скачать книгу бесплатно
Thad winced under the responsibility that thought landed squarely on his shoulders. Dammit, he hadn’t asked for this! All he wanted was a child of his own, and he was willing to sacrifice every penny of the life insurance money he’d collected on Valerie’s death to avoid any further entanglements.
Still, it wasn’t responsibility that drew him down the hall and away from the exit, he realized. It was the thought of Macy’s gaunt cheeks, the lack of sparkle in her eyes. The mystery of what had caused those things had been solved, and as much as he didn’t want to, he could feel her pain. He understood—as few could—and that understanding wouldn’t allow him to walk away.
The nurses’ station outside the oncology department was deserted. Thad scrubbed up as he’d been told and closed the outer door, then stepped into the sterile ward, expecting someone to question his presence or acknowledge him in some way. But other than a hushed murmuring a few doors down, there was no one to stop him from walking down the hall and poking his head into room 3.
No one except himself. He hovered just outside until a small sweet voice caught him as effectively as a net.
“Mommy? Is that you?”
Not wanting to frighten the child by leaving his shadow falling across her door, Thad moved inside, where she could see him and he could see her. Small for her age and almost as white as the sheets she lay between, she stared at him with round eyes that were far too big for her face. Her hair had been reduced to a few wispy strands. Her bones were prominent through her flesh. And the circles beneath her eyes were so dark it looked as though they’d been painted there deliberately. No less than twenty-five IVs surrounded her bed.
The sight clenched Thad’s stomach like a vise, and even though he didn’t know this child, had no emotional connection to her, he ached for her suffering.
“My name is Thad, Haley,” he said, smiling to reassure her. “I’m a friend of your mommy’s.”
“I’ve never seen you before,” she replied doubtfully.
His smile grew. “No, your mother and I haven’t known each other very long. Did she go home to get some rest?”
“Lisa made her go to the lunchroom.”
“Good for Lisa. She’s your mommy’s friend, right?”
Haley frowned, looking unsure, but finally nodded. “What’s that?” she asked, eyeing the teddy bear with obvious appreciation.
“It’s for you. But it looks as though you might not have room for him.”
She scooted to the side. “He can fit. See?”
Thad placed the giant bear in the bed beside her, and she promptly began to cover him up with her blankets. “He’s cold,” she explained.
“It doesn’t look like he’ll be cold for long. What are you going to name him?”
She screwed up her face, thinking long and hard. “Scotty has a dog named Bruiser.”
“Who’s Scotty?”
“He lives next door to us.”
“Well, I doubt he’ll mind if you want to name your bear after his dog.”
She smiled, and a hint of how beautiful she would be if she were healthy caused another pang in Thad’s chest. He could see Macy’s elegant features in her and began to wonder how her father could have abandoned such a lovely child, or how, for that matter, he could have abandoned her mother. Marrying a man capable of doing something like that didn’t seem like Macy McKinney, but then, there was no accounting for love. It could blind even the strongest and wisest.
“What are you doing here?”
Thad turned to see Macy at the door, gaping at him.
He studied her for a moment, then chose his words carefully. “I have a hundred thousand dollars in the bank, Macy. There isn’t any reason we can’t both get what we want.”
Macy’s eyes darted suspiciously from Thad to her daughter and the stuffed bear, then back to Thad. “And what is it you want, Mr. Winters?”
“You know what I want. I want my baby.” He nodded to Haley. “And you want yours.”
Taking a business card from his shirt pocket, he scribbled down his home number and handed it to her. “Call me if you’re still interested,” he said, and walked out.
“WHO WAS THAT?” Lisa demanded, coming through the door to Haley’s room just after Thad Winters had left.
“Guess,” Macy replied. Dropping the backpack she’d been dragging around with her so she could study, she slumped into the seat next to her daughter’s bed.
Lisa raised her eyebrows. “Well, he wasn’t wearing scrubs or a white coat, so I doubt he was a doctor.”
