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Her hands tightened on the railing and she bit down on her lower lip to keep it from trembling. Who was she trying to kid? A woman who was content with her life didn’t take the steps to change things that she had recently done.
He hadn’t noticed yet. She resisted the urge to pull her robe more carefully over her slightly rounded belly. He was going to have to know the truth some time and it might as well be now.
Well, maybe not now. But very soon.
“Remember the night before I left?” he was saying, his voice low and slightly hoarse. “Remember…?”
He let his voice trail off and she closed her eyes. She remembered all right. She would never forget. It was the one and only time he’d ever kissed her. It wasn’t much of a kiss—not at all the kind of kiss she’d yearned for. His lips had barely touched hers. But she still considered it the best kiss she’d ever had.
She felt him touching her hair and she sighed. If she turned to look at him, would he kiss her again? She tried it, moving slowly, opening her eyes to look up into his face. For just a moment, she thought he might do it. But then a look of regret came into his eyes and he turned from her, moving restlessly.
Her heart sank, but she scolded herself at the same time. What was she thinking? A romance with Cam was not in the cards—never had been.
“So where have you been all this time?” she probed to get her mind on other things.
He shrugged. “Pretty much everywhere. Served a few years in the Navy. Worked on an oilrig in the Gulf. Spent some time as a bodyguard in Thailand. The usual stuff.”
She nodded. This was definitely not the sort of thing his mother would have bragged about. If he’d been at law school on law review, spent time working as an aide to the governor, or made a pile of money on Wall Street, she would have made sure the local paper covered it in minute detail. Cam had always had a tendency to turn away from the upper class path to respect and follow his own route to…what? That had often been a bone of contention between him and his family.
But who was she to complain? It was exactly that inclination that had led him to be her protector for those early years. Their friendship had started when she was in Middle School. Her father was the town drunk and that meant she was the object of vile names and other indignities that adolescent boys seemed compelled to visit upon those weaker than themselves. Cam was a couple of years older. He saw immediately what was going on in her life and he stepped in to make it stop.
That first time had been like magic. She’d gone for a swim at the park pool. None of her friends had shown up and suddenly, she’d been surrounded by a group of boys who had begun to taunt her, circling and snapping at her like a pack of wolves. She knew she could hold her own against one boy, or even two or three, but there were too many this time and she panicked. She tried to run, which only egged them on, and just when she thought she was going to be taken down like a frightened deer, Cam appeared on the scene.
He was only a few years older than the boys, but his sense of strength and authority gave him the upper hand and they scattered as soon as he challenged them. He picked her up, dusted her off and took her for ice cream. And that began a friendship that lasted all through her school years. He was her protector, the force behind the calm, the one who made everything okay.
Even when he’d gone away to university, he’d checked on her whenever he came home. He treated her like a big brother. The only problem was, she’d never been able to completely think of him that way.
No, from the start, she’d had a major crush on him. It hadn’t been easy to hide. And the effects had lingered long after he’d skipped town and left her behind. In fact, she knew very well it was her feelings for him that had ruined every relationship she’d attempted ever since.
“So you’ve pretty much been bumming around the world for ten years?” she asked, frowning as she looked at him again. Whatever he’d been doing, it actually looked to be profitable. Now that she noticed, his clothing was rumpled, but top-of-the-line. And that watch he wore looked like it could be traded in for a down payment on a small house.
“Not really,” he told her. “The first five years, maybe. But then I sort of fell into a pretty lucrative situation.” He shrugged. “I started my own business in San Diego and I’ve done pretty well.”
“Good for you.”
He shrugged again. “I’ve been lucky.”
She knew it was more than that. He was quick, smart, competent. Whatever that business was, he was evidently successful at it.
“And all that time, you never thought a simple phone call might have been in order?” she asked lightly. “A letter, maybe? Just some sign that you were still alive and well?”
She bit her lip again. Was she whining? Better to drop it.
He shook his head. “I figured a clean break was the best way,” he said softly.
She winced. That was exactly what he’d said that night, after he’d kissed her. But she wasn’t going to complain anymore. It wasn’t like he owed her anything. When you came right down to it, he’d done more for her than anyone else ever had. What more could she ask for?
That was a dangerous question and she shied away from it quickly.
