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“We’ll take this.” Blake opened the passenger door of the rental car for Jana. “Get in.”
Jana got in. She looked up at him, her big blue eyes swimming in tears. “Blake, I’m sorry.”
“I know.” He closed the car door and turned to face Jackson. “Let the family know what’s going on. I’ll call you when I know more.”
Jackson’s mouth stayed in a firm line, unsmiling. “Blake, let me go with you.”
“Not this time, little brother.”
“Don’t hurt her,” Jackson warned.
“Hurt her? You mean like the way she ripped my heart out? Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt her. I’m going to get my daughter back and then I’ll be done with Jana Parker.”
“Blake, remember that the real issue at hand is your daughter. You’re not thinking straight, and you’ve got a daughter who obviously needs you both.”
Blake leaned back against the compact car Jana had rented. The reality of the moment hit him head-on, taking the air from his lungs as he tried to process that his daughter was back, but she was sick.
All of the years he’d dreamed about getting her back, he’d never imagined this scenario. He’d had it in his mind that they would reunite. She was always healthy, and Jana was never in the picture.
“Thanks.” He managed a smile for his brother, then he walked around to get behind the wheel of the car. Next to Jana. He gave her a quick look and then jammed the key in the ignition, because looking at Jana did crazy things to him. After all these years he’d thought he’d only feel a serious dose of anger. But he was wrong.
* * *
Jana didn’t know what to say to Blake. He got in the car, sliding the seat back to make room for his longer legs. She blinked away the tears that continued to fall. Tears that had been falling for weeks now. He had no idea how much it hurt, to watch her daughter suffer and to know there was nothing she could do.
That wasn’t fair, though. He’d had his own share of suffering. And she was the reason why. Her actions had cost them all. It was time for making amends, for seeking his forgiveness.
She’d finally gotten it, this faith thing that was so important to the Coopers. She hadn’t understood it when she’d been married to Blake. She hadn’t seen the need for the Sundays spent at church and then together at Cooper Creek.
Now she knew what faith meant. She knew what it meant to face the past and seek forgiveness. But she couldn’t tell Blake, because no doubt he would accuse her of using faith to manipulate him, to get what she wanted. She couldn’t blame him for thinking the worst of her.
“What happened?” Blake’s deep, husky voice broke the silence.
She glanced at him, at the strong profile she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. The first time she’d laid eyes on him, he’d looked like a model for a Western wear catalog. He’d been about to get in his truck, all cowboy from his hat to his boots. She’d been trying to start her car and couldn’t. He’d come to her rescue. She’d never known a man like him, a man who wore masculinity the way some men wore cologne. It had been natural to him, to be strong.
“Jana?” He glanced her way, his mouth in a tight line.
“I’m sorry. I was thinking.”
“Maybe you could tell me about Lindsey?”
“Her kidneys started to fail. The doctors call it Chronic Kidney Disease caused by a birth defect in her kidneys. She was weak, tired all of the time.”
“Why wouldn’t we have known that years ago?”
“Because she was young. Her kidneys managed while she was small. As she got older, her kidneys had to work harder and they couldn’t keep up.”
“What’s the prognosis?”
“With a transplant, good. There will be challenges, of course.”
“Okay, we’ll get her a kidney.”
Jana shook her head at his belief that it would be so simple. He didn’t get it. They were here because she’d been on a donor list. They tried hospitals in Europe. They’d been fighting this battle for a while.
“Blake, it isn’t that easy.”
He clenched and unclenched the steering wheel, and she knew he was working through his anger. And his concern for their daughter.
“Is she on a list, and is she in a hospital that can do this type of surgery?”
“She is on a list, and this hospital has been doing kidney transplants for a decade. But the best donor is a living donor. A parent or a close relative is best.”
“So we’ll find a donor.”
She nodded because she hoped they would. And she hoped his confidence would rub off on her.
“How is she right now?” he asked after they’d been driving awhile.
“She’s getting stronger. Since we got here they’ve put her on dialysis to get her body healthier in preparation for the transplant.”
“I need to know what you’re thinking.” He briefly looked her way and then refocused on the road.
“I guess my first thought is that we need to get our daughter better.”
He let out a deep sigh. “I won’t let you leave with her, Jana. I can’t do that again.”
“I know.” She shuddered at the coldness in his tone. He had every right to be angry. She’d known when she boarded that plane back to the U.S. that she would face his anger. She had known that returning could mean any number of things. But for Lindsey, she’d been willing to risk it.
“I want to know my daughter.” He took off his hat and tossed it in the backseat of the car and brushed a hand through his dark hair, now touched with silver at the temples. “Jana, do you realize that something could have happened and I wouldn’t have seen her again.”
She heard the break in his voice. “I know, Blake. I’m here because I know she needs you. I know I’ve hurt you all, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that right. But please...”
“Please what?”
“Don’t take her from me. I know you could probably have me arrested.”
“I never pressed charges, Jana. It’s hard to go that route when there wasn’t a custody hearing. And I also didn’t want the fear of being arrested to keep you from coming back with her.”
“But you have the ability to take her.”
“I don’t want to discuss that right now.”
She nodded in agreement, her heart slowly returning to normal. For now she could relax. She knew Blake, knew that they would handle one problem at a time. And the most important thing was their daughter’s health.
“Thank you.”
“Does she have any idea that she has family here?”
“Yes. I told her she has family in Oklahoma who can help us.”
“Did you ever tell her that she has a dad who loves her? That she has a family who misses her?”
“Not until recently.” She brushed a hand across her eyes. “I think she knew. She would question me sometimes, like she had some memories of being here.”
“I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” Blake ground out the words. Jana shivered and hugged herself tight, wishing that she could take back every last moment of the ten years they’d been apart. She wished she could undo what she’d done to all of them.
