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‘Surprisingly well.’ The anaesthetist sounded stunned. ‘You’re a cool customer, Mariakos. And you have the luck of the devil.’
‘Is that why you’re looking at me as if I’ve grown horns? I’m done here.’ Nikos’s gaze flickered to the cardiothoracic surgeon, who was watching with a faint smile of admiration. ‘Do you want to close? I have no doubt you’ll do a neater job than me. Sewing has never been my speciality. Do you have a bed on ITU?’
The cardiothoracic surgeon started to scrub. ‘I’ll arrange it. Are you sure you want me to finish off here?’ His tone was dry. ‘You seem to be doing very well by yourself.’
‘I want to talk to the family.’ Nikos stepped away from his patient and stripped off his gloves, allowing his colleague to take over. His eyes lingered on the monitor for a moment and then he nodded with satisfaction. ‘If there’s any change, call me.’ And with that he strode out of the room.
His departure was greeted by stunned silence and then the junior doctor cleared his throat.
‘When I grow up, I want to be him,’ he muttered. ‘What’s his secret? I want to be that cool. Is it down to experience?’
‘No, it’s down to temperament.’ The surgeon took over where Nikos had left off. ‘You need two things to be a good cardiothoracic surgeon. Technical brilliance and balls of solid steel—no offence, ladies. Tell Mariakos that if he’s ever bored with the emergency department, he can come and work with me.’
‘I don’t know about the rest of his anatomy, but the man has ice in his veins,’ the anaesthetist snapped. ‘And he’s arrogant. Too sure of himself. If you ask me, he’s going to come unstuck. Today, he was lucky.’
‘I saw what he did, and it wasn’t luck.’ The cardiothoracic surgeon started to close the chest. ‘It was skill. And I can’t remember the last time I praised anyone other than myself so cherish the moment.’
‘The child is alive.’ Ella handed the surgeon the equipment he needed. ‘And he’s alive because Nikos was prepared to take a risk.’
‘Maybe. But his lack of emotion worries me.’ Phil adjusted the flow of gases. ‘Technically he’s brilliant, I agree. And, yes, he has…’ he cleared his throat and rephrased his colleague’s earlier description ‘…nerves of steel. But he’s cold. Doesn’t that make you just a little uneasy?’
Ella kept her eyes down as she cleared away the remains of the pack, careful to give nothing away.
Yes, it made her uneasy.
It was easy to forget his emotional detachment when they were in bed. But out of bed…
She gave a little shake of her head, determined not to create problems that didn’t exist.
Her own experiences as a child had given her a dysfunctional view of the world—she needed to remember that. She needed to remember that not every man was her father.
Phil stood up. ‘It would be nice to see that he’s human. Nice if that icy control of his slipped for five minutes. I’d like to think it was an act that he puts on when he’s working—plenty of us do that in order to cope with the emotional stresses of this place. But Nikos Mariakos…’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t think the man is blanking out his emotions. I don’t think he has any. I don’t think he’s capable of feeling.’
Nikos paused outside the relatives’ room, looking down at his shaking hands with wry self-mockery.
He didn’t have to be back in the resuscitation room to know what they were saying about him.
Ice cold.
Emotionless.
All the usual things.
It was a good job they couldn’t see him now or his reputation would be shattered into a million pieces.
Fortunately for his patients, his body had never betrayed him inside the resuscitation room. Only afterwards did the reaction come. Only afterwards did thememories catch up with him.
Nikos inhaled deeply, pushing aside the images that mocked him.
Images of a different child.
A child he hadn’t been able to save.
But this time—this time he’d won the fight.
He pushed open the door and greeted the relatives, ignoring hospital protocol that demanded that he take a nurse in with him. Unlike many of his colleagues, Nikos didn’t dodge the difficult task of handling emotional relatives. The thought of breaking bad news and then abandoning them to cry on a nurse was alien to him.
He was the one who had managed the case. He was the one who could answer their questions, although inevitably he never had an answer to the most desperate question of all.
Why?
Fortunately, on this occasion the news was better than anyone had hoped and ten minutes later he took refuge in his office, knowing that the staff would still be talking about the risks he’d taken.
He rolled his shoulders to relieve the tension and stared out of his office window to the busy city streets below. Thinking. Remembering…
‘Nikos?’
