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‘Relax. I prefer blondes. You’re not my type.’
Ben gave a short laugh. ‘I’m not anybody’s type. Not if they’ve got any sense. I don’t have anything to offer anyone. I’m not claiming to have lived like a monk, but I can honestly say that I haven’t felt anything for a woman for two years.’
And he doubted whether he’d ever feel anything again. It was as if he was dead inside. Even the few flings he’d had hadn’t really worked for him. Usually because the woman he was with so obviously wanted more than he was able to give.
Which was nothing more than brief physical satisfaction.
Sean looked at him. ‘Give it time. It’s grief that makes you feel that way.’
Grief?
Sean made it sound so simple, but Ben knew that it was so much more than grief that had locked his emotions inside himself. It was anger, too. Anger and bitterness and guilt.
Oh, yes, definitely guilt.
But Sean didn’t know any of that, of course, and why should he? Ben wasn’t in the habit of discussing his feelings with anyone. What was the point? It wouldn’t change what had happened.
And as for giving it time—well, it had been two years already. He’d given it more than enough time and nothing had changed. He still felt the same way as he had when it had first happened. As far as he was concerned, time had healed nothing.
‘How was Pakistan?’ Sean changed the subject neatly and Ben accepted the change readily.
‘Interesting. Challenging. Hard work.’
‘Good.’ Sean nodded briskly. ‘A bit like the job here, then.’
The job.
Ben opened his mouth to say that he didn’t think he could do it but the words didn’t come out the way he’d planned. ‘So when do you want me to start?’
He listened to himself and almost laughed.
What was he saying? Was he crazy?
He didn’t want to start at all. He wanted to turn around and walk out of the department the way he’d come without bothering to look back. Not submit himself to torture.
On the other hand, maybe it was time to face his demons.
‘You saw the waiting room. How about now?’ Sean gave a wry smile and fingered the stethoscope around his neck. ‘Only joking. The day after tomorrow will do fine. That should give you time to settle into the place I’ve found for you to live. It’s great. You’ll love it.’ He reached into his drawer and pulled out a set of keys and a map. ‘A log cabin in a forest. It’s easy enough to find but watch the roads. The weather has been filthy for almost twenty-four hours and there’s no sign of it letting up. Some of the roads are flooded and there are trees down, so go easy.’
Ben glanced out of the window. ‘After some of the roads in Pakistan—or rather the lack of them—I can cope with the Lake District. But I’m in no hurry, Sean. Why don’t you show me round while I’m here and then I can get straight on with it the day after tomorrow?’
‘You’re not dying to go and clean up?’
Ben rubbed long fingers over his roughened jaw and lifted an eyebrow. ‘Am I that bad?’
Sean looked him over. ‘Let’s just say I can tell you’ve been in the wilds for the last year. You’re what Ally would call rugged.’ He stood up and walked towards the door. ‘Do me a favour and lose the designer stubble and some of your hair before you start or the hospital management will be complaining.’
Irritated by what he saw as a complete irrelevance, Ben’s face darkened. ‘I thought you took me on for my medical skills, not my appearance.’
Sean held the door open for him to pass. ‘I did. But the way you look at the moment you’ll scare the patients.’ He gave a wicked smile and locked the door behind them. ‘Unless they’re female. You’ll also distract my nurses and they’re too busy for that. I want their minds on work, not sex.’
Ben shot him an exasperated look. ‘Why did I ever agree to help you out?’
Sean slapped him on the shoulder as they walked into the corridor. ‘Because I’m your best mate and you’d never let me down?’
Ben shook his head. ‘Because I’m an idiot.’ He stopped dead and stared at his friend. ‘I can’t promise you that this will work—you know that, don’t you?’
Sean hesitated and then nodded reluctantly. ‘Just promise me you’ll give it a few months at least.’
A few months?
Ben felt sick at the thought. At the moment he doubted his ability to get through the next few minutes, let alone a few months.
He should never have taken the job.
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_d379e6d1-43b0-5320-b9e1-7ce7f318d1ed)
IT WAS a filthy night and the river was flooded.
Ellie stopped the car and stared in dismay at the murky dark water swirling directly in her path, illuminated by the beam of her headlights. In the summer months the river flowed obediently under the road, but in the winter, particularly after torrential rain, it swelled and burst its banks, flooding the road and forcing drivers to make a long detour through another valley.
But she didn’t have time for any sort of detour.
Lindsay was in labour. On her own and terrified in a farmhouse that was in the middle of nowhere.
Ellie flicked her windscreen wipers onto double speed and weighed her options.
Turn around and approach Lindsay’s farm from the other side of the valley?
No. She dismissed the thought instantly. It would take too much time and time was the one thing she didn’t have.
Which left only one other option.
She narrowed her eyes and stared through the darkness at the swirling water.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Lindsay!’ She glared at the surging river as if sheer will-power could make the waters part like the Red Sea. ‘Why did you have to buy a house in such a remote place? What was wrong with a nice stone cottage in the middle of Ambleside?’
Apparently the midwife had been very relaxed and reassuring on the phone, reminding her that the baby wasn’t due for another four weeks and that the tightenings that Lindsay was feeling were probably normal.
Ellie peered at the swirling water and hoped the midwife knew what she was talking about. If she was wrong, Ellie would have to deliver the baby by herself, a challenge which she didn’t relish. She was an A and E nurse, not a midwife.
In fact, if it hadn’t been for Lindsay’s cry for help, Ellie would have gone back to work because you didn’t need to be a genius to know that the A and E department was going to be packed with injuries on a night like this.