“So what brought you back?” she asked. “Are you back for good?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them and she made a face, knowing she had sounded altogether too hopeful.
He looked at her, then at the moon. “Hard to tell at this point,” he muttered. Turning, he looked back toward the little house she lived in. She’d done something to it. Even in the dark, it didn’t look so much like a shack anymore.
“Your old man still around?” he asked.
“He died a few years ago,” she told him. “Complications from pneumonia.”
Complications from being a rotten drunk was what she could have said, he thought bitterly. She was better off without him. But that being said, you didn’t get to choose your relatives and he was her father.
“Sorry,” he muttered, looking away.
“Thanks,” she said shortly. “For all the grief he gave me, he did manage to hang onto this little piece of property, so it’s mine now. All five acres of it.”
He nodded, then smiled, happy to think of her having something like this for her own. Whenever he’d thought of her over the years, he’d pictured her here, at the lake. It was so much a part of her.
“I had a funeral for him,” she went on. “At the little chapel on Main. I thought it would just be me and him.” She shook her head, remembering. “Do you know, most of the town came? I couldn’t believe it.” She grinned. “I even had a cousin I’d never met before show up, Ben Lanker. He’s an attorney in Sacramento and he wanted to go over the will for me, to see if all was okay.” She laughed shortly. “I think he was hoping to find a flaw, to see if there was some way he could get his hands on this property. But I’d had everything nailed down clear and legal when I was dating a lawyer in San Francisco, so he was out of luck.”
He laughed along with her, pleased to know she was taking care of herself these days. Looking at her, he couldn’t imagine her being a victim in any way.
“So tell me, Cam,” she said. “The truth this time. I’m still waiting to hear the answer to my question. What brings you back to your ancestral home?”
He sighed. “It’s a fairly easy answer. I’m just embarrassed to tell you.”
That made her laugh again. “Oh, now I have to hear it. Come on. The raw, unvarnished truth. Give it up.” She smiled at him. “What did you come home for?”
Giving her a sheepish look, he grimaced.
“Okay. You asked for it.”
She waited expectantly. He took a deep breath, as though this was really tough to admit.
“I came home to get married.”
CHAPTER TWO
THE smile froze on Diana’s face. She blinked a few times, but she didn’t say anything. Still, it felt as though Cam had shot an arrow through her heart.
It shouldn’t have. She had no right to feel that way. But rights didn’t wait on feelings. She stared at him, numb.
“Married!” she finally managed to say in a voice that was almost normal. “You?”
He coughed discreetly. “Well, that’s not actually technically true.”
She blinked. “Cam!”
One dark eyebrow rose provocatively. “Take it as a metaphor.”
“A metaphor!”
He was driving her crazy. She shook her head. It was too early in the morning for mind games.
“Will you tell me what is really going on?”
He sighed. “Let’s just say my mother has plans. She thinks it’s time I settled down.”
“Really.” Diana took a deep breath. So…was he getting married or wasn’t he? She was completely confused and beginning to get annoyed. “Who’s the lucky girl?”
He looked at her blearily. “What girl?”
She wanted to throw something at him and it took all her strength not to snap back through clenched teeth. “The girl your mother wants you to marry.”
“Oh.” He frowned as though he didn’t see how this mattered. “There’s no specific girl. More like a category of women.” He shrugged and raked fingers through his tousled hair, adding to his slightly bewildered look. “She has a whole roster picked out. She’s ready to toss them at me, one at a time, and I’m supposed to catch one of them in the end.”
Diana took a deep breath. This had been the most maddening conversation she’d had in a long time. The strongest impulse she had right now was to push him into the lake. How dare he come back here this way, raising old emotions, raising old hopeless dreams, and then slapping her back down with vague news of pending nuptials? Was this a joke? Or was he just trying to torture her?
But she knew that wasn’t really it. He didn’t have a clue how she had always felt about him, did he? Well, despite the position it put her in, that was probably a good thing.
Holding all that in as best she could, she looked out at the moonlight on the lake. Funny. Cam had come home and within minutes she had reverted back to being the little raggedy urchin who saw him as her white knight. For years she’d clung to his protection, dreaming that one day, when she was older, he would notice that she wasn’t a little girl anymore, that she’d grown into a woman.
