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Dorothy winced at the sight of her mum’s hands. They looked blistered, red raw, and she wished she could do more to ease her burdens. Her own job as a baker’s assistant didn’t pay well and, though they had sufficient to eat, there was only just enough money left to pay the bills.
‘Dottie, be a love and take this cuppa through to your father, will you?’ Alice asked.
Dottie blew on her freshly polished nails, hoping they were dry, as she obligingly took the weak tea which had seen the leaves stewed three times. She carried it through to the sparsely furnished front room. She wasn’t surprised to find her father Bill in his usual place, sat on a faded brown wing-backed armchair, staring up at the bare light-bulb hanging from the ceiling rose. Dorothy knew that her mother didn’t believe in luxuries, neither could she afford them. If it wasn’t practical or didn’t serve a purpose, then it wasn’t needed, and lampshades came under the latter heading.
‘Here you are, Dad,’ Dorothy said gently as she knelt next to her father’s chair. ‘I’ve brought you a nice cuppa.’
She studied her father’s pale face. His skin was almost translucent and etched with lines. He had an especially deep furrow across his brow which Dorothy thought had been caused by a constant frown. He looked in a permanent state of anguish and rarely spoke or acknowledged anyone. She wondered if her father even knew who she was. It had broken Dorothy’s heart when she had first seen him in this state, but it was something she’d now become accustomed to.
Having got no response from her father, she returned to the kitchen, where her mother was putting some freshly washed clothes through the mangle. For the umpteenth time she tried again to challenge her.
‘Mum, why won’t you let Dr Stubbs get some treatment for Dad? He’s not getting any better and this has been going on for over eleven years now. It’s pretty obvious that he’s out of his mind.’
Alice wiped her forehead with the back of a ravaged hand as she turned to look at her daughter. Her greying hair was held in a loose bun with thin strands hanging scraggily down. Though only in her forties, the hard life she’d been forced to live had prematurely aged her, and she said wearily, ‘I’ve been through this with you before, Dottie. I won’t have your father put in one of them places ’cos you know what they do to them in there. They electrocute them! He just needs lots of love and patience from his family. You’ll see, one day we’ll have your dad back to how he was, but if he goes into that nuthouse, that’ll be the last we ever see of him.’
‘What if you’re wrong, Mum? What if he never gets better?’
‘He will, love. You know that Mrs Brigade, the woman from up Lavender Hill with the nine boys all with ginger hair, well, I saw her the other day in the haberdashery shop. She told me that three of her sons had come home from the war as very changed young men and it took years to get back to normal. The point is, they did eventually, and remember they’re a lot younger than your father, so of course they would get better quicker. But mark my words, gal, your father will be back to his silly old self soon enough.’
Dorothy wasn’t convinced and would rather have put her trust in modern medicine but she didn’t want to push her mother any further. ‘If you say so, Mum. I reckon it’s a bloody travesty though. The army should never have sent him home like that. They should have sent him to one of those centres first, you know, the ones where they have special head doctors to sort out soldiers with that combat stress thing.’
‘Perhaps you’re right, love, but at the end of the day they washed their hands of him. Many years ago I did apply to have his pension increased, but they turned the application down.’
‘You could try again.’
‘No, love, your dad isn’t physically disabled and, as they sort of hinted that he could be putting it on, it would just be a waste of time.’
‘Of course he isn’t putting it on,’ Dottie said indignantly.
‘You know that and I know that, but I’m not going to put him through one of those medicals again. Now come on, go and do something with your hair before that lovely young man of yours arrives. Is he taking you dancing tonight?’
Dorothy couldn’t help but smile at the mention of Robbie, even though she knew her mother was changing the subject, which she always did whenever Dorothy brought up her father’s health or his pension. ‘He is, and tonight there’s a band on who sound just like Bill Haley and His Comets. I’ve made myself a smashing pencil skirt to wear, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to dance very well in it.’
‘I don’t know, you youngsters and your funny fashions. Don’t get me wrong, Robbie’s a lovely lad, but those trousers he wears are so blinking tight they’re nearing indecency, and as for his daft floppy hair …’
‘His hair is just like that film star Tony Curtis, and I don’t hear you knocking him. And as for his trousers, well … I think he looks dishy in them!’