Ella’s voice came from the doorway and he turned, a smile on his lips because she was the one person who could relieve his current stress levels.
‘Are you off duty?’
‘Yes. The child is safely in ITU and doing well.’ She strolled towards him, all long legs and sparkling eyes.
‘Good.’ But he wasn’t thinking about the child.
She stopped in front of him and placed her fingers on his chest. ‘You were amazing.’
‘I thought Phil’s heart was going to stop, along with the patient’s.’ Nikos was captivated by her sweet smile and her frank adoration. She was deliciously uncomplicated.
And she had a fabulous body.
‘Phil is a very cautious person.’
Nikos pulled her into his arms, feeling the immediate response of his body as her softness pressed against him. ‘You need cautious people in this business.’
‘To counter people like you?’ Her eyes teased him. ‘You’re not cautious, are you?’
‘If you’re asking if I know what I want, then the answer is yes.’ Nikos lowered his head and took her mouth, tasting honey and temptation. ‘At the moment what I want is you, in my bed, naked.’
‘My bed.’ She trailed a finger over his rough jaw, her breathing slightly faster than it had been before the kiss. ‘We’ve only ever made love in my bed. It’s been six months and we’ve never once been back to wherever it is you live. Do you realise that?’
Yes, he realised that.
‘Your place iscloser.’ Smoothly he steered the conversation away from that particular topic. ‘I’m hungry. What do I have to do to get some of your delicious cheese on toast?’
Her arms slid round his neck. Affection. Warmth. ‘I would have thought you were sick of eating cheese on toast in my room. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go out to eat?’
‘I want to have sex, then eat, then have sex again,’ Nikos purred, backing her against the wall and feeling the volcanic response of his body. ‘And then have sex again. We’d get arrested for that in a restaurant.’
She was giggling, breathless—her eyes slightly shocked. ‘Nikos, this is ridiculous. We always end up in my single bed in the nurses’ accommodation. We’ve been together for six months. It’s time to stop behaving like hormonal teenagers.’
Nikos brought his mouth down on hers, but his brain refused to be as easily distracted as his body.
Six months?
Surely that wasn’t possible.
‘Nikos?’ She dragged her mouth away from his, laughter and love in her eyes.
Love?
Nikos stilled. When had that happened? And why hadn’the noticed?
Mentally, he retreated. ‘I like sleeping in your single bed.’ She was getting too close. He curved his hand over her bottom, knowing what had to be done, but finding it surprisingly difficult. Usually, ending a relationship was easy. ‘You have a choice. Either I go for a ten-mile run or I take you to bed. Which is it to be?’
The sexual tension reached almost unbearable proportions.
‘That’s a tricky choice.’ Her breathing was shallow. ‘It isn’t safe to be on the streets of London at this time of night.’
‘Good decision.’ Nikos kissed her again and reached for his jacket. As he urged her out of the door, he pondered on the best way to tell her that the relationship was over.
CHAPTER ONE
‘I STILL can’t believe he’d just dump you, Ella. Why would he do that?’
Ella stared straight at the long slender boat nestling quietly against the bank of the river, appalled by the discovery that her grip on her self-control wasn’t as firm as she would have liked it to be. ‘Obviously he didn’t like me enough.’ And even now, after four long months of no contact, she found it hard to believe that she wasn’t going to see him again—that theconnection she’d thought was there hadn’t existed for him.
Helen made a disparaging noise. ‘Ella, you told me he barely let you out of the bedroom for the six months you were together. He liked you.’
‘He liked the sex.’ Ella watched as a kingfisher dived into the water, a flash of iridescent green and blue, searching for breakfast. ‘Men don’t turn every sexual encounter into happy ever after, you know they don’t. Women mate for life, men mate whenever the opportunity presents itself.’
But somehow she’d allowed herself to forget that fact.
She’d romanticised a relationship that had been based on physical chemistry and, worse than that, she’d trusted a man.
‘Change the subject,’ she said flatly. ‘I need to just forget him and move on.’ Which was what he’d done, wasn’t it?
‘How can you forget him? Ella, you’re pregnant! What are you going to do?’
