скачать книгу бесплатно
‘No.’
‘You didn't attend the dance last year with your husband, did you.’
Jessica evaded his eyes. ‘No.’
‘Why not?’ he rasped. ‘Office parties are notorious for starting—affairs.’
She looked up now, meeting his probing gaze unflinchingly. ‘Are they?’ she asked uninterestedly.
‘Yes,’ he hissed. ‘Why weren't you here last year?’
Jessica looked down at her hands. ‘My little girl was ill,’ she mumbled, knowing she would have done her best to get out of it even if Penny hadn't been ill, as she had tried to this time, to no avail. ‘I—stayed at home to take care of her.’
‘But your husband didn't feel the same necessity?’ he snapped.
She shrugged. ‘It was only a cold, I didn't see why we should both miss the—fun.’
‘Fun …?’ Matthew repeated slowly, his gaze searching, disbelieving. ‘Do you like to have—fun?’ he asked softly.
‘I—No—I——’ She stood up. ‘I think I would like to rejoin Andrew now,’ she told Matthew coldly.
‘No!’ It was almost a shout, and Matthew was at her side within seconds. ‘I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply—God, I don't know what I mean any more!’ he groaned in an aching voice.
Jessica only had time to raise startled eyes before she felt herself being pulled into his arms, his mouth slowly lowering towards hers. ‘No!’ She flinched away from him, but he just kept right on coming, his mouth taking possession of hers.
It was five years since she had been kissed by anyone except Penny, and that firm cruel-looking mouth felt strange on hers, his lips moving sensually against hers, remorselessly so.
Jessica didn't respond or resist, standing impassive in his arms until he at last released her. His face was white, his expression grim. ‘So you do love your husband after all,’ he said harshly, pushing her away from him.
‘Yes,’ she said emotionlessly, knowing that nothing could be further from the truth. She had stopped feeling anything but fear of Andrew years ago.
Matthew swallowed hard. ‘I'll take you back to the dance.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Jessica——’
‘Andrew will be looking for me.’ She looked at him with unwavering eyes.
‘Like hell he will!’ he exploded. ‘He—Oh, never mind!’ he dismissed impatiently. ‘I'll take you back downstairs, if that's what you want.’ He hesitated, as if hoping she would say it wasn't.
‘It is,’ she said firmly.
They didn't talk at all going back down in the lift, both seemingly lost in their own thoughts—Jessica's tortuous.
Matthew Sinclair was the only other man to kiss her besides Andrew, and he had kissed totally unlike her husband. His lips had been gentle, searching, anxious to evoke a response within her, asking for that response.
And hadn't she felt the stirrings of that response, a gravitation to the warmth after so many years of coldness? Heavens, she was a married woman, had a child, and yet she had let a complete stranger hold her in his arms and kiss her!
But why had Matthew Sinclair kissed her? Did he think that because Andrew had affairs she was the same, that they were one of these so-called ‘modern’ couples who had sexual relationships outside marriage?
If he had he hadn't received the response he wanted. But the kiss had unsettled her, shown her that she wasn't as immune to physical warmth as she had always thought she was, as Andrew had convinced her she was.
Frigid, Andrew said she was. Well, she might be, but that one brief kiss of Matthew Sinclair's had shown her that frigid or not she liked to be held against another human being, to feel cared for, protected. After five years of Andrew's jibes and insults the other man's show of warmth, if not true affection, had caused an ache of longing she had thought buried deep within her, an ache for something she had never known—something she would never know!
She was married to Andrew, would stay married to Andrew, and despite the constant stream of women in his life she knew she would never turn to another man. Why face the name-calling and bitterness for a second time in her life? There was something missing from her body, something fundamental, that prevented her giving or receiving pleasure from any man.
‘I'm sorry,’ Matthew said abruptly at her side.
Jessica looked at him with pain-filled eyes, knowing that he apologised as much for what he had briefly thought about her as for the way he had kissed her. ‘Yes.’ Her voice was emotionless through years of practice.
‘I have no excuse for what happened just now,’ he continued stiffly.
They stepped out of the lift together, the dance sounding noisier than ever. ‘It isn't important,’ she dismissed, already looking for Andrew.
Painful fingers bit into her arm. ‘It is to me,’ Matthew ground out. ‘I'm not in the habit of kissing married women.’