‘Dishy? What sort of word is that?’ Alice asked, laughing.
Dorothy joined in and then left her mother at the mangle as she skipped up the stairs to her bedroom to change her clothes and plait her long blonde hair.
Alice was so pleased to see the joy Robbie had brought to her daughter’s life over the past few months. After all, the girl didn’t have it easy. She worked long hours in the bakery and deserved a bit of fun.
A pang of guilt struck Alice again, the same feeling she’d harboured since Dottie first started work aged fifteen. Her daughter was such a beautiful girl and could easily have been a model, but instead she’d had to take the job with Bertie Epstein, the baker in town. Dorothy never failed to hand over most of her wages and she never complained about it. Alice tried hard to contribute herself, but couldn’t earn enough to cover all the household expenses from taking in washing.
She was grateful to her neighbours for helping her out. It wasn’t as if most of them could afford the privilege of someone to do their dirty laundry, but still they rallied around, paying a few pennies where they could for Alice to wash their clothes and sheets. She had a couple of clients from the posh houses facing the park, but they were proper skinflints and didn’t pay much. She wanted to ask for more, but was too scared of losing the work. She paid a lad threepence to pick up the laundry and return it, and though it ate into her earnings, she was reluctant to add to her daughter’s load by asking her to take on the task.
It was a hard life, but Alice wouldn’t grumble. Bill couldn’t help being how he was. He was all right physically. He could walk and with a push from her he would wash, dress and feed himself, but she knew that left to his own devices he would just sit in his own muck.
Alice sighed. It wasn’t as if he’d deliberately sent himself mad, and when she tried to imagine what her husband must have witnessed to send him over the edge, a shudder went down her spine. He’d always been such a good provider, but when war broke out, being loyal to King and country, he had immediately put himself forward to ‘do his bit’. Yet look at him now, rocking backwards and forwards in his chair, mumbling to himself and still screaming out in bed when the nightmares haunted him.
Alice yearned to help him recover but Dorothy’s questions still rang in her ears. What if he never gets better? Alice stiffened with resolve. In sickness and in health, that’s what she had vowed on her wedding day, and come what may she would stick to her promise to Bill.
Chapter 2 (#ue6bd0719-0e0b-5e7c-8df8-ca76481c6662)
Dorothy’s heart was beating nineteen to the dozen as seven o’clock approached. Robbie would be calling for her and butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she checked her reflection in the cracked mirror on her small oak dressing table. She applied a slick of red lipstick, using it as blusher too to rosy her cheeks. Her blue eyes were framed with jet-black mascara and a red satin bow held her long plait in place. She was strikingly pretty, with long legs that put her three or four inches taller than most of her friends, yet she was a humble girl who didn’t realise how attractive she was to men.
Satisfied with her appearance, Dottie went over to the window and saw Robbie walking along the street, his hands tucked firmly into his trouser pockets and a roll-up hanging from the corner of his mouth. With a clap of glee, she grabbed a cardigan before racing down the stairs to open the front door.
‘Hello, Dottie,’ Robbie greeted her, flashing a wide smile. ‘You’re a sight for sore eyes! You look ravishing as always. Come here and give me a kiss.’
Dorothy giggled and pulled away from Robbie’s tightening clinch on her. ‘Pack it in, will you, my mum’s just round the door,’ she said, indicating with her head at the front room. ‘She’ll hear you.’
‘Well, I don’t mind if she does. I’ll tell her what a gorgeous daughter she has and how I can’t keep my hands off her lovely bum.’
Hoping her mother hadn’t heard Robbie’s remark, Dorothy yelled a hasty goodbye, grabbed her coat and quickly closed the front door behind her as she heard her mother call back a warning. ‘Don’t be late and behave yourself!’
Robbie and Dorothy both held their breath until they got safely out of earshot, but then burst out laughing. ‘Behave yourself,’ Robbie parroted as he pulled her into his arms again. ‘I hope there’s no chance of that.’
Dorothy tingled as Robbie lowered his head to kiss her passionately on the lips, and she squirmed with excitement as his tongue explored her mouth. Breathless, she untangled herself from his arms, aware and embarrassed that the neighbours might see them cavorting in the street. ‘Let’s get a move on,’ she urged. ‘We don’t want to miss the best dances.’
