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Kayla’s head was starting to pound. What had possessed her to offer to come here at this time of year? Thanks to that lapse in judgment she now had her back to a giant Christmas tree, while facing a box full of baubles and enough fairy lights to power Sleeping Beauty’s castle.
“Is something wrong, dear?” Elizabeth’s voice was quiet. “Did Walter upset you?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Tell me about Snow Crystal,” Kayla said desperately. “Tell me what makes it special.”
Elizabeth watched her for a moment and then stood up. “Why don’t I make us some tea? I could talk for hours about Snow Crystal.”
Hours?
Kayla wasn’t sure she’d make it through minutes let alone hours. “I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”
“I love the company.” Elizabeth disappeared into the kitchen and was back a few minutes later carrying a tray loaded with a teapot, two bone china mugs and a plate of homemade cinnamon stars. “In the morning I drink English breakfast tea and in the afternoon Earl Grey with lemon. They all tease me, but it’s my little British treat. That and HP Sauce and the occasional bar of Cadbury’s chocolate.”
“Do you miss England?”
“I did at first, but not anymore. As soon as I met Michael and had the children, Snow Crystal became home. And I had no family left in England, so I suppose that was another reason why it was easy to leave it behind. But I brought a few traditions with me, and tea is one of those.” The puppy barked hopefully and Elizabeth glanced at Kayla. “Is she bothering you? I can put her somewhere else.”
“No. Don’t do that.” Keen to make a good impression this time, Kayla reached down and gave Maple a hesitant pat. The puppy’s fur was soft and springy under her fingers. “She’s pretty. And so friendly.”
“Did you have a dog when you were growing up?”
“No.” Kayla felt the pressure build in her chest. “No pets. Did you breed her?”
“Jackson found her in the forest when he was out on one of the trails this summer.” Elizabeth set the tray down on the low coffee table. “Someone had left her tied to a tree. Can you believe that?” Her mouth thinned. “She was skin and bones.”
“That’s terrible.” Shocked, Kayla stroked Maple gently. “So you kept her?”
“There was no way we’d let her go to the pound, so we gave her a home. But it hasn’t been easy. She’s a miniature poodle and we have two Siberian huskies, Ash and Luna, and they play rough. Maple gets in the middle of that.”
“I haven’t met your other dogs.”
“They’re living with Tyler at the moment. It’s good for Jess to have them around.” Elizabeth picked up the teapot and glanced up. “Maple was a bit overexcited last night. I’m worried she ruined your shoes.”
Kayla thought about the combined destructive power of paws and snow. “It was my fault for wearing unsuitable shoes.”
“They were the prettiest shoes any of us had seen around here for a while.” Elizabeth poured tea into the two china cups. “Now what do you want to know about Snow Crystal?” She was kind, warm and accepting, and Kayla felt a rush of guilt.
“I want to apologize for last night.”
“If anyone needs to apologize, it’s Walter.”
“No. I talked about things that didn’t interest you and didn’t seem relevant and—well, I was rude.” And it bothered her. Both the loss of control and the fact she’d offended them.
“You weren’t rude.” Elizabeth spooned sugar into her cup. “You were overwhelmed, and who can blame you. I remember the first time I met the O’Neils. It was like being buried by an avalanche. There were twelve of them sitting in the kitchen the night Michael brought me home. Twelve, not counting animals, all talking at once and not one of them stopping to listen to another, although somehow they seemed to manage to hear what was said anyway. I just wasn’t used to it. I’m guessing you’re not used to it, either. You’re used to order and shiny meeting rooms and suited executives. We’re nothing like your usual clients—I’m sure of that.”
Kayla thought of Jackson. Thought of those strong hands controlling the snowmobile through the deep snow. She thought about his powerful shoulders and the warmth of his mouth as he’d kissed her.
No, he was nothing like her usual clients.
Her heart thumped against her ribs, and she glanced around the living room, trying to distract herself.