“It was Fad,” Haley piped up. “He brought me a bear.”
“Thad,” Macy corrected, eyeing the stuffed animal as though she’d like to belt it. “Thad Winters.”
Lisa blinked in surprise. “That was him? Oooee, what a babe! You’re crazy if you think a man like that has to pay a woman to do anything.”
Macy rolled her eyes. “Handsome is as handsome does.”
“And what has he done that’s so unhandsome?”
Macy didn’t really have an answer for that. He’d caught her in a lie, which had embarrassed her, but she had no right to hold that against him. He was offering her money to do something she didn’t want to do, because he knew her back was against the wall. But he could have offered the deal to someone else. As Lisa had said, there had to be any number of women who would happily oblige a man like Thad Winters—for free! So what, then, had her so angry?
The desperation that forced her to act beyond her own good judgment, she decided. And the fear. But those things had nothing to do with Thad Winters, either. At least he seemed to want a baby for the right reasons. Everyone who knew him was convinced he’d take good care of a child. Besides, she couldn’t expect him or anyone else to plop a hundred thousand dollars into her lap for nothing. A hundred bucks wasn’t inconceivable as a charitable donation, but one hundred thousand?
“He wants you to do it, right?” Lisa asked, watching her.
Slowly, Macy nodded.
“And you will?”
Macy nodded again. She had no choice. Haley meant everything to her. She could only hope Thad was right—that his money would bring them what they both wanted. Otherwise, if the bone marrow transplant didn’t work, she’d be expected to give up the new baby on the heels of losing Haley.
THAT NIGHT Macy tossed and turned until she wanted to scream. The nurse had insisted she go home and get some rest, had convinced her that she’d be no good to Haley if she didn’t. But sleep eluded her, despite the weariness she dragged around like an old blanket. Her shoulder ached from hauling her heavy textbooks everywhere she went, and all she could think about was Thad Winters and his offer, and what the money might do for Haley. She had to believe the bone marrow transplant would finally make her daughter well. She couldn’t face the alternative.
The telephone on her nightstand glowed beneath the silver sheen of moonlight filtering in through her window. Macy knew Thad’s card lay beside it, nagging at her, keeping her from relaxing enough to sleep.
Impulsively, she propped herself up and flipped on the lamp. “All right, dammit,” she grumbled, squinting against the light to read the number on his card while grabbing the handset. “This is it. There’ll be no going back now for either of us.”
Sleep slurred Thad’s voice when he finally answered. “Hello?”
“Mr. Winters?”
He seemed to come instantly awake. “Macy.”
“I’m sorry to wake you, but I couldn’t put my mind at ease until I accepted your offer.”
She heard some rustling, as though he was sitting up or readjusting his bedding. “You’re going to do it?”
“Yes.”
He exhaled audibly, then silence fell for several seconds.
Macy broke it. “How soon do I go in for my physical?” she asked, wondering what the next step was. Did they sign contracts? Did she visit his doctor or hers? Did she tell Haley what she was doing or wait until the baby made itself apparent?
“I’ll get you in tomorrow.”
So it would be his doctor. She should have known. Of course he’d want as much control over the process as possible.
“There’s only one thing,” she added.
“What’s that?”
“I want the money as soon as I’m pregnant. All of it. Haley needs the bone marrow transplant right away. If I miscarry or something, we’ll just have to do it again.”
“We’ll see what the doctor says,” he responded.
“Okay.” She felt suddenly awkward. She was going to have this man’s baby, yet she didn’t know what to say next. “I’m sorry about the…the lie at the restaurant,” she blurted. “I was afraid you’d turn me away. Something like that looks so bad, and I was scared for Haley—”
“I know.”
“Actually, I’m sorry I went home with that guy, too. I don’t remember what happened, but I’m not proud of it.” Macy silently cursed herself for volunteering more information than was necessary, but she couldn’t seem to stop the words. “I’ve never done anything like that before. Or since,” she added.