Robbie threw his arm over her shoulder and led her down the street. She felt so proud to be with him. He was different, well spoken and from a nicer part of the borough than where she lived. She admired him, though she’d heard rumours about Robbie seeing other women. She quickly quashed her niggling doubts, looking forward to meeting up with their friends in the local church hall.
As they got closer to the dance venue, the sound of rock ’n’ roll floated through the air. Dorothy felt her excitement increase and was eager to dance with Robbie, but then she heard shouting over the sound of the music and recognised the raised voice of her friend Jimmy. It sounded like he was having an argument with Kimberley, his old school sweetheart who was now his wife.
Robbie and Dorothy rounded a corner and came face to face with the quarrelling couple. She noticed that Kimberley quickly hung her head.
‘Talk of the devil,’ Jimmy spat.
‘It sounds like you two are having a bit of a tiff,’ Robbie said.
‘I wonder why that might be,’ Jimmy answered sarcastically. ‘Care to shed any light on it?’
Robbie shrugged. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Don’t play the innocent with me, Rob. I’ve heard all about you sneaking round to mine when I’ve been out and getting up to all sorts with my missus.’
‘I haven’t been getting up to anything,’ answered Robbie as he took Dorothy’s hand and pulled her towards the entrance of the church hall, ‘and if your missus says any differently, then she’s a lying bitch.’
Jimmy arched his shoulders back. ‘Don’t talk about my Kimberley like that.’
‘Huh, one minute you’re accusing her of doing the dirty on you and now you’re defending her. Get your facts straight, Jimmy. I popped round last week to help her out with a leaky tap which it seems you couldn’t fix. I was just doing you a favour, mate.’
There were a few moments’ silence and Dorothy looked again at Kimberley, who, with her head still hung low, quickly flashed her a sideways glance. In that split second Dorothy was sure she had seen something in Kimberley’s eyes … something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
Jimmy broke the silence. ‘Is that true, Kim? Was that all he was doing?’
‘Yes,’ Kimberley answered quietly, her head still low.
‘Then why didn’t you just say so?’
It was Robbie who answered. ‘She never said anything because she didn’t want to hurt your pride. Come on, Jimmy, get a grip.’
‘All right, all right. Just don’t keep stupid secrets from me again, either of you,’ said Jimmy, looking back and forth between Robbie and Kimberley.
Tensions seemed to lower and the two couples made their way through to the filled hall, but those niggling doubts that had bothered Dorothy earlier were in her head again. She didn’t want to spoil the evening, but she had to know the truth.
Half an hour later, Dorothy was finding it difficult to be heard over the loud music in the small hall as she repeated for the third time, ‘I said, tell me the truth, Robbie. Have you been seeing any other girls behind my back?’
‘I can’t hear you properly,’ Robbie answered close to her ear. ‘Come outside.’
Dorothy followed him out and then he led her down an alley between the hall and the church. ‘Now, what were you saying to me?’ he asked as he gently pushed her against the brick wall.
The alley was dark, the moon being the only illumination, and it wasn’t the sort of place Dorothy would venture alone, though she felt safe with Robbie. ‘I feel silly now, but I need to know. Have you been seeing any girls behind my back?’
Robbie pressed his firm body up against hers as he cupped her face in his large hands. ‘Don’t be daft, woman. You’re the only girl for me.’
He kissed her in the way that always made her tingle and slowly slipped his hand up inside her sweater to gently cup one of her small breasts.
‘Robbie, stop,’ Dorothy forced herself to say. ‘You know I’m saving myself.’
‘Marry me then, Dottie. Be my wife,’ Robbie said breathlessly.
Dorothy was astounded and could feel Robbie’s excitement rising in his tight drainpipe trousers.
‘What?’ she asked. ‘Did you just ask me to marry you?’
Robbie kissed her harder. ‘Yes, marry me,’ he said, between necking her and rubbing her erect nipple.
Dorothy tried to answer, but Robbie’s mouth was firmly on hers and his other hand was yanking her skirt up to her hips. Her head was giddy but eventually she managed to whisper, ‘Yes, yes, I’ll marry you, but, Robbie … stop, we’re not married yet.’