The afternoon sun slanted through the large windows, bouncing light off photo frames. Deep sofas piled with cushions in earth tones faced each other across a large cream rug. It was a room that had seen a family grow. A room with a thousand stories to tell. The slight scuff on the leg of a chair where an active boy had smashed into it, the rug slightly worn by eager feet. It was a family room, comfortable and comforting. Except that it didn’t comfort her.
Kayla felt the ache build inside her. “You came here to cook?”
“It was meant to be just for the winter season.” Elizabeth sipped her tea. “I’d finished a course in Paris. Learned to make so many fancy dishes. Michael always said the day he tasted my braised lamb shanks, he was lost.” Smiling, she put the cup down. “He ate his way through the menu so he could have an excuse to talk to me. By the time he reached the last dessert we were in love. We were engaged after two weeks and I did all the cooking for our wedding.”
“Two weeks?” Kayla blinked. “That’s fast.”
“I’ve never understood people who have long engagements. If you know, why wait? And I knew. Michael and I connected straightaway. Losing him was a shocking blow.” Her eyes misted, and Kayla sat there feeling awkward and inadequate.
She knew nothing about the type of love Elizabeth had felt for her husband, but she knew how it felt to have your life irrevocably altered.
“It must be difficult for you, learning to live without him.”
“I miss him every minute of every day. I don’t talk about it much because I know Jackson worries about me, and he has enough to worry about.” She picked up her cup again, as poised and elegant as if she was indulging in tea at the Ritz in London. “But I’m glad to be living here. I feel close to Michael and it’s the same for Walter and Alice, of course. I have no idea how it would feel to have to leave this place—” Her eyes shone a little too brightly and Kayla sat still, staring hard into her tea because she knew.
She knew how it felt to lose a home.
She knew how it felt to be forced to move from somewhere safe and familiar. To have your roots wrenched from the ground so violently that only the scars remained.
And suddenly she understood why Jackson had come home. A man like him, with strong family values, would do that no matter what the cost to his own dreams and ambitions. It was about so much more than saving an ailing family business. It was about saving the memories for his mother and grandparents. Saving the jobs of people he’d known all his life. Saving the home he grew up in and the place he loved.
“I can help.” She was surprised by how badly she wanted to. Surprised to discover the desire to help had nothing to do with personal ambition. “You need more people through your doors, sleeping in your beds and eating in the restaurant. More people need to know about Snow Crystal. That’s what I do. I can put together a campaign that raises the profile of the resort.”
“That’s why Jackson brought you here, and I’ve never questioned his judgment.”
“Why did he leave? Why not just stay and run Snow Crystal right from the start?” She told herself that information on Jackson O’Neil was necessary for her job. It wasn’t because she had a personal interest and it definitely wasn’t because of the kiss.
“Michael would have liked him to stay, but Walter didn’t want him here. They clashed over it. Jackson found himself in the middle of that for a while, and then he went off to college and found his own path.” Elizabeth set a pretty china plate in front of Kayla. “It was the right thing to do. If he’d stayed here he never would have found out how high he could fly. And he flew high, as I always knew he would.”
Kayla heard the pride in her voice and wondered how it felt to be on the receiving end of that sort of love.
She’d given up telling either of her parents about her promotions and successes. Given up hoping they might be interested in anything she did.
“His father wanted him to stay?”
“Yes, but I think that was probably for selfish reasons,” Elizabeth admitted quietly. “Michael didn’t enjoy running this place. And Jackson was right to go. If he’d stayed, his wings would have been clipped by his father and his grandfather and those wings would have torn in the struggling.”
The vivid imagery made Kayla wince. “Ouch.”
“Eventually he might have resented them for holding him back, for standing in the way of him proving himself. He didn’t want something that someone else had created. He wanted to create something himself. He needed that.” Elizabeth passed Kayla a cookie. “They’re my cinnamon stars. At Christmas we package them up in pretty packages tied with bows. Try one.”