Jessica turned to look at him; his face was harsh, a pulse beating erratically at his jaw. No, he wouldn't be in the habit of kissing a woman who belonged to another man. The pride in his brow, the forbidding line of his mouth told her that he deeply regretted it had happened this time.
‘I have no intention of telling my husband——’
‘Your husband!’ he cut in angrily, his tawny eyes blazing. ‘I couldn't give a damn about your husband. It's you I'm apologising to, not him.’
‘And I've accepted that apology,’ she told him in a puzzled voice, not understanding why he was so angry.
His eyes darkened. ‘Jessica—Oh, why the hell did you have to be married!’ He swore before walking off, anyone who was in his path quickly getting out of the way.
Jessica turned away, knowing she had seen the last of Matthew Sinclair. She knew why she was married, why she was still married despite Andrew's affair—because of Penny, because of the one person who meant anything in her life. Every time Andrew's behaviour became too much for her she would take one look at her young daughter and know it was all worth it.
‘Where the hell have you been?’
Andrew wasn't smiling charmingly this time, he was scowling heavily, and he wasn't alone either. Alicia was clinging to his arm—and looking as if she had a perfect right to be there! Her expression was blatantly insolent as she looked down at Jessica, at least six inches taller, and very sure of her own beauty.
‘Jessica,’ Andrew prompted impatiently, ‘I asked you a question.’
She blushed her resentment of the other woman listening to the conversation, knowing that Alicia was aware of her discomfort. ‘I wasn't the one who disappeared, Andrew, you were.’ Her voice was more aggressive than ever before—but then she had never been humiliated in front of one of Andrew's mistresses before!
He flushed angrily. ‘We—I only stepped outside for a moment. You were talking to Ed Taylor when I left the room.’
‘I wasn't talking to him,’ she mumbled. ‘He was insulting me.’
‘Ed was?’ Andrew laughed his disbelief. ‘The trouble with you, Jessica, is that you're too damned sensitive.’
And he was totally insensitive! It didn't even occur to him to keep his wife and mistress apart, not even when he knew she was aware of his relationship with the other woman.
‘Perhaps,’ she agreed tightly. ‘But I know when I'm being insulted,’ and she looked almost challengingly at Alicia.
‘I think she means me, darling,’ Alicia drawled, her voice deep and husky, sexy, men probably thought.
Andrew frowned and gave Jessica a sharp look. ‘Of course she doesn't,’ he dismissed, being used to a more subdued and obedient Jessica.
‘Darling,’ Alicia purred, ‘why don't you go and get—Jessica and me a drink? I'm sure we would both like one.’
‘I——’
‘Okay,’ Andrew cut through Jessica's dismayed protest. ‘I won't be long.’
‘Take your time,’ Alicia murmured softly. ‘I'm sure Jessica and I can find—something to talk about—a mutual interest, perhaps.’
Jessica knew that the only thing she had in common with this woman was Andrew, and he knew it too, giving a rather cruel smile in her direction before going to the bar.
‘Shall we sit down?’ Alicia suggested softly.
Jessica seated herself opposite the other woman, knowing they were the centre of attention. They knew, all these people knew, and her humiliation was complete as she saw Matthew Sinclair watching them some distance away, in conversation with another man, although his gaze was fixed on her.
She looked away before that fierce gaze gave way to pity. Matthew Sinclair's sympathy was the one thing she couldn't take right now. No wonder he had tried to kiss her upstairs in his office—he obviously knew of Andrew's affair with his secretary!
‘Why don't you let him go?’ The purring quality had gone from Alicia's voice, the hardness in her beautiful face now evident in her voice too.
Jessica blinked dazedly, frowning at the other woman. ‘I beg your pardon?’
Alicia's mouth twisted. ‘Andrew doesn't love you, so why don't you let him go?’
She swallowed hard, shaking her head. ‘I don't know what you're talking about.’ And she didn't. If Andrew had wanted to leave her she knew there was no way she could stop him.
Alicia was angry now. ‘Andrew told me how you refuse to divorce him, that you use your daughter to hold him——’
‘That isn't true!’ Jessica gasped at the irony of it.
The other woman's expression was scathing. ‘I've heard about women like you, I've even met a couple, but I can tell you now that you've met your match in me. Andrew and I want to get married, the only thing stopping us is you. I mean to have you out of his life, Jessica. I'm even willing to put up with the child to get him.’
‘Child?’ Jessica paled, her hands clenching. ‘You mean Penny?’