‘Oh, Dottie, please, why wait? I love you and I’m going to be your husband. Let me get inside you.’ Robbie had his hand at the top of her thigh and was sliding it inside her knickers.
‘No, Robbie, we can’t. I don’t want to get pregnant.’
‘You can’t get pregnant the first time,’ he husked, while doing things to her that made her gasp.
She had been dating him for five months and had held out against his advances until now, but he had never mentioned marriage before. Now, Dorothy couldn’t believe she was going to be his wife. It wasn’t the most romantic of venues for a proposal, but she found her body responding to Robbie’s caresses and, with her head spinning, she wrapped her legs around his waist.
As he pounded her against the wall, she buried her head in his neck, enjoying the pleasure of feeling him pushing into her. He began to move faster, harder, and then threw his head back, letting out a long groan.
‘Dottie, yes, yes,’ he quietly moaned and then with a final thrust he finished, leaving her feeling thrilled yet strangely dissatisfied. It hadn’t been like she thought it would, but who cares, she thought, as her head filled with images of herself in a wedding dress.
He pulled away from her, took a roll-up from his pocket and drew a long breath as Dorothy adjusted her clothing. ‘I can’t wait to get back inside and tell everyone about us getting married,’ she said enthusiastically.
‘Whoa, hold up,’ Robbie answered quickly as he blew smoke up into the air.
Alarm bells rang in Dorothy’s head and she suddenly feared she might have been duped into losing her virginity. ‘What do you mean? You are still going to marry me, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, yes, of course. But before you go announcing it to the world, don’t you think I should get you a ring first?’
Dorothy felt her panic subside and was relieved to hear that Robbie’s reluctance to announce their engagement was only because he wanted to ensure it was done correctly. ‘OK, but you had better get me one soon ’cos I can hardly contain myself. I’m going to be Mrs Ferguson. Mrs Dorothy Ferguson.’ Yet, as she spoke, Dorothy noticed that Robbie’s expression didn’t seem to be as blissful as hers.
Robbie threw his roll-up to the floor before slinking back inside the hall with Dorothy. He couldn’t believe he’d asked her to marry him, but in the heat of the moment he knew it would persuade her to give in to his lust.
He liked her, quite a lot in fact, but she was so prim and proper, unlike the other women he visited around here who were only too happy to open their legs to him. Robbie knew he was good-looking, and he easily charmed women, but usually if they weren’t forthcoming he’d just drop them and move on. It was easy, too easy, and maybe that’s what attracted him to Dottie. She was a stunner, and the fact that he had to try harder made her more of a challenge.
Then a thought struck him. Dorothy wanted a ring and he was totally broke. He’d only been paid yesterday, but already most of his week’s wages had been blown in a card game. He was in debt to a couple of loan sharks, and he also owed money to his brother Adrian. If he was going to buy Dorothy any sort of ring, he would have to come up with a plan to get his hands on some cash, or be forced to go cap in hand to his brother yet again.
Dorothy had made a run for the ladies’ toilets when Kimberley sauntered up to him with a knowing look on her face. He glanced around to make sure that Jimmy hadn’t noticed.
‘Keep your mouth shut, Kim, and make sure you stick to our story. I don’t want Jimmy or Dottie finding out about us. What happened earlier was a bit too close for comfort.’
‘Don’t worry. I don’t want Jimmy to know about us any more than you do, but someone up our street saw you leaving our house and had a word in his ear. He’ll be going out on Tuesday night to darts, but best you come round to the back door. If it’s all clear I’ll leave my bedroom curtains closed, but if they ain’t drawn, you’ll have to scarper.’
Robbie wasn’t sure if he still wanted to risk it with Kimberley, but then again she did things for him that very few of the others would. She liked to take control and would lead the way in the bedroom, which Robbie found was a real turn-on for him.
‘OK, I’ll see you then, and make sure you’ve got that little black lacy number on, the one you told me you wore on honeymoon with Jimmy.’
When Dorothy quietly closed her front door that night, Alice was waiting in the kitchen for her. She never went to bed before she was sure her daughter was home safely.