Kayla obliged, wondering if cooking was how Elizabeth filled the loneliness.
“Walter doesn’t agree with the changes Jackson has made?”
“Walter doesn’t understand why we would spend money when we’re losing it.” Elizabeth picked up a box of decorations. “I suppose I don’t understand that, either. But I trust Jackson. I need to sort through these decorations. Some of them need tender loving care. Some just won’t survive another year. Could you look through this one?” She pushed a box toward Kayla, who took it with all the enthusiasm of someone being passed a box of tarantulas.
It was just a few Christmas decorations. She could sort a few Christmas decorations without having a breakdown, surely?
Elizabeth smiled. “Why don’t you start hanging those.”
Kayla’s mouth felt dry. “You want me to hang them?”
“Of course. If you’re here with us over the holidays, the least we can do is let you share in our Christmas. I expect you have your own Christmas rituals. All families do.”
Kayla gripped the box. “We had a few.”
Put your stocking by the fire, Kayla. Let’s see what surprise Santa brings you.
There was a hollow, empty feeling in her stomach. She recognized the feeling because she’d lived with it for such a long time.
Loneliness could be felt at any time, of course, but there was something exquisitely painful about the loneliness that came along with Christmas.
She lifted a decoration from the box and stared at it.
A moment later it was gently removed from her hand.
“You don’t like this time of year, do you, dear?” It embarrassed and frustrated her that she still felt this way. That she hadn’t been able to put the past behind her and find the same joy in the holiday season that so many others did. “I find it difficult.”
The box was removed from her hand.
“Leave it. I’ll trim the tree later.”
“I’d like to do it.” She’d spent Christmas alone for the past decade. This time she was alone in the middle of a family. It couldn’t be worse, surely? “It’s been a while.”
“You don’t see your family at Christmas?”
Kayla hesitated and then the door opened, allowing a flurry of cold air into the living room along with Jackson. His collar was turned up against the winter cold, and he carried a large box in his arms.
Elizabeth gave Kayla’s arm a brief squeeze and walked toward him. “Is that the box we’ve been looking for?” Her voice gave no indication that he’d disturbed a conversation of significance, and Kayla was grateful for that. At the same time she wondered how much she would have said if they hadn’t been interrupted.
Jackson handed the box to his mother. “It was in the old barn tucked behind a stack of rusty machinery. I’m guessing Walter put it there after last Christmas.” Spying her rescuer, the puppy gave a yelp of ecstasy and shot across the living room, leaping on the spot to greet him.
Jackson scooped her up and made a fuss of her. “Sorry I took so long. After I found the box I only managed to walk three steps without being grabbed. Misbehaving boiler in cabin four, a leak in one of the lodge bedrooms and a child with a painful knee after a fall skiing.” He sprawled on the sofa and stretched out his legs. Maple snuggled onto his lap.
“I’ve been telling Kayla my life story.” Elizabeth picked up another box of decorations. “And she’s a good listener, unlike most of the folks around here. So where did you go this morning? I hope you took her somewhere nice.” She moved the conversation on and Kayla felt a flash of gratitude.
Jackson stroked Maple gently. “We went to the Chocolate Shack and the frozen waterfall.”
“Oh, that’s beautiful! Clever of you to show her that first. It’s my favorite place in the whole of Snow Crystal. Michael proposed to me there. Took me on a horse-drawn sleigh. The bells were tinkling, snow was falling…it was the most romantic thing you could imagine and even more so because he wasn’t a particularly romantic man. He surprised me.” Elizabeth lifted her hand to her throat. “He was romantic that night. Not just the proposal, but the way he did it. He’d thought it through, you see. Created something I’d remember. There was a fur rug and a bottle of champagne—” She broke off and Kayla saw concern in Jackson’s eyes.
“That sounds like a perfect proposal.” She took over the conversation to give Elizabeth a chance to compose herself. “Are sleigh rides popular among the guests?”