Ella clutched her tiny suitcase and stared at the long, slender canal boat. She’d learned a long time ago that if you focused hard enough, it was possible to hold back tears. So she stared. And gradually the flood levels of emotion subsided. The hot stinging in her throat became a dull ache and the pressure behind her eyes eased. It was OK. She was going to be OK. And so was the baby. She’d make sure of it.
‘I’m going to stop crying over a man who doesn’t deserve it. And while I’m deciding what to do about my life, I’m going to live in this place. I didn’t know it was possible to live on a canal boat. I love it.’
The dark green paintwork gleamed in the sunshine and brightly coloured fresh flowers tumbled from boxes set along the low, flat roof. Ella leaped from the bank to the boat, landing on the polished wooden deck.
‘Why did you pick this? You can’t live in this isolated place.’ Helen glanced nervously up and down the deserted path that ran alongside the sleepy, overgrown canal. ‘You’re a city girl. You like bright lights and people around you.’
‘I want something different. I’m tired of that life.’
‘Well, this is a bit extreme. When you said it was a canal boat, I thought it would be in a marina or something—not just moored in the middle of nowhere. You’re going to have loads of weirdos wandering along here.’
‘I like it.’ Ella watched as a duck glided past, followed by her family of six fluffy ducklings. Her eyes misted. It wasn’t all bad. She was going to have a baby. ‘Aren’t they sweet?’
‘Yeah—if a nutter happens to come stalking you, they’ll be the perfect weapon. You can pick one up and yell, “Duck.”’
‘Very funny. Are you coming aboard?’
‘I don’t know why you can’t carry on living in my spare room.’ Helen followed more cautiously onto the boat. ‘I love having you.’
‘I can’t live with you for ever. I’ll use this as a base while I decide what to do.’ Ella unlocked the doors at the bow of the boat. ‘It’s so peaceful here.’
‘Ella, you’ve been crying yourself to sleep for the past four months. You don’t need peaceful!’
Without responding, Ella ducked down into the long, narrow sitting area. Dark green sofas were piled with contrasting cushions and the polished wooden floor gleamed in the sunlight. She could imagine herself curled up on the cushions in the bow of the boat, a cold drink in her hand.
Alone.
The sudden stab of pain took her by surprise and she dug her nails into her palms.
Alone was fine. Until she’d met Nikos, that had been her life choice.
And she wouldn’t be alone for long, would she? Soon she’d have the baby. They’d be a family…
Helen was looking round doubtfully. ‘Do you realise that we’ve only seen one other person since we arrived? And that was a man on his own, walking a dog. This is not a suitable place for a woman.’
Ignoring her, Ella wandered further down the boat, trying to be positive as she explored her new surroundings. ‘The bedroom is cosy.’ She dumped her suitcase on the floor. ‘I’ll unpack later.’
‘Who did you say owns this place?’
‘One of the consultants at the hospital—he’s gone to Australia for six months with his family. One of the conditions of living here is that I have to water the plants.’
‘Ella, please…’ Helen plopped onto the side of the bed. ‘Just think about what you’re doing.’
‘I’m getting on with my life.’ Ella knelt on the bed next to her and looked out of the window at the overhanging trees that brushed the still surface of the water. ‘It’s so calming here. I can wake up every morning gazing at that.’
‘Crying. Talk to me, Ella. Tell me how you’re feeling.’
Like he’d taken a scalpel to her heart.
‘I’m fine,’ Ella said brightly. ‘No morning sickness, no swollen ankles, no—’
‘I’m not talking about the pregnancy—I’m talking about the way you feel inside. You shut everyone out, Ella. You always have.’ Helen spread her hands in exasperation. ‘Did you do it with him? Didn’t you tell him how you felt?’
‘He knew.’ And that was why he’d ended it. For her, the relationship had been more than the hot sizzle of sexual attraction. He’d wanted shallow and she’d waded in deep. ‘You want to know how I feel? I’ll tell you. I feel as though I’ve been broken into a million tiny pieces. I’ve stuck the pieces back together and so far it’s all holding, but I don’t feel like me any more.’
‘Is that why you’re planning on living in the middle of nowhere?’
‘I need space to work out what I want. And it’s cosy here.’ Ella looked out at the trees spilling over the path and listened to the mellow sound of ducks. ‘I’ll be all right. I’m a paediatric nurse—at least I already know how to pick up a baby and change a nappy.’
