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Mad?
Shannon thought for a moment, then recalled the way Alex had seemed to mock Kane, her darling oldest brother. She was willing to give him a second chance, especially with Jeremy looking at her with that anxious expression in his eyes.
“I’m not mad,” she said, looking down at Jeremy and smiling. He really was the dearest child, with such a sweet, sad, worried little face. No wonder her scant motherly instincts were clamoring for attention. How could anyone fail to adore him?
“It’s for you,” Jeremy said, holding out a poinsettia wrapped in green foil and banded by a big gold ribbon and bow. “Can we come in?”
“Of course you may,” Shannon said over Alex’s attempts to shush his son. She stepped back and raised an eyebrow.
“Thank you,” Alex muttered.
“Oooh,” exclaimed Jeremy. He’d marched into the center of the living room, and stared transfixed at the Christmas tree, winking and glowing in the corner.
Alex understood his son’s fascination. It was a great tree, and at its base a small train ran around and around a miniature Victorian town at the foot of a snowy mountain. The houses were lit, ice-skaters twirled around a silver lake, and even the small street lamps twinkled.
“Sorry about how I look, you caught me exercising,” Shannon said. She made no attempt at feminine fussing, and since she was flat-out beautiful with her healthy flush and sexy, mussed hair, it wasn’t necessary.
“You look fine,” Alex muttered.
In the soft glow from the Christmas tree her hair was a deep rich auburn, and he had a crazy urge to run his fingers through the silken strands, to discover if it was as soft as it looked. It occurred to him that she might not be a natural redhead since there wasn’t a freckle in sight on her peach complexion, but he shoved the thought away. Whether she was or wasn’t didn’t concern him. And he’d certainly never see the proof.
“Well…thanks for the plant,” Shannon said. She put it by the fireplace, smiling at Jeremy as he tore his gaze away from the tree. “This is so pretty. Did you pick it out all by yourself?”
“Uh-huh,” he said.
“That was nice of you. You got the best poinsettia I’ve ever seen.”
Jeremy’s smile was like sunshine, and Alex blinked. Where was his shy little boy? The grief-stricken, barely talking, rabbit-clutching four-year-old?
“Mr. Tibbles said to get that one.”
“You and Mr. Tibbles have good taste.” She glanced at Alex. “I don’t keep many treats around the house, but are lemon drops on the okay list?”
“They’re fine,” he agreed, still bemused.
Shannon took a crystal dish from the mantel and removed the lid before offering its contents to Jeremy. Soon his son was sucking on lemon sours and playing with the controls of the train gliding around the extravagant Christmas tree. Steam even came from the top of the engine when a button was pressed on the control panel. Jeremy seemed to enjoy that part especially, along with the train’s abrupt stops and starts.
Alex warned Jeremy to be careful, but Shannon seemed unconcerned that the expensive set might be in danger.
“It’s all right,” she said. “Would you like some soda?”
“We don’t want to be any trouble.”
“If you were trouble, I’d tell you.”
Undoubtedly she would. Shannon O’Rourke was direct, self-assured and definitely wouldn’t pussyfoot around. She was also the walking, talking embodiment of everything he’d avoided his entire life—an explosion of emotion and passion wrapped up in flame-colored hair and flashing eyes.
“Tell you what,” she said. “If you haven’t eaten dinner yet, we can order some pizza. I’m out of milk for Jeremy, but maybe they can bring some with the delivery.”
He wanted to say no. He even opened his mouth to say no, only one look at his son’s ecstatic face changed his mind. Jeremy loved pizza, but his mother had declared it was unhealthy for children, so they’d rarely eaten any. Come to think of it, he wasn’t sure why Kim had disapproved of restaurant and take-out food so much, but she had.
“That sounds good,” he agreed. “But it’s my treat.”
“Whatever. The phone’s over there with the phone book, so go ahead and order. I’m going upstairs to change.”
“Any preferences?”
“No anchovies, that’s all.” She glanced at Jeremy. He looked hopeful, and she tried to guess what he might be wishing his daddy would order. “How about one of those dessert pizzas, too? One with lots of sugar and stuff on top.” Jeremy’s face turned blissful and she winked at him.