‘Yes—I mean Penny,’ Alicia scorned.
‘You aren't taking my daughter from me!’ Her breath was coming in short disturbed gasps, her eyes huge in her pale face.
‘Believe me,’ the other woman drawled, ‘I'd rather not. But Andrew is determined to keep her——'.
‘No!’ Jessica's tone was sharp with distress. ‘No one is going to take Penny away from me. No one!’ Her voice rose hysterically at the thought of life without Penny.
‘Hey, calm down!’ Alicia looked about them selfconsciously. ‘Maybe I chose the wrong place to discuss this——’
‘Anywhere would be the wrong place to discuss taking my child from me!’ Two bright spots of colour heightened Jessica's cheeks. ‘I won't let you——’
‘Jessica, for God's sake!’ Andrew had returned unnoticed by either woman. ‘People can hear you!’ he muttered, sitting down.
‘Really?’ Her eyes glittered. ‘And do you think they aren't hearing what they already know? I'd like to go home,’ she told him coldly.
‘I've just got you a drink——’
‘I want to go,’ she repeated firmly. ‘Either you take me or I get a taxi.’
He frowned. ‘Jess——’
‘Then I'll take a taxi.’ She stood up, moving with as much confidence as she could towards the exit, and took the lift down to the ground floor.
‘Jessica!’ Andrew caught up with her in the car park, swinging her round to face him. ‘How dare you talk to me like that in front of Lisa?’ He flushed with anger.
‘How dare you use me?’ she returned furiously.
‘I—What do you mean?’ he frowned.
‘I've just been informed by your girl-friend that I'm the only thing stopping you marrying her.’
‘And aren't you?’ he snapped.
‘You know I'm not!’ she flushed. ‘How many other women have you told the same thing so that you're free from any commitment to marry them?’ she scorned.
‘Hundreds,’ his mouth twisted, ‘and it worked every time. I just explain to them that I have this frigid little wife at home who'll deprive me of my child if I so much as mention divorce.’
‘Well, tonight Alicia mentioned it for you,’ Jessica snapped disgustedly. ‘So maybe you just weren't convincing enough for her.’
His eyes glittered, his dark good looks contorted with rage. ‘Maybe I didn't want to be. Lisa is my kind of woman—she likes to act like a woman,’ he added cruelly. ‘And she has brains too. Yes, maybe I just might marry her after all.’
‘No …’ she paled.
‘Yes,’ he said with enjoyment. ‘The other women never meant a thing to me, but Lisa is different. I wouldn't at all mind being married to her. Not that you haven't had your uses oyer the years,’ he added scathingly. ‘You've been a good deterrent to marriage-minded women. God, that's the only reason I stayed married to you,’ he laughed. ‘You have little else to offer.’
His laugh was the final insult as far as Jessica was concerned. She had taken too much tonight already—Matthew Sinclair's strange behaviour, Ed Taylor's insults, pitying looks from almost everyone who looked at her, Alicia's ‘friendly’ little chat, and now this definite threat of divorce from Andrew, and so cruelly given.
Her hand seemed to rise almost in slow motion, hitting the side of Andrew's face with such force that for a moment he seemed to stagger.
But he soon regained his balance, his eyes glittering dangerously as he advanced towards her. Jessica didn't even flinch as he coldly, calculatedly, hit her back.
There had been too much violence from him in the past for it to matter to her; she did not even feel the pain any more. Andrew was one of those men who hit out when he was angry. For herself she had ceased to care, and as long as he didn't use that same violence on Penny she would continue to cease caring.
‘I'm going back to the dance,’ he growled. ‘I could be home later, but then again I may just stay out all night. And I mean it about the divorce, Jessica. And you know what that means?’ he sneered.
Pain contracted her chest. ‘Penny …’
‘Yes!’ His smile was cruel in the extreme. ‘You aren't a fit mother for her, we both know that. Lisa will be much better for her.’ He turned and strode away, a tall, athletic-looking man with rakish good looks.
Jessica had ceased to be aware of those looks long ago; she knew only raging pain at this moment. Never! She would never allow Alicia to be Penny's mother.
The taxi-driver must have thought her very strange as she sat silently in the back of the car—especially as he had to accompany her to the door so that she could pay him!
‘Had a row with your hubby, have you?’ he said cheerfully, handing her the change. ‘Never mind, love, it happens to the best of us.’