Eventually she would explain to him what had happened to her. Now wasn’t the time. The car zoomed along the highway. Jana looked out at passing fields, searching for the right words to make this situation better.
“I hope someday you’ll forgive me, Blake. And I hope Lindsey will forgive me.” She sighed and allowed herself to look at him.
“I can forgive you, Jana. I’ve had a lot of years to work on forgiveness. I can’t say that I’ll ever trust you again. And I definitely won’t let you leave the country with her.”
“Understood.”
“I’ll have her passport frozen.”
“I know. Blake, I’m here. I know it will take you time to trust me, but I’m not leaving with her. If we can help her...” She covered her face with her hands as the tears unleashed again. “If...”
“Not if.” His tone softened and she felt a handkerchief being pushed into her hand. “We’ll get her through this.”
“I’m praying you’re right.”
“Oh, you pray now? I guess...” He stopped, sighed. “I think we’ll both have to do a lot of praying.”
“I want you to know her, Blake. I want to stay here so that you can build a relationship with her.” Life, she realized, was precious. Her daughter deserved a relationship with Blake. With all of the Coopers.
“So, after nearly eleven years, I’ll get weekends and maybe a couple of weeks in the summer?”
“Can you give me a chance?” She wiped at her eyes with the handkerchief. “Don’t expect me to know every step we’ll take from here. I want you to have a relationship with Lindsey. It’s important. Life is too fragile to go on like this.”
“You can stay in the guesthouse at the main ranch.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “And just give her time. She doesn’t know you. And before you say anything, I know that’s my fault. But please, give her time to know you, to know your family.”
They drove on in silence. Soon they were driving through the crowded, rush hour streets of Tulsa, headed toward the hospital.
“Does she know that you came to get me?” Blake asked as they parked.
“No. I didn’t know what to tell her.”
“You need to think of something. ‘Surprise, here’s your dad’ isn’t going to work.”
“I know. She does know we’re here because her family is in this area. She knows she’s going to see you.”
They got out and headed across the hospital parking lot, side by side, not touching. Even though his hand didn’t reach for hers, Jana felt stronger just having him with her. She’d been alone in this battle for over a year. Having Blake at her side meant someone to lean on, even if she couldn’t reach out to him.
He would help make decisions. He would be the strong voice she couldn’t always be. And maybe, just maybe, they would be friends someday.
Together they walked through the doors of the hospital, leaving behind the heat of an early Oklahoma evening. The cool, antiseptic world of the hospital greeted them. A lady at the desk smiled and asked if they needed anything.
Blake looked at Jana. “I’m assuming you know where we’re going.”
“Of course.”
He followed her to the elevator. They stepped inside. Jana pushed the button and looked at Blake. She could see the pulse in his neck. As frightened as she was, she knew he had to be reeling right about then. She knew he’d searched for them. She knew he loved, had always loved, Lindsey. It had been her own selfish fears that had caused her to flee with their daughter.
She had to make it up to him, and to Lindsey. Regret welled up inside her and without thinking she reached for his hand. She held it tight as she looked up at him.
“I am sorry.”
He nodded. The doors opened. Jana led him through the corridor and to the locked door of the children’s ward. Clowns and balloons were painted in bright colors, making it look like a happy, fun place and not a place where sick children fought to get well.
“I can’t believe this.” His voice broke.
“I know.”
“She was just a baby, Jana.”
She pushed the intercom and told the nurse on the other end her name. The door buzzed and Blake pushed it open. Jana remembered the only other time they’d gone to a hospital together. She’d been in labor. He’d been so excited. They’d been crazy in love.
They walked to the room at the end of the hall. The door to the room was closed. Their daughter was inside, waiting for Jana to return, and not knowing that Blake would be with her. Jana reached for Blake’s hand. He didn’t resist. She laced her fingers through his.
“Blake, she’s small. She’s frail.”
He exhaled and then nodded. She reached for the door and his hand slipped from hers. As she pushed the door open, he removed his hat. He was strong again. He didn’t need her to prepare him or to lend him strength.
They walked through the door into the darkened room, slivers of sunlight filtered through the blinds. The television played on mute. Lindsey—dark haired, pale and tiny—opened her eyes and turned her head to smile at her mother.
Jana watched as Lindsey’s eyes widened. Her mouth opened as she stared first at Jana and then at Blake. Jana’s heart broke all over again as she soaked in the reality of what she’d done to her daughter. All those years ago she’d been scared and selfish; she’d made a decision without thinking about the people whose lives would be affected by her choices.
Blake walked toward the bed. “Lindsey.”
Their daughter watched him, her lips trembling but forming a smile.
“I remember riding a horse with you.” Lindsey whispered the words, then without hesitation Blake was at her side, gathering her carefully into his arms.
Jana stood a short distance away and watched as the strongest man she’d ever known held their daughter and cried. She had hurt him, and she knew that not being able to heal their daughter would hurt him all over again. Because that was Blake. He was a man who fixed things.
She knew that about him. Even after years of running around the world, she had known that Lindsey’s greatest chance of survival would happen here, in Oklahoma, with Blake Cooper. For Lindsey’s sake, Jana could face Blake’s wrath. She could face what being near Blake would do to her heart.
Chapter Two
Blake held his daughter’s frail body gently. She’d been a toddler the last time he’d seen her. He still remembered that day. He’d looked back at her as he walked down the steps of their house, heading for a meeting in Oklahoma City. She’d stood at the door and waved a pudgy little hand, grinning, a bite of cookie in her mouth and chocolate on her chin.
“I missed you so much, ladybug.” He whispered the nickname against her dark hair.
“I think I missed you, too.” She spoke with a soft accent. He remembered her voice. She’d had a Southern drawl, even on words like cookie. Now it was more English and unfamiliar to his ears.