Shannon climbed the staircase to her bedroom and willed her heart to stop beating so fast. She’d figured the post office was the last close contact she’d get with Alex McKenzie and his son, but now they were in her living room and her pulse was doing the Macarena.
She took a quick shower, then pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater. Her footsteps were muffled on the thickly carpeted stairs, so when she descended to the living room, she was able to observe Alex and his son without them being aware of her presence.
With a quiet sigh she sat on a step and watched.
The two of them were lying on their stomachs, side by side, gazing at the tree and the train set her decorator sister, Miranda, had arranged for her a few days after Thanksgiving. This year, Miranda had outdone herself, creating a Victorian holiday wonderland out of the living room.
“Choo, choo!” crowed Jeremy as the train chugged through the tunnel in the snowcapped mountain.
He was darling, yet it was Alex who drew her gaze the longest, his jeans pulled taut over long, strong legs and a tight rear end. He didn’t look like any college professor she’d ever studied with, or else she would have paid more attention in class. His rugged good looks had probably turned engineering into a very popular subject—with the female students, at least.
Shannon’s eyes drifted half-closed as she imagined what it would be like to be married to someone like Alex.
It was a great fantasy, but reality kept intruding. Alex had said his wife had loved baking and doing crafts and making Christmas special; he’d probably be shocked that she had her home professionally decorated every year and couldn’t bake a cookie to save her life. Even Shannon’s mother had declared defeat in teaching her eldest daughter how to cook.
The doorbell rang and she jumped up.
“That must be our pizza,” she said brightly.
They ate in front of the tree, sitting cross-legged and using the napkins provided by the delivery guy.
“Mommy didn’t let us eat pizza,” Jeremy said after a while, then looked even more worried than before.
“She didn’t?” It seemed odd, but there might have been reasons Shannon knew nothing about, like allergies or another problem.
“Uh-uh.” He glanced quickly at his father, then carefully put his crust down on a napkin. “I get afraid, ’cause I don’t r’member her so good anymore.”
Alex looked pained, and Shannon bit the inside of her lip. Jeremy had been so young when his mother died, it was inevitable his memories were fading.
She put her forefinger over Jeremy’s heart, the way her own mother used to do when her youngest sister had worried about forgetting their father.
“You’ll always remember her in here,” she said softly. “That’s the most important kind of remembering. Your mommy is always right here, so you don’t need to be afraid.”
The youngster seemed to think about it, then nodded, looking more cheerful. His father handed him a piece of dessert pizza and they ate in silence until Jeremy looked up, his expression brightening.
“Daddy, I bet if Shannon was my new mommy, we could eat pizza whenever we wanted.”
Shannon inhaled a crumb and choked. Between coughing, thumps on the back from Alex and her eyes tearing, the moment passed without either of them having to say anything.
Cripes.
How did you handle a remark like that?
“I think it’s time for us to go home,” Alex said when her windpipe had finally cleared. His face had become closed. “We’ve imposed long enough on Miss O’Rourke.”
“But, Daddy, we—”
“It’s time to go, son.”
Jeremy’s mouth turned down mutinously, but he didn’t object again. Shannon insisted they take the last of the pizza, and she sank against the door as she closed it behind them, exhausted.
She didn’t know what the expression on Alex’s face had meant, but he obviously did not share his son’s enthusiasm for getting a new mommy. He didn’t know her well enough to object to her personally, so it must be the idea of marrying again that had him feeling grief or guilt or another of the thousand emotions a widower must feel.
Not that it mattered. She just wanted to help Jeremy.
Right?
But as Shannon gathered up the crumpled napkins and put the dirty glasses in the sink, she couldn’t shake the melancholy that had overtaken her. It was painfully obvious she was attracted to old-fashioned men, no matter what she’d told herself about wanting a modern guy with modern attitudes. And Alex McKenzie made her nerve endings stand at attention more than any man she’d met in recent memory.
It doesn’t matter one way or the other, she told herself. Men usually were drawn to the same kind of woman, and from the little she’d learned about Alex’s dead wife, she wasn’t the least bit like her.
“I’m going back to work,” Shannon told Kane a few days later. Her brother and his wife, Beth, had come to their mother’s house for a visit and she’d joined them, more on edge than ever. Not that seeing her brother had helped. Kane’s blissfully happy marriage was another reminder of how alone she felt.
