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“That’s all right,” Beth said quickly, trying not to sound relieved. “We’ll make out fine.” She stopped herself from asking about the appointment, but Kayla spoke out, more loudly than necessary. There was defiance in her tone.
“My dad and I have an appointment at a rehab clinic.” She turned to Jill and Kate, adding deliberately, “I have a drinking problem. I don’t know if Dad has mentioned it to you or not.” Then, as if this hadn’t been enough to startle both Jill and Kate, she added coldly, “I’m a drunk.”
“Oh, come now,” Beth said weakly, as she saw the stunned expressions on her daughters’ faces. Doug had never actually explained to them what Kayla’s problems were.
Jill, always the quickest in the Bennett family, tried to rescue the situation. “Good,” she said decisively. “If you think it’s become a problem, then treatment is probably your best course. Good for you.” She reached over and patted Kayla’s hand.
“It’s a preliminary interview,” Doug said uncomfortably. “We’ll be back later, but we need to make arrangements and so on.”
Kate had recovered her poise. “How long will it take, Kayla?” she asked politely.
“The brochure said three months,” Kayla answered, and then added with a hint of venom. “Beth’s going to take care of Adam while I’m gone.”
“We’d better get going,” Doug said hurriedly, getting up.
But as Adam realized that Kayla and Doug were leaving without him, he began to cry. He had to be pulled away from Kayla.
After they had gone and Adam had quieted down—Jill was very good with small children—Beth prepared herself to answer questions. They came immediately.
“Did she call? Write? Give you any notice at all? Did she just show up? What kind of person just shows up?”
“Mom, those rehab places are expensive! Doug’s not rich by any means.”
“If Kayla’s reduced to wearing rummage sale castoffs—and yes, we noticed the dress—who is going to pay for three months in a rehab facility?”
“How are you going to care for a three-year-old child and run a B and B? Moth-er!”
Beth recognized the exasperation in the “Moth-er” and spoke commandingly. “All right! Let’s clear away this stuff. I’ll explain everything.” She did her best to downplay the inconvenience and explain how important it was to Doug to help Kayla, that Kayla was a widow now, that Adam’s father had died. And that Kayla was serious and intended to recover. This was important. She omitted how and where Mitch had died for the moment.
“It’s only three months, after all,” she ended, but neither daughter was satisfied. They had always been a close family, and protective of one another. They were both worried about her now, and wondered how she would cope. They knew how happy she had been with her new marriage, how well she and Doug got along. They calmed down, but with an obvious effort.
Fortunately, Adam then became sleepy by his toy box. It was Jill who went looking for him and put him down on the sofa bed for a nap. While she tended to Adam, Beth and Kate were left alone in the kitchen.
“How have you been doing?” Beth asked. Kate hadn’t been much help with the clearing up, which was unusual for her. She seemed tired and lethargic. Her baby wasn’t due for another three months, and Kate had gotten easily through her previous pregnancies.
“Okay, I guess,” Kate said. “I was lucky before. Maybe I’m really too old now, but Ian and I—” She shrugged, adding, “I wish—”
“Probably the same thing I do,” Beth said, turning from the dishwasher. Now was a good chance to change the subject. “I’d give a pretty penny to talk to Cyrus today. Have you heard how he is?”
“Yes. I call the hospital every day. He’s stable and as well as can be expected. He had a good night. You know how it is. Depends on who you talk to. They’ve sent—” She paused because her voice was suddenly unsteady. “They’ve sent for his son and daughter.”
“Oh, no! Not really! Is it that serious?” Then immediately, she added, “Where will they stay?”
“I told Bess down at the church office that we have a spare bedroom. Several other people have volunteered, too. Or they could just stay at the rectory, I guess.”
“I can’t offer,” Beth said. “The B and B is booked solid through the whole summer. People tend to come back. Probably because of your muffins, Katie.”
That got a wan smile.
“I’ve met the substitute pastor. Flip Cooper.” Kate’s tone was decidedly sour.
“Flip? His name is Flip? Are you kidding me?”
“It’s a contraction of Philip, which is a perfectly good name for a pastor. But I think he thinks ‘Flip” is clever. He seems awfully, uh…young for a pastor.”
Beth had to laugh. “Kate, you sound absolutely testy.” And Kate laughed with her.
