T-shirt as soon as he’d deposited her on the bed, which meant she could feel the smooth skin of his chest. Until this moment, she hadn’t realized how much she’d missed some of the things she’d taken for granted during her marriage, like the opportunity to curl up beside her husband, warm skin to warm skin.
When Rafe’s mouth found her breast, she dragged in a gulp of air and closed her eyes. But as soon as he moved lower, she tried to stop him. She’d always been too self-conscious for that kind of lovemaking. Jack had told her many times that she was hard to reach, hard to connect with, even during sex, because she could never fully let go.
She felt that resistance now, and stopped Rafe as he reached her navel.
She assumed he’d abandon the attempt, move on to something that didn’t require so much trust on her part, as Jack had always done. But Rafe seemed more determined. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“That makes me feel too...vulnerable. I can’t do it.”
“Sure you can,” he said, but he didn’t press her. He watched her intently, reading the expressions on her face while he used his fingers instead.
“That’s good,” she whispered. “Really good.”
She felt him kiss her thighs, but she was so focused on his fingers that she didn’t mind. Then, when she was so lost in the moment she would’ve let him do almost anything, he pressed her legs apart.
“Relax,” he murmured, and when she complied, he settled his mouth on her. The movement of his tongue made her cry out. She couldn’t remember ever vocalizing what she was feeling quite like that. But she wasn’t herself right now, or she wouldn’t be having sex with an acquaintance from her past. She was pretending to be someone who might do something like this, someone who could cast off all inhibition without worrying about the consequences. So she dug her fingers into the thick muscles of Rafe’s shoulders and arched into him as the pleasure grew into an intense wave that ripped through her.
He must’ve felt her body jerk, because when he lifted his head, he gave her a grin that said, “Take that if you think I’m a bad lover.” He’d done what he’d set out to do—vanquished the specter of the last time they’d been together. But he wasn’t finished yet.
Caught in the blissful aftermath of that powerful release, Maisey could barely think as he removed his pants—but she forced herself to speak up when he got a condom from the nightstand.
“You don’t have to worry about that,” she said. “My doctor put me on the pill six months ago to regulate my periods.” Her doctor had also said she needed to gain some weight, which she hadn’t done.
“That’s a relief.” Tossing it aside, Rafe kissed her collarbone, her neck, her jawline. “To be honest, those condoms are so old I was almost afraid to rely on them.”
She wasn’t ready to return to her senses, to Sad Maisey, so she was grateful when he made it clear that he wasn’t in any hurry to finish up. His hands delved into her hair, forcing her to look up at him as if he enjoyed staring down at the love-drunk sight of her. “Those big eyes of yours, so green...they take my breath away,” he said. “I’ve never seen a prettier pair.”
She didn’t get the chance to respond to his compliment. He didn’t seem to need any thanks. His own heavy-lidded eyes revealed that he was feeling as swept away as she was. By the time he pushed inside her, she was so sensitive she gasped.
“Oh, boy,” he said, and lines of concentration appeared on his forehead, giving her the impression that he wanted to stretch out every sensation for as long as he could.
Rafe was built differently from Jack. Maisey noticed that immediately. She told herself it was tacky of her to compare them, but Jack was the one left wanting, and that somehow seemed deserving, after what he’d done.
“Let’s take it slow,” Rafe said. Maybe it really had been a long time for him, because he didn’t want this to end too soon. But she was feeling the same mounting tension she’d enjoyed a few minutes earlier and craved the same powerful release, which made her urge him on. Gripping his buttocks, she let him know exactly how much she liked having him inside her and, with an exclamation on his part, the rhythm increased.
Every now and then he’d have to pause in order to regain control. He was trying to hold off so she could get all she wanted. But she had the impression that he was reaching his limit. When her climax hit, his whole body tensed as he struggled to stop his own orgasm.
“You get one more,” he said grudgingly enough to let her know he was teasing. But she wasn’t convinced he’d be able to fulfill that promise. His breathing was too ragged.
As it turned out, it was only a few seconds later when she heard him groan and felt his body shudder. But she couldn’t complain. She felt more satisfied than she’d been since she and Jack were first married and nothing in the world seemed to matter except the two of them.
“You have to admit that was some damn good sex,” Rafe said as he dropped, exhausted, beside her.