‘Did you have a nice time? Judging by that big grin on your face, I’m guessing you did,’ Alice asked, pleased to see Dorothy looking so happy.
‘Oh, Mum, you won’t believe it. I’m not meant to say anything until it’s official but I’ll burst if I don’t tell you. Robbie asked me to marry him and I said yes!’
Alice was genuinely pleased for her daughter, but had been secretly fearing that this day would come. Her heart sank. She could help to make Dorothy’s wedding dress, but, suffering from agoraphobia, she doubted she’d be able to get to the church to see her walking down the aisle. These damn stupid fears, she thought, cursing the affliction that would cause her to miss her only child’s wedding day.
Not only that, but Alice didn’t know how she’d cope without Dorothy. She hadn’t left the house since before the Blitz, not even to take shelter as bombs had dropped around her, razing houses to the ground. Thankfully Dorothy had been evacuated to Devon and Alice’s neighbours had rallied round, getting her shopping and anything else she needed. She had missed her daughter so much, but when the war ended and Dorothy was old enough, the young girl had taken over any outside tasks that Alice had been unable to do.
She had tried to step over the threshold of her front door on many occasions, but her phobia had always beaten her and she had retreated back into the safety of her home. Though she knew it was selfish, Alice worried how she would manage without Dorothy’s wage. She felt sure that Robbie wouldn’t want to live with his in-laws, especially in this part of Battersea. Their house didn’t have any of the modern conveniences like an inside toilet, and, from what Dorothy had told her, Robbie lived in the posh part of the borough. Apart from anything else Alice knew that they would want to start a family soon, and then Dorothy wouldn’t be able to work.
As if sensing her qualms, Dorothy quickly spoke.
‘It’s all right, Mum, you won’t have anything to worry about. Me and Robbie will make sure you and Dad are well looked after. We’ll have two salaries coming in, and I reckon he must earn a good one working as a mechanic. Whatever happens, I’ll still get your shopping in, and as for my wedding day, we’ll sort something out, even if it means I have to get married in the back yard.’
Guilt flared again at her daughter’s words, but Alice was so proud of Dorothy. What a thoughtful girl to be thinking about her mum and dad! Robbie was a lucky man, and she hoped he realised it.
Dorothy was far too excited to sleep that night, tossing and turning as she began trying to plan her wedding dress down to every fine detail. She pulled the thin blankets up under her chin and shivered. She wasn’t sure if the tremble was down to the chilly night or the memory of Robbie’s touch and what had happened in the alley. All her good intentions of losing her virginity on her wedding night had gone out of the window, but at least the man who had taken it was destined to be her husband. It hadn’t hurt like she’d heard it would. Actually, looking back she’d found it very enjoyable and couldn’t wait to be living with Robbie, sharing a bed with him every night.
But that was something to ponder on, and, though she had reassured her mother, Dorothy wondered what she was going to do about her parents. She couldn’t just abandon them. With her mother too afraid to leave the house, her father mentally unstable and no other family to share the burden, it would be down to her to ensure their security. Yet Dorothy was sure that Robbie would be understanding and supportive. He was fully aware of her situation so she wondered if he might consider moving into their home. It was an idea, but when she thought about the house that Robbie shared with his older brother Adrian she feared he wouldn’t agree. It was much larger and grander than this place, and in a better area too. She’d been surprised when she’d first seen the house and met Adrian. He was very different from his brother. Whereas Robbie was tall and good-looking, Adrian was short, tubby and balding, though his face was nice to look at.
Her mind drifted back to where they would live. If she could persuade Robbie to move in here it would be the perfect solution, at least until they were ready to start a family. They would have to rethink the situation then as there was nothing she wanted more than a child of her own, lots of them in fact – a house filled with little Robbies. Dorothy thought about how gorgeous they would look if they took after their father with his dark hair and big brown eyes.
She remembered how her dad used to play with her when she was a child. He was always so attentive and such fun to be with. Now, though, her dad’s illness was the only shadow in her landscape, but maybe holding a grandchild in his arms would bring him back to them.
Dorothy smiled, hoping her dreams would all come true as she pictured her future with the man she was going to marry and loved with all her heart.
Chapter 3 (#ue6bd0719-0e0b-5e7c-8df8-ca76481c6662)