“Yes.” He told her about the horses they kept, about the route they took along the lake, and Elizabeth seemed to recover.
“Talking of guests, we had a request from the family renting cabin one for a Christmas tree. I asked Tyler, but he had to take that group skiing and Walter shouldn’t be chopping down trees and dragging them through the forest at his age.”
“I’ll do it.” Jackson massaged Maple’s tummy but his eyes were on Kayla.
She’d been trying not to look at him, but the pull of his presence in the room proved too much.
For a fleeting moment their eyes connected, and she knew he was thinking about the kiss. And so was she. The atmosphere was so thick she could hardly breathe. She was sure his mother should have been able to feel it, too, but Elizabeth’s attention was focused on the box of decorations in her lap.
Kayla stood up abruptly. “I’ll help you.” She snatched up the box Elizabeth had removed from her hand and hung a silver ball randomly on a branch, her hands shaking.
“You don’t have to do that, dear.”
“I want to.” It was just a tree. She ought to be able to decorate a tree. “I’ve been thinking we should definitely offer romance-themed packages.”
Elizabeth gave a sigh of approval. “I like that. Most people are too busy for romance today. No one slows down long enough to take time for each other.”
Jackson lifted Maple off his lap. “You think it’s better to go that route than showing Snow Crystal as a family destination?”
“We’re going to do both, although the method isn’t clear in my head yet.” It would be a lot clearer if she didn’t have her face stuck in Christmas. Kayla hung the decorations as quickly as possible, trying to get the job done. Why did the tree have to be so big? Branches stabbed her in the arm and in the face. Then she turned too quickly and they caught in her hair. “Ouch!”
“Family destination and romantic destination? Can a place be both?” Jackson rose to his feet and gently disentangled her, the backs of his fingers brushing her cheek. “Won’t we be diluting our message?”
Just for a moment she was back in the forest, surrounded by the smell of pine and the strength and power that was Jackson O’Neil. He smelled so good she closed her eyes, but that proved to be a mistake, because even though the baubles vanished her head was full of Jackson.
“Kayla?”
She opened her eyes, dizzy. “Mmm?”
“You’re no longer a decoration on the Christmas tree.” His voice sounded lazy and amused. “I was asking if you thought we’d be diluting our message?”
“No. We’ll be widening our audience.” Pulling away from him, she reached for the box and extracted another silver ball. “You can’t afford to restrict yourself to families only. And you have plenty to offer couples in search of romance. Sleigh rides, romantic dinner with champagne, breakfast…”
“For someone who claims not to be romantic, you seem to have a pretty good idea of how to create the right surroundings.” Jackson took the decoration from her and hung it from a high branch.
Kayla watched, distracted by the flex of male muscle. “I’m good at seeing what will work for other people. You just have to look at the facts.”
“Facts?” Elizabeth tilted her head to one side as she looked at the tree. “It isn’t about facts, dear. It’s about a feeling. A feeling in here.” She pressed her fist to her chest. “It sweeps you away and robs you of breath, and you know that no matter what happens in the future, this is a moment you’re going to remember forever. It’s always going to be there, living inside you, and no one can take it away.”
Kayla stood there, drowning under Christmas decorations and emotions she didn’t recognize.
She’d felt that way at the frozen waterfall when Jackson had kissed her.
She’d known right away it was a moment she wouldn’t forget.
Shaken, she forced a smile. “Then that’s the feeling we need to try to create. For other people, obviously.” She met Jackson’s searching gaze and saw Elizabeth glance between them thoughtfully.
“So what are your plans for the rest of the week? Are you taking Kayla skiing, Jackson?”
“Just as soon as I’ve found the ‘flat slope’ she’s requested.”
Elizabeth chuckled. “My boys tend to prefer the other sort of slope, Kayla. Steep ravines, gullies—the steeper the better. They loved the outdoors and they loved the adventure. They were wild.”