“Your husband had just left.”
“Yeah. I guess my ego was still smarting from the beating it took. I mean, I lost Richard to someone in a cheerleading uniform, for crying out loud.”
He chuckled. “If that’s all it took, he wasn’t worth keeping.”
Macy thought of that for a few seconds. Richard had some redeeming traits. He was generally optimistic and fun-loving, but it hadn’t taken her long to get over him. Their marriage had never been what she’d hoped it would be, mostly because living with a man like Richard was like trying to raise another kid. “Maybe I did something that made him turn to other women.”
“Don’t you mean girls? There’s no excuse for that.”
“She wasn’t his first.”
“Some men are like that. It’s not right, and it’s not the woman’s fault, either.”
Macy smiled. “The parents of the girl he ran away with were pretty upset. She used to baby-sit for us when she was younger. It was all horribly embarrassing.”
“I can imagine. Did they turn him in for statutory rape?”
“No. She was already a troubled teen. They made him promise to marry her as soon as our divorce was final. That’s all.”
“Did he?”
“Yeah. I had to track him down so he could be tested for Haley’s transplant and she answered the phone. They’re living in Colorado now, where her family is originally from, but I could hear her arguing with him in the background. I didn’t get the impression things were going well.”
“It’s no wonder.” Thad fell silent for a moment, then, “I take it Richard wasn’t a match for Haley’s transplant?”
“No, neither was anyone in his family.”
“That’s too bad.”
“It is, especially because of the way genetics works. A family member has a much greater chance of being a match.”
“Did it bother you to have to talk to him again?”
“No. Since Haley’s become so ill, that’s all I really care about.”
“I take it he pays no child support.”
“Not much. He sent almost a thousand dollars when I told him how much the transplant would cost, but he goes from job to job and can hardly support himself, let alone help us on a regular basis.”
Thad swore softly, and Macy found it strangely comforting. Talking to him on the phone so late at night made her feel like they were the only two people on earth. There was something intimate about it, something that encouraged the sharing of secrets, or at least the honest truth.
“Don’t you ever miss him?” he asked.
“Richard? No, not anymore. Every once in a while I wish for his support to bolster Haley and me through this, but then I realize that I’m deluding myself. He doesn’t do negative emotions well. If he were around, he’d be going to pieces, and I’d have to be the one supporting him. I spent the first few months after he left hating him because he could abandon his own child while she was so ill, but in retrospect I think he left because our marriage was already in trouble and he couldn’t bear to watch what was happening to Haley.”
“Such a sensitive guy.”
“Sensitive, maybe, just not very strong.”
“Sounds like you’re better off without him.”
“Yeah.” She yawned and sank into her pillows. “Well, I’d better go. I have class in the morning.”
“And a doctor’s appointment, if I can get you in.”
Macy sighed. “Right.”
“I’ll call them first thing and leave a message on your answering machine. Do you have a way to check it from school?”
“I do.”
“Great.”
“You want me to call you after I see the doctor?”
“There won’t be any need. I’ll be going with you.”
HONKING, Macy rolled down the window of her old blue Pinto and pulled to the curb, where Thad was standing outside the doctor’s office waiting for her. “I’m sorry I’m late,” she said when he leaned inside. “I’d forgotten that I had a test today at school.”
The scowl she’d seen from halfway down the street cleared to a degree, but he still looked tense. “No problem. I was just afraid you didn’t get my message. I checked us in. Hurry, they could call your name any minute.”
He directed her to the back lot, where she parked. Then he joined her as she came around the redbrick building. They walked stiffly side by side, taking care not to brush against each other or come too close. The enormity of what they were about to do nearly overwhelmed Macy again, as it had several times already that morning. They were strangers, about to create a baby! A human being! Another life! Yet they’d never so much as touched or smiled or laughed with each other.
What they were doing had to be wrong, didn’t it?