Reluctant to inflate his ego, she grinned at him. “Except you promised me one more.”
He cradled her against his body. “Maybe later.”
* * *
When Maisey woke up, she was alone. Judging by the sun streaming through the windows, it was midafternoon, suggesting she’d slept for several hours. She was slightly disoriented, which confirmed it had been a while. She blinked sleepily as she looked around, trying to remember why her surroundings were so unfamiliar—and then it all came back to her.
“Oh, jeez,” she whispered, and shoved up on her elbows. She’d done exactly what she’d told herself she wouldn’t do—and made love with her neighbor.
Was Rafe still around? She couldn’t hear anyone in the house...
She was about to get up so she could check when she saw a note on the nightstand.
Had to work. Make yourself comfortable and eat whatever you’d like. Be home around six, after I pick up Laney. We’ll grab your furniture and get you situated then.
—R
Another day without furniture. They were almost on their way to the unit; instead, she had to reveal how desperate she’d been for a man’s touch, so they’d gotten distracted. And now he was at work.
What had she been thinking?
She obviously hadn’t been thinking. She’d been reacting to the damage the divorce had done to her self-esteem—and, on a more primitive level, she’d been trying to find the same physical satisfaction she’d known when she was married. It was tough to go without the love, pleasure and comfort she’d enjoyed with Jack.
But Smuggler’s Cove was her place of last resort! She couldn’t make it impossible, or even uncomfortable, to live here. Why create new obstacles to make life hard when she was already struggling to overcome old ones?
Going to bed with Rafe was a stupid move. But he’d been telling the truth when he’d said he could do a lot better than he’d done eighteen years ago. She wasn’t sure she’d ever experienced anything like the hour or so they spent together, starting with that very first kiss. Jack just hadn’t approached lovemaking in the same way. He’d been too practical, almost...mechanical, at times. But Rafe was all about the moment—every moment—and that created such intensity.
Now that he’d satisfied her, however, she was embarrassed to have gone after what she’d wanted so aggressively. She couldn’t imagine what he had to be thinking.
Maybe she hadn’t changed much since she was sixteen...
Or maybe he wasn’t thinking anything. Maybe he was just happy that he’d managed to get lucky. For some men, it could be that simple, right? And, over the years, he must’ve had a lot more sexual experience than she did, at least with different partners. Another one-night stand couldn’t mean that much to him.
Feeling slightly better once she’d assured herself of this, she checked the digital alarm clock next to his note. It was three, so she scrambled out of bed. If there was any chance of pretending this had never happened, she couldn’t be here when he got home. Besides, she was anxious to check her phone to see if Keith had called, and she’d left it at her place.
The image of Rafe carrying her off, Tarzan-style, entered her mind as she finished dressing. She covered her face in embarrassment, even though there wasn’t anyone around to see her. Supporting her weight had seemed natural and easy for him. There’d been something primal in his ability to do that with such ease, and it had made her excitement skyrocket. But Jack would never have attempted it. He wasn’t capable of carrying anyone; he put his back out if he lifted a heavy suitcase. So she told herself she didn’t care what he’d think of her and Rafe. She had to quit seeing everything that happened in her life through her ex’s eyes, quit evaluating her actions and choices as if his opinion still mattered.
Because it shouldn’t, even if it did.
Once she was dressed, she decided to leave Rafe a note. It seemed the polite thing to do. She wanted to put some sort of official end to what they’d done, and a hastily written thank-you provided the added benefit of allowing her to escape this uncomfortable situation without having to deal with him directly.
Using the pen she found not far away, she turned over his note and wrote on the other side. “Sorry I made you late for work. I hope you had a great day.”
No, that last part sounded odd. He’d probably connect that to what they’d done, so she crossed it out and tried again.
I hope the repairs are coming together for you. Don’t worry about the furniture. I’m sure your daughter needs your time more than I do. You work hard enough as it is. I’m going to see if my mother will send her caretaker over with the truck.
She’d had no business asking Rafe to help in the first place. Why should he have to fill in for Keith? She was just being stubborn. Yesterday, even while she shivered on the beach, she’d sworn she’d do anything before going to her mother.
But approaching Josephine was suddenly preferable to relying on her new neighbor.
Should she end her note with some reference to the sex? Maybe include a thank-you? Tell him she’d had a nice time?