“I guess the poor guy has a hard path to walk here, coming in to substitute for Cyrus. Everybody loves Cyrus. We all go back so far together.”
“When did you meet this, uh, Flip?”
“I’m still going down Thursdays to help with the food bank stuff. He was there. You won’t believe what he wears for casual clothes.”
“Maybe you’d better not tell me. Not until I get used to calling my pastor ‘Flip,”’ Beth said.
Then Jill came back into the kitchen. “Adam’s off in dreamland,” she said. “How long does he sleep—about an hour?”
“About that, I think. Now, listen, girls. I want this to work. I know you both have reservations, but your mother can be very resourceful when the need arises. So bear with me. He is Doug’s grandson, don’t forget. That’s important to me. Doug adores that little guy.”
Jill said softly, “He’d be hard not to love. Poor little mite. If I…can help in any way, Mom, anytime.”
“Me, too, Mom. You know that.” Kate reached out to her and they suddenly clasped hands. Then Kate, who had always been “Daddy’s girl” while Ralph was alive and had been so devastated when he died, surprised her, adding, “I know how much Doug means to you. And the more I know him, I get the oddest feeling that he and Dad would have been good friends. I mean, if Dad had known him.”
Deeply touched, Beth turned away. She didn’t want to be reminded of Ralph—good, kind, faithful, loving, grateful Ralph. He was at peace now. Let him rest.
“Thank you, Kate. I agree. I think they would have talked books until the small hours of the morning.”
“That’s right,” Kate said, smiling. “Doug spent his work life among books, too. I’d forgotten that. He looks like such an outdoors type.”
Her daughters left soon after lunch. They had accomplished what they had come for. They had met Kayla. Beth sat down at the kitchen table, trying to quell her uneasiness. Neither daughter had liked Kayla, although they had tactfully tried to hide it. And both of them were worried now about how she would cope with the situation.
But she would. For Doug’s sake.
The silence now in the large house had an eerie quality, and she felt a sense of foreboding. Will I be able to handle it? I’ve already raised my children. I haven’t had the care of a small child for years. Can I keep up with a lively three-year-old boy with all my other duties? And a problem child at that, a child already filled with deep anger at a world he has come into and found hostile, and far too young to understand why?
Oh, dear God, let me be able to do this.
The front door chimes rang out. What now? She got up quickly, hoping whoever it was wouldn’t ring again and wake Adam up. But of course the person did ring again, just as she reached the front hall. It couldn’t be guests this early. She opened the door.
He was young, tall and rangy, with an unruly mop of reddish blond hair and clear, very light brown eyes. He was dressed in a once-white T-shirt that had seen better days and old, limp jeans that had been cut off at the knees. His bare muscular lower legs ended in the oldest, dirtiest running shoes she had ever seen. Propped against the porch railing was a battered bike, apparently his mode of transportation.
“Yes?” she inquired politely.
“Hi. Is Mr. Colby in? Doug? I wanted to catch him down at the church but I missed him. I’m Flip Cooper, uh, Pastor Cooper. I need to talk to Doug about new ninth grade science books. I’m told he knows all there is to know about textbooks.” He ended on a questioning note, as if he wasn’t quite sure of his welcome.
“Of course,” Beth said, hoping her surprised expression hadn’t intimidated him. This is our new pastor? Unbelievable! She opened the door wider. “Please come in. I’m afraid you missed Doug again. He and Kayla—that’s his daughter—he and Kayla have gone out. But they’ll be back soon. Would you like to wait?” She hoped that he wouldn’t and that he hadn’t heard it in her tone. Put on your perfect hostess smile, Beth. What a contrast he was to Cyrus. What had the Elders been thinking of? He was just a kid, not more than twenty-five surely. Well, he’d have to be older than that, to have gotten through college and seminary. He must be at least thirty. Don’t ask the pastor how old he is. “Or, if you’re busy,” she continued, “you can just leave a message with me and he can call you.”
“That might be a better idea,” he agreed, strolling on through the hall into the large living room. “I’ve met your daughter, Kate. Lovely woman. Very generous with her time. And I’ve met Doug, of course. This is certainly a beautiful old house,” he added, looking around appreciatively.