Opening the car door, she flinched as a gust of wind tore it out of her hand and the rain flung itself in her face like water from a bucket.
‘Ugh...’ Gasping and scrubbing the water away from her eyes with her hand, she forced the car door shut and picked her way down to the edge of the water. Within minutes she was soaked, the pelting rain turning her long dark hair as sleek as an otter’s, her dark lashes clogging together as she tried to see through the darkness.
How deep could it be?
She’d driven this way only the day before and the road had been clear. It had been raining for twenty-four hours but surely the water level couldn’t have risen that fast?
The secret was to drive quickly and not hesitate.
She’d done it before in her youth, she reminded herself. Plenty of times.
Her mind made up, she hurried back to the car and scraped a hank of sodden hair away from her face.
Now that she’d made her decision, her eyes gleamed with anticipation and she started the engine, set her jaw and pressed the accelerator to the floor.
As she hit the water the car jerked and for one terrifying, breath-stealing moment she thought she was going to be stranded in the middle of the roaring river. And then she heard the engine splutter and the car suddenly surged forward and bounded out the other side as if it was relieved to be clear of the water.
She gave a whoop of triumph which turned to a groan as the car gave another splutter, choked and then stopped.
‘Oh, no—don’t do this to me.’ She turned the key again but there was no response.
Her little car might have made it through the ford but there was no way it was going any further. She flopped back in her seat and stared out of the windscreen in dismay.
Now what?
All her thoughts were on Lindsay, alone, afraid and possibly in labour less than a mile away.
Lindsay—not just her cousin but her best friend.
There was no way anything was going to stop her reaching her.
Which meant she was going to have to walk the rest of the way.
But at least now she was on the right side of the water. She’d just have to leave the car where it was and sort it out later.
Reaching into the back of her car for her coat, she dragged it on, grabbed her bag and opened the car door again, bracing herself as she confronted the elements.
If anything the rain had increased and in seconds she was drenched to the skin, her vision distorted by the volume of water streaming over her face. The wind was so fierce she could hardly stand, let alone make headway up the road, and she swore under her breath as she battled to stay upright.
She’d barely made any progress when she heard the unmistakable sound of a car engine from behind her. Turning quickly, she saw headlights flickering in the darkness as another car made its way towards the ford.
For a moment she tensed. The water was deeper than it looked, but there was no way of warning the driver. She just hoped he wouldn’t suffer the same fate that she had.
He didn’t.
Ellie watched enviously as the car surged through the water without any alteration in speed and then leapt out the other side as if it had barely noticed the impediment. Great. What wouldn’t she have given for a car like that on a night like this?
Still, she might be able to make use of it.
Ignoring the fact that the wind was trying to tear her coat from her shoulders, she braced her legs apart, stood in the middle of the road and windmilled her arms.
Oh, please, please, let the driver stop.
If the driver could drop her at the end of Lindsay’s lane, she’d save precious time.
The car pulled up and there was a soft purr as the window on the passenger side slid down.
The wind whipped her sodden hair across her face and she raked it to one side impatiently as she leaned inside to talk to the driver.
‘Thank goodness you stopped!’ She was shouting to make herself heard above the wind. ‘I need a lift, it’s an emergency.’
Without waiting for an invitation, she yanked open the door and clambered into the passenger seat, giving an exclamation of disgust as the wind tried to drag the door from her hand.
With considerable difficulty she slammed it shut, closed the electric window and turned to the driver with a relieved smile.
‘What a night! Thank goodness you came along when you did. I was in a spot of bother.’
There was an ominous silence and in the darkness the driver’s features were barely visible. When he finally spoke, his voice had a hard edge. ‘Do you have a death wish?’
The temperature inside the car suddenly seemed lower than outside, and Ellie’s merry smile faltered slightly as she looked into glittering black eyes.
‘Of course I don’t have a death wish.’
‘You took an absurd risk.’
‘By driving through the ford?’ She gave a chuckle and toed off her wet shoes. ‘I hate to point out the obvious, but you drove through it, too!’
‘In a vehicle designed for those sorts of conditions,’ he growled. ‘The same can’t be said for your car.’
‘Wasn’t she amazing?’ Ellie squinted through clogged lashes towards her little car, her tone warm with affection. ‘I mean, I know she conked out on me but at least she made it through the water.’
‘You could have been killed.’
‘Relax, will you?’ She smiled cheerfully as she peeled off her soaking wet coat and pulled her sodden jumper over her head. ‘I’ve got nine lives.’
‘Not any more.’ His voice was clipped. ‘You just lost at least three back there in the river.’
Why was he so angry?
‘I’ve been driving through that ford since I was young, although admittedly I haven’t done it for a while now. There was no danger.’
She dropped her wet clothes onto the floor of the car and tugged her wet shirt out of her trousers.
‘Are you planning to remove all your clothes?’
‘Just the outer layers,’ she assured him. ‘I’m soaked to the skin and I don’t want to get hypothermia. What I really need is a towel. I don’t suppose...?’ Her voice trailed off as she saw the expression in his eyes. ‘No, you’re not the type to carry a towel in the car.’
He seemed to struggle to find his voice. ‘I don’t generally need towels when I drive,’ he said finally, and she rubbed her arms to keep warm.
‘Well, you should,’ she told him. ‘They can be very useful. I remember one time when I was driving home from work, I passed this injured sheep—’
He blinked in disbelief. ‘Sheep?’
‘Yes, sheep.’ She gave him an odd look and then shrugged and carried on. ‘Anyway, she’d managed to wriggle her way under the barbed-wire fence and she was totally wedged and every time she moved the wire embedded itself deeper in her wool and— why are you looking at me like that?’