No. She couldn’t do that without sounding dismissive or shallow—or glib. Come to think of it, there wasn’t much point in writing what she’d just written, since he had the key to the cottage where the furniture was stored. If she managed to wrangle other help, he’d know about it long before he got home because she’d have to get the key.
“So much for that.” Somewhat relieved and yet disappointed at the same time, she wadded up the note and tossed it in the trash can in Rafe’s bathroom. While she was there, she was tempted to go through his medicine cabinet to see what he wore that smelled so good. She was ready to blame everything that’d happened today on his cologne. It was certainly easier than blaming herself...
Going through his medicine cabinet was intrusive, like searching through his drawers, so she refused to abuse his trust in that way. But she couldn’t help glancing around his house as she left. Rafe’s bungalow was much neater than she would’ve expected. The furnishings weren’t expensive or particularly tasteful—nothing that would meet with her mother’s approval or show up in a decorating magazine—but they weren’t tacky, either. For a guy who’d had so little growing up, she thought he’d done quite well for himself. If she had to describe his decorating style, it would be “sensible and comfortable.” His bedroom, although slightly more Spartan than the rest of the house, followed this theme. So did his living room, which contained a large flat-screen TV, along with an overstuffed sectional and chaise, a recliner with an accent table nearby and a coffee table in the center.
He hadn’t hung much on the walls, though. It wasn’t as if improving that space could benefit Laney, since she couldn’t see. And Maisey guessed he didn’t care enough about art to bother.
Or perhaps he’d get to that with time. She had to remind herself that he hadn’t lived in Smuggler’s Cove for very long. Jack would want his space to “show well” should anyone see it. But Jack was a different kind of man—very fastidious and driven.
Maisey was almost at the door when she spotted a pile of children’s books on the coffee table and had to stop. She loved books, all books, but especially children’s books, even if it was only to look through them to admire other people’s work.
Half hoping she’d discover a Molly Brimble story, she sorted through the stack. None of her books was there, but she hadn’t seriously expected to find one. If Rafe knew she’d written and illustrated several children’s books, he would’ve mentioned it. He had no reason not to.
Instead of Molly Brimble, she found a lot of Dr. Seuss, Guess How Much I Love You—she had to smile at that one—and Shel Silverstein’s hugely popular collection of poems, Where the Sidewalk Ends. In a second pile was a collection of books on kittens and dogs, and Chica Chica Boom Boom, which taught kids the alphabet.
It looked as though he read to Laney quite often. He obviously loved his daughter very much. Maisey was happy for him—happy for them both—but she found it bittersweet that he had his daughter and she didn’t have hers. As petty as that flare of jealousy was, her gut twisted as she fingered Laney’s books. She knew Rafe and Laney had their challenges, and they’d face more in the future, but Rafe ending up with a child to raise seemed so random and unlikely—not that he’d have a child, necessarily, but that he’d turn out to be such a responsible parent.
How had Laney come to live with him? What’d happened to her mother?
Maisey was curious about those things—curious enough that, after stacking the books in their original piles, she headed back down the hall to Laney’s room. When she’d passed it earlier, she hadn’t even paused. She’d been too busy telling herself she had no business snooping, that she needed to get out of Rafe’s house and forget about anything else.
But knowing she might never have another opportunity, she decided to take a quick peek to see if she’d find a picture of Laney’s mother or something else that would reveal some clue as to why Laney was living with her father, whether or not she had any contact with her mother or her mother’s family and what had caused her blindness.
Laney had a tall, four-poster bed with lots of frilly pillows and the usual assortment of stuffed animals and toys. Or maybe the assortment wasn’t so usual. All the toys appealed to the sense of touch, or they made sounds when certain levers or bars were pushed or when various shapes were put into the corresponding holes of a ball. An electric piano stood under the window. The keys were well worn, suggesting that it received considerable attention. But, surprisingly, since the walls in the rest of the house were mostly bare, there were things to see in here—stars on the ceiling, a big mirror over the dresser and a large picture of Laney as an infant being held by her father.
There were no other pictures, no cards propped on the dresser, no letters on the small nightstand next to the Disney princess-themed lamp, no Mommy Hearts Laney T-shirts tossed on the ground—nothing, in other words, to indicate who Laney’s mother was or whether she had any involvement in Laney’s life.
