The Dog’s Dinner

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Jack gasped – Snivel hadn’t had any food since hed eaten one of Jack’s sneezes two days before! Jack turned to Ruby. “Your snotty tissue,” he said. “Hand it over.”

“You’re kidding,” said Ruby.

Jack just looked at her.

“You’re not kidding,” she said, sighing. Then she took the tissue from her pocket and handed it to Snivel. The Snotbot began licking the snot from it.

“Oh, gross,” said Oscar.

Snivel looked up, his eyes wide open now. “Got any more?” he asked Ruby.

“I’m getting a pretty bad cold,” said Ruby. “There’ll be plenty more where that came from.”

“Fantastic,” said Snivel. “Your snot is prime stuff.”

Jack and Oscar stared at him with disgust. “Can we please get on with it?” Oscar asked.

Snivel nodded. There was a whirring sound, and then the projection started up again.

The alien displayed in the blue light of the hologram was the most disgusting thing the kids had seen so far in their GUNGE careers. It looked a bit like a giant cockroach with a multitude of long thin hairy legs and thin insect wings protruding from its back. Its head was covered in smeared food, like a baby eating chocolate.

But even on the holographic image, the gang could see that it wasn’t chocolate the alien was eating. It was a mess of decaying mulch. A thick soup of rotting vegetable matter dripped from the disgusting creature’s mandibles.

“It’s called a Flartibug,” explained Snivel.

Oscar laughed out loud.

“It’s called what?” he asked.

“A Flartibug,” said Snivel again.

This time Ruby and Jack joined in the laughter. Oscar repeated the name, making the most of the sounds.

“Flartibug!” he giggled.

“There’s nothing funny about the Flartibug, I assure you,” insisted Snivel in a huffy tone.

“Except his name,” muttered Oscar, laughing so hard that tears began to roll down his face.

Snivel tried not to notice the laughter of the children and continued his briefing.

“The Flartibug,” he continued, “lives on a planet that is totally covered with rotting, mouldy vegetation.”

“Bet that stinks,” said Jack.

“It’s universally known as the smelliest planet in civilised space,” said Snivel.

“So it likes stinky places?” asked Ruby.

“And it eats the most revolting food imaginable,” continued Snivel.

Oscar managed to stop laughing for a moment.

“I know exactly where we’ll find him then,” he said, grinning, “we need to check out Greasy Joe’s!”

Then, slightly ruining the dramatic moment, Ruby sneezed.

“Ooh,” said Snivel. “Save that for me.”

Greasy Joe’s was a café on the edge of town not far from the main road. Officially it was called Joe’s Fast Diner but everyone in town knew it as Greasy Joe’s and avoided it like the plague. Joe’s customers were exclusively lorry-drivers and other travellers, people in the middle of long journeys who just wanted something hot and quick to eat before continuing on their way.