“Thank you. It’s a bed-and-breakfast now. I started a small business after my first husband passed away. Won’t you sit down?” No, don’t sit down. Just go away. How in the world can you hope to take Cyrus’s place?
“No, thanks. I know you’re busy. I won’t stay. Just tell Doug to give me a call. I’ll be at the church—I guess you know the number.” Suddenly he smiled and there was laughter in his eyes.
Beth felt herself flushing, wondering if he sensed her disapproval. If he had, he didn’t seem to care much whether she approved of him or not. It made her feel defensive. He really shouldn’t run around looking like a grubby teenager.
“I stopped at the hospital and saw Cyrus this afternoon,” he said. “He’s been with this congregation so long, I’m sure he’s very important to you all.”
Beth felt her flush deepen. It was as if he had been reading her mind. “Yes, he is,” she said. “How was he today?”
He paused a moment before answering, “I’m sorry. I can’t con you by telling you he’s fine when he isn’t. Cyrus is a very sick man. His son and daughter are coming in today. I sent for them at his doctor’s request.”
Beth said down suddenly and looked up at him. He seemed so tall. “Yes, my daughter told me that,” she said faintly.
“I’m more sorry than I can say. Can I…get you something?”
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that— Cyrus has always been here.” How stupid she must sound, she thought.
“I’m not going to say he won’t recover—somewhat. But I think we must face the fact that he won’t be coming back as your pastor.” There was an odd gentleness in his tone now.
Maybe he wasn’t so young, after all.
“It’s going to take some getting used to by all of you,” he added.
“I know,” Beth said bleakly. Please go away now. You can’t help me. You weren’t there when I was afraid I would die before Jill was born. Cyrus was there. He made me not afraid to die. And Cyrus was there when Ralph died. And it wasn’t you but Cyrus who helped Kate through the difficult early part of her marriage to Ian. And it was Cyrus who guided us all when we worked together to create the church school.
Beth stood up, embarrassed by the long pause. What must he be thinking of her? He was looking confused and uneasy. She was rescued by the sound of the front door opening. Doug was back. Thank you, God.
“That must be Doug now.”
“Oh, good.” There was pure relief in his tone, and he grinned. “As you’ve probably already guessed, I’m better at coaching the kids’ basketball game than some other of my pastoral work. I’ll need to bone up. But take hope. I’m working on it— Hi, Doug,” he said, as Doug and Kayla came into the room.
Kayla had been crying. She made an effort when Doug made the introductions, but it was an uncomfortable moment.
“Doug, can I tear you away from your family for a couple of minutes to talk new science books for the ninth graders?” Pastor Cooper asked, his gaze lingering on Kayla.
How odd. Kayla didn’t look that bad.
“Sure,” Doug answered. “Come on into the study.” And he led Pastor Cooper out of the room.
As soon as he had gone, Beth went to Kayla. “What is it? What’s the matter?” she asked. Had something gone wrong?
“Oh, it’s just me, Beth. I did okay at rehab.” She sat down on the couch, all hunched over, putting her face in her hands. “I’m so embarrassed. Poor Dad. After we made all the arrangements and we were back in the car I…I kind of fell apart. I was so stupid. I know I’ve got to go through with it. I’ve got Adam to take care of. I don’t have a choice, but I’m so…so scared to go in again.” She raised her face and her vivid blue eyes were full of tears. “I’m such a…loser.”
“No. You’re not a loser,” Beth said firmly, and sat down beside her. “You are doing a sensible thing. And you can do it. When you’ve got this far you know you’ve turned the corner. It’s going to be fine.” This was Doug’s daughter and, somehow, she had to be helped.
“I know,” Kayla said wearily, her voice low and defeated. “But, Beth, you don’t know how many times I’ve screwed up. Other people don’t seem to—”
“But think ahead, Kayla. Think of three months from now. All this will be over. It will be behind you. You will have done it. Think about that.” Kayla mustn’t become discouraged. She mustn’t give up.
Kayla straightened tiredly, as if she were an old, old woman. “Beth, you know, you’re a sweetheart. I’m glad Dad found you. He deserves some happiness. Where did you stash my dumb little kid?”
“Adam isn’t dumb,” Beth said quickly, surprising herself because she sounded so defensive. “He’s taking a nap. He’s in the bed-sitter.”