Maisey moved closer to the photograph of Rafe holding Laney. His hair had been cut differently five years ago, and he looked lighter overall, less muscular. But besides the tenderness on his face, she saw a determined set to his jaw that led her to believe he was thinking something like, “Don’t worry. I’ve got you. I’ll be there for you no matter what.”
His expression—that smile for the camera—couldn’t quite hide the protectiveness he felt, and that made it almost impossible for Maisey to look away. She wished she could have a copy of that photograph. It reminded her of the love she’d felt from her own father, of how powerful a father’s love could be.
She thought of the pictures taken of Jack and Ellie. He’d had no reason to assume that Ellie’s life would end the way it had, so the look in his eyes was never quite as fierce. But why had that love not been stronger? Once Ellie was gone, Jack had seemed willing to move on, which was partly why Maisey’s recovery had been so hard. It was almost as if she’d been left to mourn for both of them. He hadn’t even kept any of the pictures of him and Ellie and, much as Maisey was tempted when she got rid of his other stuff, she hadn’t been able to make herself throw them out. They were in a box marked Attic, and had been sent, along with Ellie’s other pictures, to Coldiron House, where they’d stay until Maisey could bear to reclaim them.
If that day ever came...
She chastised herself for being so rude as to poke around. She’d told herself she wouldn’t. It felt like an invasion of Rafe’s privacy just to see this photograph because it laid his heart so bare.
With a final glance, Maisey left Laney’s room, locked the house behind her and hurried over to her own bungalow. She was intent on finding her phone.
She could hear it ringing as she came through the door.
Was it Keith? Finally? Or Josephine?
Maisey doubted her mother would lower her pride and try to make amends. Still, Maisey ached for that olive branch, for Josephine to show enough love and concern to forget how wronged she felt and, just once, let the past go without forcing Maisey to assume all the blame. The little contact they’d had since Maisey left Fairham had been her doing. She’d never forget how cold and uninterested her mother had acted when she received news of Maisey’s pregnancy—and that didn’t change when Ellie was born. The morning Ellie died, her mother had been the last person Maisey had wanted to speak to. She’d instinctively worried that Josephine would make her feel as if she deserved what she’d gotten. And yet she’d needed her mother that day. So she’d swallowed her own pride and, out of the depths of her despair, called Coldiron House.
That unforgiving reception had cut the deepest. She couldn’t reach out afterward. She didn’t have the emotional fortitude it required. But she’d have to now, to ask for a truck so she could move some furniture.
Surely she could approach her mother for something as simple as that. And if it was Josephine on the phone, she’d have her chance.
The call wasn’t from anyone she might’ve expected, though.
Maisey felt her jaw drop as she recognized the number. She’d deleted this person from her contacts list, so there was no name attached. But she recognized those ten digits more quickly than she would’ve recognized the number attached to her own phone.
It was Jack.
8 (#ulink_b015393e-339d-5b59-b291-d068949bfdc3)
MAISEY TOLD HERSELF not to answer it. She had nothing to say to her ex, especially after she’d acted so inappropriately with a man who was nearly a stranger to her. Considering how long she’d yearned for Jack to regret tossing her aside, to want her back, it was quite the coincidence that he was calling her now. What could he possibly want?
When the call went to voice mail, she waited to see if he’d leave a message. If he had a legitimate reason to get in touch, wouldn’t he say so? It could be that some stock or other asset he’d failed to list on their separation agreement had sold and, instead of keeping all the proceeds for himself, he’d decided to do the right thing and pay her half. But considering how hard he’d fought for every dime, including some of the proceeds of her books, it was more likely that he’d heard she’d left Manhattan and wanted to find out what she’d done with his personal belongings. When he moved out, he took only what he could carry that day and had never come back for the rest. Was there something he still wanted?
If so, it was too late to recover anything except the pictures she’d saved in the dark attic of Coldiron House. She’d hawked her wedding ring and donated what he’d left behind to Goodwill. She’d figured the move was the perfect time to get rid of each and every item that reminded her of the man she’d loved so deeply, because they now reminded her of the day she’d gone to Chicago to surprise him on his business trip and encountered him walking off the elevator, holding hands with the woman they’d bumped into on Fifth Avenue.