She sighed softly. It had always been a stupid goal, and still was. He was from a different world and only visited hers when it suited him. He wasn’t available, in other words. And even if he were, what she’d done to her own situation alone would rule out any hopes she might have. She should know better by now. A little toughness of her own was in order. No more shabby girl with her nose pressed to the windowpane.
She tilted her head to the side, a bemused look on her face as she worked on developing a bit of inner strength.
“Let me get this straight,” she challenged. “You came back because your mother wanted you to?”
He blinked at her groggily. “Sort of,” he admitted.
She shook her head, eyes flashing. “Who are you and what have you done with the real Cam Van Kirk?” she demanded.
“You don’t buy it, huh?” He looked at her, trying to be earnest but too groggy to manage it well. The swath of dark hair that had fallen down over his eyes wasn’t helping. He was looking more vulnerable than she’d ever imagined he could look.
“Actually,” he murmured, “neither do I.”
“What does that mean?”
“Come on, Di, you know how it is. You grow up. You begin to realize what is really important in life. And you do things you never thought you would.”
Sure, she knew how it was. But she couldn’t quite believe it. Not Cam. Not the young rebel she’d idolized for so many years.
“What happened to you, Cam?” she asked softly, searching his face.
He moved toward her, his hand reaching in to slide along her chin and cup her cheek. She pulled back, looking surprised at his touch and pushing his hand away.
And as she did so, she forgot to hold her robe closed and it fell open. Her rounded belly was obvious.
“Whoa,” he said, jerking back and staring at it, then looking up at her face. He shook his head as though trying to clear it so that he could deal with this new development. “What happened to you?”
“It’s not that big a mystery,” she said quickly, pulling the robe back. “It happens a lot, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
He stared at her for a moment, his brow furled, and moved a bit further away, purposefully keeping his eyes averted from her midsection.
“Did you go and get married or something?” he muttered uncomfortably.
She looked away and he frowned. The downside of that possibility was suddenly clear to him. He didn’t want her to be married. Given a choice, he would rather she wasn’t pregnant, either. But that was clearly settled and he could have no influence on it. But the married part—no, if she were married he was going to have to leave pretty quickly and probably not come back.
Why hadn’t he considered this possibility? Somehow it had seemed natural to find her here, just where he’d left her. But of course things had changed. It had been ten years, after all.
“No, Cam,” she said calmly. She pulled the robe in closer and looked out at the lake. “I’m not married.”
Was he supposed to feel relief at that? Probably not. It was pretty selfish of him. But he couldn’t help it. Still, it left a few problems behind. There had to be a man involved in this situation. Cam blinked hard and tried to act sober.
“Who’s the daddy? Anyone I know?”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
He shrugged. “Your call. So I guess you’re doing this on your own, huh? Are you ready for that?”
She gave him a quick, fleeting smile. “I’m fine, Cam. I can handle this.”
Something stirred inside him. Was it admiration? Or regret? He was a bit too groggy to tell. But the Diana he’d left behind had seemed to need him in so many ways. This one, not so much. That was probably a good thing. Wasn’t it? If only he could think clearly, he might even be able to tell.
“Well, you know, if you need any help…” he began.
She turned on him, ready to be defensively self-reliant, and that was when she saw what looked like blood. It was trickling down out of his dark hair, making a rivulet in front of his ear. She gasped, then looked more closely, detecting a lot more that had started to dry against the collar of his shirt.
“Cam! What’s this?” She touched it and showed him.
“Oh, just a little blood.” He pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at it.
“Blood!”
He gave her a melancholy smile. “I had a little accident. Just a little one.”
She stared. “With your car?”
He nodded. “The car wouldn’t go where I tried to get it to go. I kept pulling on the wheel and saying, ‘Come on, car, we’ve got to get to the Van Kirk mansion,’ and the stupid car kept saying, ‘You know you’d rather go see Diana.’” He looked at her with mock earnestness. “So we crashed.” He waved toward the woods. “We smashed right into a tree.”
“Cam!”
“Just a little one. But I hit my head pretty hard. Didn’t you hear it?”
She stared at him, shaking her head. “Oh, Cam.”
“It wasn’t very far away.” He frowned. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear it.”
“I was asleep.”
“Oh.” He sighed and stretched out his arms, yawning. “Sleep, huh? I used to do that.”