“The bed-sitter sounds pretty good to me, too,” Kayla said. “I think I’ll sack out awhile. Unless you need me to do something,” she added.
“Not a thing. You just take it easy. You’ve had a rough afternoon. We’ve got guests coming, but not until later.”
She watched Kayla leave. Kayla was young. She shouldn’t walk like that, as if she was too tired to put one foot in front of the other. A phrase came to her that Doug sometimes used when he was tired from heavy work, like chopping the firewood: Tired to the center of my bones. Kayla shouldn’t look that tired.
She heard the approaching murmur of men’s voices and knew that Flip Cooper and Doug had finished.
After Flip left, Doug sat down beside her, reaching for her hand. How good it felt to be here alone with Doug, feeling the strength of his big hand. They didn’t speak for a moment, savoring the privacy and peaceful silence.
“How did it go at the rehab place?” Beth finally asked.
Doug sighed. “Good, I think. It’s a nice place. The staff—we met some of them—are competent, well qualified. Kind. Patient.” He sighed again. “But it’s a…facility. It’s a rehab center, just short of a hospital, never mind the decor, the fact that the staff don’t wear uniforms. It’s a rehab. People go there who need help. I can’t imagine being in such a place myself, of being so…controlled. So…confined. Being told what to do, hour by hour. Kayla…” His voice dwindled away.
“But Kayla needs that kind of help,” Beth said. “She knows that, probably better than we do. It won’t be easy for her. Nothing like that is. But people who need that kind of help are broken people, Doug. Somebody has to…put them back together again.” Doug mustn’t become discouraged about this.
“I know,” he said sadly.
“Kayla told me she broke down in the car after the interview.”
“Yes. She did. I pulled the car over to the side street. I never know what to do in a situation like that. It worried me. There was such a hopelessness about it. It was as if once she started crying she couldn’t stop. And there was nothing I could do. I felt so desperate. Finally, she managed to get control. Or maybe she had just worn herself out. I kept thinking I should be able to…I don’t know. As a father I’m just not…” There was such regret in his voice, it tore Beth’s heart.
“You were probably better than you thought as a father,” she said. “Raising children is a never-ending challenge. And we all think we should have done better.”
“Well, I certainly could have done better. Kayla isn’t the only one paying the price. Much as I hate to admit it, she’s way out of her depth in parenting, too. Poor little Adam. He’s being cheated, big time. I guess that’s what it means when it says in the Bible about the sins of the fathers being visited on the second and third generations. On the rare occasions when I was home, I couldn’t wait to get back on the road again. And leaving always meant I was leaving Kayla when she might have needed me. And now, after all this time, I can see the result of my running away. It has become the burden of a little three-year-old kid named Adam—one of the most insecure kids I’ve ever seen, who can’t even begin to understand—”
“Doug. Don’t do this to yourself. You couldn’t have been that bad a father. Kayla must take some of the responsibility. She’s an adult. Did you mention any of this to Pastor Cooper?”
“No. It simply didn’t occur to me. He’s a nice enough guy, but, really, I don’t think it would ever dawn on me to take him any personal problems—not the way I would with Cyrus.”
“Yes,” Beth said, suddenly distracted. “He said he doesn’t think Cyrus can come back as pastor.”
“I’d heard that from some other people. I guess we’re stuck with Pastor Cooper. Actually, he’s okay, really. You just have to get used to him. And there was another thing,” he added, looking at her keenly. “I got the distinct impression that he could become interested in Kayla. He’s a single guy, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he’s single.” Beth started to laugh. “And you think he might be looking for a wife? That’s usually a woman’s reaction when she sees a single man.”
Doug grinned sheepishly. “Well, he’s single. And Kayla is a lovely young woman. He did ask me about her. Rather persistently, I would say. I think he noticed she’d been crying but was too tactful to mention that.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him she was a widow. I guess I just let him assume she had reason to cry now and then. I didn’t go into any detail.”
“That was probably best,” Beth agreed. “At least until we know him better. Kayla is entitled to some privacy,” she added.
They fell silent as they heard the front door open. It was the Driscolls, coming back from wherever they had been. They could hear Mrs. Driscoll’s plaintive voice and the deep murmur of Mr. Driscoll reassuring her about something.