“I don’t think so.”
“Kane, I want—”
“You’ve been stressed out, you need to relax,” Kane interrupted. He finished diapering his daughter and lifted the baby to his shoulder. Robin looked even tinier against his broad chest, and something inside Shannon ached with renewed force. It was yet another reminder of everything she wanted, and couldn’t seem to get.
“I’m fine.”
“You can’t spend your entire life working,” Kane pointed out. His advice would have sounded reasonable except that before he’d gotten married he used to work more hours than she’d ever thought of putting into the company.
Shannon’s mother patted her arm. “That’s right, darlin’.” Her Irish accent lilted, never quite lost despite the years she’d spent away from her native land.
“I’m fine. It’s being on a forced vacation that’s driving me crazy.”
That, and thinking about the McKenzies.
She’d realized that Alex’s bedroom was on the other side of the wall from hers, and that knowledge was keeping her awake nights. The walls were too well insulated to hear his bed creak, but she heard other faint sounds and couldn’t help wondering about certain things.
Innocent things.
Such as…did he sleep nude at night?
Yeah, that was innocent.
Perfectly innocent.
It had been awhile since she’d thought about a man that way. Her last relationship had turned into such a disaster that she’d become frozen. Now she was thawing, and it was just her luck that a guaranteed heartbreak was the reason.
“You’re still on vacation,” Kane said calmly. He rubbed the baby’s back and smiled at Shannon’s frustrated expression.
“You can’t be so arbitrary just because I’m your sister.”
“I’d do the same for any executive with signs of burn-out. You’re still getting paid, so what’s the big deal?”
“I am not burned-out.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
Shannon swallowed.
After their father had died, she’d decided she would be the tough one, the one who teased and laughed and smiled when she didn’t feel like smiling. If she had trouble at school, she braved things out. If her heart got broken, she turned it into a joke—just so long as nobody found her crying in bed and upsetting her family. Over the years she’d perfected a breezy veneer that made everyone think she was impervious to the usual hurts and disappointments. She was an expert on putting on a good face; now was the time to prove it.
“Nothing is wrong,” Shannon said, waving her hand. “It’s the holiday season and people slack off. I must have gone overboard trying to keep my staff geared up for any problems that might happen.”
Kane nodded, his gaze searching her face. He didn’t seem entirely convinced, though he appeared less concerned than before. “All right. But I promised everyone they’d have another few days without the dragon lady, so you’ll have to stay away longer.”
She wrinkled her nose, making certain none of her frustration showed. “Dragon lady? Thanks a bunch. Is it too late for me to cancel a few Christmas bonuses?”
He chuckled. “Way too late.”
Shannon kept things light through lunch, working to get her mother, brother and sister-in-law laughing. But it was a relief when she pulled out of her mother’s driveway, escaping their watchful gazes. She drove for a long time, up into the hills, finally swinging by Neil’s house.
She frowned as she tapped her fingers on the steering wheel and gazed at the modern log structure. She would have sworn that Neil, of all her brothers, would never get married and live outside the city, but he’d fallen for Libby like a ton of bricks. Two tons.
Sighing, Shannon headed home, deciding not to call Neil and his wife.
A winter sunset burned pink and gold on the western horizon as she finally pulled into her driveway, but she didn’t have time to appreciate it before Jeremy flew across the yard, waving madly with one arm, the other clutching Mr. Tibbles.
An involuntary smile curved her mouth.
“Hey, Jeremy,” she said, opening the car door.
“Hey, Shannon.”
They had exchanged a few hellos and good-byes over the past few days, with Alex then hustling his son away with insulting speed. Of course, the speed might have been due to Washington’s beastly winter weather, but it was still a little insulting.
“What have you been up to?” she asked as she got out.
“Daddy ’n’ me are putting up Christmas lights,” Jeremy said solemnly.
She noticed an expandable ladder leaning against the McKenzies’ condo. “That’s nice.”
“But he got hurted and said a bad word.”
Alex had followed his son across the yard, and Shannon glanced at him, trying not to laugh at his chagrined expression. She guessed his injury was relatively minor since there wasn’t any visible blood and no bones were sticking out.
